Herbert Armstrong's Tangled Web of Corrupt Leaders
Common Emotional Difficulties After Leaving a High Demand Group
Posted on 07/21/11, 01:20 am I'm throwing this out here because as we all know the S and the N are a high demand group (party of 1).
Common Emotional Difficulties After Leaving a High Demand Group
The following emotional and psychological* difficulties are common with survivors from the Worldwide Church of God, Philadelphia Church of God and any totalistic splinter groups.
Not every survivor will experience all of these, or may suffer from additional ones. Experiencing any of this does not mean you are defective. In some cases these feelings may take years to subside, but it is important to realize that, while painful, they are common feelings with exiters. In time they will pass.
This list overlaps with Common Spiritual Difficulties After Leaving a High Demand Group.
*Some psychosomatic symptoms are also listed.
• Enormous Feelings of Betrayal
• Feelings of Spiritual Rape of the Soul
• Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Trauma becomes crystallized a few days after a traumatic event, such as exiting an abusive, high demand group. Several of a cluster of symptoms can develop, including spontaneous crying, suicidal thoughts, emotional numbing, phobias, social withdrawal, flashbacks, amnesia, anxiety, depression, shame, guilt, self-loathing, fear of going insane.
• Anger or Rage
Toward the group and leader; toward oneself; suppression of anger in the group actually contributed to depression and a sense of helplessness.
• Denial
• Identity Confusion/Disorientation
The pre-cult personality--or real self--struggles with the in-cult personality1 that was imposed by the group. There can be difficulty integrating the cultic world with the outside world.
• Dissociation (or Dissociative Identity Disorder)
Not being in touch with reality or those around them; inability to communicate.
• Floating (a.k.a. trancing out)
Getting triggered into cult mode, flashbacks into the cult mind-set; thoughts of returning to the group, nostalgic feelings (part of dissociation).
• Panic and Anxiety Attacks
• Obsessive Thoughts
• Depression
• Psychosomatic Symptoms
Headache; stomach ache; backaches; fatigue; asthma; skin rashes; lethargy; sexuality problems.
• Problems or Inability in Making Decisions
Because of the dependency fostered by the group.
• Lack of Motivation
• Inability to Concentrate
With short-term memory loss.
• Fear
"What if I am wrong?" "What if harmful events actually do happen?" "I can't ever be happy outside the group." "What if I run into a present member?" Includes phobias and fear of going crazy.
• Grief & Sense of Loss
Grieving loss of innocence, idealism, spirituality, self, pride; sense of purpose, meaning and belonging in life; support system; friends and family lost in the group; loss of time, goals and youth.
• Guilt/Shame
For getting involved, for the people they recruited, things done while in the group; for leaving.
• Lack of Trust
Of group situations; deep suspicions about others motives and attitudes.
• Intense Loneliness
Strong and unique bonds were forged in the group.
• Sense of Purposelessness & Disconnection
Missing the peak experiences of the group.
• Sense of Isolation/Alienation
"No one can understand what I am going through."
• Overly Critical of Oneself and Others
Due to incorporating the harsh attitudes of the cult leader.
• Seeing Everything in Black and White
Cults do not teach to look for the gray areas.
• Problems Having Boundaries
Boundaries were violated time and again in the group until one lost sense of which boundaries were appropriate.
• Feelings of Inferiority and Worthlessness
Cult leaders continually blame members.
• Hypersensitive
To anger and rebuffs from others
• Sleep Disorders Including nightmares and insomnia.
• Eating Disorders
• Fear of Intimacy and Commitment
• Problems with Career or Employment
Because of years in the group; lost job opportunities, etc.
• Unable to Deal With Conflicts
• Impatience with Recovery
By Douglas Becker
7 comments:
And this is true. One cannot invest in the belief that one has found the "truth", only to find it less than true and it's servants less human than everyone else, and not be deeply affected. The longer the stay, the more difficult the exit.
My own emotional experience seems to have gone as follows:
It will work out and this madness will stop. Stay in the church and take care of the people
It isn't stopping. It is getting worse. Stay in the church and take care of the people.
If you can throw out one thing like sabbath and embrace other things like xmas, I can examine every doubt I ever had too.
Turning to others who understand me and are going thru the same things.
Termination due to dwindling numbers. Be warmed and be filled
Divorce
get an honest helpful career that fits me but is positive. I did paramedic as a hobby when pastor but too negative n gory. Pick Therapeutic Massage
Hit the anger stage and get stuck
Hit the despair stage and get anxiety and depression
Alienate others due to the above
Think about suicide since it was all for nothing and then realize that is a long term solutio to a short term problem. The sun will also rise.
No one is ever again going to tell me what to do stage, how to think or what to believe stage. (Still running strong)
Loss of another relationship, more anger, more depression, much more anxiety.
Loss of a job due to unfocused thinking and not being able to hide it.
New relationship that seems to be a god-send.
End of god-send
repeat anxiety, anger and abandonment issues
Get more skeptical and mistrusting of EVERYTHING
write like crazy to process the experience and dissipate the pain.
Learn that sometimes in life there s nothing left to do but have a good laugh....
Sun comes up on an older and wiser human being.
I can sleep again mostly.
Finally buys a shih tzu that is hilarious and a life form that is loyal, hilarious and ever drama free
Buy an electric bike to get my sorry ass out of the apt
Lose 80 lbs of accumulated stress and look normal again.
Quietly sit in personal meditation and repeat..."I am grateful."
Welcome myself to Earth School and keep on keeping on hoping there is yet a place for me to the best i can be and teach some truth now and then.
Make amends when time and circumstances allow.
Avoid those and that which can ever hurt me again.
Try to forgive all associated with WCG and remember I had to be there so I could be here.
and finally, forgive myself for mistakes made and hurt I also dished out to family and those I abandoned in the heat of dispair.
amen
Right on the money.
This blog entry seems to be copied from something... I wrote recently.
Much of that hapened to me. I remember the first new relationship that bombed. I was devastated and actually cried like a baby. I'd never gone through that when I was younger, so I guess it was more of the normalization of my life.
It's been good getting back to a semblance of normalcy and learn how to face life without gurus holding my hand and dictating my every move. Traumatic but satisfying.
Douglas: It was from "From Victims of Psychopaths Sociopaths" that I linked at the top of the page. I could not find any one to attribute it to, so that is why I did the link. I had a sneaky suspicion it was you but could not find anything that mentioned you. It sounded like what you would write and on the topic you are familiar with.
NO2HWA, it's from my "invisible" pages, yet to become officially public.
It's good to get the information out, though it's irritating not to have attribution, that's not the problem:
The problem is the formatting!
Badly formatted stuff reduces credibility. Now that's a PROBLEM!
By the way, vengeance is coming... soon.
It will be worth the wait....
Douglas:
I touched it up and tried to reformat it. Blogger is causing all kinds of problems lately. I had copied and pasted it according to their format. Give me a link to you web site and I will include it too.
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