Sunday, November 25, 2012

James Malm: World's Foremost Authority On Onanism

What's with all the hundreds of splinter cult leaders of Armstrongism that think they have to invade your bedroom with their personal opinions?  Herbert Armstrong did it with "God Speaks Out On The New Morality" and "The Missing Dimension in Sex."  Garner Ted, well.....he just invaded the bedrooms and had fun.  Meredith talks constantly about sex. Masturbation and gays are his favorite subject.

So it was only a matter of time till James Malm invaded your personal space in your bedroom with HIS laws.  He already controls all other aspects of your daylight hour lives, why not continue on to the bedroom!

The apostle is starting series of articles on sex.  So to start it off he has picked the sin of Onan to discuss.

The apostle says is is NOT a story about masturbation, but about:

9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in [He DID take her] unto his brother’s wife, that he spilled it on the ground [in a common birth control method], lest that he should give seed to his brother.
The first born son is to inherit a double portion, and that lot fell to Onan with the death of his older brothers.

However, if he produced a son for his older brother, that son would inherit the double portion, leaving Onan with only a single portion for himself and his own children.

There may have been other circumstances known to God which would account for the apparent  quick judgment; for example Onan may have hated his brother; but that is not recorded and is a matter that only God knows for sure.

Onan may also have done this several times which is not recorded, before God acted, and God could have wanted this woman to have a place in the lineage of David for various reasons and so have acted to give her a better husband.

To state or imply that there is anything more to this story in sexual terms is simply not true.

No, the story of Onan has absolutely NOTHING to do with masturbation.  Does that make masturbation right or wrong?  NO, it merely reveals that this so called proof text on the subject, actually has NOTHING to do with that subject.

This is sure to disappoint Spanky Meredith who has obsessed over hand jobs for decades.

The only thing that ever stuck with me from the boring classes that I had at Ambassador was a comment made by an Evangelist in Principles of Living class.  Oral sex and masturbation was the topic of the day.  When he started talking about masturbation he asked the mixed class how many had ever done it.  No one raised their hands. He then said, "95% of you in this room have done it, the other 5% lie about it."


Douglas Becker said...

Just as soon as James Malm proves that he is competent to advise couples on how to have a stable marriage that lasts, maybe some of us will give him some credence. But probably not.

No one in Armstrongism wants to admit to ever having read the Scripture that marriage is honorable and the marriage bed is undefiled, which means that if the couple wants to engage in any act by agreement, God's not going to be watching.

It's probably better if everyone ignores anything any Armstrongist have to say on sex. In fact, maybe it's better not to take anything the Armstrongists say seriously.

Head Usher said...

"James Malm: Worlds Foremost (Self-Appointed) Authority On [Insert Text Here]"

Unfortunately, James Malm would probably agree with the above header quote. He might object to the obvious snarkiness of the "self-appointed" part, but that doesn't change the fact that it's true.

Why does god strike dead certain people and not others? I never could figure this out. Even more, why does god kill untold thousands of people because someone else screwed up? (Exodus 12:29, 2 Samuel 24:15) With that kind of loose cannon rolling around, no one on the planet is particularly safe.

Psalm 145:9 says "The LORD is good to all, and His tender mercies are over all His works." Well, almost all. Apparently selective amnesia has been around since before anyone can remember.

god certainly did work in mysterious ways. But as RationalWiki points out, he wasn't killing them, he was just fast-tracking them to the afterlife. Good thing all the gods have retired now. We're all quite a bit safer these days.

Fortunately, I have yet to come across even one shred of evidence that bedrooms around the world are the spirit realm's peepshow theaters. Mostly because I have yet to come across one shred of evidence for the spirit realm. Fortunately.

Allen C. Dexter said...

One of the greatest curses the human race has had to put up with is the horrible teachings about sex that the Catholic Church foisted upon the western world through deranged teachers like Augustine. He is like the HWA of Catholicism where things sexual are concerned.

From puberty on, I struggled against the feelings of guilt those spurious doctrines engendered. The old hypocrite, HWA, perpetuated those nefarious teachings and the guilt they engender in his sermons and writings while he kept a journal of his own self-indulgence and was hiding his history of daughter raping incest. Meredith just carries on the tradition begun way back there in the mists of ancient history. He always was a self-righteous ass.

I don't even know if the account about Onan is fact or fiction, whatever was involved in the actual act if it happened, but it sounds like coitus interruptus to me. In the final analysis, what kind of god would give a damn about such personal choices and practices? Sounds to me like a priest or scribe got carried away in his conclusions, as religious people are wont to do. Just ask them, and they'll be quick to tell you how "god" is going to judge just about anything.

Byker Bob said...

This is a touchy, oops, I mean hard (darn, that didn't come out right either) subject. Surely, even an apprentice bator realizes that it isn't the massage that gets one off. It's the thoughts in tandem with the massage. This is why even Christian masturbators have intellectual/spiritual difficulty with the practice. Sin is an intrinsic part of utilizing what would otherwise seem to be a natural pressure release valve, one that is utilized in fact to avoid greater sin.


Anonymous said...

Malm should have coffee with Jocelyn Elders sometime! LOL

Anonymous said...

I don't think the scripture saying the marriage is undefined means any kind of sexual activity perverted or not is okay. It simply is saying sex within marriage is honorable and the bed undefined, but outside of marriage it is not, those who have sex outside of marriage, adulterers and whoremongers God will judge.