Monday, August 12, 2013

Dave Pack: The True Church of God Mows Grass GOD's Way!

RCG headline: Mowing patterns show off the rolling hills of the campus.

God's most important creation since Adam and Eve and leader of the worlds most superfantabulous Church of God EVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVER has had a new revelation from his god.  His god apparently feels that mowing grass a certain way will highlight it and impress the people parked across the street in the big lot stores or speeding down the freeway.

Dave is like many other COG leaders.  He does not have an original thought in his brain.  He is so conditioned by HWA and his world headquarters that he has to emulate that same mindset, even when it comes down to mowing the grass.

Just because the Pasadena landscape department did this occasionally, Pack feels he has to do it too.  It also could be a recommendation of the worlds foremost golf course designer that Dave has hired and  is spending hundreds of thousands of dollars of tithe money to design his superfnatabulous HQ grounds.  HWA had a prominent landscape designer, so Dave has to have one too.

His god must be sooooooooooooooooo pleased that the grass is mowed this way as to set an example on how grass in the millennium will be mowed by the remnant of humanity who are still alive after Armageddon.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Herbert never would have had a lawn that looked like that. HELL NO!

A hundred years ago anybody who was anybody had a dichondra lawn. If you wanna know why HWA kept dichondra all over his campus, this is why. For people of his generation, having a dichondra lawn was a status symbol. That shit was near impossible to keep alive and covering the ground, and therefore, super expensive. If you had a dichondra lawn, it meant you had money to burn doing the impossible for no other reason than because the impossible is what people with money to burn have servants to do for them. Anybody of Herbert's generation walking onto the campus would have known he was in the presence of a Very Important Person. Guess whose money he had to burn? God's money? Our money? You could say it's a matter of perspective. But one thing is for sure, he didn't have to burn his own fucking money.

By 1980, hardly anybody recognized dichondra as a status symbol anymore. The significance of dichondra was entirely lost on my generation. But HWA knew it. I don't know if the Tkach's knew it or not, but the first thing they did on, like, January 17, 1986 was rip that stupid dichondra out, because they knew it was ungodly expensive to keep up, and they replaced that shit with Augustine.

If Davey Pack was REALLY the one troo church of the everliving son of a b- god, then he wouldn't be covering his grounds with that pagan grass, he'd be keeping dichondra! You really need to rip that turf out and put in dichondra. Nothing else was good enough for HWA, so nothing else outta be good enough for you and your mini-me campus.

Anonymous said...

Matches his checkered past...

M.T.Dichondra

Anonymous said...

By September his ass will also be grass....

Byker Bob said...

First, the pattern results from pushing or driving the mower in one direction, turning it around, and returning in the opposite direction. That's pretty much commonplace procedure for lawn mowing, and it appears that his gardener has done a good job. The blade, or blades of the lawn mower will push the "muscles" of the grass in opposite directions each trip. It stays that way until the wind blows, or until it rains, or responds to foot traffic. I can't tell definitively from the scale, but it appears that the individual paths are somewhat narrow, meaning that Dave may not have the wide, multi-unit mower normally used on golf courses and athletic fields.

Secondly, having been born and raised in a four season climate, I had never heard of dichondra until my tour of the Pasadena campus during freshman orientation week. I was later responsible for some of the upkeep of these lawns as part of my duties as a student gardener. Weeding was done by hand, and was very difficult to keep up with. Had it not been for Sunday morning volunteers from the local churches surrounding Pasadena, we never would have been able to keep up with this back-breaking work. Supervisors would reprimand students for weeding from a sitting position as opposed to a kneeling position. It was a crock, just like every other aspect of daily life in WCG, replete with microsupervision, sometimes via observation from an undetectable distance by supervisors with binoculars. Who knew there could be Laodecean gardening attitudes!

I'm surprised that the legalists who taught us it was against God's eternal Mosaic law to round the corners of our facial hair when HWA didn't like long "rebellious" sideburns during the 1970s didn't try to convince us that this principle also applied to sculpting lawns!

BB

Anonymous said...

I'd like to request a ministerial visit so Davey's ministers can show how my lawn can be mowed "GOD's Way"...

I'll provide the mower and gas, and show them where to put the grass clippings.

With the money we'll save, my wife and I will have a nice lobster dinner in the house, dipped in butter, while they toil outside.

Anonymous said...

I don't think the dichondra would grow in S. Ohio. I recall at AC that if you stepped on the grass when it was cold out, you would damage or kill it.

Joe Moeller said...

Cant wait for my next trip thru Wadsworth Ohio, and letting my Dog, "Dixie", the German Shepard, out of the truck to take care of her business right on Dave's beautiful lawn.

I promise to provide pictures for BANNED!..., trip planned to travel to Pennsylvania next year!

Joe Moeller
Cody, WY

Byker Bob said...

Wikipedia indicates that dichondra is a So Cal phenomenon. It is actually a member of the morning glory family, and was popular as a grass substitute primarily during the '50s and '60s. Problem is it was subject to attack from Oxalis and Bermuda Grass. I can tell you that both of those invaders were just horrible to deal with. Oxalis seeds below ground, and the roots to Bermuda grass can go down ten feet!

I can't recall us using pesticides on the weeds, but iirc, the dichondra was fed using ammonium nitrate. It was interesting to work with and to observe, but like a lot of things surrounding HWA, it was also pretentious.

BB

Joe Moeller said...

I think that besides "mowing the grass", that maybe Davey has been "smoking the grass" as well!

Joe Moeller
Cody, WY

Byker Bob said...

Genesis 1:29 would provide Old Testament support for this, Joe, and our New Testament support comes from Acts 14, where We learn that Paul got stoned at Lystra.

I am sure that Dr. Thiel, Mr. Malm, and Mr. King could provide even more enlightenment on this topic. Perhaps one of them would care to jump into thie discussion.

BB

Corky said...

According to the way I read it, there won't BE anyone left to rule over in the "millennium" of the rod of iron empire. When you kill 1/3 and then another 1/3 and then another 1/3, there just ain't any more 3rds. Then, when those of the 3rds that no longer exist, because they are dead, rise up and go to war with Jesus, they get slaughtered again!!

So, there won't be anyone left to mow the lawn...beside, in case no one has noticed, there's no grass left alive either!

DennisCDiehl said...

Corky, you got quit reading the Bible and just believe the Bible. God's ways aren't your ways. In the spirit world, 1/3 + 1/3 + 1/3 =
2 3/4, so there are some left over. Also, all the cattle and horses can get killed at least twice and up to three times in the 10 plagues and yet Pharoah still has a bunch of horses to mount the final attack on the escaping Israelites. Just believe Corky. It's much easier than all that critical thinking.

mruscan said...

What is that across the street, a supermarket. Some rolling hills besides. My 1.09 acre lot has more rolls. I think we all should make a visit with our pampered pooches and let them run wild. Its pathetic in the world we live in with such poverty and homelessness someone is obsessed about how perfect their lawn is. I have someone like that in my neighborhood. He mowes his lawn with a tweezer. This is what you call Obsessive Compulsive.

mruscan said...

What is that across the street, a supermarket. Some rolling hills besides. My 1.09 acre lot has more rolls. I think we all should make a visit with our pampered pooches and let them run wild. Its pathetic in the world we live in with such poverty and homelessness someone is obsessed about how perfect their lawn is. I have someone like that in my neighborhood. He mowes his lawn with a tweezer. This is what you call Obsessive Compulsive.

Douglas Becker said...

Right.

A pretty lawn.

Just under the ugly power lines.