Thursday, August 7, 2014

UCG Advertising Campaign Leads To Online Hilarity As UCG Censors Comments

UPDATE:  In a typical knee jerk fashion UCG put a stop to anyone criticizing their expensive advertising campaign and deleted any comment daring to criticize them.  Now they will pull the other COG stunt and fill the hall up in September with loads of UCG members to make it look like the public has swarmed in because they are soooooooooooooooooo interested in finding out why they were born.  I cant wait to see the glowing reports on the untold hundreds who came to hear the truth once delivered and somehow lost by an incredibly incompetent god who did not have the power to defend believers through the centuries till HWA hit the scene.

Victor Kubik has a screenshot on his Facebook page today with a billboard of UCG's new advertising strategy.  As usual the faithful are on slobbering all over the campaign as totally AWESOME!

However.....they have some great zingers on there from nonUCG folk that show how silly this campaign is.  Some of the comments are:

Your existence was the outcome of some very unlikely events if we considered all the the sperms of your ancestors that did not succeed but could have. That should not lead you to think that your existence was so important that God must have guided each sperm!
Why was I born? Because my parents did not believe in abortion. Yep, that's what they told
My Parents had sex, just like all of your parents had sex.

now that you've thought of it a moment...lets ask the big question. Why are we alive?

I have a theory, at least for me. I was destined to grow up in a religion founded by a failed advertiser who's theology caused the death of a parent, allowed me to contract all sorts of fun diseases and spend the first half of my life in sheer misery, and fear, all because my parents followed a pedophilic charlatan , that I was too terrified of God to question when I grew up so lived another 23 years in poverty and abuse. It still astounds me that people esteem this person, may his corpse always be slug bait.

i lived in hell, so I can appreciate freedom, and joy, and peace. Freedom from religious oppression, joy of a life where I don't have to worry about God always being ticked off at me, and peace by living a faith without the trappings of dogma and fear.

I feel my purpose in life is to share joy, to exude empathy and to share what my life was like in hopes others never have to experience what I did.
A great question, but be careful with your conclusions. The simple answer is my mother and father created me by the incredible act of creation 9 months before I was born when the egg and the sperm united inside my mothers body. All other "spiritual" answers which is intended with this question are a "guess" and a "hope". We all love to "guess" but some of the guesses have to be wrong. If you ask a militant Muslim why he was born, he will beclare he was born to become a suicide bomber, and he believes that so intensely that he over rides the survival mechanism within humans to kill himself and others to receive 72 virgins in the next life. We all know that idea is "crazy", so why should we believe the Catholics who claim we shall go to heaven and look upon god forever in a "beatific vision"? That sounds very boring to me. An eternity of just looking upon god? Or, why guess we shall go to Valhalla if we were a Viking? Everyone has a guess about why they were born, and no one knows the answer, except to say they were born 9 months after their parents had reproductive sex. The reason you were born is simple, it is procreation of the species. The "spiritual purpose" for your life is a "guess" on your part. And you like the militant Muslim are entitled to your guess. But if you don't get the 72 virgins when you die, something about the teaching in this life time was wrong. I really "hope" there is something after death, but like everyone else on this planet, I have no idea if that is true or not. I can accept "on faith" that there is a grand design. But it is an act of faith to believe that, just as it is an "act of faith" to destroy yourself for 72 virgins. Or it is an act of faith to believe I shall be reincarnated as a human being again. There are a thousand answers to the question, and some of the answers are clearly crazy. Other answers I hope are true. I am amused by reincarnation belief's because everyone believes their parents will be waiting for them when we die. Why would my parents be waiting for me? Would they not be looking for their parents to reunite with? The idea that everyone I loved will be on the other side waiting for me sounds rather self centered. But what do I know? I know the same as you. The other side is a guess. And a hope. But everything about death is unknowable, as uncomfortable as that is to accept. Death is simply the separation of the body that dies and the consciousness within our bodies. No one knows what happens to "consciousness" or "spirit" or "soul" when we die. We have faith, hope and guesses, but no one knows for certain. Except the militant Muslims, they know or they would not destroy themselves. Be careful of "absolute knowing". The only person I knew when in the WCG who knew about the other side was Gerald Waterhouse, and he took 4 to 8 hours at a time to explain in detail what was coming next. It seems to me he had a very active imagination. And his explanations bored me to death.


Black Ops Mikey said...

Pure accident, no doubt.

A better campaign would be:

Why was UCG born?

As they said on Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe, if we knew why we'd know a lot more about the Universe.

Now here's a campaign billboard we'd like to see explained:

Angels: Because God can't do everything Himself.

Those attending the UCG campaign should stand up and shout that one out.

It's time United came up with something original. And it wouldn't hurt if what they came up with were true.

Fat chance of that happening, particularly since they are enmeshed within British Israelism.

Why was British Israelism born?

If we knew the answer to that, we'd know a lot more about the Cult of Herbert Armstrong Mafia.

I'm sure that Joseph Tcat, Senior will have much more to say on the topic.

Anonymous said...

These guys aren't trying to sell Pepsi. They're trying to sell something that requires a personal connection. Can that really be done with such impersonal techniques as roadside billboards?

And the second problem is, does anyone in UCG "know" why you, or me, or the human race exists? The answer is "no." They don't know anything. Certainly not more than the people they propose to lecture. So this is false advertising at best, and an outright con at worst. Hey, if you're committed to conning people, you might as well choose a better scheme. This one doesn't seem to be working anymore (thankfully).

I only wish they had taken out even more of these billboards. I wonder what deal they were able to negotiate for these 11 billboard spaces, and the design, printing, and installation costs to put some imagery up there.

A handful of unfamiliar people will show up to their seminar (besides all the members they pack the venue with), they'll be confused and disappointed, and then they'll leave, sooner, if not later. Most people these days aren't conned by the things their parent's generation might have been conned by, which is all they've got to work with. And this will be the result of all their effort and cash. All I can say is, I guess you were born to go out of business.

There's one born again every minute.

Anonymous said...

Billboard advertising is notoriously expensive. A basic billboard can range from $1500 to %25000 per sign for a for week period. So if we do the lowball for 11 billboards forked out a little over 16k...for signs that gets decent visibility but most commuters will end up ignoring, because of the web address for contact.

Most commuters are not going to remember the web address for follow up, unless they surf and drive and pity the other commuters around them.

Now being a religious organization, they will of course get a discount, probably ten to fifteen percent. But still its a chunk of change for an event that is going to be attended largely by church members and a few curious people. I doubt they'll have much more than three hundred show up.

Anonymous said...

Why was I born? I don't know.
What I do know is that I wasn't born to be abused by any religious institution. I wasn't born to send huge amounts of money to any religion so that the leaders can live a rich life style while I am forced to live in poverty because I think I will be condemned if I don't tithe. And I wasn't born to live in fear of being condemned by a mean God if my conduct was not good enough to earn me salvation.

old EXPCG hag said...

And the answer is...You were born to be "born again" of spirit into the God family eventually, by becoming as much "Christ like" as possible during your life,(according to HWA and all the rest). That is if you are one of the "first fruits" chosen and predestined from the foundation of the world at the first resurrection, (which are now at this time all false prophets, claiming to be prophets and their followers). All others will most likely be raised in the second resurrection, and eventually become God also.
Now the third resurrection is the one you don't want to be in (which is the lake of fire) which according to all the false prophets out there is the one I, myself and all rebellious (Laodiceans) will find their fate if they do not repent and come groveling back to one of the many splinters ministers, (pick one, mine was the great and wonderful, all knowing, all seeing, shining, full of wisdom and truth...>gag me<...Brian Davis), and REPENT and just admit you were wrong, (no matter if you were not), because actually, the >wrong< I was, was all in his sick and twisted head.
If you can just make yourself believe God's way of thinking is upside down and backwards, and only the "great gods" at >headquarters< know all the answers,...just "sit and observe and look at things today like some vegetable",(according to Gerald Flurry PCG), then maybe just maybe, if you can fake it long enough, you'll BECOME GOD and rule the universe with the same twisted mind as the devil is ruling it now...THE END.

Anonymous said...

As much as I despise the WCG, I thought Waterhouse was fascinating!

Well, that was then.

I guess Gary and his ilk NEVER SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE. Maybe they were just phonies all along, there just to save their BACKSIDES.


Anonymous said...

I don't get why I always have to confirm "leave this page" after leaving a comment. I don't have that issue on other sites.

Great improvement on the captcha though. Kudos, dude. I can clearly read the characters now!!!

Anonymous said...

Knowing Gary Petty at AC I am shocked that UCG is using him as a TV presenter. He is truly disturbing!

Assistant Deacon said...

Anon 11:17, everybody was there to save their backsides. What's your point?

Connie Schmidt said...

Why were you born? as a slogan does beat having "Why Were You Hatched"? though!

Retired Prof said...

There are two basic answers to WHY questions, which have been amplified and embellished ad nauseum.

The Puritanical answer:


The Existential answer:


Byker Bob said...

I find it astounding that UCG didn't even update or rephrase the question. Think of how advertising has changed over the past 50 years! These are supposed to be the new hope, the fresh new thinkers, now that the COGaWA fogies have left?


Anonymous said...

Sweet. The thought police have come out of woodwork to censor everything but the party line. "We shall cover up the truth, and what we replace it with shall make you free."

Anonymous said...

You're right BB, that since UCG rid themselves of all the old school COGWA folks, they've basically thrown down the gauntlet in declaring they wanted something different than all those fuddy-duddies and the freedom to do it. And I do have to admit that COGWA is basically the new LCG for all the people who love Meredith's message and approach, but can't stand Rod himself.

Well, now UCG has got that freedom, and what are they doing with it? Well, the silly KOG seminars, for one thing, but it's likely that with Robin Webber at the helm they would be doing that anyway, as that's what Robin was doing (without success) 15 years ago in the congregations he pastored back then. The COGWA split wasn't about seminars, it was about something else, which brings me to the other thing they're doing with that freedom: not Texas.

And that's pretty much it. What they wanted to do differently than all those COGWA fuddy-duddies was not move to Texas. Not that moving to Texas was really that innovative. It just meant doing the exact same things in a different place, and this time with room for their very own Mail Processing Center.

Innovation? Fresh new thinking? Are you kidding? They have "the truth once delivered," which, apparently is delivered hot & fresh every 1900 years on the "time cycle." Here's a direct quote: "The last thing we need is 'new truth.'" There's no "innovation" when it comes to "truth." "Fresh new thinking" is called "heresy." And by and large, people don't distinguish between d'oraita and d'rabanan. It's "If HWA blah blah blah, then come hell and high water, so will we."

And even if that weren't so, UCG is a bureaucracy run by committees and oligarchs, which all on its own is capable of stifling most innovation. Case in point: the COGWA ministers weren't kicked out for preserving the status quo, they were kicked out for rocking the boat. The message from the UCG fuddy-duddies? "No, we'll be having none of that 'fresh new thinking,' thank you very much." Not that COGWA with their committees and oligarchs is any different, except, of course, they're in Texas! The good news is, this is how mature organizations typically die.

Except for HWA's flip-flopping, change in Armstrongism has always occurred through schism. So much for that gauntlet. All we're going to see out of UCG is more tired old same-ol' same-ol'. Keeping the boat from rocking by staying put in Cincinnati is probably the last bit of "fresh new thinking" you'll see until they dis-unite with the next crop of "innovators."

Anonymous said...

I wish the hacking technology existed where these billboards could be made to make flatulent noises, accompanied by grossly offensive odors. That's assuming that they are the new style which resemble huge big screen TV's.

Black Ops Mikey said...

Recycled garbage.

Warning: The toxins have not been removed.

Anonymous said...

I seriously think this campaign slogan could, and hopefully will implode. There are still alot of people who remember this catch phrase from the 60's, and like me, shudder at the memory. Plus, think of all the curious suckers who show up and then find out what it is actually about. This is 2014 man! The general population is alot more savy than you give them credit for. You can bring them in, but can you make them stay?

James said...

If I was a perspective member, I would google herverts name and see that he was a child molester. Then if I had a low moral compass, I would join in order to be one of the elite of Satan's army.

When you have low self respect, that is what you do!

Anonymous said...

The bottom line is, how attractive are you? How much does UCG have to pay to bring in one prospective member? A hundred dollars? A thousand dollars? And how much can UCG bilk each one of them for, before they balk and figure the corner Foursquare Church is a more affordable tollroad to heaven?

If you're attractive, you don't necessarily have to pay anything to get people to come. Quite the opposite, you charge at the door to keep people out, especially the riff-raff. (The riff-raff is who shows up at these seminars.) My guess is you won't see this "billboard experiment" repeated in any other area, because they'll realize in a few weeks or a few months that they went backwards financially doing it.

Fact is, Armstrongism is one of the most expensive religions on the planet, and if someone figures that all roads lead to Rome, they're also going to figure they might as well choose one with cheap tolls. But even HWA tried to trick people into thinking the religion he presided over was "free" by making the literature "free." Nothing could have been further from the truth. UCG isn't going to be up-front about this either. When someone does realize how expensive UCG is and how far from mainstream, anyone with any sense would probably look for something else.

Being second generation, I can't figure out why anyone who wasn't born into Armstrongism ever joined it. But the Pervert had quite the touch, didn't he? A master of puffery, such that he could puff nothing into the most attractive benefit ever, outweighing any cost, apparently. Having been an insider, from top to bottom, the entire package is unappealing to me on every level. Maybe this is because I realize there are no benefits?

Byker Bob said...

I'm thinking that some civic minded former church members in that area should organize some picketers for the night of the event. It would not be too terribly expensive to go to one's local Alphagraphics or FEDEX Kinkos, and commission the manufacture of some placards with the likenesses of Joe Wagner, David Renz, Terry Ratzmann, and Herbert W. Armstrong with which to parade around near the entrance. It might also enhance the effectiveness if select protesters dressed up as homeless for the evening, and carried signs alluding to the financial hardships brought on by the extrabiblical three tithes, and clarion calls for 401Ks. Artwork depicting Nazi Germans overrunning a typical small town's "Main Street" could be very provocative. These protesters would hopefully be affable and articulate sorts, capable of interacting with members of the crowd, soas
to describe the many negative ways in which Armstrongism impacted their lives.


Black Ops Mikey said...

The UCG should make it much more appealing.

Make it clear that there will be free refreshments.

And given the history of Armstrongism and its relationship to booze, United should especially have an open bar with free drinks.

That should bring true believer WCG types for sure! Make certain to tell them about the Feast of Tabernacles where they can imbibe all the liquor they can carry from the store! Show them that they can party on once a year! Sort of like Brave New World.

The WCG under Herbert Armstrong was an alcoholic's paradise. UCG should play to its founder's strengths: Offer them the chance to get sloshed so that when they become a part of the dystopian money sucking life sucking group, they will hardly notice.

Wisdom certainly does set its table with wine if it wants to draw just the sort of person that will stay with your group forever.

As a business decision, it's worth the price.

And none of the Cult of Herbert Armstrong Mafia seems to have figured out the success of Herbert Armstrong. It's appealing to the base nature of the lusts of the works of the flesh. If you can bottle that, you'll make a fortune!

It's a light burden to beer!

Anonymous said...

A better campaign would be: It Is Written..Sin no more!

Anonymous said...

This is hillarios, it reminds me of the scene from the movie, yes man, . The leader whips-up the enthusiastic croud of about 4 or 5 hundred then he asks, who among you is new? A lone voice comes from the back saying, this guy is new. Out of the croud of converted faithful there was apparently just one person who was there for the first time. I think this is about how the UCG seminar will likely be like.