Sunday, September 21, 2014

UCG "Why Were You Born " Fiasco Drops $50,000+ For One Potential New Member

United Church of God is scrambling to recover from their recent "Why Were You Born" seminar that garnered 74  non-COG people from the greater Cincinnati area population of 2.2 million.  Estimates of well over $50,000 went into this sad media campaign.

Now it is being said by several that out of those 74 potential recruits to UCG only one has expressed any interest in attending a Saturday service.  If he shows up the UCG should treat the man like a king since they have dropped $50,000+ on his recruitment.

That's one expensive campaign for one person!  He had better be a strong tithe payer!

Way to go UCG!  You make us proud!!!!!!!!


Byker Bob said...

Probably, if they had had "Bring your neighbor to church day", it might have produced better results, and it would not have cost them anything.

For some unknown reason, the ACOGs are absolutely paranoid about members making mistakes in doing personal evangelism, or about opening up their services for fear that someone might do some harm.

Over centuries, major trends have begun soley on the basis of word of mouth. This dates from before the era of mass communication, too. There were no billboards to support the so-called "Great Awakenings".

At Ambassador Club, back in the day, one of the guys in his icebreaker speech told us how he had found out about WCG/AC. His non-Armstrongite parents had sent him to a secular summer camp. At some point in the summer, some little kid stood up on a stump, and proclaimed "Christmas and Easter are Pagan! Saturday is actually the Sabbath!" The guy ended up asking this little kid some additional questions, getting interested, and actually getting approved to attend services without his parents, later being accepted to AC. He actually ended up being sent into the field ministry following graduation.

Another minister related that he had worked in a machine shop with a church member who quietly read WCG literature and his Bible during lunch break. The man began asking questions, and his subsequent church attendance led to his being ordained as an elder.

I have no idea why these ACOG splinters always attempt big, impressive media events, totally ignoring the "Runcorn" factor through which HWA was supposedly "called". HWA lived a long life, and tried many approaches throughout his lifetime. For some reason or another, his heirs seem to rivet in on their own favorite era or aspect, whether or not it is appropriate.


Anonymous said...

I think a blogger predicted that one or maybe zero of the 74 would actually be interested in attending a service of the UCG. He was right on.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes people go to these things because there is free food for a social hour afterwards.

Black Ops Mikey said...

Oh ye of little fat... I mean faith.

United went after the one lost sheep out of 100. Well, OK, 74.

Isn't $50,000 a small price to pay to recruit one lost soul to be engaged with a group destined for perdition?

Minimalist said...

What if this one special guy gets a hold of a copy of the LOCHNER TAPES? Then it will be a total fiasco!

Allen C. Dexter said...

They are mesmerized by HWAs camp meetings and desperately want to emulate his overblown successes. It can't be done in this age of TV, internet, texting, etc. Even time tested organizations and lodges, like the Moose Lodge I once belonged to are folding right and left. The one I was with in Phoenix went belly up over 20 years ago because the old guard died off and younger people were no longer interested. There is no barn burner orator among any of the COGs to hold a candle to some of the mega church trumpeters out there, and I have a feeling some of those mega churches will begin to decline as the older members start to die off. Most organizations constitute that lengthening shadow of some outstanding founder. How's Oral Roberts org doing these days?

Anonymous said...

According to UCG's records, that was UCG's 999th KOG seminar. It was also the 3-year anniversary of the Big KOG Seminar Kickoff Extravaganza Sales Event on Sep 10, 2011, on which date no less than 106 seminars were held "around the world, friends!" (Over 80% were in the US.) Maybe this was a big "Turning 1,000 3rd Anniversary Blowout"!

They've done a couple, normal, low-key seminars since then, bringing the number up to 1,001 as of yesterday's in Hartford, Connecticut.

A little anti-climactic to have only one half-hearted recruit as the result of this summer blockbuster. What happened to those eager, idealistic, youngsters bursting with their "first love" for "the truth"? I guess those days are over. How art thou fallen from heaven, O UCG, son of the morning!

Of course, these are the sorts of "events" that auto dealerships use to sell tangible, (real) products (cars) and they do it by luring customers in with substantial price discounts on last year's models. I heard that before Robin got the tap to become a minister, he had to work elsewhere after AC for two or three years selling tires...Maybe Robin thinks he can sell kingdoms like tires or cars?

Let's face it, UCG sells kingdoms at a substantial price (tithe) premium compared to other kingdom dealerships and there's no price discounts to lure in the cultomers—I mean, customers. Maybe the product just isn't real to people? And can UCG afford to offer discounts? Or can they afford not to offer them? Perhaps their uncompetitive pricing is part of the problem? You get what you pay for—unless you're getting ripped off by a con artist—and there isn't any evidence that all kingdom dealerships aren't ripping off their customers. I mean, it's been 2,000 years and still not a single unit has drop shipped from the factory—if there is a factory. Some say there was a prototype once, but even that's hearsay. If UCG could produce a prototype to display in a showroom, that might do wonders for sales. Just a prototype alone might fix some of the broken rungs that caused 73½ people to fall off the "ladder" on Sept 10.

If this was how the other 1,000 KOG seminars have gone, then maybe they have garnered 1,000 or maybe 500 new members. But then again they didn't spend 50,000 in advertising to promote each one of those, so 74 may be the highest prospective member attendance ever, and therefore, the highest retention ever. Actually, if this isn't the case, then it makes you wonder why blockbuster sales events costing $50,000 aren't working any better than spending $0 for normal non-event seminars. Maybe this is an indication UCG isn't selling cars, but buggy-whips? I would be surprised if 3 years and 1000 seminars in, UCG has managed to garner 50 long-term tithe-slaves.

Maybe UCG should move into the 20th century—by manufacturing cars—as a part of its evangelistic campaign? Then they'd actually be selling something tangible at least. It could manufacture several different models: the value-priced "Hellfire," the middle-tier "Elect," the luxury "Apostle," and the SUV "Elohim." Every congregation could be a dealership. While they're showing you the cars, complete with all the little symbolic touches including a plagiarized Rolls-Royce hood ornament, they could also be evangelizing. The glove box would come packed with—you guessed it—"free" literature. And think of it, the ministry could have their fleet program—free new cars for all ministers again! Or at least for the bigwigs on the COE.

If nothing more, a tangible product in a showroom might actually do wonders for sales.

Anonymous said...

A song and dance for a time-share unit in another dimension. You pay for the vacations, but you only get to take them in your dreams. Why aren't these selling like hotcakes? I just can't understand it.

Anonymous said...

A hook like "Why Were You Born?" may have been a semi-interesting years ago but not now. People today just see it for what it is, a front for selling religion. I would guess that many people saw it as an advertisement for Scientology or something similar. If UCG has any chance for success (and that's a big if) it has to find another angle to get people to bite.

Lake of Fire Church of God said...

Very good comments, but a very basic belief of Armstrongism is missing. That basic belief is that you can’t join the Church of God, God must call you! So the real question in my mind is whether or not God is calling people into the Armstrong Churches of God anymore?

Spending $50,000 on only one potential convert meets my definition of poverty – Poverty is lots of effort yielding very little results!

Lake of Fire Church of God

Anonymous said...

If "going into all the world . . teaching . . making disciples is their calling, why don't they attend Sunday school classes in local churches and share their wonderful knowledge of Scripture by participating in these classes? Aren't local churches part of "all the world"? Didn't Paul go to synagogues to reason with the Jews? Perhaps the local members are not allowed because leaders are afraid that the churches will undermine their
faith and, of course, the leaders would not have control.

Anonymous said...

I have been asking polite questions on the COG's websites. By asking questions in the right way I think I might be planting seeds of doubt into their minds. What if everyone did this? Perhaps the leaders will notice,, "Gee, we have lost a lot of people in this church who used to work in the letter answering department."

Sweetblood777 said...

The days of keeping religion under wraps, are gone. Most today know or know someone, that has access to the Internet. A search in Google would produce more information than one can possibly read in this life time.

A new convert would indeed be the result of Jn.6:44. Most however, are just not interested, at least for now. Later when destructive events keep piling up, they may begin trying to find answers from the thousands of groups out there.

In parting, the cogs should stop trying to do Yahweh's job. He is the one who does the calling and decides the if and when.

Connie Schmidt said...


If the "APOSTLE" model has "Gold Leaf" on the ceiling, Hermes Leather seats, an ice bin for Harvey's Bristol Cream, and a hood ornament fashioned from Charlemagne's Crown , I may be interested!

However...Im a little bit short of hard cash, so could a descendant of Stan Rader arrange a lease for me, and am I allowed to use "third tithe" to pay for that lease?

Also, does the "Hellfire" come with a good air conditioning system as standard equipment?

Black Ops Mikey said...

It sort of reminds you of:

More Cows Chews the Good News

Black Ops Mikey said...

Here's what the UCG needed:

Offer them beer!

Anonymous said...


Thank you for your inquiry about UCG motor vehicles!

As it appears you are a woman, we apologize that we are unable to sell the Apostle model to you at this time.

The Hellfire is aimed at the co-worker segment. It has no climate controls as the vents blow heat full-blast permanently. It also comes without a catalytic converter. If this is the only model you can afford, you really have no business being in the church since you are obviously not convertible (catalyticly or otherwise).

We recommend you choose the Elect. It's basically a convertible Hellfire with A/C. (At twice the price.) However, you have a choice to make.

We appreciate your business!

Anonymous said...

This poor guy is expecting to get a coffee and donut just for showing up,
and will probably sleep through much of the service.

old EXPCG hag said...

That "one" person needs to turn around and RUN FOR THEIR LIFE!!