Thursday, January 29, 2015

Dave Pack: Chief COG Narcissist Announces He Is Going To Make An Announcement



What would this world and the Church of God be like if the most important man in human history did not exist?  Jesus be damned! Dave's the man!

The Chief Narcissist of the Churches of God has been in hiding since the epic failure of his prophecy that three COG leaders would be killed by his god and that all of their members would jump ship to his cult based in Wadsworth.  Two years in a row this prophecy has FAILED.  None of his antagonists died and NONE of their members jumped shipped with their money to join Dave's magical mystery tour.

Stung by that failed prophecy, declining membership and dramatic drop in income, Davey had do delay his mini-me auditorium and his student center.  Davey is now ready to let the world know that the largest and most superfantabulous COG to exist in history is exploding at the seams with new members joining up and bringing in hundreds of millions of dollars with them.



We will be blessed on Friday with his amazing earth shattering announcement.

The annual “Fruits” letter from Pastor General David C. Pack will be made available next week. As in previous years, it is bursting with statistics of The Restored Church of God’s tremendous growth across many categories, as well as staggering eyewitness accounts of God’s blessings and interventions on behalf of His people—way beyond anything we have ever posted. Be sure to check this page.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

The annual “Fruits” letter from Pastor General David C. Pack will be made available next week

Will it discuss Geraldine Flurry and the shockingly effeminate countenance of that little Napoleon?

Will it discuss the late Denny Luker's odd infatuation with counseling homosexual ACOG members?

Will it discuss Rod Meredith's obsession with pink shirts, queer men, and the heartbreak of losing his young wrestling partner in a tragic accident, much as the young Alan Turing lost his first childhood love?

Will it discuss Ron Weinland's latest jailhouse boyfriend?

Don't disappoint us, now, Davey!

Byker Bob said...

I guess we all knew Dave was incapable of holding his silence and allowing his, and his church's acts to give quiet (and more convincing) testimony.

The fruit In which he ought to be most concerned with growth is truth. That would go a long way in resolving most of his other problems. Hype is so unbecoming of an aspiring minister.

BB

Connie Schmidt said...

FRUITS??? -- I doubt it. Dave Pack however is a FRUITCAKE though!

Silence said...

David C. Pack has officially become Baghdad Bob.

old EXPCG hag said...

Is Prophet Pack still posting younger pics of himself?
Shooooush, don't tell Uncle Andy... "throw another rag on the camera"...Hessong!

Anonymous said...

You missed the second paragraph, it's good too.

--------

This will be followed on Monday by the release of a three-part sermon series that is also unlike anything heard in the 16 years of The Restored Church of God’s existence. Explaining monumental prophetic fulfillments that have now become crystal clear, the series carries far–reaching implications for former members of The Worldwide Church of God and those now in its offshoots. Be sure to hear it!


Sweetblood777 said...

Baghdad Bob. The best comparison I've ever heard. Don't forget that on Monday a three part sermon of extreme importance is going to be posted. Most likely this sermon would be the last ditch effort to gain members by using terror to traumatize those poor sheep to submit to his will.

Black Ops Mikey said...

Perhaps he can have Satan as a guest speaker....

Anonymous said...

Are those ears an evolutionary development to eavesdrop on his members, or due to a mutation caused by drinking of west Lake Erie water by his ancestors.

Perhaps I should ask Jo-Jo the dog faced boy.

Minimalist said...

Still not posted 5pm EST?

Anonymous said...

"This will be followed on Monday by the release of a three-part sermon series that is also unlike anything heard in the 16 years of The Restored Church of God’s existence..."

Unlike in what way? Hard to imagine ACOG sermons getting better. Also hard for me to imagine them getting worse.

RCC been around for 1700 years, with millions of members. RCG been around for 16 with 1500 members. Which one is more "important"? (Hint: this might be a trick question!)

"...Explaining monumental prophetic fulfillments that have now become crystal clear..."

I remember last time his (false) prophetic fulfillments became "crystal clear." Then somehow, magically, his clarity turned into mud. Funny, how I was "crystal clear" on it too, but nothing ever happened to my clarity. My clarity is still as "crystal" as the day it was new. Wonder why that is.

"...the series carries far–reaching implications for former members of The Worldwide Church of God and those now in its offshoots."

I've always wondered why these guy's seat-gyrating prophecies always seem to have implications only for people who are or used to be mixed up in Armstrongism? Why are there never any implications for people who have never heard of HWA? Demographics? That's how you know you're listening to marketing.

Anonymous said...

I can't wait! Cancel all appointment! Hold all calls! Cancel any travel plans! I am sitting at my computer in eager anticipation!

EX-RCG said...

Hey Pack:

You may as well give it up regarding prophesy. You have already proved to the RCG and those outside of it (who are in the know) that you are a false prophet.

I am so thankful to be away from you and your lying wonders.

Anonymous said...

Spoiler alert: the life-blood-sucking false apostle-prophet Packula is going to announce a new timeframe for his multiple-times failed "prophecy" of three ministers perishing and the COGs rushing into his bat-like arms. False apostle, false prophet (false fangs?)