Saturday, January 10, 2015

Stephen Gilbreath Reanimates Herbert Armstrong

Just when you think the idolatry of Herbert Armstrong cannot get any sicker, along comes Stephen Gilbreath who has reanimated HWA so that he can "preach" on Stephen's web site.  You may need a barf bag as you listen to Herb speak his silliness again.


Black Ops Mikey said...

Isn't this like a copyright violation or something?

Anonymous said...

Since when does anyone in the various splinter shits care about copyright issues? They steal and plagiarize HWA and old WCG info constantly. They claim they have to right to do so because they must preserve "the truth once delivered."

Byker Bob said...

Plagiarism is called "spreading the gospel" in Christian cultic circles, and the people who have been plagiarized generally feel flattered that their particular interpretation resonates with other teachers. Plagiarism is kind of like the Good Housekeeping seal of approval!

Incest? Not so much!


Anonymous said...

What, is this Disneyland or something? Great Moments with Mr. Armstrong?


Black Ops Mikey said...

Hmm. Well. Just don't get caught.

R.L. said...

Wow. Just wow.

But I suppose it beats a sock puppet version.

old EXPCG hag said...

Where's Dorothy??

Anonymous said...

Gilbreath is involved in a legal case

Dotty said...

Je Suis Dorothy!

Connie Schmidt said...

Well, if technology keeps advancing, Im sure there will be a 3D hologram version available soon for your house, similar to the HALO-DECK on Star Trek.

Perhaps all Churches will go this technique, and people will be able to "go to church" while laying in bed with no clothes on. The ultimate in user choice, comfort and ease of "changing the channel"!

Anonymous said...

What is wrong with religion?
Almost everything.
It is also wrong to let this creep keep lying.

Anonymous said...

The talking head seems a little bit weird at first but it is not too bad.

Everyone who is seriously interested in learning what HWA actually taught ought to listen to what he himself actually said rather than listening to all the impostors and fraudsters who have appeared over the last few decades.

Byker Bob said...

This, and the Mr. Jelly phenomenon have been causing me to reimagine what my youth would have been like if this sort of technology has been available to the old Radio Church of God ministers as my siblings and I grew up in the 1960s. Specifically, I'm wondering what a family program based on "Leave it to Beaver" might have been like, as depicted to reflect the Armstrong lifestyle.

The show might open as the Cleaver family prepared for the sabbath, with June and Beav in the supermarket, June showing Beaver how to read all of the ingredients on the packages to spot anything unclean. (Think this is funny? Watch RCG "Popeye" and see the sailor read the ingredients on his spinach can!)

Another episode might show the Cleaver family motoring to the Feast of Tabernacles, Beaver and Wally busily doing all of their classroom assignments in the car. Later, we would see June break out Armstrong-specific Bible flash cards to quiz the boys, with Ward occasionally pulling the car off the road to spank them if they made a little mistake on reciting the King James verbiage.

Back at home, the Cleavers might receive an unexpected confrontational visit from the Rutherfords, who angrily related that their son Lumpy couldn't sleep because Wally's stories about the Germans had given him nightmares.

In the middle of family dinner, because one of the boys used some slang heard at school, he might be told to get the spatula from the kitchen drawer, and to get into the living room and take his pants down.

Wally might complain because Eddie Haskell was making fun of the 1940s pants he had to wear that June had picked up at the thrift shop. Gettting no relief to that, later, we would see Wally sneaking a smoke with Eddie, in the hopes that the coolness factor in that would make Eddie overlook or lighten up on the pants.

Beaver's classmates would stare at him in the shower after gym class because of the black and blue welts on his butt. They'd openly make fun of the haircuts June gave him and Wally to make ends meet.

When Ward arrived at home after work, June would greet him with tears in her eyes, explaining that Mr. Armstrong had an emergency that was going to shut down the work if they didn't send him money, but she already knew that she couldn't pay the month's bills because they were on their third tithe year.

Wally is finally forbidden to associate with Eddie because Eddie's grandparents have given him a transistor radio, and Eddie constantly listens to rock n roll.

Beaver and Wally go to school even though they know they have the flu, because they know that if they tell June, she will make them fast, and get an annointed cloth from the local elder in their area. The school nurse sends them home, anyway, trigggering a three day liquids only fast.

The possibilities are nearly infinite. But, if anyone is having any sort of imaginary block, there is lots of help on the "you might have grown up in the WCG if..." page over at the PT website!


Anonymous said...

Anyone remember the old Clutch Cargo cartoons? Just drawings with a moving mouth!

old EXPCG hag said...

Is that REALLY YOU Dorothy??

old EXPCG hag said...

Dorothy has been resurrected already..she beat us!

James said...

Reanimating Herbie! What a hoot!

So I took to work and obtained a file that indeed reanimates the apostle just in time for the anniversary of his death celebration this Friday. Look for it!

Anonymous said...

'Later, we would see June break out Armstrong-specific Bible flash cards to quiz the boys, with Ward occasionally pulling the car off the road to spank them if they made a little mistake on reciting the King James verbiage.'

The Wanderer:

Byker Bob...I truly hope this was not you...bad enough any other poor soul.

Truly, truly sad...

Byker Bob said...

Hate to cop to it, 3:17, but I remember Crusader Rabbit! The limited motion of those types of cartoon was due to budgetary constraints. They simply couldn't produce theatrical animation with the funds which were made available in the television industry of those days, although the technology was certainly available. Tom Terrific, and Speed Racer were from that same genre. Given my interests, which had their genesis from riding with my uncle and cousin in their hot cars, Speed Racer was my personal fave. There was nothing like the symphony of full house Mercury flathead running through twin Smitty mufflers backing down in second gear, or the kick of passing gear in a four barrel '56 Chevy on a country road!


Byker Bob said...

No, Wanderer. The stop the car and spank model was based on other Radio Church of God parents. In our family, my brother and I were simply not permitted to eat until we had correctly recited the long form of the ten commandments as found in Ex. 20:1-17 pretty much on command. Once these had been memorized, it was assumed that at any given time, on command, we'd be able to perfectly recite them, six months or even a year later. If not, once again, no food until perfection. My parents had learned this apparently from an Imperial High School mom from Pasadena. I tell you, it made memorizing lines for school plays a snap! Even in French!

Parents don't realize that their methodology is going to have a very pronounced affect on their children's attitudes towards God. I mean, you can teach a kid how to swim by throwing him overboard without a life preserver, but after that, is he or she really going to make swimming a passion? You can cause a lifetime of hatred even for things that are good within your child by employing the authoritarian methodology of Armstrongism.

The draconian punishment was only half of the problem. The guilt that was produced by the resulting anger and rebellion was also hellatious. It's why some actually broke another ironclad thing and obtained therapy!


Anonymous said...

"Parents don't realize that their methodology is going to have a very pronounced affect on their children's attitudes towards God."

The good news is that many parents do!

Anonymous said...

Eddie Haskell: "Mrs Cleaver, what a beautiful dress you are wearing for the Sabbath!"

June Cleaver: "Why thank you, Eddie! The boys are upstairs, why don't you go on up."

Eddie Haskell: "Thank you Mrs Cleaver, I do believe I will."


Eddie Haskell: "Gimmee that dollar you owe me, Wally"

Wally: "You know I can't, Eddie. It's my tithe!"

The Beaver: "You're a creep Eddie, trying to steal God's tithes!"

Eddie Haskell: "I have to put it toward the fund for my sales."

The Beaver: "What sales, Eddie?"

Eddie Haskell: "I'm selling hams to raise money for the church."


Ward: "June, Lumpy's father called and he wants to buy five hams!"

June: "BOYS! Come downstairs! Lumpy's father wants to buy five hams."

The Beaver: "Gee mom, isn't that against the Bible and God and stuff?"

Ward: "This may be God's way of working with Lumpy's family. Maybe they will request a booklet soon."

DING-DONG! (doorbell rings)

June: "Hello."

Hazel: "Mistah B wants four hams!"

June: "But you're a cross-eyed Jew! You people don't eat ham!"

Hazel: "Mistah B ain't cross-eyed, and he likes his ham. I'm like an Egyptian slave, missy!"

Ward: "Give her a booklet on British Israelesm with those hams."

The Beaver: "Gee Wally, do you think that'll make Hazel know the truth and stuff?"

Wally: "We can only hope, Beav. If not, we have more booklets."

James said...

Anon @ January 12, 2015 at 12:20 PM

Excellent material. Maybe you should write a play with Ward, June and the boys visiting Pasadena!

Anonymous said...

Don't miss next week's episode when you'll hear June say, "Don't you think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night?" after Ward gives the Beaver 39 swats for saying "Gee," which is euphemistically taking the Lord's name in vain.

Anonymous said...

I like how Herbie is a little bit off kilter, permanently crooked and cattywampus. Just like how he really was. Don't he look lifelike? Good job! LOL