Thursday, April 30, 2015

What the Current Churches of God Are Really Like

from the Naked Pastor blog


Anonymous said...

Two thumbs up!!!!!!!!! This describes the Church of God to a "T"!

Anonymous said...

A long time ago in a land not near here, there were two ponds separated by a causeway, one big, one small. The big pond teemed with many fishes of all shapes and sizes, the small pond was home to fewer, smaller fish.

One day, in the big pond, a small fish named Hubert began speaking to the smaller fish. "Let us go," he said, "if we jump out of the water and onto the causeway, we can flap and squirm across it into the other pond, where there are not so many big fish to boss us around and eat our food."

The smaller fish thought this over, and many came to the decision that yes, the smaller pond was the right thing to do.

So the day came when Hubert and the other small fish happily leaped from the water, landed smack on the causeway, and wriggled their way into the small pond.

Once there, Hubert said "Lets call out to the other small fish to join us in this small pond, to come out from among the big fish."

So for days and weeks Hubert and the other small fish called to their friends in the big pond. And some came, flapping and wriggling pathetically across the causeway, into the small pond.

But in a short while, Hubert began to evaluate his position.

"I am the biggest fish in this small pond," he thought to himself. "I speak for the interests of all fish here. I must see that the small fish live properly and in accordance with what I know."

So Hubert remained in the small pond with the other small fish. As the biggest fish in that pond, when he spoke, the smaller fish listened. Even though only a few feet of dirt and pavement separated them from fish far bigger that Hubert - as long as the small fish stayed in their small pond, Hubert was the biggest fish they knew. And as the fish bred and spawned, the young fish that were born knew only Hubert as the biggest fish.

Anonymous said...

Soon the young fish of the small pond, as young things do, began to ask questions. "Why do we live in the small pond?" they inquired. The elders inevitably replied "We left the big pond for this wonderful small pond. When Hubert told us about this small pond, we knew this was where we should be."

Then Hubert would caution the elder fish. "Don't lie to your children. The big pond is full of big fish who steal food from small fish and sometimes even eat the small fish. The big fish are wicked and do this out of malice, because they barely know of this small pond and are deceived into thinking theirs is the good pond."

So the elders would say to the young fish, "You don't want to be in the big pond. The big fish will maliciously kill you or starve you if you are in their way at the wrong time. You are very lucky to have been born in the small pond. The only big fish that matters is Hubert, the biggest fish in OUR pond."

But over time, Hubert grew old. His scales began to cloud and his eyes began to dim. And the elder fish of his pond said to each other, "What will we do without Hubert? We cannot just jump out of the water and flip and flop back to the big pond with all those deceived wicked fishes!"

Some among the small fish began actively comparing themselves with their fellows, to see who would be the biggest fish.

"I am a relatively large fish", said one, "Perhaps I will be the biggest fish here when Hubert passes."

"My fins are larger than yours," scoffed another. "I may not be as large as you, but I am the better swimmer."

Yet another fish, an elder fish, chimed in: "I have been in this pond longer than almost any other fish. I wriggled just behind Hubert when we came to this pond across that causeway. I will swim in his place and be the fish he has been."

Anonymous said...

You would almost think the guy behind Naked Pastor came out of Armstrongism. I guess just more evidence that HWA wasn't very original?

Connie Schmidt said...

Follow up jokes for Hubert and the other fish!...

What did the Weinland fish say when he posted bail?
"I'm off the hook!"

What do you get when you cross Stan Rader with a fish?
A Loan shark!

Why did Hubert go to the Lake in the first place?
To fish for compliments!

What did Hubert say when he swam into a wall? Damn!

What did Hulbert eat for dinner?
Holy mackerel!

Where do you find a down-and-out Hubert following fish that has been disowned?
On squid row!

What do you call the big Hubert fish who makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather!

Black Ops Mikey said...

As fun as all this may be, in the long term, people will suffer spectacularly for their ineffectual strategies: Pay in the pain up front by seeking the truth and abandoning error (and the men who teach it) or pay later on when it gets to be a much BIGGER problem and so much more painful and expensive to fix with subsequently huge losses in money, friends, health and family.

Embrace solutions, not excuses.

Byker Bob said...

Welcome to the ACOG, home of the skewed cost-benefit analysis, in which the pain and suffering of humans and their families is irrelevant to the fulfillment of the agenda.

That is, of course, the difference between totalitarianism and democracy or representative republic.


Anonymous said...

The old man is Rod Meredith and the 1st sheep with its head up its ass is the ever evil Rod McNair

Anonymous said...

I think the brown-nosing culture was at it's height during the 70s-80s in WCG. Since the splinters can't support so many layers of management, there's less to covet. Although I can't speak for LCG, where I imagine it could be as bad as it ever was...

Black Ops Mikey said...

The story of the Emperor's new clothes springs to mind.