Thursday, May 28, 2015

UPDATED: Top Ten Reasons You Can Get Disfellowshipped From The Living Church Of God


From an LCG member:



TOP TEN REASONS YOU CAN GET DISFELLOWSHIPPED FROM THE
LIVING CHURCH OF GOD
(In the spirit of David Letterman)

10. Saying anything critical of the ministry
9. Facebook posts
8. Unconfirmed rumors
7. Not accepting the “Upgrades” (after all, that proves that your aren’t really converted)
6. Reading the Book of Enoch
5. Private Bible study or discussion (particularly on Friday nights)
4. Not quitting your job when HQ tells you to
3. Not tithing
2. Not attending (some have been recently dis-fellowshipped for “their disassociation with the Church”)
1. Execution of personal vendetta from Meredith or McNair

Here is another list from another reader:

10. Giving the same three boring sermons again and again… unless you are a Meredith.

9. Setting brethren against each other by telling lies about them… unless you are a Meredith.

8. Coveting widows’ inheritances… unless you are a Meredith.

7. Violating ministerial confidentiality… unless you are a Meredith.

6. Telling lies to the brethren… unless you are a Meredith.

5. Unsuccessfully repressing your gay lust for your boyhood wrestling buddy… unless you are a Meredith.

4. Coming to work under the influence of drugs and alcohol… unless your father is Rod Meredith.

3. Getting caught violating Charlotte building codes... unless your father is Rod Meredith.

2. Cheating on your wife by acting out sexually with an underage girl... unless your father is Rod Meredith.

1. Being too much like Jesus, and not enough like Rod, Little Jimmy, David, and the other Merediths.

4 comments:

Connie Schmidt said...

Disfellowshipping people who have already stopped attending and associating is pure madness. In effect, you are disfellowshipping people who have beat them to the punch and have "Disfellowshipped Themselves" from them!

I hereby disfellowship Rod Meredith. I do not want him anywhere near me, and I do not wish to "fellowship" with him!

Anonymous said...

How is it any of their business if you are tithing? Isn't that between you and God? How do they know you didn't send 10% somewhere else? I've always wondered if they check on how much money you send even though they say they don't.

Scott Winnail gave an offeratory during the spring holy days about how he once saw an offering from a man that was rich (in his opinion). He went on to say how shocked he was that this man's offering wasn't up to par with whatever he thought it should be. His point was the widow and the mites but it hit me wrong. Like, who are you to judge? How do you know what he has or doesn't have? Maybe he's generous in other ways. Maybe he has kids in college or medical bills. An offering should be between a man and God. No one had the right to judge that.

Kscribe said...

I hereby disfellowship Rod Meredith for shopping for greeting cards on the Sabbath in Reno NV.

Anonymous said...

10. Giving the same three boring sermons again and again… unless you are a Meredith.

9. Setting brethren against each other by telling lies about them… unless you are a Meredith.

8. Coveting widows’ inheritances… unless you are a Meredith.

7. Violating ministerial confidentiality… unless you are a Meredith.

6. Telling lies to the brethren… unless you are a Meredith.

5. Unsuccessfully repressing your gay lust for your boyhood wrestling buddy… unless you are a Meredith.

4. Coming to work under the influence of drugs and alcohol… unless your father is Rod Meredith.

3. Getting caught violating Charlotte building codes... unless your father is Rod Meredith.

2. Cheating on your wife by acting out sexually with an underage girl... unless your father is Rod Meredith.

1. Being too much like Jesus, and not enough like Rod, Little Jimmy, David, and the other Merediths.