Friday, September 11, 2015

The Modern Fundamentalist's Song





The Modern Fundamentalist's Song

Modern Fundamentalist:
   I am the very model of a Christian fundamentalist
   And by a strange coincidence a solid occidentalist.
   I cherry-pick the Bible for the verses close or distantly
   Amenable to straight white males, however inconsistently,
   Unless those verses might apply a little inconveniently
   In which case I interpret them a good deal more than leniently.
   We want to do just what we please however strange or horrible
   And still regard ourselves as wholly moral and adorable.

Congregation:
   We want to do just what we please however strange or horrible
   And still regard ourselves as wholly moral and adorable.
   And still regard ourselves as wholly moral and adorable.

MF:
   I call myself a Christian but it's really Paulist cultery
   Since Christ himself has said that my divorces were adultery.
   But I from man to man enjoy convexness and concavity
   And call whatever others do immoral and depravity.

Cong:
   But we from man to man enjoy convexness and concavity
   And call whatever others do immoral and depravity.

MF:
   I do not want to hear about the quantum or molecular
   Or how the Founding Fathers made our institutions secular
   I say the nation's Christian under Biblical authorities
   Rejecting what the Constitution says about majorities.
   The workings of the government may worry and perplex you all
   I say we're equal under God -- unless you're homosexual --
   Or black or brown or female or some kind of evolutionist
   For all attempts at reasoning are really persecutionist.

Cong:
   Or black or brown or female or some kind of evolutionist
    For all attempts at reasoning are really persecutionist.

MF:
   My freedom of religion trumps your Constitutionality
   Because the Constitution says it does with firm legality.
   I claim my rights from God or man, whichever's more commodious
   For what I want to do however evil, vile, or odious.

Cong:
   I claim my rights from God or man, whichever's more commodious
   For what I want to do however evil, vile, or odious.

MF:
   When I can issue licenses or not because I feel like it
   The public's just my piggy and the public can just squeal like it.
   I'll happily apply whichever law is most agreeable
   To what I want to do since what I want is unforseeable:
   The conscience of the person must control the way they view their job
   And not demands that public servants ought to serve and do their job.
   The Constitution's man-made law and God is not endorsing it;
   The SCOTUS made their law, and now good luck to them enforcing it.

Cong:
   The Constitution's man-made law and God is not endorsing it;
   The SCOTUS made their law, and now good luck to them enforcing it.

MF:
   There's nothing in my creed that advocates for love officially
   Except some quotes that God and Jesus handed down judicially --
   I don't see why I must obey the acts of which God sent a list
   And yet I am the model of a Christian fundamentalist.

Cong:
   We don't see why we must obey the acts of which God sent a list
   And yet we are the models of a Christian fundamentalist.



                                                        -- Marcus Bales

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Marcus Bales has NAILED IT (no offense to Jesus) with this parody of the Gilbert and Sullivan song, I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General !

It's even alike in it's poke at the hubris.

For those who'd like to listen and see the original Gilbert and Sullivan song in performance, you can click here.

OMG! The Holy Spirit has just informed me that a talented singer with excellent breath control will soon be gracing us with a fine rendition of this parody by Mr. Bales.

Miller Jones said...

Love it!

Black Ops Mikey said...

Alternatively, you may consider the plight of an entering Ambassador College student trying to pick a major!