Sunday, April 14, 2019

Defective and Never Good Enough--The Challenge of Being Yourself in the Churches of God



Passover and the Days of Unleavened Bread were always more stressful than enjoyable to me. The "examine yourself" concept could wear heavy on one depending on seriously one took it all. As we know, both minister and member was just a ball of jealousy, envy, lust and greed. A worm, so said the Bible and we all hearts deceitful above ALL THINGS and DESPERATELY WICKED!  The was a definite theme of not good enough that ran through one's church life and the struggle to be better was ever present. Ultimately, we were all to become us therefore PERFECT as our heavenly Father is Perfect, but that always escaped me and seemed a bit unreal. I know people who tried but I found them not the kind of folk I wanted to spend much time around. Mostly, it was a fake kinda perfect.

I recall heading up a class meeting where the guest minister speaking to us reminded us all we were the "Cream of the Crud."  Uh oh....that didn't set well. One friend stood up and said he was tired of hearing that crap and it wasn't true. That lead to another standing up, and another and …. well, it spread nicely through the whole campus and lots of people ended up being themselves!

I was never even comfortable with the Apostle Paul telling me that I had to follow him as he followed Christ. Why couldn't he follow me as I did? I didn't know how he followed Christ except once he said he beat himself to keep himself in subjection and that's not for me.   Why do we always strive to be better than we are and even not authentically even who we are?

"Let every man esteem others better than himself," goes the admonition of scripture. That always made me ask "Then what is everyone else supposed to do?"  Sounds like one endless chain of "No, I esteem you  better than me,"  "Oh no, I esteem YOU better than me!"

Being one's self, as you are, at any one time, with all your background, baggage, perspectives, unique qualities, insights and personality traits was never high on the list of what we were supposed to be comfortable with.  We were evidently defective as is and so becoming something else was ever the goal.  It was mentally, emotionally and spiritually exhausting.

I recall being dragged through each of the Ten Commandments by the minister interviewing me for baptism when I was 19.   He asked me if I had ever worshipped other gods....NO, Taken God's name in vain...NO.  Kept the sabbath...Yes, (I went to church three times every Sunday up to that point. It was a technical foul).  Killed...NO, Lied....NO....  Committed Adultery...No (I did have a girlfriend back in NY and did lust after her so that counted as a yes I guess),  Stolen....NO   Coveted....Not really.   Well, he sent me on my way with no pass that interview.  See paragraph one for what I failed to understand.

But ultimately, I got baptized. Honestly....felt no change from on High. I went on to pretty much be the me I am , wearing a few masks along the way to protect myself from the righteous zealots and giving up on that becoming perfect as my Heavenly Father was perfect.  Even if you say it means "mature", which it doesn't, couldn't do that either.

Once Dave Pack found out the minister who replaced him ordained my brother-in-law a deacon and it evidently annoyed him enough to tell Ron, "If I had thought you should be a deacon, I would have ordained you!"  Ron, being his ever genuine self said..."Well Dave, If I didn't think you had shit for brains I'd care!"   That's being yourself!

My dad was pretty much himself no matter as well.  When Dave was chiding the Spokesman Club for not being up on their scripture cards my Dad spoke up and mentioned that the men worked all week and did not have the same time he did to keep up with it all.  Dave told my dad he's see him in the hall at the break.  My dad said..."No you won't!"  lol.  Dad was himself and a great example to me.

Finally, one of the best. After Joe Tkach gave his "Screw the Sabbath" sermon and it was played in one of my relative minister's church, where the song leader, a good ol' boy evidently got up and said, "Now wasn't that the biggest load of shit you ever heard?!  Let's all rise and sing out to the REAL God!"
That's being yourself!

So let me just say that being who you are, in hindsight, is pretty much ok in life. How can one be anything else?  We might tweek things here an there as we go, but I have learned that most people, unless they are at the bottom of human behaviors, don't change very much and probably don't need to either.  I don't find most hearts to be desperately wicked and deceitful nor do I find everyone I know filled with jealousy, envy, lust and greed.  Those traits are reserved for the higher ups evidently.


“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
Oscar Wilde


“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”
Bernard M. Baruch 

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson 

“Don't compromise yourself - you're all you have.”
John Grisham, The Rainmaker

“If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it.”
Frank Zappa 

“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.”
Harvey Fierstein

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everyone will respect you.”
Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

“About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all.”
Rita Mae Brown 

“Never complain, never explain. Resist the temptation to defend yourself or make excuses.”
Brian Tracy 

“Never dull your shine for somebody else.”
Tyra Banks 

“The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don't let them put you in that position.”
Leo Buscaglia 

“Let others determine your worth and you're already lost, because no one wants people worth more than themselves.”
Peter V. Brett, The Warded Man

“What other people think and say about you is none of your business. The most destructive thing you would ever do is to believe someone else's opinion of you. You have to stop letting other people's opinions control you.”
Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

“You were not born on earth to please anyone; you have to live life to express yourself, not to impress someone. Don't pretend to be someone you're not, and never lose yourself in search of other people's acceptance and approval.”
Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.”
Bruce Lee


Personally, I'm now comfortable being myself. I'm not defective and neither are you and , while it might irritate some of you, being born right the first time is not a concept that we need discard.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=poBMJTdrW7A

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Anonymous said...

If the definition of a genius is that he does something better then anyone else or most people then isn't everyone a genius? Who is better at being you then you. There is no one like you. Your uniqueness fits the definition of genius.

Anonymous said...

than

TLA said...

I love this quote - don't recall reading it before:
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
DP and GF seem to have tried their best to be HWA, until that was not enough for them, and they have added more people to be.
What do you call people with multiple personalities? Shouldn't they change their names to the Schizophrenic Church of God - or is that already taken?

Anonymous said...


“Ron, being his ever genuine self said...'Well Dave, If I didn't think you had shit for brains I'd care!'”


Having dung for brains is bad enough, but it only gets worse. Now Dave Pack has demons for brains.

SHT said...

This is a common ocurrance even beyond Armstrongism.

Someone whom I follow posted the following "truth" that a church person needs to have at least 2 close friends who you can be the real you around in Church. The insinuation was that you cannot be the "real" you in Church. The reasons why were not explored nor elaborated on. This person is a public figure. I responded back to the individual with my opinion on the subject. The person read it but did not reply back.

I was not surprised. Church is a place where facades, fronts, and fakery looms front and center - mainly out of fear of not belonging, not being part of a clique, offending the "pillars" or not being righteous enough or holy enough for the church or the ministry - and this is in whatever church you may belong to. Human nature is human nature in a job, or church, or wherever - and people usually know enough about human nature to know that in order to be accepted at a church you have to appear to be what they expect you to appear to be. Is this right? No. Is this accepted? Yes.

It's part of the culture of established churches, mainstream, evangelical, or whatever. The challenge of being yourself is always pushed against everyone else's expectations of you. The need to be accepted for many overrules the need to be your real self. For many, your "real self" never appears good enough for the holier than thou air that exists in the church. It's one of the biggest problems of Corporate Christianity - people who try to be someone they aren't to be liked, accepted, move up the chain, hob-nob with the pastor, or simply not to be the reject of the church. This is nothing new in religion, Armstrongism, or otherwise - or anywhere where people get together and simply be people.




Byker Bob said...

One the historic purpose of all religions and philosophies is to get humans up to speed, performing optimally. Humans have been described as being gods in animal bodies, fettered by emotions and memories of past bad experiences.

Nobody got it right the first time. Every single one of us is flawed in one way or another, although each of us has certain levels of strength and skills.

One of the problems with which we all wrestle is the fact that Armstrongism actually caused us to have flaws, defects, and limitations, all the while telling us that by allowing them to so diminish us, we were “qualifying”. The only intelligent course now is to recognize these problematic areas as much as possible, and to take restorative action.

BB

Anonymous said...

BB
The purpose of religions and philosophies is not to get people up to speed, but the exact opposite. Have a look around you. All religions keep people at a child like level. In the ACOGs, members are only permitted to grow along narrow corridors. Any trait that limits minister power, such as self esteem or self confidence, are attacked. The supremesy of those in power, and keeping the little people in their place, has always being the historic reality.
Consider the Pharisees. I rest my case.

Al Dexter said...

Religion is slavery. Slaves are beat down and made to feel unworthy so they'll stay in subjection. It's present in all such organizations to one degree or another.

I too learned and absorbed a great deal from my father. He entered the church late in life after I and my sister had been in several years. He never took dictation from the ministry. If he had, he and my mother would have ended up totally destitute. I see my dad in myself all the time. It's partially genetic and partially example. We Dexters have always been an ornery lot once we reached full maturity.

James said...

Al Dexter,

One thing you never learned in all your years is respect for those who have a different opinion from yours.

Byker Bob said...

Two ways of looking at that, 11:40. One perspective is that of the participants, who expect their religion or philosophy to produce growth and make them a better person. Some, but not all, of the religious warlords or control units see it as the ultimate method of leveraging or controlling those who come to them.

I shun organized religion myself. If I want to attend church, I’ll go to a huge mega church anonymously, where I can hear an inspiring message, and listen to some awesome rock-based praise music.

BB

Anonymous said...

Regardless of the belief or customs, Buddhist, Hindu, Christian, Muslim. etc. allow a select few to live off the income of others without having to do much in return. There are exceptions to this, but for the most part religion is a worldwide scam.

Al Dexter said...

James. Not when that opinion is based on total willful ignorance of the facts like mine once was Difference is, I was willing to dispassionately look at the facts and admit it was all a batch of lies.

Anonymous said...

ASB Comment: In reading this posting and some of the comments; I question what the problem really is. I personally did not and do not share the idea that religion does not allow a person to be who they really are unless they want to be doing things that corrupt human life. The years I spent after committing my life to follow the biblical teachings related Jesus Christ's teachings and the OT teachings supporting His being the Messiah have contributed to a wholesome life built on faith, hope, and love that never wavers. I no longer attend organizational groups due to hearing loss, age, and personal family responsibilities, but the memories I have are definitely positive and fruitful in my personal and spiritual relationships.
While I recognize people may experience some of the problems pointed out. In the many years I spent involved in church congregations many if not most of the people I communicated with were enjoying the spiritual relationships. I never attended any church congregation after withdrawing from the original WCG so I do not know what the many groups have to offer in the way of human relationships. Enough said.

R.L. said...

"I'm a mess, and so are you." - a line from a song by contemporary Christian singer Francesca Battestelli

James said...

Al,
I am not talking about the times we played church in the wcg. I am talking about your current evolutionary status and how you respond to people with a different spin on things like politics..

Retired Prof said...

Yes, it rankled that I could not be myself at Ambassador College. I spent the last several months there as a closeted skeptic. I nearly outed myself once in a conversation among dorm mates with a statement implying that I accepted human evolution. One of the guys derided me, "You were thinking 'cave man!'" I said nothing, and nobody followed up. Such self-censorship kept me out of trouble with the higher-ups mostly, but it took a toll.