Monday, August 12, 2019

"The Cursed Crossword Puzzle"



It was a typical mid-summer night in the small Bungalow. As a child of ten years old, I was caught in religious tug-of-war between one parent who was in the Church, and one parent who was out of the Church. This was a paradox in my mind, leaving me only “half-protected”. After all, I was not allowed to attend the Church for the majority of the duration of split-religion. I was getting ready for bed, and in an age without internet, computers, cell phones, or anything of the sort, I settled down to do my favorite crossword puzzles. 

It was during this time that I was experiencing the beginnings of extreme anxiety and fear – especially toward the paranormal – because of my upbringing. I was taught, through the Worldwide Church of God ministry, that demons were always “out to get you” should you stumble and fall from the Church or from Christian protection (pretty much, one and the same, actually.) I would constantly be worried about anything paranormal happening because of this pre-conditioning from not only the Church, but from the fear that was exhibited by those who were entrusted to calm fears. The fears were actually emboldened and intensified by the same mindset from, mainly, one of my parents – from the earliest of years clear throughout the greater part of my childhood. From “scary” episodes of Barney Miller, to commercials, to movies – these fears entered everything from real life phobia to dreams at night. There was always this fear of somehow being bothered by demons. 

There was no Jesus in the picture, mind you. From the earliest age, I was not taught of the power of Jesus, or how He was victorious, or conquered sin and death, or was my friend. “Jesus loves the little children” was never sung nor hummed. It is not being overly exaggerating in any way to say that Jesus was absolutely absent from my Childhood in my perception. Mainly, because He was not welcomed. My home was a home of fear, arguments, and hatred – coated with a piety of religious conviction in keeping the Sabbath and Holy Days and the basic Worldwide Church of God culture. And on that mid-summer night, I, for the first time, began to realize the extent of how this was impacting my young life. 

It seemed like such a great way to wind down. I sat at the edge of my bed, table light on, and started doing my crossword puzzle. I filled in one square, then another, and a few more. After a little bit of this, I got up to go to the bathroom, came back, and settled down to continue the crossword puzzle. As I opened the crossword book back to the page, and looked at the same puzzle I had just come back to, I noticed something absolutely frightening. 

The words – the ink – everything I just filled in – was gone. 

Immediately I started to panic. My heart raced, my palms got sweaty. This was impossible. I just did this! How could this be? “Oh, no no...” I thought, immediately suspecting without any delay or hesitation the worst – that I was getting pranked by the demon in the house. 

It was my belief in my childhood that my house had a demon (or two) in it. I would often think I felt some sort of evil presence, or would be scared to death I would “see” something in the near-blackness of night – save the dim amber glow of the night-light. Often times, to “protect” myself from this external, invisible, and seemingly intangible threat, I would walk around the house fully enveloped with my favorite brown blanket – making myself appear as a hard-to-see ghost more often than not. I would also cover my ears or make noises only I could hear to keep from “hearing demons”. It was a constant internal battle within, sparked by the sermons from pastors, conversations from church members, overheard conversations from a parent - “knowing” that the only way to prevent a demonic attack was to be perfect. If you've failed in some way, you are inviting in a demon. At least, that's how I viewed it. 

I closed the Crossword puzzle in a state of complete panic. I then re-opened the puzzle, and – in a complete reversal – the words were back! All of them. Even the scribbles I made. I tried rubbing them to see if they'd disappear again. Nothing. They were as though they had never left. “Wait a minute. What's going on here? Am I going insane?” I would think. 

I repeated the cycle at least three times as my panic was rising higher and higher. My brain was literally buzzing. My heart was racing. I could hardly breathe. The only explanation in my mind was that I was being pranked by a supernatural being who had nothing better to do than pick on a ten-year-old child who somehow did something wrong enough that this demon was trying to bother me. 

It was then that I just started praying, in complete panic, crying, nearly hysterical, rocking back and forth in tears, that God would stop this demon from attacking me. 

Please God, stop this demon, take this demon away, Please, take this demon away”, I would pray in between sobs. I was scared to wake my parents to talk about this because I was worried they would think I was crazy, or had lost it. 

Please God, Please, please, PLEAASSSEE”, I would cry out in between sobs, knowing what I thought was happening was a worst-case scenario. 

Please stop this demon, please.”

I opened the book up again, and the words had disappeared again. Again! Did my prayer not avail anything? Why wasn't I being heard? Did God leave me? Is it because one of my parents is not in the Church and one is in the Church? What did I do? The possibilities of how I angered God or was able to let in a demon were subconsciously and somewhat consciously running through my young mind. 

Soon, the panic was too much. I was in nearly hysterics. I could hardly breathe, I was sweating profusely, could not think, was scared out of my mind. There was no other explanation. I was being attacked by the resident demon of the house. And I had reached a point where I had to tell my parents – regardless of how stupid they might think I was acting. 

I entered the bedroom and turned on the light

I'm having a problem” I cried out.

What's the matter?”

I think a demon is bothering me”, I said along those lines. “The words on my crossword puzzle keep appearing and disappearing and I don't know what's going on”, and I broke down in sobs. 

I had to repeat this a couple times, I had woken my parents out of a sound, sound sleep, but I was in far too great of a panic to even care. I was in a state of total emergency, and I needed prayer, help, something – I was in a very bad state for anyone of any age – nonetheless a ten year old child. 

You are saying the words are appearing and dissapearing”? 

YES!!!! WHAT IS GOING ON!!!” I cried out, in sobs and anguish, and handed her the Cursed Crossword Book. 

Show me!”

I opened the book, and suddenly, there were the words, exactly as I filled it out. 

Now watch this!, I yelled”. 

I closed the book and re-opened it, and the words were gone. I was somewhat, strangely, relieved that this was seen as well by someone else – it proved I was not crazy. 

There has to be a logical explanation to this”, I was assured. I of course, would hear none of it, I was completely convinced of the reality of my situation. 

My parent – calmly and with reason – took the book. 

Okay, let's look at the puzzle. What's the page?” 

I found the page. 

Okay. Let's start counting the pages in the book.”

Slowly but steadily, she started counting the pages in the book. My puzzle, the next page, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83...

What are you doing?!”

Hold on”, I was told.


84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 75, 76....”

My parent stopped, and looked at me. Then continued.

I see what happened here! They double-printed a few pages of the puzzle. There are two copies of your puzzle in the same book.”

I didn't believe it. Not at first. This was too easy. I had to flip back and forth between the two puzzles to convince my mind that this was the actual reason, and that nothing “supernatural” actually occurred. 

Whenever something like this happens, just remember, there is a perfectly logical explanation to things.” 

After about ten minutes I was able to accept the fact that I was not being bothered by a demon. I was able to accept the fact that this was a publishing error with the Crossword Puzzle – a theory I had not even considered, nor was I of the mind to even think of. The only thing that was in my mind at the time was the result of intensive, acute, pre-conditioning which was the result of brainwashing from the mindset of a cult, who had indoctrinated fear and anxiety into its earliest victims from the youngest of ages. 

I, foggily, yes – went back to my room. It took me half an hour (and several more times checking the book to make sure) to get to a point I could lay down and try to get back to sleep again. Maybe there was something to this “logical explanation” business, I thought. Of course, the fears did not go away – this was one incident explained. But it did give me some assurance and stable footing in a childhood of dark anxiety and fear brought on by the careless infractions of a supposed Christian Church. It is a moment that I have not ever forgotten. 

This is an excerpt of a book I have been working on for several years. If you would like to see more excerpts, and think that another "Survivor's Book" of a Child growing up in the Worldwide Church of God is worth working on, let me know in the comments below. 

Excerpt is copyright, all rights reserved. 

Submitted by SHT


21 comments:

Anonymous said...

"There was no Jesus in the picture, mind you."


one can only wonder exactly WHAT Church you attended...the sermons I hear, and have always heard, are all about Jesus....only He's depicted accurately, not as the protestants and others do.

TLA said...

SHT - I came in as a young adult - getting the child perspective of the WCG teachings is very enlightening.
Keep it up.

Anonymous said...

Demons are real. Just ask Gerald Flurry. He is one.

Byker Bob said...

I remember summer after my senior year in high school, I was going through the neighborhood, smoking a cigarette, canvassing the neighbors for lawn mowing jobs. At the end of my smoke, I threw the butt on the ground, and stepped on it, and when I lifted my foot, the butt had disappeared. For a minute, I thought the angels had taken it to my parents, ratting on me. Looked all over within about a 5 foot radius, and no cigarette. Yet, I had felt it under my foot when I stamped it out. Fortunately, it didn't supernaturally reappear at the dinner table. And, I quit smoking after finishing the mini-pack of Winstons the airlines gave out on the plane going to Ambassador College.

BB

Pedro Zolaman said...

En 1990, yo ya con 24 años de edad, después de haber escuchado un sermón sobre la oración, el ministro citó unas palabras del Dr Hoeh, donde decia : "Que la oración era como comparecer ante un tribunal, donde Satanás era "El acusador, Jesús el defensor, El Padre el Juez y nosotros los acusados" Esa noche no dormí, sugestionado con esa idea. Tenia hasta miedo de orar, pensando que Satanás estaba al asecho. Sentía que fuerzas sobrenaturales me jalaban las sabanas.

Anonymous said...

BB, had it stuck to the bottom of your shoe? And you thought the angels were there to rat you out? Wow, that must have been horrifying. But, that’s par for the course. Glad you quit. 😀

nck said...

Yes. Interesting story and perspective SHT. I am not going to argue a child's perspective.

I have read reports that the natives of America at first did not know or register when Chris Columbus landed on their shores. Simply because they had never seen a ship like theirs.

Also the animals at Galapagos might just shrug up to a person in friendly manner, because they cannot fathom or never learned the concept of evil hunting men.

The power of belief, magic, knowledge.

I deal a lot with people who cannot see anymore since their minds are warped by the best of education. The brightest wonder in vain how idiots are elected by populations and will never know in their bubble.

I believe we are surrounded by many beautiful and amazing things that we do not register since we never heard them explained.

Life is like the latest car model. Once the hairdressers mentions that new model, only then you suddenly register the model on the highways.

People believe as they are told. People will buy what "my friends" tell them they need.

We should heed the "stories" we tell the next generation.

Nck

Anonymous said...

Pedro wrote:

In 1990, I was 24 years old, after having heard a sermon on prayer, the minister quoted a few words from Dr Hoeh, where he said: "That prayer was like appearing before a court, where Satan was" The accuser, Jesus the defender, The Father the Judge and we the accused "That night I did not sleep, suggested with that idea. I was even afraid to pray, thinking that Satan was on the lookout. I felt that supernatural forces were pulling my sheets.

nck said...

10:03

Pedro.

In any American movie we see that "the good guys" are weak in comparison to the evil forces overwhelming them. Of course good wins but not after a good fight and after the entire world is destroyed.

Evil seem stronger or at least hard to contain.

How do we teach a child to cross a zebra path. By pointing at the law that cars should stop for a crossing attempt or teach them skills of observation and really looking in depth.

Nck

Anonymous said...

What the hell does SHT's story have to do with Christopher Columbus? Galapagos? I have never seen anyone who cannot stay on topic as you do. I honestly think you are either drunk or higher than a kite when you write some of this stuff.

nck said...

10:13

I AM EXACTLY ON TOPIC.
YOU ARE PROVING THE POINT of my posting.
YOU CANNOT SEE IT, NOT EVEN WHEN YOU ARE EXPRESSLY TOLD AND WHAT YOU SEE YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND. SHT's IMAGINATIONS WERE A WORKING OF THE BRAIN. I EXPLAINED THE WORKING OF THE BRAIN IN LAYMANS TERMS.

nck

nck said...

10:13

To repeat so you may understand. There are no "supernatural things". Only natural explainable things. YOU CANNOT SEE THAT since your mind is predisposed, warped, brainwashed into believing things in such a manner that you cannot understand my posting on the workings of the animal brain and the human brain. HWA was right. A famous sportsman once answered a question on why he had this unique talent to lead the team to victories. He said "You cannot see it when you cannot see it. (HWA would say, "unless you are called", describing the same phenomenon of figments of imaginations or talent as you please.

There are no demons. There is only fear and circumstances that make people fear.
Now I sound like a Scientoligist I know.

nck

Anonymous said...

SHT, yes, I would like to see more excerpts from your book. Sounds like you had a hair-raising childhood. I remember hearing so many sermons about demons, but not many about Jesus. Just demons and prophecy. You seem, by your writings, to have come a long way from those days. Glad you post here.

What About The Truth said...

nck said: There are no demons. There is only fear and circumstances that make people fear.

Nck, you need to come on over my way and I will introduce you to some of my uninvited "friends".

Still in my teens, the day of my baptism had arrived and it was to be a long day because I had to follow the minister on his Sabbath circuit and wouldn't be baptized until after two services 30 miles apart and dinner. I arrived home at about 11:00 p.m. and got right to work on the Ambassador College Correspondence course because the next section was due to be sent in shortly. I was working at my desk and paused to look behind me because I felt like someone had silently walked up behind me. You probably know the feeling. No one in the family was there. Back to the course and a few minutes later I felt the same thing. Looking back behind me there was no one there. Quickly refocusing my attention to the course study I again felt like someone was right behind me although it was a very intense feeling this time. Before I could turn my head pressure from an unseen hand or force started to push my head down towards the desk and just before my head was to hit the desk I shot myself to the floor and started praying.

This is but one example of many that I have personally experienced and I have never told my wife or children about it. Reading about what others as children experienced with this type of talk or even reality certainly makes me glad I didn't.

Being a lover of children, the examples given and written in the posts are hard to read about what many went through in their youth in the WCG. I was fortunate in coming into the church in the 1980's. There wasn't an intense buildup to a date. There wasn't an intense focus on prophecy. There was balance in child-rearing. Just as there was much difference in the decades of the WCG, I know there was much differences from congregation to congregation depending on the minister. I remember Dave Pack mocking a lady in a sermon because years ago when he was a local church pastor he was would always go into vivid detail about the time coming when women would eat their babies etc. etc. This woman objected to the sermon content to his face. He told her that that is exactly what is written in her bible period.

SHT and others have given me a new perspective with there youth experiences in the WCG. There is a big reason the Apostle Paul wrote that we fight against principalities and wicked spirits in high places. The parental responsibility is obviously to shield and protect the children as much as possible from uninduced fear.

Byker Bob said...

No, 9:48, I checked. Back in those days, all us guys in our high school wore Jack Purcell Oxford tennies for general kicking around. They had flat soles except for a logo type recess around the arch. No tread for anything to stick to. I'm sure there is anotther perfectly logical explanation, but that cigarette butt just flat disappeared, and my mind invoked some of the church's superstitions as an explanation for it.

BB

Anonymous said...

In the 60's it was ALL about demons. After my father died, my mother heard someone crying in our yard and Raymond Cole said it was a demon who was sad because my unconverted father was a "bridge" to Satan. Huh? My older brother was an epileptic and after suffering a bad grand mal seizure, the ministers who came to anoint him told my mother he started speaking in Spanish when he came around. It was because he had a demon, so they supposedly cast it out. Windchimes in our entryway announced when demons were passing by, not because it was breezy! I could tell you dozens of other yarns we were fed. It was ALL about fear, if it wasn't about demons, it was about the Tribulation, the concentration camps, the wild animals coming down from the forest to devour us. Can you imagine what that does to a kid? If you didn't live it, you have no idea what it leaves in you. You can be a rational, reasoning adult now, but it only takes one flashback to take you right back there.

nck said...

WATT

You will be welcome in my house after a thorough ritual. I will not be visiting you. I have no doubt your experiences were real. I however will deny them to my last breath and will not go down without a struggle. This I learned from my childhood and will not compromise nor yield to yonder powers.

Nck

Anonymous said...

And one more anecdote; watching 60 minutes this past Sunday evening showcased a 12 year old girl who is a pure prodigy, a gifted, musical genius. She can play both the violin and piano, and has composed the most beautiful concertos. The piece showed her blissfully dancing and singing in an operatic voice, and speaks with such eloquence, it's hard to believe she is only 12! Well, watching this, the first place my mind went was that she must be demon influenced! This is what would have been said 50 years ago. Such miracles would not be from God, surely! I am ashamed that momentary thought even entered my mind, but it did.

Anonymous said...

I was once visited by a spirit being in my room. It was one of the good guys. I saw nothing, but there was some form of radiation coming from it, similar, but not identical to heat. I knew exactly where it was standing. I just ignored it.

TLA said...

I have been reading the book by Jaynes that Dennis recommended. It gives some good alternative insights to voices in our head and demons.
How about Jesus casting out demons?
Jesus did not write any of the gospels- they were written after His death, and of course people never ever embellish😀

Anonymous said...

11.54 PM
The movie "The man who knew infinity" is about a famous maths prodigy. I recently watched it. It's a well done family movie.