Sunday, September 8, 2019

The Preposterous Fiction of Literalism


What will happen to Armstrongism when we colonize the Moon and Mars?   

It's a valid question. One that these days we cannot just readily dismiss. We already have humans orbiting Earth at the International Space Station, and plans are to send men to Mars by 2020. If we can set up a colony on Mars, no matter how small, that obviously throws a lot of long-held Armstrongism beliefs into deep confusion. 

For the sake of argument - let's imagine that in the next twenty years at the minimum, and who knows how long after that, we have established some sort of colony on the Moon or on Mars. We'll go with Mars with this one. Hang with me here folks, There's a point to this. It's going to seem a little calendarish and trivial at first, but bear with the trivialities...

Here are some facts:

The Martian day lasts 1 day and 37 minutes. 
The Martian year lasts 687 days.
Spring is seven months long, summer is 6 months long, fall is 5.3 months long, and winter is just over 4 months long. 

Here is the Dorian Calendar, proposed by the Planetary Society for timekeeping on Mars:


Let's use this year as an example. 

Martian Spring started this year on March 23, 2019 Earth Time.
Martian Summer starts this year on October 8, 2019 Earth Time. 
Martian Fall starts this year on April 8, 2020 Earth Time. 
Martian Winter starts this year on September 2, 2020. 

Which brings in mind ethical questions:

Everything that Armstrongism stands for has to do with Earth, NOT Mars.

We all know that Armstrongism takes everything extremely literally, from the Isaiah Prophecies to the "World Tomorrow". Since they have proposed a theology deeply embedded in literalism, I will do the same with my questions. Try not to laugh too hard. 

  • When Christ returns to Earth, will Christ do a fly-by and a wave going past Mars?
  • Will Mars be spared from "The Great Tribulation", including any colonies? 
  • Are Martian Humans subject to the Law just as much as Earthly humans?
  • If the Kingdom of God is on Earth, and Earth is Heaven, do Martian Humans really go to Heaven when they die? 
  • If Earth's atmosphere is a "heaven", what is Mars' atmosphere? a Marsvean? 
  • If the Millennium takes place on Earth, are Martian Colonies left out? 
  • Will you be able to see The Holy City from Mars?
  • What about the Sabbath and Holy Days on Mars? What meaning will these have there?
  • Will sunset to sunset still apply? 
  • Will the Moon become a new Feast Site? Or will all Martians go to Earth for the Feast? 
  • Why are there no Mars-prophecies recorded in the Bible? 
  • Why are there no Moon-prophecies recorded in the Bible?
Are these questions ludicrous? In Armstrongism, everything is ludicrous, so I jumped on the Ludicrous Train for a moment so I can bring out loud and clear what happens when you take biblical allegory and scripture LITERALLY. It brings up a bunch of questions that, clearly ridiculous, are deeply embedded in Armstrong theology. Which leads me to a final question.

Is Armstrongism so steeped in literalism that it has become an unapologetic mockery all of its own? 

If the entirety of the above questions make you smirk and squirm at it's ridiculousness, then perhaps you will get a taste at how the entirety of Armstrongism's literal theology - as incorrect as it has been proven to be - is to those who have actually studied religion and look at what Herbert did to it. Remember, Herbert was the one who said Christ would literally travel millions of miles in a day to return to Earth. So in his theology, these questions really aren't so preposterous. Right? 

Whether on Earth, Mars, in deep space, the two great commandments stand - LOVE. You can love your neighbor here or there. That transcends time, space, literalism, debate over law, seasons, times, and years. It transcends holy days, Sabbaths, and festivals. It can be practiced anywhere and everywhere humans do and will exist. The funny thing is? 

Armstrongism can't even get it together here on Earth, and as such, they miss the boat, hanging their entire doctrinal palette on literalism which has become its own genre of science fiction, ignoring the reality of love for the inferiority of the shadows. And that's the point I am trying to bring out in this somewhat ridiculous post. 

submitted by SHT

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

You haven't read the prophecies about Ephraim and Moon-asseh?

Miller Jones/Lonnie C Hendrix said...

SHT, Your post is not ridiculous. I think it is brilliant.

However, you and I both know that many Armstrongites will simply giggle and say that those things (the colonization of other worlds) will never happen until the kingdom is established (which will happen "in just a few short years!"). Nevertheless, when it does happen, I imagine that a light will go on in at least a few of the hangers-on who are left (most of them will probably be dead by then).

It is amazing that we all missed Christ's fulfillment and distillation of the law. You are absolutely correct! It is love of God and love of our neighbors that is timeless and universal.

Byker Bob said...

Die hard Armstrongites would most likely claim that Mars colonies were a Hollywood backlot hoax, an entirely new level of Satanic deception created to discredit the Gospel of the Kingdom of God.

I often said, back in the ‘70s, that if ET ever lands on earth, it will spell the end of Christianity on planet Earth. However, by this point in time, all of us can see how the COGlogytes would deal with such an event. Deny, deny, deny. Three to five years is their story, and they are sticking to it (although every 3-5 years brings the customary pressing of the “reset” button!

BB

Anonymous said...

I bet Wayne is very disappointed! I would be!

Anonymous said...

I watched an episode of ancient aliens the other day that. They put forth the theory that humans might have come from Mars to colonize Earth. Their thinking is that when Mars had an atmosphere it was a little cooler then Earth. It seems that the human body is more suitable to cooler environments and might have evolved in a cooler environment that may have existed on Mars. This is an interesting theory of our Earthly origins that if true certainly contradicts the literal teachings of religion.

Tonto said...

Although you posted the year 2020 as a possible date, I believe you probably meant 2030.

Although the day will come when a manned mission to Mars will happen, I doubt that even 2030 will happen and perhaps many decades beyond that.

One reason is the extreme cost of such a project with some projections reaching 500 Billion Dollars or more. Also the amount of radiation received by a crew on such a long mission and the amount of food, water et al that would be needed for such a mission are onerous.

I think that "scoop, recover and return" missions are much more practical with robots. I see robotic missions on a much more sophisticated level happening first before any manned missions, if ever.

Anonymous said...

@ 5:17 PM, it would have to have been more than just humans coming from Mars, when we consider the great genetic similarity between humans, chimpanzees, and even other animals.

Maybe in your theory the Ark took 40 days to arrive on Earth from Mars?

Byker Bob said...

Does anybody else know about “Earth Overshoot Day”? That is the day on which the citizens of the planet have used 100% of the Earth’s resources that can actually be regenerated in that year. This year, Earth Overshoot Day fell on July 29. This means that we would need the resources of 1.75 Earths in order to meet our actual consumption. So, it is no great mystery that scientists would be looking to colonize another planet or moon! As recently as 1990, Earth Overshoot Day occurred on Dec. 7.

Anyone care to guess when the date would fall if all nations matched US consumption?
March 15! Tell this to all your friends who believe that international accords designed to save the planet are an unfair and punitive plot to destroy the USA!

BB

Al Dexter said...

Everything in armstrongism and in Christianity as a whole is earth centric. It's the ancient view which made perfect sense in the absence of modern scientific understanding. Sabbaths, holydays, and a raft of other things will be meaningless on Mars. As far as I'm now concerned, they're meaningless here too. But, that's just me. If they still have meaning to you, enjoy. I've shaken them off like smart kids shake off Santa Claus.

Anonymous said...

@ 5:17 PM,
I don't know about the ancient alien theory of man originating from Mars but I have to agree with you that we as humans are more suitable for cooler climates. Have you ever noticed when it is hot and humid people tend to be irritable and get quite cranky rather quickly? I've also notice that in some people when it gets hot tempers seem to flair quickly as well, but when it's cool people often seem more relaxed and happier, plus we sleep better. This is just my observation, but there seems to be something to it.

Craig.

Anonymous said...

NO2HWA is missing something quite obvious. Even the knowledge of the Southern Hemisphere and the Arctic Circle should ALREADY have been enough to demolish Sabbatarian literalism.

Unfortunately, the ACOGs don't seem to care that their annual "Harvest" festival occurs during the springtime planting season in the Southern Hemisphere, nor that Southern Hemisphere farmers collect firstfruits six months later (or earlier) than Jerusalem farmers. Meanwhile, there are First Nations people whose "sunset to sunset" can be up to six months long, yet this hasn't stopped the ACOGs from doing their thing.

nck said...

The first Voyager 1 pictures of Mars were beamed to the ambassador auditorium.

Those are the facts.

The facts will decide who are degenerate minds.

Nck

Anonymous said...

The first Voyager 1 pictures of Mars were beamed to the ambassador auditorium.

Not surprising, as the latency there from Arizona would be very low.

Just teasing, of course!

nck said...

12:43

If you are referring to area 51 production studios then thank you for the hilarious response. Could also be a spelling error on the flatulency coming from Arizona at times. But I doubt the "latter."

Nck

Anonymous said...

that's like asking what we'll do if the July 4 parade gets snowed out....

you can't handle the truth so you come up with some outlandish scenario to try to justify your unbelief.

on the space station, one would simply maintain the time zone of the place of lift off when they started their journey to the station, each 24hr counting as a day.....

it's all quite simple.....Satan tries to cause confusion, but it doesn't work with The Church.

Anonymous said...

8:04 Exactly, reminds me of the WCG cult extractor William Hohmann who thinks he's clever with his problem of two people sailing on two boats, one going east and one going west, all the while counting sunsets. One will count one more sunset than the other. How many real life examples do we have of that occurring?

Though very few live in the far north or south, the sun still "rises" and "sets". One might not actually see the sun but the light on the horizon can indeed be seen. So pick a time midway during the lighting of the horizon. See what I mean about the legalism of the anti-law crowd?

Hohmann still hasn't answered my question about just who it was who were judging the uncircumcised Colossians for "not" keeping the Sabbath. No Jew worth his salt would demand a gentile keep the Sabbath or Feasts lest he was circumcised first. Col. 2 says nothing about not letting anyone judge you because you're uncircumcised.

Anonymous said...

and the covenant that includes circumcision has nothing to do with eternal life anyway...circumcision of the heart is what matters.


and, I can't see a member of The Church ever going to the space station (or Mars) anyway....so it's a non issue. (God's instructions would have to be tossed aside to even start the training necessary to qualify as an astronaut....not something a member of The Church would be willing to do)