 Recognizing Con Artists, Tyrants, and Spiritual Abusers in Leadership Available in both PDF and published hardcopy
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Thursday, December 22, 2011
Recognizing Con Artists, Tyrants, and Spiritual Abusers in Leadership
Dennis On: "Well, That Was Stupid..."
Well, That Was Stupid...
Last week I broke my own rule.
"Whenever you have a choice between the thinking in your head about
something and the feeling in your stomach about it, your stomach is telling you
the truth."
It was just minutes before a couples massage
session with another therapist. This was the chocolate covered strawberries,
champagne and cozy fireplace kind of session. Actually it's not all that cozy
as four people and a burning fireplace (Kerosene) sucks up most of the oxygen
in a few minutes and I don't remember much about the session! Anyway, it
looks nice.
The fireplace was out of kerosene so in a room
that only lights up so much, I filled it. Actually, I must have
overfilled it unknown to myself. Something told me, as I pointed the igniter
at the grate not to pull the trigger. I had no reason not save for the reasoning’s
in my head and the feeling in my stomach. I pulled the trigger.....
Poof! Now the floor is on fire.
The wall is on fire. The decorative Christmas tree on the bench is on
fire. And i am on fire. Funny how you can block out stuff for the
sake of the great good. I grabbed the tree to get it out of the room and
the faster I went the more the flames came back on my hands.
The tree went out. The smothering of the fire
worked. And my hands were really really red, but it seemed ok. We
moved the clients to another room (they didn't see what happened) and did the
massage session.
As the hour went by my hands really were
hurting more and more. Trapping them between the client's back and the
table made it much worse as the heat from my hands was trapped. I got
through it and went home.
Over the week my fingers went numb on the ends
and turned white in places. No blisters meant I avoided 2nd degree burns
but alas, now the blistering starts. It just took some time. But they are
healing and I did everything I knew to do to get through the process.
Well not everything. I skipped the doctor part because I have no
insurance so I asked myself, "What would Tecumseh do? And just took
care of business myself. But it is healing and it is interesting to see
that in every disappointment, accident, mistake, trial, goof up,
misunderstanding, stupid idea and stuff that makes up our own story along the
way, healing does occur. Sometimes shortly and sometimes over much more
time, but it does come for most.
I lost the love of my life partly because of
"you're stuck in the past." I can't deny that but have chosen
not so much to be stuck but to help others, including myself get unstuck by
taking a good look at the whole experience. It was taking too long.
I believe some have been helped by my not just
walking away as if it never happened. But I mourn the personal loss which
has left me learning another lesson I still have trouble going into. Now
I am somewhat stuck in another kind of past. I wonder if it ever
ends? I have learned that alone and me do not get along. I have the kind
of heart that seems to need to share it with someone who half understands me,
but I digress.
The stages of loss and trauma are well
known.
7 Stages of Grief...
1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
2. PAIN & GUILT-
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
5. THE UPWARD TURN
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
First
we go into denial that what is or has happened , has really happened.
When I saw the fire spread, I went blank for a second or two and heard myself
call myself a name. That didn't last long because i had to move and solve
the immediate problem. But denial is not so easy. I was in denial
for years over all the WCG drama. My prayer was simply, "May
God bless and keep the Administration and Most ministers far away from
me." And for the most part it worked...until it didn't.
Many Christians are in denial of many things. The delay of
or non- existence of the Second Coming, their own mortality, that tithing does
not come back to you as advertised, that ministers really do get whacky and
their getting to give the sermons does not mean they speak the truth etc.
Those older in the faith and having lived a life of "we who are alive and
remain," simply can't imagine they simply will die like billions before
them. It's not easy to face these things.
Next comes the pain and guilt. Plenty of that to go around
for sure and if anyone can be the monkey on one's own back, it is me.
Pain you can't help. Guilt is useless (I did a bad thing,) as is shame,
(I am a bad person). Bells can be unrung. However, this does
not mean they will easily let you go. I still have an issue or two that
are so painful and guilt producing, I want to scream. So scream, see if
it helps!
A simple and heartfelt "please forgive me" will not fix
anything because the answer is "no" or "I forgive you,
but...." That but is a big but.
Anger and Bargaining. Oh, plenty of that to go around.
Anger keeps us stuck until somehow we feel we have experienced all we can stand
and see it does not really serve us. Bargaining is the , "if I do
this and never do that, we can fix this right?" Wrong most of the
time. People or the gods aren't that easily swayed. It never seems to
cross their minds they need to be forgiven for a few things as well. I
find the solution to the enigma of forgiveness not feeling all that helpful is
simply giving up the need to forgive. I don't need to forgive anyone
anymore and perhaps they don't have to forgive me either.
Depression, Reflection and Loneliness. Ugh...this is a tough one.
Some days are diamonds and some days are stone when it comes to these
topics. Medication is not the answer to issues not faced. I forbid
myself from buying a gun "to protect myself in case society
collapses," knowing full well I had my moments where I no longer cared about
many things or couldn't "figure out," how things could work out. Who
can? The reflection part is why I write and the loneliness part is
what I suffer as if you could not tell. It's what everyone feels
depending on their story
The last three are the "you're on your way stage" and what
take time to get to. It would be nice if we could just will ourselves into
healing but these burns are going to heal in their own time and in the proper
order for such things.
It's all a process and there are times where you can even fall back
from one to the last one you thought you had seen enough of. But let this
well known process work it's miracle. Where are you stuck in all
this? What part can't you get past? It's ok. It's just how it works
and time does heal not that you won't have some scarring.
Whatever 2012 has in store I'm pretty sure it will be nuts. Life
does what it does with or without us so relax if you can. It's all just a
story. We all have one.
Burns heal. Skin grows. Nerves feel again. The wisdom of the body
should show us how to view the wisdom in our hearts.
Dennis C. Diehl
DenniscDiehl@aol.com
DenniscDiehl@aol.com
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