It’s been a while since we’ve had the absolute honor of featuring Stephen Gilbreath on here. You know, the fearless one-man army valiantly trying to single-handedly preserve Herbert Armstrong’s sacred “truths,” shoulder-to-shoulder with his fellow true believer Samuel Kitchen.
Both of these fine gentlemen proudly occupy the furthest, most radioactive end of the batshit-crazy spectrum—where the tinfoil hats are double-layered, and the mental gymnastics could win Olympic gold. And just when you thought Armstrongism couldn’t possibly lower the bar any further without needing a shovel and a miner’s helmet, they’ve both turned to glorious AI to generate “Grammy-worthy” music for spreading the message.
Samuel Kitchen has at least squeezed out a few tracks that are not half bad, and that won’t make you immediately set your speakers on fire. Stephen? Oh, man… his output sounds like a malfunctioning toaster having a nervous breakdown in an echo chamber. It’s not just bad — it’s weird as hell.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the glittering, up-to-date face of Armstrongism in 2026.
The bar hasn’t just been lowered — it’s been yeeted into a black hole, vaporized, reconstituted as cosmic dust, and then proudly paraded around as “cutting-edge restoration.” Once upon a time these folks swaggered about with slick magazines, opulent auditoriums packed with thousands, and worldwide television broadcasts that actually looked semi-professional. Now? The grand legacy has been gloriously distilled down to two lonely keyboard warriors huddled in their dimly lit man-caves, desperately cramming Herbert’s dusty 1970s fever dreams into ChatGPT and desperately praying the algorithm will somehow alchemize their end-time fan fiction into platinum-worthy bangers.
This, my friends, is what “peak preservation” looks like in all its pathetic glory: a dwindling handful of die-hards and their glitchy robot backup singers warbling apocalyptic elevator muzak. The once-proud “Philadelphia Era” has been unceremoniously replaced by the “Pitiful Desperation Era” — where God’s final, earth-shattering Work is now apparently being propelled forward by budget AI vocals and a couple of gentlemen who have been excitedly screeching “just a little while longer, brethren!” since the Reagan administration.
Truly magnificent. The restoration of all things has never been this budget-bin inspiring. Pass the popcorn — this clown show is premium comedy gold.
Stephen Gilbreath
I wish Stevie Marriott and Humble Pie had done an album of Gospel tunes!
ReplyDeleteBB
Hey BB, there are some great gospel songs and hymns out there. I like reminiscing by listening to old hymns, some of them are brilliant. Mind you I like listening to 70s and 80s popular music too. That takes me back. I remember a talent show here in NZ put on by the church members and someone played a Prince song ‘The most beautiful girl in the world’. As I listened I thought this will upset a few ha ha. And at a singles night at the feast down here they started playing some Rolling Stones numbers and guess what? Just about everyone hit the dance floor, me included lol. Oh da memories. Can ya imagine Flurry and Bob Thiel on the dance floor at the Feast rocking to the Stones.
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