Divorced Wanna-be COG Prophet Lectures Church on Marriage and Proper Christian Sex

Of all the hundreds and hundreds of names the Church of God has added to its moniker, none of them have ever called themselves the Sexy Church of God, or the Sexless Church of God or the Church of God in Sex.  They really should though, as much as so many of their tired old leaders talk about it.

Today we have the divorced Official Church of God Pharisee lecturing the church on what proper marriage is and how to have Christian sex.  Why is it that all of the COG leaders who screech and yell about sex are either prolific bed-hoppers, divorced or sexually repressed?  Have any of them had a normal marriage?

James Malm, as usual, is parked at his kitchen table cranking out more demands for his few followers to keep, even though he soon expects his message to reunite the church into one big happy legalistic fairytale.

After talking about how men and women should refrain from sex before marriage to keep themselves pure for their marriage to Jesus, he lays down how his followers who do get married as to how they should be having sex, including penetration.  Ouch!

Keys to good sex  

Always remember that good sex begins when we wake up in the morning, because a great marriage makes for good sex. 

1. Do not expect a spouse to be in the mood if the day was filled with offenses or high stress  
2. Begin in the morning by committing oneself to live through the day avoiding offenses and always acting for the best interests of the family 
3. Through the day be kind, considerate, helpful, affectionate  
4. Remember to touch, a loving caress or a big hug and a kiss on the neck can be most encouraging
5. Handle problems or worries as they come up and do not allow many worries to build up into high stress
6. Be cleanly, remember that cleanliness is next to godliness and a dirty or malodorous body is a big turn off; and remember that you are used to your own smell and may not notice an odor which is very offensive to others, so shower whether you think you need to or not  
7. Make time to spend time with one another.  There may be times for a quickie, but spending an hour or two making each other feel loved on a regular basis is very important

The main principle to guide any sexual [or any other] activity in marriage is that the act be one of deep love and concern for the other.  

Helpful tips  (For the FIRST time)

The wedding night should be a tremendous delight and should be an absolutely positive beginning to any marriage.  Unfortunately it is often the case that virgins view the wedding night with unneeded concern and trepidation.  The groom may fear that he will be unable to penetrate, while the bride may fear that she will suffer pain or even damage.  These fears are unfounded if only people understood how to perform the initial act.  

Quite simply the groom should first engage in significant foreplay and then penetrate with one finger which will be relatively painless and will do no damage.  When the bride is comfortable use two fingers and then three, after which penetration by the husband will be easy, painless and most pleasurable for both.  The lady should NOT do this herself but give this pleasure to her husband so that he will know without doubt that he is the first and only one.  

This knowledge will remove all fears and will make the wedding night a wonderful pleasure for both bride and groom and a tremendously wonderful beginning of a lifetime of love and loyalty for one another. 

So how often should a married couple have sex? The Pharisee did get one point right:

How often? 

As often as the couple wants!  The husband and wife should enjoy one another to the full.

Some people have stronger drives than others and it would be wise to discuss this point when contemplating marriage. 

But don't get too wild in the bedroom (or kitchen), anal sex is out!

No couple need deprive themselves of the blessings of pleasing their spouses whenever the need runs high, just because someone else has decided for them what he thinks they should be doing or not doing. Anal sex is wrong because it damages the body and exposes one to disease, otherwise what any couple does for each other in their marriage or how often is NOBODY else’s business.  

Without a very good reason the wife should not refuse her husband and the husband must not refuse his wife; lest they be tempted astray.

The Pharisee even talks about lubricants.  Since he is tooooooo cheap to buy quality lubricants he recommends baby oil!  Apparently, this moron is not aware that baby oil should NOT be used inside the body.  Never fear though, when they cheap bottle of baby oil is not handy the women is supposed to "simply place some of her saliva on her husband’s organ."  Oh, the fun that could come from this!

Possible problems during the marriage

Sex is intended to be delightful for both spouses, therefore if a wife experiences discomfort or pain she should seek medical advice. 

There are a variety of problems, most of which can be easily corrected if caught early.  The important thing is to catch them as early as possible.  

One such problem could be the common simple yeast infection.  One of the causes of yeast infections is the simple bath.  When we sit in the bath we are siting in water that is becoming dirty as we wash and also filled with soap scum which is alkaline and promotes yeast growth.  It is far better to shower; as in the shower the dirt and soap is washed away and down the drain, and we are not sitting in contaminated water for 15 minutes or more.

Occasionally natural lubrication fails for a time.  In that case there are many sex lubricants out there for a significant price.  The best kept secret among lubricants and by far the cheapest is simple scent free baby oil.  The price is kept very low since it is made for babies, but it is an ideal lubricant for intercourse.  The age old lubrication method is for the lady to simply place some of her saliva on her husband’s organ.

So now that you know how to be frisky in bed, within limits, of course, it is time to learn how to get pregnant. Then once pregnant and ready to deliver you should be standing so the baby can just plop out with gravity.

Child bearing

To maximize the potential for pregnancy the wife should not stand up for at least an hour after intercourse to prevent gravity from working against her.

A wife’s orgasm is not necessary for conception, although it does help measurably.  The contraction of the involved muscles causes the uterus to draw sperm up into itself.

In childbirth, it is very important that a woman not lie down during labor.  She should sit is a reclining position as far as is possible and take frequent periods of standing [supported by others] to allow gravity to aid the process.

It is modern medicine with their beds and stirrups for the convenience of physicians which has caused people to lose sight of the powerful physical agency of  GRAVITY:  Let it work for you and do not try and work against it by lying down through labor and birthing.

It is natural to want to lie down because of discomfort and pain; but sitting in a reclining position will speed the process considerably and will actually help open the birth canal for delivery.

While not all of this is bad advice, it is still NOT the place for some self-serving self-righteous church guru giving such advice. 

The Chief Pharisee also has to speak out about menstruation.  If he had his way women would be banished to menstruation huts like a couple other nutjobs Church of God gurus have proclaimed in the past.  Menstruating women are unclean and defiled before h

Biblical rules regarding sexual conduct 

An unclean person cannot enter into the presence of God [the tabernacle or temple] since uncleanness is an allegory of being defiled by sin.  

From the onset of menstruation the lady must be left alone until sunset, and then for a seven full days until the seventh sunset.  Late on the seventh day the affected person is to wash herself and her bedding and at sunset she shall be clean.  

God tells Ezekiel plainly that sexual intercourse with a menstruous woman is forbidden.

After the baby is delivered, and if it is a male, the scissors are required!  Cut that thing!

The Pharisee writes:

We are commanded to circumcise our sons on the eighth day of their life.  The mother is to be unclean for seven days and the eighth day represents a new beginning.

Circumcision removes a piece of skin covering a most sensitive area and is an allegory of the removal of the sin that separates people from God, making people sensitive to the whole Word of God.

Physical circumcision is an allegory of the spiritual circumcision of the heart which is sincere repentance. 

Circumcision of the flesh is an allegory of circumcision of the heart which is sincere repentance and the application of the sacrifice of Christ; which truly removes the barrier of sin and reconciles the sincerely repentant to God the Father.

After the mother delivers the baby, she must be isolated from other people for 40 days.  She is unclean and must be purified.

After the first seven days of seclusion the mother must remain in seclusion for another 33 days making a total of 40 days in seclusion.  The forty days is the period of purifying before entering the tabernacle, temple or any holy place. 

Such a seclusion is of great benefit to the mother and child; giving them time in a close family home environment to bond and to recover from the birth and develop immunity to disease.  Breast feeding is highly important for this bonding and natural immunization process. 

God forbid if the mother delivered a baby girl! Damnation and tarnation are in store!

If the child is female the mother’s separation is double that of a male child

66 days plus two weeks is 80 days. 

We make these specified sacrificial offerings today by going to God the Father in prayer and asking that the sacrifice of Christ be applied to us and to the child, setting apart the child through our faithfulness and asking for an understanding of these things.

The sin offering for the mother represents the application of Christ’s sacrifice for the repentant obedient woman: And a burnt offering pictures wholehearted faithful service to God the Father and Jesus Christ. 

The woman is commanded to reproduce, and childbearing is a great service to God the Father because a woman gave birth to Messiah the Christ, the Deliverer of humanity. 

So there you have it, the Pharisaical way of having sex. So go get some cheap baby oil and get frisky!

What it is like working for Dave Pack

Bradford Schleifer, Edward Winkfield, Andrew Holecomb, James Habboush, Greg Kaidannek, and other new "FALSE" ministers, need to heed the bible above man! These men have their head stuck so far up Dave Packs ass they cannot see the light of day. They drank the kool-aid, they are GONE! Chaff tossed to and fro by the winds of FALSE DOCTRINE. They are the embodiment of the book of JUDE. WOLVES in sheep clothing. White Sepulchers, If i could i would implicate the names of all the others but there are so many new ministers in this revolving door that is RCG. The turn over rate for staff, membership and ministers is unlike anything i have ever seen. Im convinced Pack uses sorcery over these men or that they are being influenced by Packs demonic spirit. 

Anybody with common damn sense could listen to a sermon from Pack's looney prophecies series and tell you it sounds like a chapters ripped straight outta harry potter. From humans having a glow and being able to fly on angels, to supernatural healing and killing people who disobey with your mouth. From living in a golden giant mansion on a hill in Jerusalem to being able to hear peoples thoughts, walking thru walls, escaping riots who try to kill you, traveling with the speed of thought, having power over people, and on and and on. 

Pack has made sure that as he has elevated himself thru prophecy taking on new titles that he would be careful to tantalize the membership with perks they too could receive if they divested themselves of all they've earned their whole life and give it to him.

Sounds a lot like paying for salvation that catholics used to do. No BODY. I mean NOT A single person in RCG can explain to you the prophecy even if they had verbatim notes...Because it is so fouled up and tangled that it is truly the Mystery of Babylon that wacko packo speaks about other churches being. 

RCG is much like the occult, they speak of supernatural wonders and miracles and weird stuff and are fixated on it to the degree SIMON MAGUS WAS TRYING TO PURCHASE the Holy Spirit. 

Humble works in RCG is serving pack and working on his campus on your Sundays and helping his yes men with all their needs including house moves, shoveling, mowing lawns, volunteering selling stuff, nothing ever for the members who are suppose to have all things common with their ministers who ohh by the way lease the latest vehicles and wear the best suits and tell their wives not to speak when they ought not and most obey the man like Sarah did to Abraham calling him MASTER...

IF RCG is a foreshadow of God's Government which i believe IT IS NOT but these days I COULD BE WRONG, but if it is, i will make sure that i run and dive HEAD FIRST into the lake of fire because i cannot see the LOVE in this type of government and i cannot see free will respected. 

RCG SAYS YOU HAVE FREE WILL BUT they try to control almost every aspect of your life, your hairstyle, whether or not you can have a beard, your family situation, marriage and dating, your clothes, how you even walk, ive gotten corrected for walking too slow i wasn't walking with enough purpose or fast enough, i was corrected for my lack of participation in helping in HQ.

I stopped helping bring food in for potlucks, singing in the choir and asked for a break from helping setup the halls on Fridays, setting up Saturdays and breaking down, and coming in again on Sundays to volunteer with moves or campus work because i was physically tired and had no time to rest and study on top of working in RCG 5 days a week, doing outside things for rcg including spokesman club...(another expense). It was too much, how could anyone spend time with family or talk too family? I was told that pulling back on all this would damage me spiritually and also make me to comfortable with not wanting to come back and help. 

WHAT are you F%$^ing kidding me. I will never put my mental stability, physical body, emotions ever beneath me for the sake of a man who does not blink as he lambasts the staff as being stupid and green and unable to take care of a goldfish let alone a cat (his words). He made fun of one of his staff members because the staff member got a callus and asked another minister why he got that, so he ridiculed the guy in a staff meeting as having never worked hard enough in life to get a callus and had to ask someone about it because it was bleeding.

EXCUSE ME!!! in the LAODICEAN ERA not every had the stellar damn upbringing PACK had. We are not the Children of a puzzle makers and military men and encyclopedia owners and we are not the direct Descendant of King David. We are children born in single parent homes, whove been sexualized from an early age, abused, left for dead, never taught how to make our beds, handle our finances, taught to clean up after ourselves, know proper etiquette, we had devices put into our hands from an early age, when to shitty schools, fought to survive, ate off snap benefits, recipients of welfare, low income, inundated with this current culture, WE DID NOT HAVE THE STELLAR UPBRINGING, not everyone gets that PACK!

I could never see that man as the embodiment of a Christ who healed a man who laid rotting on the street unable to walk, or who fed the hungry did not feed himself first, who flipped the tables in the temples because the House of God was being boiled down to a house of merchandise, who explicitly said we are the temples of the holy spirit, stones of God, pillars, the salt of the earth, his workmanship, his clay, and on and on and on.

Dave Pack: The Bible Has Been Unlocked To Me And I know EXACTLY What is Going to Happen! My Top Ministers Back Me Upon This!

If you need more proof that Dave Pack is a lying fraud, then listen to this!

The fact that his top group of men backs him up on this shows how spiritually and morally degenerate these men have actually become.  Deep down some of them have to know Dave is a lying fraud and yet they publicly support him. Hundreds and hundreds of his prophecies have literally failed and yet they do not have the balls to take a stand and call him a liar.  They see how members are being treated by Dave and stand there and do NOTHING!

A Reminder Worth Repeating: Dave Pack Reminds His Faithful About Dave Pack

The time is long past for those who follow the theological  fantasies and prophetic delusions of Dave Pack to reclaim their critical thinking skills, tossed and torn  though they might be.

While you have been hammered with the untruth of your observations being foolishness.  That you might seem right in your own observations and discomfort over his pronouncements but it will only lead to your death. That your ways are not Dave's ways because Dave's ways are always right.  And that yours can never be because you are not Dave who by his own admission has never been quite like anyone else ever, cut from entirely different cloth than anyone else and titled up like no other...

 Hold Dave Pack's feet to his own fire and recognize he has long ago told you what was coming and what to do when it did. 

And it has.

Out of the abundance of the heart, this mouth has long ago spoken of such a time as this...

 

"I want to make a statement about...me...now, if I became deceived, I will never tell you what I'm going to tell you now...I am telling you  if I go off into strange ideas,  misconduct, rebellion, you name it, don't follow me. I want to tell you that now, because if I start doing that I'm gonna try to get you to follow me! I'm gonna come to you and tell you it doesn't apply, it doesn't mean me, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's OK to follow me because ABCD and XY and Z. Do you understand what I'm saying? Listen to me now, when I tell you don't follow me if I go off into weird ideas, or if I get off into other things that are total absolutely unscriptural conduct, because if I do I'm gonna paint it with a different face and try to get you to follow me. Do you understand what I'm saying brethren? Please remember that, because I promise you that if I become deceived, I'll forget it, and I'll want you to forget it...And  I hope you'll remember it well enough to quote it right back to me...But I'll tell you what, I'm not going anywhere."  

David C Pack

December 12, 1998

  Yes you did and often...

Poor Gerald Weston. It is just SO HARD to preach the gospel to the world today

Having to listen to Gerald Weston complain 

about how HARD it is to preach the gospel.

Ever since Rod Meredith apostatized to form the Global Church of God, he struggled to preach a gospel message to the world.  With grand visions of glory that he imagined himself achieving like his mentor Herbert Armstrong, Meredith floundered about in the do-nothing Global Church of God till they got tired of his shenanigans and voted him out.  Then, in a supreme fit of rage he apostatized once again and took thousands of gullible followers with him to form Living Dead Church of God, where yet again, he failed to produce an effective gospel witness to the world.

Living Church of God ended up being yet another unknown Church of God offshoot with no discernible impact upon the world.  Its main thrust only seems to be attracting other Church of God members.

Then, Meredith died and the worn-out shoes were passed on to a man that was disliked by many in LCG, Gerald Weston.

Weston likes to imagine that the church has continued on with some magnificent gospel message that the world so desperately needs to hear, but the church is still an insignificant blip in the COG landscape.  World leaders have no idea who he is nor is there a worldwide impact that the church is involved in. What is the reason LCG is a do-nothing church?

Well, Weston admitted the other day it is "challenging" for him and the LCG to spread the gospel message. If Herbert Armstrong were alive today, he would bitch slap Gerald Weston so hard that he would be exiled like Rod Meredith was!  Why are the leaders of the LCG such impotent emasculated messengers of God's word?

It is sooooooooo hard to spread a message of hope to a world filled with "soooooooo many people, cultures, age groups, and ideas."  Oh, boo hoo. Christians have had no problem for centuries in spreading a message of hope to people who are longing for something better.  Yet, Church of God groups whine and moan about being persecuted by Youtube or being mocked for their shallowness as a sure sign of satanic persecution.  Millions of Christians over the centuries have literally died getting the gospel out and living it fully in their lives, while the Church of God groups sit around pissing in their little boy pants.

Saratoga Family Weekend

Seventy-eight brethren came from all points of the compass to be together for the 22nd Annual Saratoga Family Weekend. Originally started with a visit from the Presiding Evangelist Dr. Roderick Meredith 22 years ago on one of his trips to the  Western U.S., we were treated with another visit from the current Presiding Evangelist, Mr. Gerald Weston.

Friday evening started the weekend off with Mrs. Whitfield’s world-famous Antelope Chili and a Bible Study by Mr. Weston on the weaknesses of the theory of evolution and effective tools for systematic Bible Study. With cool nights and fresh air, our weekend in Saratoga continued with a delicious Sabbath brunch, afternoon services on “Who We Are” by Mr. Arnie Lalum, a sermon on “Three Aspects of Attitude” by Mr. Weston, and a rousing “Final Exam” with Mr. Shawn McMillin Saturday evening. After Sabbath services the fellowship continued with an old west steak dinner.

I think they should have spiced that "world famous" chili with some kickass hot peppers and set a fire under Weston's ass to get him motivated!

Sunday morning breakfast was followed by Mr. Weston’s workshop on effective preaching of the Gospel message to the world, along with principles of leadership and the writings of Paul with his letter to the Ephesians. Mr. Weston showed us how challenging it is to spread the Gospel to the world with so many different countries, age groups, and ideas.

Expressions of thanks and gratefulness go out to everyone who helped make another very successful Saratoga Family Weekend possible. We checked out of our hotel rooms, said our good-byes, cleaned up the hall for the next activities, and made plans for next year. We hope to see everyone back again as the Work continues.—Ben Whitfield, Area Pastor for Wyoming, Colorado, and Utah.

I can just picture them all now when Weston finished talking about his failure to get the gospel out. That is all COG folk have ever done when the church gurus finish talking.