Crackpot False Prophet Claims That You Cannot Be Saved Unless You Are In His Philadelphian Group

 

Wouldn't you know it, the majority of the Church of God members today are Laodiceans and will NOT be able to make it to the place of safety because they are in the wrong groups! Ghastly days! Can they ever do anything right????

The Great Bwana to Africa and 305 Caucasians is currently in Ireland drinking lots of Guinness while looking for the lost ark of the covenant before Gerald Flurry finds it.  This Elijah in our midst is gobsmacked right now thinking he is walking the same hallowed ground Jeremiah and his daughters walked upon millennia ago. At least while he out traipsing around the hills he can thank St Patrick for getting rid of all the snakes so he can have a pleasant hike.

Never one to let his wildly fanatical mind think normally, the Great Bwana posted another idiotic sermon detailing how COG members, not of his church, will not be saved. In this silly sermon, he lists 50 errors he makes regarding the dumb prophecies he foolishly believes. 

Since Bob was foreordained before the world was created to lead the most supercalifragilistic end-time work he just cannot get over the constant butt-burn that 99.99% of the COG members refused to go with him and submit to his authority AND who do not care about his prophetic lies.  So Bob has no other alternative than to try and scare COG members into following him.

Of course, as usual, Bob has the ONLY correct interpretation of scripture and prophecy and the rest of the COG's do not. They and the COG7 are apparently too dumb to understand what he does. The creature that he thinks is "jesus", but is most likely Legion, has revealed to Bwana that he is only going to protect COG members that are in the improperly named "continuing" Church of "god" to which he will only reveal the correct time to flee to Petra. What a f'ing hoot!

50+ Laodicean Prophetic Errors
While many seem to believe that all the Churches of God are the same, this is not so. In the end time, most true Christians are Laodicean and not Philadelphian. In this sermon, Dr. Thiel mentions over 50 prophetic errors that Laodiceans, independents, and some of the remnant of Sardis have held to. Dr. Thiel also mentions scriptures that Laodiceans and other non-Philadelphians miss. Dr. Thiel sites scriptures such as Zephaniah 2 related to gathering together before it is time to flee. He also mentions that Jesus only promised to protect the Philadelphians from the coming ‘hour of trial.’ Furthermore, Dr. Thiel mentions that unless they change, Laodiceans will not know when the Great Tribulation will begin until after it is started, and hence too late for them to flee prior to its beginning.

The End of All Things is At Hand: A Personal Journey from Apocalyptic Fears to Historical Reality

 

A former Worldwide Church of God member and later minister has written a book about escaping from the dreaded apocalyptic fears that the church drummed into all of us, and continues to do in far too many of the splinter groups.

From the Pulpit: No to fundamentalism; yes to spirituality

"A middle-aged couple who recently showed up at a progressive local church said, “We want to get away from doctrine.” Apparently they had decided they could no longer put up with the Bible-literalist teachings of the church they had been attending.

To all who may fit into that category and want to get help in rejecting a narrow-minded and mistaken literalism, I strongly recommend that you read “The End of All Things is At Hand: A Personal Journey from Apocalyptic Fears to Historical Reality” by Jack Pyle. That book reveals how Pyle, once a convinced pastor in Herbert W. Armstrong’s fundamentalist cult, was slowly forced by informed historical biblical scholarship, coupled with his own integrity, to confront and reject the misleading and erroneous literalism to which he had been subjected."

Amazon Review:

One hundred twenty-six million American citizens have stated they believe Jesus will return to this earth by 2050. Most of them await his arrival with mental pictures and images obtained from the blockbuster Left Behind series of books of LaHaye and Jenkins, or Hal Lindsey's portrayals in his book The Late Great Planet Earth. Both books are fictional images of the end of the world created from the nightmarish and ghoulish descriptions of the author of the book of Revelation who wrote of events he believed were to occur in the Roman world before the return of Jesus. It was to be a time of unimaginable horrors to come upon the world. We read daily of alleged apocalyptic signs occurring now which individuals believe point to the end of the age of which Jesus spoke.

When one reads in detail the book of Revelation, before the Prince of Peace sets a foot on planet earth, it will be a smoking mess resulting from plague after plague that Jesus heaps upon earth's citizenry before his arrival. Jesus is shown to arrive on earth much like that of the Dragon Lady in the Game of Thrones, heaping fire and brimstone upon the ecology of the earth and its inhabitants. He wears a garment dipped in blood.

This book is a bold walk through the Bible from beginning to end asserting that occupants of our planet are never going to ever see, the arrival of the characters portrayed in the prophetic books of the Old Testament nor John's already outdated visions on the isle of Patmos.

World renowned bible scholars and theologians now tell us that Jesus believed the kingdom of God was to arrive on earth in his day and that the kingdom of God would be ushered into the world through his work and ministry to the nation of Israel.

You will be introduced throughout to the Jesus of the Third Quest""a Jesus who is only understood by understanding the Judaic world in which he lived. He would have been potty trained like any normal Jewish child of his day. Jesus, it will be shown, obtained all his beliefs from his family, his synagogue, his community, and his society. This book will open your eyes to Jesus of the third quest. He was very human, capable of mistakes, and badly mistaken about the arrival of the kingdom of God.

Christians generally think of Jesus being incapable of error, possessing omniscience and omnipotence, and having prior existence as God""wholly man and wholly God, as did the author. Third quest scholars and theologians tell us Jesus didn't see beyond the world in which he lived. Jesus expected to rule on earth in his day along with the twelve apostles.

Most likely Jesus died feeling he was forsaken by God in what he set out to do. Of Jesus disputed last words on the cross, the most reasonable choice may well be those of Matthew's gospel"""Eli Eli lama sabachthani""(My God, my God! Why have you forsaken me?")

James Boswell II writes (Author of The Dead Sea Gospel): 

This book is especially intriguing because it was written by a man, Jack Pyle, who was once both a member and later a pastor in The Worldwide Church of God, a cult founded by Herbert W. Armstrong. As such, Pyle was a Bible fundamentalist who believed everything in the Bible to be literally true until the prediction that Jesus would return in 1975 and the deaths of two children who were denied medical aid because of church teaching caused him to begin reexamining everything. While studying some excellent scholars of "the historical Jesus," including Dale C. Allison. Pyle became convinced that their views were irrefutable, and that not only Jesus, but also John the Baptist, the Apostle Paul and all the authors of the New Testament were expecting the coming of the Kingdom of God to all the earth within their own generation, an expectation that went unfulfilled. Pyle thus challenges everyone to do the kind of honest thinking that he himself was forced to do and not be misled by predictions of apocalyptic horrors "soon" to come. (I find myself in nearly complete agreement with Allison and Pyle in my own views, which can be examined at Jesus Laid Bare Honest truths about Jesus.)

James Tabor (Former WCG member and prominent Biblical historian) writes: 

When I speak of God, that word means to me the unseen force of all forces that drives this universe and cosmos of which we are cognizant and makes you and me the creatures we are with all the mystical existence we know and enjoy upon this earth.

Jack Pyle, Author of The End of All Things Is at Hand

In Hebrew "God" is 'EL which roughly translates as "Force" or "Power," and the plural, with a singular verb 'ELOHIM--could be understood as "that Force of all Forces," akin then to 'EL 'ELYON--traditionally translated The Most High, but again, quite literally, "the highest Force." All of this was well expressed by my friend Jack Pyle, former minister and author of a fine semi-autobiographical book, The End of All Things Is at Hand: A Personal Journey from Apocalyptic Fears to Historical Reality--about how biblical apocalypticism, both ancient and modern, is a flawed and failed enterprise. I highly recommend his book.

 

Speak Fair, Bold Agabus - Breaking the Spell Apocalypticism

 

Artistic Rendering of the Prophet Agabus

  

Speak Fair, Bold Agabus

Breaking the Spell Apocalypticism

 By NeoDromos

 

The gift of prophecy was undeniably present in the First Century church.  This included prophecy in the general sense as an inspired message from God but also the subset of predictive prophecy.  And there were prophets in the church.  And the Apostle Paul paid high regard for those who were in this role (I Cor 12:28).    But was there a defined scope for the exercise of the prophetic gift?  I believe there was and will make the case in this article. 

 

Condition One: Christ is the Culmination of Old Testament Prophecy (Matthew 5:17)

 “Do not think that I have come to abolish the …the Prophets; I have come not to abolish but to fulfill.” (Matthew 5:17)

“For all the prophets …prophesied until John.”  (Matthew 11:13)

These scriptures are largely invoked in reference to controversies about the law.  I have removed references to the law in the above verses so that the topic of prophecy will stand out.  In the first scripture, the capitalized term “Prophets” refers to those sections of the OT that contain prophecy not people who hold the office of prophet. 

The prophecies of the Old Testament were not about modern nations and geopolitics.  These prophecies, according to the cited scriptures above, were across the board about Jesus.  It is difficult to grasp how a prophecy concerning Assyria attacking Israel could be about Jesus.  But consider how if there were not an explanation in the New Testament of Jonah’s being in the belly of the Great Fish, we would not make the connection with Jesus.  Luke wrote in 26:45, “Then opened he their understanding, that they might understand the scriptures…”  It is not the identity of certain nations that unlocks Bible prophecy, as some assert, it is Jesus himself.  

There is no reason to assume that we have the depth of understanding of the scripture that Jesus gave as a special gift to his disciples.  In verse 46, Luke wrote, “And he (Jesus) said unto them, Thus it is written, and thus it behooved Christ to suffer and to rise from the dead the third day…”  If you feel that you are endowed with a special understanding of the Bible because of your association with a certain denomination, find where it states v. 46 in the Old Testament as a prophecy.  The disciples of Jesus at that time were miraculously given this understanding.  They understood the Bible at a level that we do not. 

The point is, if Jesus said he was the fulfillment of Old Testament prophecy then he was and is.  You cannot buttonhole him and talk Britain, the United States, Germany, and the Common Market nations. He was that fulfillment, just as he said, whether you understand it or not.  Assyria conquered Israel and the event was controlled by Jesus and the object lesson is in Jesus and that ship has sailed.  The upshot is that Old Testament prophecy is done.  Every retrospective understanding of OT prophecy must now have meaning and relevance only in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus.  

Condition Two: Christ Forbids Prophecy Regarding the Parousia (Acts 1:7)

Q: “When they therefore were come together, they asked of him, saying, Lord, wilt thou at this time restore again the kingdom to Israel?”

Jesus: “… It is not for you to know the times or the seasons, which the Father hath put in his own power.”

Jesus forbade prophecy regarding Parousia.  The surrogate language for the Parousia in the scripture above is the restoration of the kingdom.  This means the limits of knowledge of the future Parousia extended in the First Century as far as they ever would.  Subsequent generations could add nothing.  And any attempt to predict the Parousia would be an encroachment on the power of God the Father to schedule the eschatological event.  These words are from the mouth of Jesus.  After all, Jesus himself gave the prophecy concerning the Parousia in Matthew 24.  Why would it need future expansion?  In his own prophetic statement, Jesus warns against false prophets in Matthew 24, saying, “For false messiahs and false prophets will appear and produce great signs and wonders, to lead astray, if possible, even the elect.”   Combining the principles spoken by Jesus in Matthew 24 and Acts 1, the lesson is that any prophecy that Jesus did not directly make concerning the Parousia is a false prophecy.

Condition Three: The Agabus Precedent (Acts 11:27-28)

 “And in these days came prophets from Jerusalem unto Antioch.  And there stood up one of them named Agabus, and signified by the spirit that there should be great dearth throughout all the world: Which came to pass in the days of Claudius Caesar.”

Agabus was a prophet who foretold the future.  Later he foretold something disastrous that would happen to Paul.  The Agabus Model of prophecy included only near-term prophecies that were of strategic importance to the church or to an individual.  Agabus did not during his career as a prophet provide a revision of the prophecy concerning the Parousia as an independent opus.  There are no documents to my knowledge that record any prophecies of Agabus other than the New Testament. 

Agabus did not seek to modify or re-work the large-scale prophecies given by Jesus.   He apparently understood Acts 1:7.  Consider that Jesus did not return in the expected timeframe. The events of 70 AD came and went.  Paul began to realize that the church had misunderstood the timing of the Parousia.  It was a time of discouragement in the church. If there was ever a time when an update of prophecy concerning the Parousia would be critical to the church, it was that time.  Yet, Paul did not ask Agabus for a new rendition of the prophecy concerning the Parousia after Jesus did not return.  Nor did Paul not go to one of the recognized prophets in the church and ask to have the whole Parousia thing straightened out by the issuing of a new and updated prophecy.  Jesus’ Matthew 24 prophecy is what it is, then and now. 

Note: An interesting read is the part of Didache, circa First Century, that deals with prophets.  It explains how legitimate prophets should be treated in the church.  It also explains how to distinguish a false prophet from a real prophet.  One criterion stated early: “… but if he (the prophet being evaluated) ask for money, he is a false prophet.”  See The Didache, on Prophets

The Empirical Consequences – The Great Disappointment of 1844

I don’t know if one would class William Miller as a prophet.  Some refer to him as a millenarian prophet.  Maybe he was just an interpreter of Biblical prophecies.  But he did innovate times and circumstances.  Whatever his status, he was involved in predicting the Parousia and the start of the millennium.  Some branches of modern Millerism are still apocalyptic, for instance, the Davidian Seventh Day Adventists, the various Armstrongist denominations, and others. 

Apocalypticism among Millerites seems to be focused on the prophecies concerning the Parousia in contravention to Acts 1:7.  The classical outcome of this approach is found in the Great Disappointment of 1844 when Millerites expected the Parousia to happen and it dramatically did not.  This has been a continuous theme in other apocalyptic Millerite groups.  The events of history are instructive to those who would heed them.  Jesus meant what he said in Acts 1:7.  And we have the recorded history of the repeated empirical evidence. 

 

Summarizing the Case

No doubt there are other conditions that constrain the gift of prophecy in the church.  I have invoked only the three most obvious. But apparently in the fervor for the Parousia, even the obvious is overlooked.  These are the three conditions:

1.   Jesus is the fulfillment of Old Testament prophecy and repurposing OT prophecy for application to modern times does not have Biblical support. 

2.   Jesus specifically closed the door on prophecy that supplemented what he had already said about the Parousia in response to questioning by his disciples. 

3.   The Agabus Model limits prophecy to prophesying events of pragmatic and strategic value in the near term.  The Model nowhere supports the idea of re-working or reissuing the major prophecies of Jesus concerning the Eschaton. 

The early church, which respected such prophets as Agabus, would have recoiled at the idea of using end-time prophecy, the engine of Apocalypticism, to engender fear as a technique for fund-raising. They would have especially looked askance at anyone trying to overlay or modify what Jesus already stated and sealed. 

 

Dave Pack: God is going to PLUMP UP and DEAD BANG a new moon on May 30th!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Every day that goes by Dave Pack gets crazier! How can his followers sit there and listing to this crap? 

Is Dave's god getting ready to reset the universe?

From an RCG source:

"Mr Schleifer loves to study Physics & Astronomy...

He's the one that mentioned to me and to certain others, that the ONLY way God could reset the universe, is if He did at the end of a month.

You create a series of problems with... Hahaha I could say this euh euh, kind of pun intended you create an ASTRONOMICAL problem with Astronomy - it's a HUUUUUUUUUGE problem with the laws of physics.

They do NOT ALLOW God if He, if He, if He wants to reset the universe once, He can ONLY do it BANG at the end of a moon = BANG - GOT IT? Gotta do it then!

He cannot - he CANNOT reset it inside a month without having, cause you gotta compensate for a moon that is moving more euh, more euuuuuuhhh, faster now - and He wants to make it a little slower, even though He's gonna speed up the earth around the sun, He's gonna slow down the moon around the earth.

So it's a tremendous physics problem...

...There comes this new Moon that Asaph talked about, and God just PLUMPS it and makes it FULL.

And He's gotta do that DEAD BANG on Monday night, May 30th."

LCG: Would You Trust Jonathan McNair Training The Next Generation Of Leadership In LCG?

 

LCG, like most COG's today, are scrambling to do all they can to retain younger members in their groups. As the COG ages into oblivion, they think by attracting and maintaining some of the youth they have a bright future ahead.

Never fear though...Jonathan McNair is ready to train the next generation of LCG leaders to carry on the torch of the failure he and other LCG leaders have been unable to do. McNair intends to teach them how to lead successful lives by "ACCURATELY understanding the Bible and its application in the modern world". What a hoot!

Of the 2 1/2 days of this event, how many hours will be spent on Jesus? How much will be spent on the law? I think we all know the answer to this. And, LCG wants to know why they are such failures!

Living for Tomorrow—Repeat Announcement
One of the responsibilities historically given to the leadership of the Church is to train next- generation leaders. Paul trained Timothy and Titus, and Peter taught and mentored John Mark, calling him “my son,” as we read in 1 Peter 5:13. To continue fulfilling this mandate, the new “L4T” or Living for Tomorrow program is being launched. If you are a young adult between 18 and 30 and want to learn more about Living for Tomorrow, join us from May 27 to 29 at Blowing Rock, North Carolina. We will have a full weekend of intensive focus on building successful lives based on accurately understanding the Bible and its application in our modern world. Arrival is on Friday afternoon, May 27, with departure on Sunday afternoon, May 29. The cost is only $135, including food and accommodations. Join us as we launch our new L4T program! Questions? Contact Mr. Jonathan McNair at _____.