Miserere mei, Deus

 

David Hurd's Psalm 51

If someone had told me twenty years ago that I would be smearing ashes on the forehead's of people tonight I would never have believed them.  Tonight was Ash Wednesday at the church I attend.  A night that signifies the start of forty days of self examination.  An examination of our fallibility, our mortality, our participation in oppression and injustice to others.  At this time we are particularly drawn to Jesus' call for justice: freedom for the oppressed, release of the captives, good news to the poor and recovery of sight to the blind.  It's about confronting the power of death in all it's forms, terror and tyranny, corruption and greed, disregard for creation and all the forces that prevent people from living life in it's fullest.

It's not about giving up chocolate, sweets, meat, dropping a dollar in the swear jar, or other things.  It's about being authentic to yourself and to God, while you get off your rear end and make a difference in the world around you.

Growing up in Armstrongism I listened to endless sermons by ministers and evangelists mocking and deriding those that kept this day as insincere and a total waste of time.  Meredith came up with some of the most absurd  and inaccurate comments that anyone could dream up.  Actually what he said was and still is, a blatant lie!


Seeing the wide eyes of little kids kneeling in front of you with tears in their eyes, or huge smiles as they experience something that only a child can through untarnished minds.  They look into your eyes with a look of awe.  And then they turn to their parents and look them in their eyes with a deep connection only a parent can ever see. Probably like the kind of the look we should be having with God.  Totally free with no baggage. Oh, to be a child again!

I saw a blind young man tonight who is wheelchair bound with a body that is wracked by cerebral palsy, rhythmically moving in slow motion due to the muscles in his body twisting and writhing about, sit there with tears streaming down his cheeks as he attempts  to stop his body from moving when the ashes are placed on his forehead, clearly and distinctly saying 'amen' afterwords.  He does the same thing when the Eucharist is brought  to him.  His body stops moving as he takes the wafer in his distorted hands and places it in his mouth.and sips the wine.  He understands something that I probably never will.  Something deeper and more meaningful than any HWA sermon, booklet or book ever did. Something deeper about the mystery that surrounds us, the mystery of the unknown yet knowable, the grain of the universe that calls to us into something we cannot fathom, something so foreign to us that we let it slip past us the minute we walk out the doors of the church into the real world.

I saw people in attendance tonight that I know are agnostic and a couple of atheists who have no idea what or who God is.  Yet, they admit something draws them back, week after week. Something they cannot understand but want to be a part of.  They are involved in feeding the homeless, knitting prayer shawls for the sick and dying, caring for those with AIDS, working in hospice or visiting the  sick and home bound. They too have the opportunity to delve into something deeper and more mysterious with new ways of looking and understanding thatI can never have.  It is a delight to be around them

I am grateful for my journey out of Armstrongism. I regret  many opportunities lost because of its aberrant, absurd and irrelevant teachings, yet there was a lot I treasure. How I came out halfway sane is a miracle!  :-) I am grateful for Gavin's web sites and blogs over the years and for Dennis's unwavering self examination and willingness to question without apology.  What a ride it has been and continues to be!

Gary