Who's going to take care of you pet's when you run off to Petra with Gerry Six-Pack or Spanky Rod?
Are they doomed to suffer through the tribulation without you?
While you are sitting in a steaming hot desert for your final training
you can ease your wandering mind about your pets
who will most certainly be tortured by the invading German army.
You can now relax!
There is Petra/Rapture Aftercare available though this organization.
They will rescue your pets from those horrible Germans and take care of them.
Then once you return to earth with HWA who is directly under Christ (can't say Jesus - too effeminate)
and after you have been named a ruler of a world,
you can reclaim your kitties and doggies
to be rulers of the animal kingdom in your neck of the woods.
(Isn't Armstrongism grand!)
This is too funny !!
ReplyDeleteFor anyone wondering about the origin:
An atheist created a site in England that said she’d take care of Christian-owned pets after the Rapture, and asked for a few dollars in PayPal. She promoted it as a joke, and it virally made the rounds amongst non-believers who enjoy making fun of Christians
I think rapturists are too narcissistic to even think about that. This is a good reminder to them. Thanks for the laugh.
ReplyDeleteIf Six-Pack and Spanky had pets, what pets would they have?
ReplyDeletePiranha? German Sheperds? Chameleon? Rottweilers? Boas? Pythons? Preying Mantis?
Too funny !!
Sigh.
ReplyDeleteWe've already covered this... multiple times. OK, OK, it has been a while.
If you have been listening to any of the Armstrongist ministers, you will realize that though they don't vote and pretend not to be involved in political activities, they are in fact died in the wool conservative Republicans.
Now you might not know, but I've kept track of the pets that ministers have. Only Robert Dick of United had a cat and it was really his wife's cat. He and that cat don't get along that well.
Armstrongist ministers don't understand cats. For one thing, they are independent. AC grad ministers can't tolerate anyone who does not hang on their every word and won't roll over and play dead on command. In fact, the Tacoma UCG minister trains dogs and compared his congregation to dogs being trained by our Master, Jesus Christ. Woof.
So there you have it. The pets left behind by the Armstrongist ministers we already know because Armstrongist ministers are... wait for it...
Republican Dog Owners.
I should point out that many of the critics of Armstrongism, particularly those who run blogs, are ferocious feline fans.
ReplyDeleteWe aren't concerned about our furry friends during the Great Tribulation or the mythical rapture.
Cats have a long history of taking care of themselves. They will do just fine.
Not that they will have to, mind you, because thus far, there's not a shred of evidence that either eventuality will occur.
Dogs are loyal.
Cats have people skills.
Dogs have people skills too. Our little Pomchi (Pomeranian-Chihuahua) can play us like a violin. The two Pomeranians are pretty good at it too. They just aren't as aloof and independant as cats tend to be.
ReplyDelete"the Tacoma UCG minister trains dogs and compared his congregation to dogs being trained by our Master, Jesus Christ. Woof."
ReplyDeleteAh, yes. How well I remember the mindset.
You weren't cosidered a good, or even "converted" member unless you bowed to every suggestion and edict put forth by the exalted new minister who may have been a wet-behind-the-ears graduate of one or two months. As long as old Herb had laid his immoral hands on him and made that prayer of ordination, he assumed a papal-like aura of authority. Anyone who resisted it got written up in the visitation reports and that stayed to haunt them forever, without their being aware of the fact.