Herbert Armstrong's Tangled Web of Corrupt Leaders

Friday, June 10, 2011

Dad...Why Does the Preacher Talk So Stupid?





Dad...Why Does the Preacher Talk So Stupid?  

Dennis Diehl - EzineArticles Expert AuthorWhen it comes to fundamentalist preachers, there is nothing quite like the way they choose to express themselves from the pulpit. What they say, in and of itself, can be quite amazing. Such as the recent flap with Mrs. Benny Hinn, tryng her darndest to give a ranting good sermon for the masses and making a complete fool out of herself. In the typical breathless rant of evangelical showmanship, she told the audience what they needed was "a Holy Ghost enema, right up your rear end."



Honest, that was what she said and she repeated it. She then went on to tell the audience not to be "butt kissers." Having realized that she probably had crossed a few too many lines, she tried to recover by saying that people like her just have that kind of humor but was too late and the tape spread around the world, and not in a good way. She then went into a pacing frenzy back and forth until she broke her shoe and told the audience they didn't need shoes anyway, they needed to put on combat boots for Jesus. I guess this got her out of the shoe breakage embarassment. The end came merciful when she fell flat on her face, on stage, and everyone started clapping as if this was of God and the perfect ending to a perfect sermon. It was pathetic and the scary part is that not one person in the audience got up and said "I'm out of here." They loved it.


The fact is that nothing she said in the "sermon" was helpful. Nothing she said was correct and practically nothing she said was anythng but an attempt to appear inspiring and ending up being absolutely foolish. Poor Mr. Hinn was so angry that the video was playing around the world, he threatened those who showed it, from what I understand. I don't blame him. What a time at the 'ol breakfast table next day that must have been!


What is it about fundamentalist preachers that some seemingly have to loose their minds and common sense in an avalanche of "techniques" that leave most educated people laughing themselves sick? Do they not realize they are being laughed at?


When a preacher tells the audience that the reason Bathsheba was called Bathsheba was due to the fact that as King David oggled her from the roof top, she was taking a BATH, something is seriously wrong. 






I'm not kidding, I heard it with my own ears and wrote the man suggesting that had she been taking a shower, we would have known her as SHOWER-Sheba. The man was simply ignorant and I almost drove off the road laughing. On the other hand, it was pathetic and I often wonder if any in his congregation called him out on that little piece of ignorance. Sometimes I wonder at the audience more than the preacher.


Of course, Bat-Sheba means "daughter of Sheba just as "Bar Kochba means "Son of Kochba" and when I pointed that out, he just got miffed.  

What can be said from the pulpit can be amazingly silly or incredibly harmful. Pat Robertson tells us that hurricanes are from God punishing New Orleans or that Ariel Sharon's stroke is from God for giving up part of the West Bank to people who also need a real place to live. His comments are wrong, ignorant, foolish and dangerous.

  
But then most of his comments speaking for God are. He suddenly saw the light (most will do that when you challenge a particular piece of ignorance and never do when never challenged) when the State of Israel cancelled his affiliation with them and one of his pet projects in Israel, but it was too late. Good for them to put a price on speaking foolishness from the pulpit. I guess the State of Israel was able to uninspire Pat's inspired comments. God, I suppose, was forced to recind His inspiration and give into the current dilemma.

Time would fail to account for all the ignorance that comes from the pulpits of men and women not trained, not educated, not informed and not accountable for their presentations. Sanctified ignorance is still ignorance as far as we can tell.



There were dinosaurs on the ark...wrong
Earth is just 6000 years old...wrong
Our church is the only true church on earth...wrong
Evolution is a doctrine of Satan...wrong
Dancin is a doctrine of Satan...wrong
Whatever you ask in Jesus name, you will have...wrong
"I am God's true representative on earth and I am compelled to say these things..." wrong
If you tithe, God will bless you and pour out the windows of heaven to you...wrong
God is doing this...wrong
God is doing that...wrong
Jesus thinks this of that...wrong
Jesus thinks that of this...wrong
"I know I am going very long on this sermon..but you need to hear this..." wrong
"You need to put the Church and bible study and being here first in your life..." wrong


...and on and on and on such that it would behove most preachers of this way of being to join On and On Anonymous!

Perhaps most irritating and pathetic of all is the WAY that many Evangelical, TV and Fundamentalist preachers present themselves. What's with the cadance from hell in the presentation? What's with the "eh" "eh" "eh" at the end of every sentence. I realize physiologically it helps them breath or they would pass out, and while it may be "tradition" it is past useful for educated parishioners. Maybe that's the problem too.


What's with the yelling? Always yelling and always giving the appearance that they are angry. Preachers are angry a lot as they think they can't be a Preacher without their righteous indignation showing for every last thing on the planet they decide is evil and needs the iron rod of Jesus to smack down.






I listened to a preacher this morning coming in to work just to see if he would pass out and go absolutely speechless trying to yell, speak and breathe at the same time. I don't think he missed one human foible in his presentation that he was not bashing his congregation over the head with. Sometimes I sense "me thinks thou protesteth too much." I have learned that far more often than one thinks, just monitor what topics the preacher rails upon repeatedly and you might have a good hint at what troubles his own ignorant soul. Every minister in my personal experience who was known to rail against this or that "sex problem" was wrestling with it himself. Projection is something that most congregants of fundamentalist preachers don't understand.


No one can slaughter the English language like a preacher gone berserk behind the pulpit. Imagine a meeting at IBM or the Oval Office (well there I can ;), conducted in that tone and style and you will find someone being escorted off the premisis looking for a new job.


Sermons are full of nonsensical phrases and pronounciations. If you were to write down what was said and read it back, it would sound ridiculous. From "Jaaa..eeeeeezus says," to "days (there is) a time a commin..." an intelligent and meaningful presentation is lost in a flurry of emotion and slobber. HOW you say something for many preachers far outweighs whether what one says is even true. Remember, in fact, science by nature of being science has to be accurate and admit mistakes. At this moment, we have some very embarassed and angry South Korean scientists who have found out and admitted that their recent cloaning projects were bogus. Sorry about that, but good for them.


Preachers not only rarely admit to mistakes, but seem to have a need to perpetuate the error. Since God is never wrong, they never are not wrong either, since they think they both speak and are inspired by this outside force called "God." Simply ask yourself how many times you have ever heard a preacher or church say it was wrong when it said this or that and you will understand what I mean. Because of this, many fundamentalist sermons are delivered in angry, emotional, threatening and self righteous tones. I can only imagine what some of the kids are thinking as they watch the show. Often they will tell you years later how nuts the church the grew up in was.
Every scientific fact that the church has ever made fun of as being contradicted by the Bible, they have eventually had to admit to being correct. Of course, many do not, and never will, Praise Jesus for my ignorance because "the wisdom of man is foolishness with God," and "my ways are not YOUR ways..saith the Lord." Preachers hid a lot of ignorance behind those two quotes.


It just took the Pope 350 years to apologize for almost burning Galileo at the stake for thinking earth was not the center of the solar system and the sun circled it. He didn't apologize for actually doing it to nameless others. Science has yet to acknowledge one Biblical allegory as being literally true in their actual findings. Eventually, the "facts" the church promotes in areas where they don't know what they are talking about, falls to the real facts.

More so now in these days of easy access to the internet for information not formerly available to the average person.


And so sometimes we have to ask ourselves, "what is our chillins learning in Church from such preachers?"

For starters, they are learning:



Yelling trumps teaching.
Good grammar doesn't count in church.

God is a consuming fire if you question the preacher.


Emotions trump good information.


One can be ill-programmed for life and not realize it.


Brains and YOUR intelligence and common sense indeed can be checked at the door when you go to your church.


Preachers are never wrong.


YOU are seldom right.

"Jaaaaaaheeeezus" loves the sinner but hates the sin, but it sure sounds like he hates the sinner too.
Mom or Dad never seem to think what I think the preacher says and does is stupid..something must be wrong with me.


God and Jesus must be raving lunatics if this man or woman is his personal representative on earth to me.
Narcissism must be a spiritual gift.


Take some time and just listen to the words of those that fit these ways of speaking for God. Watch the antics they feel they have to use to convince. If your head says "it must be so" while your tummy says "no no no", go with the tummy. It will tell you the truth of what you are feeling more accurately and you won't feel like something is wrong with you for observing that, while sincere, this man is really not qualified to teach me who and what God is and what he is or isn't doing on good 'ol planet earth. You'll also be able to more genuinely answer the question your kids are asking themselves, whether you know it or not. "Dad, why is the preacher yelling, and why does he talk so funny?"


  Dennis C. Diehl

21 comments:

  1. As a Christian, I sometimes cringe as I watch certain preachers launch into a frenzy. This reinforces so many negative stereotypes, and so contaminates the message. I tune them out immediately, as the strength of the Christian gospel simply does not need all of these flamboyant theatrics. Even the stuff HWA allegedly picked up from Billy Sunday crosses the line, IMO.

    The shame of it all is that there are some really powerful spiritual guides who do not preach in an angry tone, don't resort to pyrotechnics in their presentations, yet manage to get the message across in a loving, understandable way, without scaring people. Unfortunately, the flamers eclipse them.

    Dr. Charles Stanley, Dr. Creflo Dollar, Dr. David Jeremiah, Pastor Jeff Shreve, and Joel Osteen are not flamboyant, do preach a powerful message, and are not sickeningly sentimental. And, I am sure there are others worth one's ear time. Many of the other preachers on Christian radio and TV, I wouldn't waste my time on. They are "carny barkers", and contaminate the gospel just as badly as Armstrongism did.

    BB

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  2. "Creflo Dollar", what's wrong with this picture?

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  3. Got a lot of chuckles out of this, Dennis.

    I just don't listen to any preachers anymore unless I have no choice, like at a funeral I feel I should attend.

    I did go to a Methodist church up in Montana a few years ago to be nice to Phyllis' sister. It was Father's Day and this young guy gave a rambling disertation I guess he thought sounded profound, but I still don't know what in the world he really said.

    The same thing happened at a funeral in Phoenix, again in a Methodist Church, with two ministers who gave the most confusing allegorical, etc. message I have ever heard and which, thankfully, I don't remember.

    I've come to regard Methodism as "theology light." I don't know about other "faiths." I just don't pay any attention to any of them anymore.

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  4. "Dad, why is the preacher yelling, and why does he talk so funny?"

    Roderick Meredith?

    Does the rotten fruit really fall that far from the tree?

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  5. Uh...BB, I can't vouge for the others you mentioned, but I've listened to Joel Osteen, and he is sickenly sentimental and wimpy, feminently(is that a word?) cheesy to say the least. After his "sermon", all the peddlers are in the front of the building trying to sell his tapes and books. It's a real circus, just like his "pick-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps sermons". No thanks! After experiencing Armstrongism for almost thirty years, I'll pass on religion. I'm not looking for god in a man anymore.

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  6. "I'll pass on religion. I'm not looking for god in a man anymore."

    I'm not looking for him anywhere. "God" is a figment of human imaginations, and there are millions of varieties with every adherent convinced his or her version is the true version. They become so convinced they are often ready to persecute, kill and maim in the name of that manufactured deity.

    Just proclaim yourself as an unbeliever anywhere and you will soon see exactly what I'm writing about. The good will will depart from you so fast it will make your head swim.

    Even George H. W. Bush said that no one can be a good citizen if he doesn't believe in his god because this is one nation under god. Ben Franklin, Thomas Paine and Thomas Jefferson would be appalled at such a statement.

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  7. I knew one local elder that was a retarded backwoods type of man. He was elder because his head was so far up the pastor-rank's ass that the pastor walked with a noticeable limp.

    Now, imagine hearing messages from this mental giant week after week. Well, one day, I wrote a note to my wife, "Whycome Jesus' brethrens was all upset? I'll tell you whycome, they is doubtful."

    She started laughing until she coughed and cried.

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  8. Dissecting this a bit further, it is important to remember that if something appears wrong or offensive, it probably is. The problem we and our parents encountered was that with WW II and the Cold War as the backdrop, HWA's broadcasts seemed both well placed and logical. The wrong and offensive parts should have kicked in later with his so-called solutions and restored truths, but most were thoroughly hooked by that point.

    People get into the ministry for many reasons, and there have been false teachers right from the get-go. Some get into it for the money. Others are sincere, but end up driving it all themselves, making their work a self-centered personality cult. Still others have deep flaws which contaminate the message. Today, it's best not to align oneself with any corporate group. You have to consider the entire spectrum of Christianity as you would a good book. That is, certain passages will be easy with which to identify, be instructed by, and worth eternalizing. That makes your Christian walk a personal relationship, rather than an exercise in "follow the human leader."

    When I was a non-believer, I used to take ridiculous examples and extrapolate them wildly, attributing the ludicrousness to belief at large. I was mistaken, however. The ridiculous examples are simply that. Ridiculous examples. It's like life in general. Everything you can possibly see is going to have some sort of fake counterpart.

    BB

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  9. I had a remarkable experience today at work. There is a very young enthusiastically fundamentalist couple who are studying for ministry. The wife looked somewhat distressed and I asked if I could help.

    She related how her seminary training husband has come to the conclusion that the Apostle Paul hijacked Christianity and that the Bible is less than forthright about what really was going on between Paul and the Gospel writers. He now thinks Paul is a liar and used of satan to derail the early New Testament Church of Peter, James and John.

    I listened and looked at her and said....."your husband is right." She said..."I'll have him call you."

    He is not going on with ministry. How lovely this young couple came to their senses on that which most refuse to see in the NT story and the wanna be Paul. Truly one the best hid secrets of early church history.

    The Bible is not the inerrant word of God. It is a book. Full of contradictions, bad history, bad science and politics as usual among humans. Those ministers who are mere Bible readers and entertainers are the cause of more misery and fear, guilt and shame based living than Satan could ever dream of.

    It was a good day.

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  10. Was that clip of Mrs. Hinn recorded before or after Benny's alleged flirtation with Paula White?

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  11. That was a good day, Dennis. Too bad so few see the obvious. It took me decades to get those facts straight.

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  12. Good summary, Dennis.

    If you teach a young child all this nonsense before the age of 5, they will, in all probability, hold onto these beliefs for life.

    Well, almost for life. They got 50 years out of me.

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  13. My problem with your line of thinking, Dennis, is that you only consider one possibility relating to Paul. There are other plausable, logical, and sound theories, not the least of which is the possibility that Paul was simply demonstrating how Christianity and the New Covenant function in non-Jewish cultural settings. Although they had their differences in other areas, Peter seemed to at least partially understand this, and to be in agreement with Paul. And, Paul, when among the Jews, functioned as an observant Jew (all things to all people).

    Now, logically, if one normally were to accept the premise that Paul "hijacked" Christianity, one would revert to the status of Messianic Jew, which is essentially what we were as Armstrongites. But, you then shift into your Mithra-Christ theory, thus elliminating our Savior for us, and any credibility for any form of Christianity.

    It's important for everyone to realize here that what you are posting is not ultimate truth, just one set of theories. I wish I'd had an opportunity to speak with the young theology students whom you met over the weekend. I don't believe necessarily that I could have restored them to faith, but they certainly would have walked away realizing that there was more research to be done. I hate to think of the emptiness which they now will need to deal with.

    BB

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  14. "I hate to think of the emptiness which they now will need to deal with."

    What emptiness? You have the approach of all those who think one has to have a faith to be "filled."

    I'm much more at peace and filled now than at any time when I was thrashing about, looking for something to believe in. I did find someting to believe in. Myself and science. That's all I need.

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  15. I understand Bob and I know there are may ways to view what may or may not have been when none of us were there and can never really know. We only ever have what others say about themselves or what others are alleged to have said. We can never have the direct experience. The futher we got from the facts, the more the faith had to take over.

    These kids did and are doing their own work. I just stumbled across the look on their faces and asked what was up. Coincidentally it was a familiar topic to me.

    The WCG did not give a rats ass about the fall out to minister or member in their reckless changes. I suppose I am sensitive to these kids getting out before they waste too much time on fairytales and corporate insanity

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  16. Oh, definitely, Dennis. I wouldn't want to see them get hijacked into the twilight zone as all of us were.

    This is indeed an interesting example of synchronicity. I hope they manage to find some answers, while avoiding major disappointment. Recovery, as most of us know, can be a bummer.

    BB

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  17. Only Paul speaks of Paul's teachings in the NT. Only Paul calls himself an apostle in the NT. Peter, James and John certainly don't speak like Paul or of him as anything. Jesus and Paul would not agree I expect.

    So while we may apologize for Paul, many scholars and critically thinking theologians see that Paul is a problem, and I did not invent that.

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  18. PS I am not into ultimate truth. Not sure there is such a thing or if it is, it seems unavailable in some simple and easy to perceive form.

    I am just not into leaving out the parts that would have helped make a more informed decision about important things. This whole True Church/God's called minister stuff has been way too expensive, drama ridden and painfulf or me. It has cost me way too much and it won't be ending anytime soon.

    I know I am not alone, but I can only speak for myself. While the Tkach's sit all Jesus loved and full of whatever it is one gets full of in such situations, many suffer losses quietly with no one to listen or inform them it was not for nothing.

    However, sometimes I think it was for nothing.

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  19. I think I'm going to bail out of the blog. I've probably said all I can and written what I hope has been helpful to some along the way.
    Best to all love you all.

    It's just a journey and stuff to learn along the way I suppose.

    Den

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  20. "I think I'm going to bail out of the blog."

    Glad to see you wrote something after this one. Your insight and knowledge is too vital not to be put down somewhere.

    I've gotten a little burned out once in a while too. I haven't put anything on my personal blog for a while, but I know I will in the future, especially next winter when the hectic activity of the other seasons abates and the days grow short. Something will come along to get the old juices flowing again.

    Maybe a little change of pace is what you need right now. I find I have to take a refreshing break once in awhile.

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  21. Oh, I was wrong. You've only written comments since. Anyway, what I said still holds. I think you will be back when the inspiration hits you again.

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