The Modern Fundamentalist's Song

The Modern Fundamentalist's Song

Modern Fundamentalist:

   I am the very model of a Christian fundamentalist

   And by a strange coincidence a solid occidentalist.

   I cherry-pick the Bible for the verses close or distantly

   Amenable to straight white males, however inconsistently,

   Unless those verses might apply a little inconveniently

   In which case I interpret them a good deal more than leniently.

   We want to do just what we please however strange or horrible

   And still regard ourselves as wholly moral and adorable.

Congregation:

   We want to do just what we please however strange or horrible

   And still regard ourselves as wholly moral and adorable.

   And still regard ourselves as wholly moral and adorable.

MF:

   I call myself a Christian but it's really Paulist cultery

   Since Christ himself has said that my divorces were adultery.

   But I from man to man enjoy convexness and concavity

   And call whatever others do immoral and depravity.

Cong:

   But we from man to man enjoy convexness and concavity

   And call whatever others do immoral and depravity.

MF:

   I do not want to hear about the quantum or molecular

   Or how the Founding Fathers made our institutions secular

   I say the nation's Christian under Biblical authorities

   Rejecting what the Constitution says about majorities.

   The workings of the government may worry and perplex you all

   I say we're equal under God -- unless you're homosexual --

   Or black or brown or female or some kind of evolutionist

   For all attempts at reasoning are really persecutionist.

Cong:

   Or black or brown or female or some kind of evolutionist

    For all attempts at reasoning are really persecutionist.

MF:

   My freedom of religion trumps your Constitutionality

   Because the Constitution says it does with firm legality.

   I claim my rights from God or man, whichever's more commodious

   For what I want to do however evil, vile, or odious.

Cong:

   I claim my rights from God or man, whichever's more commodious

   For what I want to do however evil, vile, or odious.

MF:

   When I can issue licenses or not because I feel like it

   The public's just my piggy and the public can just squeal like it.

   I'll happily apply whichever law is most agreeable

   To what I want to do since what I want is unforseeable:

   The conscience of the person must control the way they view their job

   And not demands that public servants ought to serve and do their job.

   The Constitution's man-made law and God is not endorsing it;

   The SCOTUS made their law, and now good luck to them enforcing it.

Cong:

   The Constitution's man-made law and God is not endorsing it;

   The SCOTUS made their law, and now good luck to them enforcing it.

MF:

   There's nothing in my creed that advocates for love officially

   Except some quotes that God and Jesus handed down judicially --

   I don't see why I must obey the acts of which God sent a list

   And yet I am the model of a Christian fundamentalist.

Cong:

   We don't see why we must obey the acts of which God sent a list

   And yet we are the models of a Christian fundamentalist.

                                                        -- Marcus Bales