Thanks to them, we now have Dave Pack, Gerald Flurry, Ron Weinland, Bob Thiel, James Malm and a few other crazies in fringe COG groups setting themselves up as one of the two witnesses or the conduit through which they will arise. Nothing could be further from the truth. That does not matter though. They still all spout there silliness as if it were fact.
Ron Weinland has declared both he and his dingy wife Laura are the final two witnesses. Considering that felon Ron has been making a pure ass of himself since his epic failure in 2008, he now has to resort to changing dates to fit each new failure. Even his dingy wife has been incapable of making any utterance that is worthwhile or prophetic, other than telling Ronnie that she needs some new undies from Victoria's Secret.
There is Dave Pack who changes who he is from one day the next. It is hard to keep track of just who he really is any more. Of course, every single thing he has predicted has failed to come to pass too. That doesn't seem to bother him though since he will be hosting
And then there is Gerald Flurry, the new King of the Church of God. This deluded fool has placed Herbert Armstrong so high up on the altar that he no longer needs to bend over to kiss HWA's ass. After digging up a dirty old rock in the backwoods of Oregon, King Flurry is preparing for his "christ" to come to Edmund, OK or to Edstone, England as the two of them plot its second coming. And what about all of his prophecies? Every single one of them have been failures too.
Then the COG was blessed a few years ago by the latest self-appointed prophet to set himself up as God's most highly favored son. After suffering a huge public humiliation by Rod Meredith, Bob Thiel set about dreaming up one silly new idea after another, and even tryed to implicate Gaylyn Bonjour in the process. He too, has taken upon himself the mantle of so many different prophets from the past that it's hard to keep up with just who he is from one day to the next. So far, every single prophecy he has uttered has been a lie.
And then we come to James Malm. He doesn't claim he is one of the two witnesses, but rather will be the conduit through which the two witless witnesses will unite the COG as they tell all true believers to read the Shining Light blog where God has left his message in safe hands of the biggest bastardizer of the law, ever. Never has the church had such a person so eager to force church members to wear millstones around their necks than it has with Malm.
Here is the nonsense he is now proclaiming:
The Immediate Future
When God’s two witnesses are set up they will call on all of God’s people to leave at that time and they will instruct us on what to do. When they begin and prove their credentials they will not be people trying to start something on some street corner. They will have instant access to all of the brethren through TheShiningLight which reaches most of the brethren who have internet access and they will surely share the news with others.
Whoever they will be they will have immediate instant access to thousands of brethren through our sites. They will also reach out to warn society and those warnings accompanied by miracles will be highly newsworthy and circulated widely. This will not be done in secret.
At that time those who are faithful to God will be clearly separated out [by their own choice to obey God’s prophets or not], from those who have been deceived into idolizing men.
The tribulation will begin with the occupation of Jerusalem when the miracle working Pontiff goes to the Holy Place (Mat 24:15). After that the Anglo Saxon countries will fall into economic collapse and an escalating series of catastrophes.
This work will not end with the onset of the tribulation, it will continue through the work of God’s two witnesses, and during the tribulation very many of those left behind as well as many others, will turn to God with a whole heart. See Revelation 7 and 14: The 144,000
Here's my guess. Since God likes to make fools of men who presume to be something they are not; the safe bet is to probably say it will be two individuals that no one could ever begin to guess. Reason? God gets all the credit.
ReplyDeleteToday is Adar 17, 5779: By Adar 5998, there probably wont be any ACOGs or Armstrongites.
ReplyDeleteBB
Has it occurred to the COG prophets is that other people read the Bible too and believe in prophecy.
ReplyDeleteThere will be quite an army of people ready to flee somewhere if a false prophet arises and does miracles - real ones - not magic tricks.
WCG brainwashed us to think that the Bible could not be understood unless you were called into WCG. A "coded" book.
The degree of belief in what the Bible says varies.
Every Christian agrees that love your neighbor as yourself is the golden rule - but the degree of keeping it varies. On the 2 great commandments hangs all the law and the prophets. This should be the focus of true churches of God - no matter what there name is.
"How many legs does a dog have if you call his tail a leg? Four. Saying that a tail is a leg doesn't make it a leg. Abraham Lincoln"
Is your group a Church of God? saying it is when it is not does not make it a Church of God, any more than saying a dog's tail is a leg.
BB, there are still Millerites, whether or not they use that name, even though nearly 175 years have elapsed since the Great Disappointment. By that measure, we can expect that there will be Armstrongites in Adar 5910, and that they will likely see a resurgence (along with many other similar groups) as 6000 approaches.
ReplyDeleteWow! What a pessimist you are, 6:04! However, in saying that, you’ve made it clear that we here certainly have much more work to do. I thank you for that.
DeleteBB
I still say Clown Felon Tax Cheat Ron Weinland had the best Church of God twist/spin on the Two Witnesses of the Book of Revelation. No Armstrong Church of God HWA wannabee even comes close when Ron proclaimed that he is witness 1 (Thing 1) and his wife (Thing 2) is the second witness - witnessing everything that Ron does. And the dumb tithe slave sheep fall for it! You can't make this stuff up. Where's Gerald "Go Water the house of God" Waterhouse when, for once, you really need him!?!?
ReplyDeleteRichard
"..others will turn to God with a whole heart."
ReplyDeleteDeath bed repentances are near worthless for Christians. This is because it takes time to mature. For many, time would have run out when the tribulation hits. It can refine some reasonably mature Christians, but most aren't in that category.
The only group for whom repentance is meaningful is for 'Nineveh' types. Even in the book of Revelation, most of mankind does not repent during the tribulation. So the Nineveh's are a minority.
Moral of the story is to repent now, now, now.
Isn't it great that smart phones keep getting better quality cameras. This means that future generations will have heaps of quality photos and videos of the great tribulation. So be ready with your tribulation smartphone folks.
ReplyDeleteI think 8:57 needs to read what the NT says, no where does it say anything about a christian having to "mature". Either one believes or they don't. Just that simple.
ReplyDeleteI, Tonto, do hereby declare to the COG community the following exclusive new release of WORLD IMPACT!
ReplyDeleteI AM THE ACTUAL DAVID PACK! ;-)
Tonto, you may be the actual David Pack, just as Elijah was the actual Elijah, preceding the end-time Elijah. So, in keeping with ACOG obsession over end-time prophecy, we must now wonder: who is the END-TIME DAVID PACK?
ReplyDeleteI feel sorry for G0d...can't even tell his Two Witnesses the names of his followers and having to ask Malm for the information.
ReplyDeleteHey! 1:18! What an awesome idea for a twig or sprout from the main discussion! Cellphones during the tribulation.
ReplyDeleteFirst, let's talk about protection. I personally recommend the rubberized protectors which are designed for athletic activities such as hiking. A good protector will lessen the possibility that your phone's touch screen will become broken. Secondly, as we all know, there aren't going to be any electrical outlets in the caves of the place of safety, or in the death camps, or perhaps the wilderness areas to which independent survivalists flee. So, you are going to need a good solar charging device. My cellphones have generally lasted longer than the 3-1/2 years associated with the trib, so a fairly late version iphone or Android device should last for the duration, if properly cared for.
Now, even when I'm working on the Native American reservations a couple hundred miles from home, we've got at best spotty coverage with the towers, so most trib-era cellphone usage will most likely be confined to picture taking, and other activities which don't include sending or receiving, or internet usage. I'm thinking downloadable Bibles and other reference materials will be very popular. The camera, reversed, becomes a fairly effective mirror, while the flashlight function helps you find the latrine in the middle of the night.
Don't forget your "desert island classics", the musical soundtrack to your personal existence which make life so much more tolerable, and it would probably also be beneficial to have some first aid and medical reference materials available. For those adhering to the Armstrong prophecy mold, you may want to download "German for English-speakers" on your iphone.
That's about all I can think of on short notice. I'm sure others will come forward with additional suggestions!
BB
All these two witnesses will have to fight it out amongst themselves. Perhaps Mr. Pack can have a pistol duel with Mr. Weinland or Mr. Thiel. For a group claiming to be pacifist in nature, they can't wait to flame throw everyone on the planet.
ReplyDelete"Perhaps Mr. Pack can have a pistol duel with Mr. Weinland or Mr. Thiel."
ReplyDeleteBawana Thiel pick up a gun? Does he have the strength? He looks so delicate. He needs to go to Africa for a couple of months and spend the time living in the bush with his members, maybe then he could have a pair of plumped up balls to fight with.
Byker, just imagine it:
ReplyDelete"LOOK AT MY SICK SELFIE WITH THE BEAST!"
"TAKE THE 'BUY WITHOUT THE BEAST'S MARK' CHALLENGE, THEN UPLOAD TO YOUTUBE!"
"CHECK OUT THESE YELP REVIEWS OF THE TWO WITNESSES!"
The Word to all of those other "prophets" is should flee to the hills if you can because Dave
ReplyDeletePack said in one of his latest sermons that when Christ returns (Q:when was he there the 1st time?)to Wadsworth then HE, David Pack will personally SLAY ALL those "false prophets" & then
onto Jerusalem where he will also personally SLAY ALL those sinning Jerusalemites. Was recor-
ded here on this site andddd their time is short because the 6 months Pack prophesied will be UP next month-March 2019? Wonder if he'll be wearing Hanoi Jane's "boots for walking" when
he does them all in??
James Malm's comments about "...The Immediate Future...", nonsense to many, is mostly about Malm himSELF and the works of his own hands and mind, is very speculative, and has very little to do with what the Bible describes the 2 witnesses will do during the second woe:
ReplyDeleteRevelation 11:3 And I will give power unto my two witnesses, and they shall prophesy a thousand two hundred and threescore days, clothed in sackcloth.
4 These are the two olive trees, and the two candlesticks standing before the God of the earth.
5 And if any man will hurt them, fire proceedeth out of their mouth, and devoureth their enemies: and if any man will hurt them, he must in this manner be killed.
6 These have power to shut heaven, that it rain not in the days of their prophecy: and have power over waters to turn them to blood, and to smite the earth with all plagues, as often as they will.
7 And when they shall have finished their testimony, the beast that ascendeth out of the bottomless pit shall make war against them, and shall overcome them, and kill them.
8 And their dead bodies shall lie in the street of the great city, which spiritually is called Sodom and Egypt, where also our Lord was crucified.
9 And they of the people and kindreds and tongues and nations shall see their dead bodies three days and an half, and shall not suffer their dead bodies to be put in graves.
10 And they that dwell upon the earth shall rejoice over them, and make merry, and shall send gifts one to another; because these two prophets tormented them that dwelt on the earth.
11 And after three days and an half the Spirit of life from God entered into them, and they stood upon their feet; and great fear fell upon them which saw them.
12 And they heard a great voice from heaven saying unto them, Come up hither. And they ascended up to heaven in a cloud; and their enemies beheld them.
13 And the same hour was there a great earthquake, and the tenth part of the city fell, and in the earthquake were slain of men seven thousand: and the remnant were affrighted, and gave glory to the God of heaven.
14 The second woe is past;
But, time will tell...
John