The Controlling, Narcissist Leader/Pastor
http://setfree0408.blogspot.com/2015/11/the-controlling-narcissist-leaderpastor.html
*I am bringing back this post that I originally wrote on September 16, 2009. Based upon the comments I've received lately, I believe there's a need to bring this subject back to the forefront.
The Controlling, Narcissist Leader/Pastor
The Controlling, Narcissist Leader/Pastor
Ungodly, controlling pastors have hurt many people. The phrase "ungodly pastors" seems to be an oxymoron. These two words shouldn't go together in the same sentence, but the sad truth is there are pastors and leaders who are only in the position for their own lustful desires.
These dictating leaders can be described by many words - controllers, manipulators, narcissists, psychopaths, cult leaders, false pastors, false prophets, and dictators, to name a few. There are varying degrees of this type of leadership and some are more damaging than others, but I have seen the negative effects these type of leaders can have on people. Some pastors are just strong leaders, while others are narcissistic psychopaths. If you haven't ever been around a person like this it may be hard for you to imagine that there are people who go to these extreme measures. But for those who have suffered under this type of heartless leadership, you know all too well how deep the wounds go.
Here are some signs and characteristics of a narcissist, unscriptural leader.....
*Resembles the same attitude Diotrephes had in III John verse 9. He is proud, carnal, demanding, overbearing, impatient, uncompassionate, "loving" only toward those who submit to him, but mean-spirited toward those who do not agree with him.
*He develops doctrines from pet verses that appear to support his view.
*He makes people feel that they cannot make important decisions and know God's will without him.
*He exalts himself before the people.
*He ridicules his associates, making them look small in the eyes of the church members, thus increasing his own prestige and authority and decreasing theirs.
*He is accountable to no one.
*He provokes and intimidates people to get what he wants.
*He demands respect instead of trying to earn respect.
*He wears a phony grin and acts like everything is all right even when things are falling apart in his church.
*He acts as if he knows everything, but he really doesn't know how to handle problems he has caused.
*He is a captive storyteller and exaggerates the truth all the time. He is able to spin a web that intrigues others and pulls them into his life.
*He has the capacity to destroy his critics verbally and disarm them emotionally.
*He does not recognize the individuality or rights of others.
*He is extremely self-serving and thinks he deserves royal treatment.
*He has no checks on his behavior - anything goes.
*He has tremendous feelings of entitlement. He believes everything is owed to him as a right.
*He presents himself as a genius.
*He has an insatiable need for adoration. When others aren't praising him, he will praise himself.
*He gives the perception that he lives a grandiose life, but paranoia rules him. He creates an us vs. them mentality because of his perceived hostile environment.
*He lies coolly and easily, even when it is obvious he is being untruthful. It is almost impossible for him to be consistently truthful about either a major or minor issue.
*He is a plagiarist and a thief. He seldom gives credit to the true originators of ideas.
*He is extremely convincing and could more than likely pass a lie detector test.
*He does not have friends.
*He doesn't not have feelings of remorse, shame, or guilt. He feels justified in all his actions because he considers himself the ultimate moral arbiter. Nothing gets in his way.
*He is unmoved by things that would unset the normal person, while outraged by insignificant matters.
*He is cold, with shallow emotions, living in a dark world of his own.
*He can witness or order acts of utter brutality without experiencing a shred of emotion.
*He casts himself in a role of total control, which he plays to the hilt.
*He is tragically flawed in being able to either give or receive love.
*He despises community and emotional intimacy, and so he is profoundly lonely. On the one hand, though, there is something about his loneliness that he likes; for he can attribute it to his unique and superior nature.
*He constantly tests the beliefs of his followers, often with bizarre behaviors.
*He readily takes advantage of others, expressing utter contempt for anyone else's feelings. Someone in distress is not important to him. Although intelligent, perceptive, and quite good at sizing people up, he makes no real connections with others. He uses his "people skills" to exploit, abuse, and wield power.
*He will favor and offer help to people who are down as long as he thinks they will be useful to him later on down the road. Such favors might include offering employment, loaning money, or offering personal counseling. He may call in his favor if he sees you slipping away. Also, such opportunities help the narcissist persuade himself that he is good, despite the gnawing awareness of the dark cellar at heart.
*He has an inflated sense of superiority which propels him to recklessness; for he is subject to fantasies of omnipotence and unequalled brilliance, and he feels that he is above the law. And it is this sense of superiority that allows him to underestimate the intelligence and determination of his adversaries.
*He is indifferent to injustice and it's victims, but he rages against the person who is a threat to his charade and/or who refuses to cooperate with his underhanded schemes. "
These dictating leaders can be described by many words - controllers, manipulators, narcissists, psychopaths, cult leaders, false pastors, false prophets, and dictators, to name a few. There are varying degrees of this type of leadership and some are more damaging than others, but I have seen the negative effects these type of leaders can have on people. Some pastors are just strong leaders, while others are narcissistic psychopaths. If you haven't ever been around a person like this it may be hard for you to imagine that there are people who go to these extreme measures. But for those who have suffered under this type of heartless leadership, you know all too well how deep the wounds go.
Here are some signs and characteristics of a narcissist, unscriptural leader.....
*Resembles the same attitude Diotrephes had in III John verse 9. He is proud, carnal, demanding, overbearing, impatient, uncompassionate, "loving" only toward those who submit to him, but mean-spirited toward those who do not agree with him.
*He develops doctrines from pet verses that appear to support his view.
*He makes people feel that they cannot make important decisions and know God's will without him.
*He exalts himself before the people.
*He ridicules his associates, making them look small in the eyes of the church members, thus increasing his own prestige and authority and decreasing theirs.
*He treats people who leave as fools and evil men. All kindness and friendship is withdrawn by the leaders. People are only treated kindly when they submit to his doctrines and "authority."
*He contradicts himself a lot.
*He is accountable to no one.
*He provokes and intimidates people to get what he wants.
*He demands respect instead of trying to earn respect.
*He wears a phony grin and acts like everything is all right even when things are falling apart in his church.
*He acts as if he knows everything, but he really doesn't know how to handle problems he has caused.
*He is a captive storyteller and exaggerates the truth all the time. He is able to spin a web that intrigues others and pulls them into his life.
*He has the capacity to destroy his critics verbally and disarm them emotionally.
*He does not recognize the individuality or rights of others.
*He is extremely self-serving and thinks he deserves royal treatment.
*He has no checks on his behavior - anything goes.
*He has tremendous feelings of entitlement. He believes everything is owed to him as a right.
*He presents himself as a genius.
*He has an insatiable need for adoration. When others aren't praising him, he will praise himself.
*He gives the perception that he lives a grandiose life, but paranoia rules him. He creates an us vs. them mentality because of his perceived hostile environment.
*He lies coolly and easily, even when it is obvious he is being untruthful. It is almost impossible for him to be consistently truthful about either a major or minor issue.
*He is a plagiarist and a thief. He seldom gives credit to the true originators of ideas.
*He is extremely convincing and could more than likely pass a lie detector test.
*He does not have friends.
*He doesn't not have feelings of remorse, shame, or guilt. He feels justified in all his actions because he considers himself the ultimate moral arbiter. Nothing gets in his way.
*He is unmoved by things that would unset the normal person, while outraged by insignificant matters.
*He is cold, with shallow emotions, living in a dark world of his own.
*He can witness or order acts of utter brutality without experiencing a shred of emotion.
*He casts himself in a role of total control, which he plays to the hilt.
*He is tragically flawed in being able to either give or receive love.
*He despises community and emotional intimacy, and so he is profoundly lonely. On the one hand, though, there is something about his loneliness that he likes; for he can attribute it to his unique and superior nature.
*He constantly tests the beliefs of his followers, often with bizarre behaviors.
*He readily takes advantage of others, expressing utter contempt for anyone else's feelings. Someone in distress is not important to him. Although intelligent, perceptive, and quite good at sizing people up, he makes no real connections with others. He uses his "people skills" to exploit, abuse, and wield power.
*He will favor and offer help to people who are down as long as he thinks they will be useful to him later on down the road. Such favors might include offering employment, loaning money, or offering personal counseling. He may call in his favor if he sees you slipping away. Also, such opportunities help the narcissist persuade himself that he is good, despite the gnawing awareness of the dark cellar at heart.
*He has an inflated sense of superiority which propels him to recklessness; for he is subject to fantasies of omnipotence and unequalled brilliance, and he feels that he is above the law. And it is this sense of superiority that allows him to underestimate the intelligence and determination of his adversaries.
*He is indifferent to injustice and it's victims, but he rages against the person who is a threat to his charade and/or who refuses to cooperate with his underhanded schemes. "
Comments:
- It sounds like you have been following my former Pastor/Apostle/Prophet around for a couple of years while taking notes. I generally refer to the man as my former Narcissist or more simply, the Sweaty Screaming Baboon (SSB for short).
A few other of this guy's machinations included nepotism and the tactical use of the ability to become "offended". I always thought that for a big, tuff-guy, man-of-god, spiritual warrior, apostle that he claims to be...this dude sure gets "offended" a lot.
Speaking of being above the law, this "Apostle" actually committed so many traffic violations that he lost his driver's license in the state of Pennsylvania and had to go to driver's school and re-take all the original tests that we did as teenagers in order to get it back.
He also lost a primo job and a Victorian house (details from his sermons are sketchy) before becoming a "Pastor" declaring himself an "Apostle" and making a living out of convincing other people to give him their money through guilt, manipulation, and the perversion of Scripture.
I could go on with these kinds of examples but suffice to say that Christian International "Apostle Brian" is about as much of an apostle as he is a Cy Young award-winning major league baseball player. That would be NOT AT ALL!
Now that somehow I have escaped from this monstrosity, I find myself marveling at the level of contempt, repulsion and revulsion that I feel for him and his personality disorder. It's like nothing I have ever felt for anyone else anywhere at anytime in my life (including the Navy) and it happened of all places in "the church".
I'm guessing it's just a standard by-product of the residue leftover from 2.5 years of foolishly committing myself and my money to a control freak/manipulation monster.
BTW, he definitely thinks he's a genius.
This GL Blog "The Controlling, Narcissist Leader/Pastor"
ReplyDeleteASB Comment: I learned early in life that this was true in every satus of life where people were grouped together. It was true in , family, church, grade school, high school, occupational jobs, US army, businesse corps., community governments, etc, There are people who are born to be leaders and people who are born to be followers. This difference is even in animal life.
The foundation of the Christian faith is built on this character reality. The whole of Christianity is built on the fact the Son of God gave up His deity position to become Jesus the Christ to take a role of a servant in humanity. If we can have a faith in God we will recognize that being accept as a member of the body of Jesus the Christ is the role of a servant where God is the ruler. A faithful servant will glorify God as the Creator and focus on how great He is not how great they think they are. It is that faith the kept me from building my life on any of these areas of life and accepting the role of a faithful servant in whatever my role was in life. Of course if a person does not believe in the God of the bible they will think it was their intelligence that brought them a self controlled life. ASB
Perhaps the saddest aspect to this is the enduring cycle of permanent damage these miscreants have caused. Studies in victimology suggest that the prey often become predators, as they attempt to emulate an example of supposed strength.
ReplyDeleteBB
Mr. Diehl,
ReplyDeleteAre you sure you didn't print out 40 pictures of Dave Pack and tape them to your wall behind your screen when you wrote this article?
What is truly devastating in the christian realm, is being a member that is led or oppressed by such men in a "church" environment where the Holy Spirit is involved. How do members expressing the fruits of the Spirit not get tainted by the "problem men"? The oneness that Christ and the biblical apostles spoke about which was to be reflective towards God from the called out ones suffers terribly when "problem" men radiate by force their character upon their obeisant members.
I have been at church services when members would pre-condemn splinter members whom they have never met just based upon their not up to standard Sabbath dress. Of course that defined standard is dictated by their leader who never ceases to talk down others based upon their dress alone. Then there is the quick to throw out mindset of these "problem" men who encourage the same right on down to the membership who are told to be tattle-tells against other members. So the members miss an opportunity to save a fellow member out of the "fire" because the prevailing mindset is to throw them into the fire. Then there is the insidious war upon "non-believing" family members that come down from the top because that man believes they are a threat to what? Whether it is subtle or egregious, church members participate in the estrangement of those closest to them and then send thousands of dollars to that man who is supposed to be giving a message to the world on the right way to live!
It has been obvious for a long time, that in the COG realm "problem" men have been the ones that taint the spiritual character of church members. And it was obvious in the 1st century to the writers that spiritual ruination came from within. So yes Dennis, we have had and we certainly do "got a problem".
Is this article talking about David Pack and/or Donald Trump?
ReplyDelete1148, yes of course I have a few select former acquaintances in mind and originally titled it "Wadsworth...we got a problem". But then I realized it is bigger than Dave Pack, though he probably epitomizes these abusive traits. He did not invent them however.
ReplyDeleteAlso, while I could have written this myself, I did not and did credit the site from which the original article came. Personally, I have found that if I were to write this , it draws unnecessary fire because, for some, I cloud them actually considering the point of the postings as they go off on me personally for whatever projections or bad experiences they may have had with the ministry or a few of theirs in particular. I prefer the point of the posting be taken seriously more than if I personally wrote it, though I well could.
I don't know why people refuse to recognize the obvious in these types of men in leadership, whether it be religious or political. Yes, Donald Trump is all of these as well and many professionals know it. But like Pack's, Flurry's, Weinland's and others members and groupies, they just either don't see it, which I can't believe, or don't care, which I do. It's how the Hitlers, Stalins, Mussolinis and present day dictators and personality disordered individuals rise to power. It typically ends badly for them but they take a lot of folk with them mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Ministry draws many mentally unstable people. A malignant narcissist, sociopath or psychopath can hide much more easily in ministry than in some other fields though they exist in every field. The leadership, falsely so called, of these one man show churches are not accountable to anyone but themselves. Therein lies the rub. Herbert Armstrong was accountable to no one and put on this false pedestal of "authority" that allowed him to do whatever he wanted in the name of the church no matter how uneffective or ridiculous it was. It's why these men can't take commercial airlines to their destinations and have to have their own jets. It's why they pretend to have Councils of Elders who are just window dressing. Should anyone on those councils actually speak up and hold the narcissist accountable for failures, mistakes and outlandish ideas, out they go to be replaced by more compliant ones.
People and personalities fascinate me and always have as long as I could stay out of their way. The lives and ministries of these men will not end well and nothing they predict or teach extra-biblically about themselves is remotely true.
Many called few chosen. I suppose it still applies......
DeletePS I understand the emotions my used to being a minister, or "one of them" can bring up in some few. Some can't fathom the transition from ministry to agnostic and think I must have "never been" this or that. I can assure you I was very sincere with a generous helping of naivete' in my younger years. Some get irritated that I openly will tell you what I did or didn't believe, do or inflict upon the people in my own sphere of influence which the church clearly would have expected me to teach. (Divorce and Remarriage, Strict family starving tithing, Anointing or Doctor but not both, Lose your job over occasional Sabbath conflicts, Closing your whole grocery store and gutting the leaven from it during UB or not....NOT! etc) I grew up in what I will always consider a practical and common sensed family who had other more pressing life issues to be concerned about than tithing of mind and anise. I am also grateful I did not grow up in WCG and probably would have more of a wreck as a teen and classic "we expect you to go to AC" type. My way of being allowed me to stay in the WCG ministry because I really loved the people I pastored and found the vast majority of them to be just wonderful folk. I was very protective of them in hindsite though there are many things I would have done and said differently now looking back at all the bullshit going on behind the scenes in the church. I simply was out of the loop and I also recognize a certain degree of denial with the hope it would get better once HWA passed from the scene but it only got worse year after year with the change of characters.
ReplyDeleteI'm very happy now and content after 22 years out of it all and having selected a good fit of a career for myself in the time I have left. I have been in Portland for exactly 4 years now and have done over 5000 therapeutic massages with a clientele now that often complains that they never can get an appointment with me when they want it. Good for me...bad for them :)
All that to say, I am content to post things that are relevant to the ongoing drama and craziness of the Churches of God, and don't have to be the one who actually writes it. We will find that these problems are universal in all churches where only the names of the denomination and perps upon the people changes.
I also recognize a certain degree of denial with the hope it would get better once HWA passed from the scene
ReplyDeleteDo you think the people in Pack's group and Flurry's are hoping the same? I know that within LCG there were many problems and even abuses from the beginning, yet many stayed in the hope that things would get better after Meredith's death. Well, as we come up on two years post-RCM, what do we see? The one big change is that RCM's nepotism is past us. Jim Meredith is a field pastor working with his aging father-in-law. David Meredith is doing well for himself off the church payroll. Unfortunately, the old culture of favoritism remains, just in a different way. Gerald Weston has no children, but he has elevated some butt-kissing mediocrities to roles far above their competence. One of these mediocrities is actually a potential security threat as a longtime member of the Chinese-funded Confucius Institute, a shocking and inappropriate role for an ACOG evangelist. Just as with RCM, Weston can't quite see the reality of the talent he has available in Charlotte, as distinguished from the butt-kissers.
One big problem with the "Let's wait until so-and-so is gone, in the hope that it gets better" approach is that the people who hold this approach often end up lowering their standards while they wait. I don't know whether this applied to you, Dennis, but I know some people who in 2005, after the Brookfield shooting, would have left immediately if they had then seen the church in the shape it is in today. They stayed, however, and waited. Now, 14 years later, they have fewer options, so they stay, compromising (and compromised) in ways they never would have imagined back then.
One big factor in this is that there are many situations in which one spouse has "left the church" intellectually and emotionally, even while the other spouse remains gung-ho or at least hoping for the best. How many marriages in RCG or PCG or LCG are like that, with one spouse wearing a mask in the hope of keeping the marriage together? How very sad.
I agree, in hindsight now, 237. The concept of "it getting better" is flawed because there is not much better to get to with the old mindsets still in place and evidently eternally so. Only the names change. I would say I did not lower my standards so much as I tolerated those in high places that needed to raise theirs.
ReplyDeleteIt's tough to keep a marriage together when the church is what you had in common and even where you met and one changes. I realized that when I did marriages, I, really the dreaded and stupid WCG wedding ceremony, was asking a couple to always remain the same but failed to remind them that everything around them was going to be changing. I made my own promises under the guise of idealism that I could not keep. However, the Church, and the scriptures themselves, were not all that good at keeping their promises either.
Dennis, your 4:22 comment about marriage. I think I've come to the belief that till death do us part isn't referring to a physical death. My opinion is that it's death till one partner kills the relationship especially when aided by pack's group. I don't think the other groups are any better either.
ReplyDelete"the prey often become predators, as they attempt to emulate an example of supposed strength."
ReplyDeleteOther prey become perpetual blog commentators where they attempt to emulate wisdom and act like they know stuff.
Donald Trump? MAGA! Long live king Trump!
ReplyDelete"Donald Trump? MAGA! Long live king Trump!"
ReplyDeleteThe world is about to change! The storm is coming.
WWG1WGA!
Great post.
ReplyDeleteMAGA? Add an “S” and what have you got?
ReplyDeleteSimon, is that you?
BB
I was watching a video recently and they mentioned that when it comes to these behaviours you have to look big picture to really see it. When you isolate one incident their exaggerations and excuses can be a convincing cover and lead you to let it go.
ReplyDeleteWhen you step back and look at the overall pattern the truth becomes apparent.
I know when we were finally honest with everything the suddenly apparent evidence was an overwhelming flood that was previously hidden by our own confusion.