Apologies and Why They Matter

"I'm Sorry

I was wrong

Forgive me

Thankyou

I love You"

So very much could be said about the human need to apologize and why apologies matter in life.  In many points we all offend as says the scriptures.  Just interacting with others proves that daily.  

“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.”
― Benjamin Franklin

In my experience, Apostles, Evangelists, Pastors, Members and Administrators were never good at it. Church organizations aren't good at it and one really can't forgive an organization anyway. We have to forgive people and it is people who have to apologize. Dave Pack, Ron Weinland and Gerald Flurry aren't good at it. They aren't even aware of the concept.

Donald Trump evidently isn't either.

"I think apologizing's a great thing, but you have to be wrong. I will absolutely apologize, sometime in the hopefully distant future, if I'm ever wrong."

 Herbert Armstrong never apologized for anything I can recall. He was wont to find a reason God allowed it. Garner Ted may have but the hits just kept playing so that tends to be "I'm sorry I got caught.".  I hear Joe Tkach Sr admitted he was a fool on his death bed but Joe Jr never thought it wise it seems to pass that one to everyone else.  Joe Jr never apologized to anyone for reckless and cold hearted change inflicted and  done in a couple years that have taken mainstream Christianity thousands. 

 Perhaps it was viewed as a weakness to admit one was wrong, mistaken or ignorant. Perhaps it was too easy to hide behind the foolish excuses such as:

God is giving us more time

Well, David was a man after God's own heart and he sinned

Jesus is revealing new truths to us every day

Because I said so that's why

God leads through his Apostle and Ministers

We didn't make you do that

You have a bad, poor or rotten attitude

It's trust and obey for there's no other way buddy

God worked a miracle in the church and we don't have any more money

I'm God's Apostle

I'm God's Minister

I'm God's Elder

I'm God's...deacon

...and so on

“Would 'sorry' have made any difference? Does it ever? It's just a word. One word against a thousand actions.”
― Sarah Ockler, Bittersweet

Yes, I believe it does make a difference

I can think of many things in my life for which an apology was due. I owe and own any number of them towards former wife now deceased, though we did have that talk before her death and my family. I owe  members apologies I have influenced or taught badly along the way. Sincerely but inaccurately. 

I can think of a few sincere apologies the Church might owe myself and my family as well.

There are probably a few that might be in order here on Banned as we observe the Churches of God with a critical eye and then each other for the observing we do or the conclusions we draw. 

Sometimes we're not quite sure what we have said or done.  So we do  the best we can until the mud clears. I am having this particular experience at the moment endeavoring to have a relative return the cremains of my parents to me them being my parents and all and not theirs. So far no good. It seems there is some offense I have committed of which I am unaware holding up the show. No communication and no remains to show for it.  The two, in my world, aren't connected but I don't live in everyone's world where evidently they are.   So we do the best we can do until the waters clarify.

I will make every endeavor not to make a  joke about spineless chiropractors. I just know he'd adjust without them.
:)

Breathe.....I forgive....  

“I wasn't saying whatever they're saying I was saying. I'm sorry I said it really. I never meant it to be a lousy anti-religious thing. I apologize if that will make you happy. I still don't know quite what I've done. I've tried to tell you what I did do but if you want me to apologize, if that will make you happy, then OK, I'm sorry.”
― John Lennon

"Why are apologies so rare? Do people believe that by not owning up to their errors and the harm they've caused that no one will be the wiser?

Puzzled in Peoria

Dear Puzzled,

Many see an apology as a sign of weakness, believing that only the weak apologize.

“Never apologize, mister, it’s a sign of weakness.”
― John Wayne

(My addition to this short article)

 Since ancient times, the vulnerable have depended on the strong. Slaves bowed and apologized to owners; serfs apologized to feudal lords; courtiers apologized to royalty; employees apologized to employers. The reverse was considered unthinkable.

This tradition is unfortunately still with us: for the powerless, apologies are mandatory; for the powerful, they're unnecessary.

This shouldn't exist in modern life but it does, partly because many behave as if they’re “Masters of the Universe,” in Tom Wolfe's apt phrase from his 1987 novel The Bonfire of the Vanities. 

When one friend hurts another, a caring friend apologizes at once. The Master or Mistress of the Universe doesn't: it’s the difference between being empathic and being arrogant.

Some people have more trouble apologizing than others.  As the gifted psychoanalyst Dr. Nancy McWilliams has written, narcissists have particular difficulty expressing remorse because to them it implies fallibility and personal error, admissions that are psychologically intolerable to such people.

Apologies can be difficult for everyone. An apology includes a clear statement of one’s error or offense, such as being disrespectful, underhanded, mean-spirited, deceitful, disloyal, unfair, hurtful, condescending, inconsiderate, insulting, heartless, cruel, abusive, as well as negligent, careless, feckless, and reckless.

Is it pleasant to acknowledge that you've been any of these?  No. It takes self-awareness, backbone, and a strong desire to do right by another human being.

Apologies matter if you value a relationship.

If you imagine that by procrastinating or refusing to apologize you'll evade responsibility forever and make the damage you produced vanish into thin air, you're fooling only yourself. Your friends or family members may no longer mention the injury you caused, but that doesn't mean a painful, unhealed wound doesn't remain. It's never too late to apologize, even decades after you inflicted harm. But, as Benjamin Franklin said, "Never ruin an apology with an excuse."

If you don't know what you've done to hurt or alienate someone: ask. Don't offer a vague, blanket apology "for anything I may have done" or peremptorily insist that the injured person "forget about this; it isn't important."  These tactics show greater concern for yourself -- and your need to "get past this unpleasantness" with transparently empty, unfeeling words -- than for the person you've hurt.

Why Apologies Matter

“Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.”
― Robert Brault 

“If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.”
― Amit Kalantri 

“Apologizing does not always mean you're wrong and the other person is right. It just means you value your relationship more than your ego.”
― Mark Matthews 

I do have to admit that theologically I NEVER understood the reasoning and why of 

"Without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness (of sin)"

Hebrews 9:22

And this doesn't count!

“What's the n-never-fail universal apology?"

"'I was badly misinformed, I deeply regret the error, go fuck yourself with this bag of money.”
― Scott Lynch, The Republic of Thieves