The Plan of Salvation Involves Google And Our Favorite Crackpot Prophet

 

Our favorite crackpot self-appointed prophet is back again with a little blurb in his weekly letter to his 100 Caucasians and some in Africa. In it, he talks about how Google has been vital to his so-called gospel and to the plan of salvation. 

Apparently, when God was creating the foundations of the world he made a place in it for Bwana Bob to rise up in the perilous end times and for Google to be created, both at the same time. Seriously people, how else could God get this message across than by using Bwana Bob and Google! Jesus be damned, it is about Bwana Bob and Google, the two greatest gospel messengers in several millennia! this reminds me of the malarkey that the church used to say about the printing press and air flight technology. The printing press was invented so Herbert Armstrong could write books and articles and airplanes were created so Armstrong could fly to world leaders and talk about "a strong hand from someplace".Isn't the church sooooo special!

The Great Bwana writes:

We have promoted information on church history, the true Church of God, and God’s plan of salvation around the world through our Google campaign as part of the work we are doing to assist in fulfilling Matthew 24:14, Matthew 28:19-20, and Romans 11:25.

Imagine talking about a plan of salvation that does not focus on Jesus. Well, that's the message from Bwana Bob. 

Of course, like any conspiracy-laden COG leader, there are conspiracies floating around meant to discredit Bwana Bob's amazing work and Google is part of the demonic process! 

The Great Bwana to Africa and 100 Caucasins is also twitterpated over the number of "impressions" he has for his site.

As far as our Google campaigns go, we are doing very well. We have now reached over 523,894,002 impressions. That means computers (including ‘smart phones’) around the world have been reached over one-half billion times with parts of the good news for those who put in various search terms. 

 

In the past twelve months, we have made 154,423,552 computer/cellphone impressions through our Google campaign, which is over 12 million per month! And, we were able to do this without increasing our spending for this, but by basically working with Google representatives to improve the reach of our campaigns. 

 

It seems like never before in Church of God history have so few reached so many with so little resources. God has blessed the tithes and offerings we have received to give a witness to multiple millions around the world.

Like everything else from Bwana Bob, you need to take this information with a grain of salt. It sure looks impressive to see over 150 million "impressions" and to Bwana Bob, each and every one as a person who saw the gospel message he thinks he promotes. It doesn't mean they looked at it, it means it just popped up in an ad on what every device they're using. That's some gospel outreach there, Bobby! Truly astounding! Impressions usually never engage viewers, and that's what is happening to Bwana Bbo. People ignore him and rarely click through to actually read an ENTIRE article.

Here is what an impression looks like: 

Impressions are the most basic, utterly mundane interaction you can have with a page. In fact, it’s hardly even an interaction. An impression is a view. When your ad loads and displays in front of a user, that is one impression.

What’s the point of impressions? Well, you can’t have clicks without impressions. Users need to see your ads before they can decide whether or not to click them.

This is typically referred to as CPM, or Cost Per Mille, where Mille means thousand. So if you’re paying for $1.50 CPM, $1.50 will earn you 1,000 impressions on your ads. One thousand people will see your ads, and all you had to do was pay under two dollars.

Fun fact: mille is Latin for “thousand” and is the root of the word millennium.

Some advertisers will pay you for a certain number of impressions. This works the opposite way; you pull in views, and the advertiser will pay you per thousand, typically in the sub-$1 range. This is because it’s incredibly easy to get views, but it’s hard to get anything out of them. The Difference Between Website Impressions and Clicks

And more:

Page Impressions (also: impressions or page views, abbreviated as PI) is a term used in web analytics. It refers to the display or page view of an entire HTML document in a browser. Therefore PIs are also frequently called contacts. If page impressions are registered, it is generally not assigned to a specific user. A user can view multiple pages and create multiple page impressions. 

 

Since it is not possible to make a clear statement about specific user behavior with the help of page impressions, (as it constitutes a quantitative analysis), metrics such as unique visits or visitors are preferred as the basis for traffic analyses for quality web analytics. Page Impressions

Things are not rosy with Bwana Bob and Google though. He imagines they are trying to thwart his ministry:

That said, our Google campaign has been facing difficulties as Google keeps changing its rules on ads. Google is now more and more restricting religious advertising as well as the content of such advertisements. Today, we got more emails from Google showing their biases against “Religious beliefs” in advertising. 

 

Google also seems to think that asking a question is an “unreliable” claim and has suspended at least one of our campaigns because of this. While we have worked with Google on this before, the time may come when this door to reach people may be fully shut–before the coming prophesied famine of word in Amos 8:11-12. However, until such time, we still hope to reach multiple millions more through our Google and other campaigns. 

Poor Bwana! Everyone is always picking on him! It is getting bad when even Google sees that he is spreading false teachings! 

Repent Bob Thiel! Set your people free!