Learn how to pick up a hot date in the produce aisle at your local market.
This is how the one true church does it,
unlike you promiscuous Laodiceans who go to bars and nightclubs.
Would you look to a man who has been an utter failure in prophecy, biblical interpretation, and running a splinter group, to tell you how to date?
Well, get ready boys and girls, the Great Bwana to Africa, and 100 Caucasians is here to do that.
Woo Hoo!
This truly is the most pathetic thing you will ever watch...
narrated by the Great Bwana himself.
The Great Bwana to Africa, Bob Mzungu Thiel has this to say about dating in the greatest Church of God to ever exist in human history!
Should a first date be between two experienced pickup artists interested in fornication? Or should it be between a man and a woman who would like to actually know each other better? Does the Bible give any guidelines that Christians who date should pay attention to? If so, what are some? This brief animation shows a worldly pickup date at a bar, and an inelegant, but appropriate request for a date in a more open environment. Dating should be fun and involve communication, and not regrets. So, check out our animation on worldly vs. Christian dating.
Dating is a key to success in marriage. Should Christians have different dating standards than those who are not real Christians? How are men and women different? Can people fall in love? What should people do on a date? What about getting physical? Who should pay for the date? What should a man expect from a date? What should a woman expect from a date? What should be the authority for morals? What should a date be like? Dr. Thiel addresses these issues and more. This is part one of a two-part series.
What do you do when the Greatest Church of God ever to exist in human history
is so incredibly SMALL that there is no one to date?
Never fear! The Bwana is here!
This is the second part of a two-part sermon on dating for Christians. In it, Dr. Thiel covers subjects such as what do you do if there is no one to date, if Christians can date or marry someone not part of the Continuing Church of God, dating for marriage, and pre-engagement counseling. He also provides answers to questions that teens have had about dating. He goes into the use of ‘social media’, avoidance of trolling, sexting, and some other matters somewhat unique to the 21st century. Dr. Thiel goes over factors such as cultural, racial, financial, age, mental, education, family, and other factors Christians should consider. He also discusses dating for those who have been married before, as well as if married couples should still date.
That first date after listening to the Great Bwana pontificate:
I'll just go to Africa and join his church there so I can have multiple wives and have a witch doctor bless my marriages. That's the CCOG way, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteHaha yes that seems to be the way. Only fake prophet Bob would support the evil African improperly named Continuing Church of Dr. Fake prophet Bob
DeleteI’m sure the weak pathetic little man is an expert in dating. What a joke Bobby boy is.
ReplyDeleteCartoon Bob has HIGH WATER pants, and an appropriately BIG HEAD relative to its body.
ReplyDeleteHey, did anyone else notice that Bob's animated characters really don't appear anything like the typical supermarket patrons, average Americans we'd normally actually see while shopping? They don't even resemble most of the people I've seen attending services at a mega-church! Normally, when I see people like his characters, I would not trust them because they look like members of the John Birch Society or some local religious cult.
ReplyDeleteI have to admit that I didn't watch the cartoons, so have no idea how he treats the dilemma he presented concerning situations when there is nobody available to date, but I tend to doubt that there are any special guest appearances by Jocelyn Elders, or Doctor Ruth.
Jack Chick did have his hardcore following with his little comic tracks, so one never knows, but I tend to doubt that Bob will go viral with these, unless it's for a reason at his own expense.
Dates are nutritious.
ReplyDeleteHis dating advice only works on paper. Although for him personally it did work out in marriage. But his western flock have nowhere to even actually apply it. The numerous Africa groups, sure, they can at least meet folk to date there, but the dating booklet doesn't seem to have enough westerners for even any application.
ReplyDeleteTonto said: "Cartoon Bob has HIGH WATER pants, and an appropriately BIG HEAD relative to its body."
ReplyDeleteLOL! I also love the worldly hairstyle and dress of the characters in his video. He would have a cow if any of his followers arrived at church looking like that. Boob is trying to be hip and up-to-date and ends up looking like a cranky boomer
I like the Laodicean woman in the bar scene. Legs spread, short dress, and then look at where the eyes of the Laodicean man are looking.
ReplyDeleteThey're looking in same place where others remember Meredith looking.
DeleteLady in pub is dressed the way Lucia dos Santos describes to Manuel Ferreira Marques in 1917 of the immodest clothing she saw worn by the vision visitor in Portugal, same short skirt, details not released till 1992.
DeleteWhy does the audio sound like it waa recorded from a bedroom while the speakers were in the bathroom? Ugh.
ReplyDeleteBob records all his shit in his own house. Professionalism is not one of his hallmarks.
ReplyDeleteSad part is, I could make him sound amazing for less than $100 in gear. Problem is, he'd have to learn how to use a microphone correctly, and Bob doesnt strike me as one who takes direction on even the smallest things.
DeleteOh wow, I so needed that laugh. That first minute is great. What an unrealistic view of dating "in the world." I need a tissue to clear the tears from my eyes. So funny...
ReplyDeleteThey're looking in same place where others remember Meredith looking.
ReplyDeleteNo. After a vigorous game of racquetball, Meredith and Gerald Waterhouse didn't go to a bar full of seedy women to finish off their day's activities.
Sorry Boob, do I swipe right or left? That’s all I really need to know.
ReplyDeleteBob needs to join Toastmasters International and learn how to speak. It is obvious that he never graduated from Spokesman Club during his WCG days. He has no speaking ability that is captivating. His video speaking is as bad or worse than his face-to-face speaking.
ReplyDeleteDid you ever see Bob recite actual scripture when he's reading any longer bible passage? He skips many words by trying to read it over too fast (as if he hardly can spare much of his important time with reciting "bible")...but if he quotes his own personal stuff? THOSE SECTIONS are more clearly spoken in careful detail!
DeleteA guy who has trouble speaking detail even on bible quotes but on the other hand, will take extra care when quoting himself, shows signs of inflated ego.
The Wisc. guest speaker who spoke subject of "Are You Filled With Pride & Super Vanity", never asks his own main corral boss that same question, of why their boss skips & pops & stammers while reading bible verses, but sure takes more care when quoting his own long-winded take on this & that.
Love the Ren and Stimpy cartoon!
ReplyDeleteThis "Banned" site is the "new" Spokesman Club, it provides same old critique that we can now launch toward the current puff'd up COG splinters leaders. Those chaps think they are above critique unchecked, but uh oh fellas, (since they check in here to see what's said about them), now they see the buck stops here.
ReplyDeleteAnd now, coming to you live from Dr Bob's bathroom...
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laughs, Bob!
Sooz I go into a Portland bar last night and ask dis woman if she'd like a glass of wine. She says yes, I drink the rest of the bottle and then I ask her to follow me back to my place. She throws the wine at me and calls me a pervert. Bob was wrong.....
ReplyDeleteI get more spiritual truth from" BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD" than I do from Thiel Toons.
ReplyDeleteyes at least Buffcoat & Beaver always learn a lesson and a moral to the story usually
DeleteThat Laodicean chick sure knows how to tempt the Laodicean dude! Was Bob's perverted sub-conscience at work when this video was made?
ReplyDeleteIn the grocery store it should work like this: Hey Cindy, how about a blow job?
ReplyDeleteAs I watched the animation, I wondered what kind of person might watch and be impressed by it to the extent that it resonated with them, and they actually considered it to be worthy life counseling. I mean, that's the point of the project, right? I am not a person of color, but for today's diverse world, this is totally white bread! Even the worldly people at the bar appear to be squeaky clean Christian Caucasians playing the parts of worldly people. In the real world, the worldly lady would have nut-crushing boobs barely concealed by a tight tank top, slacks that she looked as if she was poured into, Chuck Taylor high tops, she would be sporting several tattoos, and her hair would be teased and blown out into a thick mane. The guy would not look and speak as a nerd. He'd probably have a shaved head and goatee, he might be wearing Khaki cargo pants or baggy jeans, and a navy blue T-shirt. Multiple tats, timberland boots. Their conversation would be punctuated with lots of slang, and the setting might be a bar which specialized in craft beers. The place would be packed with God's entire rainbow of people. There would be music, most likely a mix of metal, hip hop, and Country. While the white guy was trying to arrange a hook-up, guys of all ethnicities would also be hitting on the girl, and maybe some gals would be making their pitches as well.
ReplyDeleteThat's the worldly segment. Now, the Christian example of dating would need to have some pizazz added, so it would pop, and people could relate, otherwise, viewers would just watch the worldly example, played first to catch their interest, and tune out the part with the actual lesson. Maybe instead of having the characters seem so sheltered and perfect, they could be relatable people who had already had some bad life experiences, and were seeking the "right" way for the first time, of course without overselling the point being made.
I don't know. Bob's animation is such a relic from the Andy Hardy era, that it's difficult to even make it relevant for our times. Most dating public service pieces treat pitfalls of which one must be aware today, like stds, date rape, early recognition of predators and narcissists, the consequences of intoxication on either drugs and alcohol, the dangers of fentanyl. I can't think of any application for Bob's project other than amongst kids who have just gone through puberty, members of some fundamentalist Christian church group. As it is, most likely, if they were allowed to watch media, even the Amish would chuckle at it!
This is symptomatic of Bob's whole approach with his ministry. He's simply not relatable or relevant. Everything he says or does does not flow naturally, and therefore, people pick up on it as being forced or contrived. Hypothetically, with the captive participants of the hundred year period, his approach might work, but you must relate to obtain the attention of the greater non captive audiences of todays general public when you evangelize.
I am shocked that Bob did not have them holding cucumbers and melons! Oh, wait! Those are Caucasian Christian grocery shoppers. They are perfect in every way.
ReplyDeleteOh, James, that is just too funny! My mother in law from my third marriage bought me a surprising T-shirt shortly after I started dating her daughter. It was a cartoon of two dogs, obviously attracted to one another, and one was saying to the other, "Is it alright to lick on the first date?" I wore that T-shirt until it fell apart, and it never failed to elicit comments! What a cool mother in law!
ReplyDeleteI remember when I was in the Church I read his book about dating. Boy was that a laugh lol 😂. The dumb things he wrote in it are really unbelievable. He rambled on about college, and how you shouldn't date someone who doesn't want you to better yourself or themselves by going. He also rambled on about upbringing. To make sure your date comes from a good background of a married father and mother, and was raised right by a "loving" couple in what he calls "God's truth". Lol 🤣 the book is so funny and childish I think a 5 year old could have wrote a better book. Fake prophet Bob Thiel is such a clown 🤡.
ReplyDeleteYou got me laughin' now, thanks a lot 🙊🎃
DeleteIn CCOG, if a couple is already married, then there is no pressure for college. But as you noted 2:46, the singles of any age old or young there are hassled with guilt to do the college thing 1st before any marriage chat is engaged in.
Upbringing? Wow their main man corral boss can be raised Catholic as a child & that's ok. But the rest of us better not have a human father who lived like a playboy or used dope even if we read the Plain Truth and forsook dear old Dad.
One of the late CCOG guys blabbed that his ancestors were horse thieves, & that didn't spoil his marriage at all. But the Dating book wants y'all to only date those "with good upbringing"? Thanks Bob for the double standards.
The film is hilarious 😂 lol. Funny how he repeatedly uses the term "worldly" lol 🤣 like what does he think he is? He's certainly not of God. He has a high ego of himself there. I thought the first scene was of two brethren at Sabbath services since all they think about in that circus clown show Church is drinking. A bunch of drunks and they oftentimes take booze to services with them, or they run out to a bar as soon as it ends and get stones so Bob Thiel should know a lot regarding the traditional bar scene lol 🤣. Not to mention how Bob is constantly enhancing college degree this, education that college degree this, science this and that when Jesus said that the things of this world such as a college degree is not important and we are not here for things like that, to go out of our way and impress others. God calls broken people, sinners who need him. Not rich, spoiled brats like Bob Thiel and his clan who look down on others because they weren't brought up to his standards. None of his standards are God's standards, they are his human high ego standards. I'm sure many of his brainless followers in Africa already have several wives and would love to know from the great Bob Thiel how they can pick up more. I guess Bob Thiel is stuck with his "old battle-axe" of a wife but that's ok because she's just as bad as him I'm sure. At least he found someone desperate enough to marry him. Drunks!!
ReplyDelete