Crackpot Prophet Says He Is Preparing For His "Fifteen Minutes Of Fame"

God's favorite Crackpot Prophet pounding the beat in Jerusalem

The sun has been blazing like a furious inferno here in mid and southern California, with temperatures skyrocketing into the scorching upper 90s—hot enough to melt sanity itself! This blistering heatwave has clearly deep-fried the noggin of our absolute favorite Crackpot Prophet, the self-anointed God's gift to the church, the world, and probably the multiverse. I mean, who could've possibly scribbled on their apocalyptic Bingo card that the Magnificent Great Bwana Bob Mzungu Thiel would stoop to quoting Andy Warhol of all people? But alas, in this clown car of a reality, here we are, folks...

For reasons that defy all logic, reason, and probably basic physics, the Great Bwana hallucinates himself being dramatically catapulted onto the global stage, duking it out with the Beast Power, the dastardly Baron Karl-Theodor zu Guttenberg (cue ominous thunder), and the entire Catholic Church. Picture this: he and his sidekick Ron Weinland prancing around Jerusalem like a pair of bumbling vaudeville acts, dubbing themselves the Two Witless Witnesses. His so-called "work"—oh, what a masterpiece of delusion!—will be so earth-shatteringly powerful that it'll get axed prematurely, just like a bad reality TV show. And get this: he hilariously cherry-picks quotes from Daniel as irrefutable proof of his own cosmic magnificence. Because nothing says "divine prophet" like a side of biblical fanfic!

The Great Bwana, in his infinite humility, views his utterances as so utterly superfantabulous—nay, galactically sublime—that they'll enrage the Baron faster than a bad tweetstorm, and boom! The crap will hit the fan with the force of a meteor strike! Our villainous Baron will lash out like a scorned soap opera star, launching a full-frontal assault on the hilariously misnamed "Continuing Church of God." He'll round up ex-COG members like they're Pokémon, coaching them to spill the beans, badmouth the Great Bwana, and betray his so-called "true church" in the most dramatic fashion imaginable. See? I warned you—the sun has turned his brain into overcooked scrambled eggs!

And when this glorious crapocalypse finally erupts, the Great Bwana will ascend his pulpit (or whatever rickety soapbox he uses) and bellow to the bewildered world that the Baron is poised to invade the United States, slaughter one-third of its citizens in a plot twist straight out of a B-movie, and then haul the survivors off as prisoners. Meanwhile, billions—yes, billions!—will somehow tune into the Great Bwana's message, infuriating the Baron so profoundly that he'll fling open the gates of hell itself, unleashing chaos upon the church, the world, and probably your grandma's knitting circle.

Isn't it just utterly divine how Armstrongism radiates such serene, peaceful, grace-filled vibes? Truly, a beacon of tranquility in a world gone mad—said no one ever!

We are preparing for something like the “fifteen minutes of fame” that late Andy Warhol indicated individuals or phenomena would be able to experience, as having a short-period of more influence is consistent with scripture. 

At risk of repeat, notice the following from the Book of Daniel: 

25 “He shall stir up his power and his courage against the king of the South with a great army. And the king of the South shall be stirred up to battle with a very great and mighty army; but he shall not stand, for they shall devise plans against him. 26 Yes, those who eat of the portion of his delicacies shall destroy him; his army shall be swept away, and many shall fall down slain. 27 Both these kings’ hearts shall be bent on evil, and they shall speak lies at the same table; but it shall not prosper, for the end will still be at the appointed time. 28 While returning to his land with great riches, his heart shall be moved against the holy covenant; so he shall do damage and return to his own land. (Daniel 11:25-28, NKJV)

28 Then the king of the north will return to his country with great treasures. But on the way, he will attack the religion of God’s people and do whatever else he pleases. (Daniel 11:28, CEV)

Partially because of the warning message we (the people of the holy covenant) are preaching, this will upset the upcoming prince/King of the North (Daniel 11:28). One or more associated with the Continuing Church of God will already have been identifying that the European “prince” (Daniel 9:26-27) who is rising up to become a king, is not able to truly bring peace, but instead teach that he will bring war and will be in league with the final Antichrist. Our presence on the internet, as well as commercial radio (including into Europe) will help many hear the message. 

 

Consider the following: 

29 At the appointed time he shall return and go toward the south; but it shall not be like the former or the latter. 30 For ships from Cyprus shall come against him; therefore he shall be grieved, and return in rage against the holy covenant, and do damage. So he shall return and show regard for those who forsake the holy covenant (Daniel 11:29-30).

30 For warships from western coastlands will scare him off, and he will withdraw and return home. But he will vent his anger against the people of the holy covenant and reward those who forsake the covenant. (Daniel 11:30 New Living Translation 1996 Greg Laurie).

Note: the Hebrew term translated as “Cyprus” in the NKJV is a mistranslation. The KJV uses the term Chittim which means “Western lands.” Hence the King of the North will be stopped by a western naval power (likely the USA and/or its British-descended allies) and the not nation of Cyprus. More details are in the article Who is the King of the North? 

Yet, instead consider also that the King of the North is more enraged by the people of the “holy covenant” than the naval power who stopped him!Why? 

Because he wants to try to stop the supporters of “the holy covenant” from proclaiming the truth about his intentions and truth about the gospel of the kingdom (c.f. Matthew 24:14). The King of the North will attempt to learn more about how to eliminate us and any who follow us by trying to be nice to various apostates (those who “forsake the holy covenant”) he tries to get some of them to betray true Christians (Matthew 24:10). 

Why would this be? 

Most likely this occurs because the people of the holy covenant are proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom (Matthew 24:14, as that immediately precedes “the end”) and teaching that the King of the North is fulfilling prophecies in Daniel 11 and he wants them stopped. 

It is my belief that after the peace deal in Daniel 9:27/11:23 has been made and/or confirmed by “the prince to come,” that the group that best represents the remnant of the Philadelphia era of the church per Revelation 3:7:11, the Continuing Church of God), will be publicly identifying the person who confirmed the deal (“the prince”) as the one who fulfilled Daniel 9:27/11:23-24. This enrages the King of the North so much that he initially tries to eliminate these people through political pressure and selected persecution (cf. Daniel 7:25a). 

Once we clearly identify him, we plan to specifically teach that he is about to destroy the USA (Daniel 11:39) and its British-descended allies (cf. Daniel 8:24-25), and that later he will conquer a confederation of nations in North Africa and the Middle East which will be under the control of someone that the Bible refers to as the King of the South (Daniel 11:40-43). 

We will also be warning that the idea of a human-led utopia is false and that it is only through Jesus’ return and the gospel of the kingdom that such a utopian condition will happen (see also Did The Early Church Teach Millenarianism?). 

This would be expected to trigger major media coverage. Scrutiny of real, as well as claimed, Church of God literature will likely happen and various aspects of real and incorrect COG doctrines will likely be ridiculed. Media coverage would then be expected to cover more of the message we are proclaiming (cf. The Gospel of the Kingdom of God) and this would be associated with the “short work” of Romans 9:28. Media coverage will also encourage people around the globe to check out more of our teachings, which is one of the reasons that we have multiple websites, video platforms, and materials in numerous languages. 

Back to the Book of Daniel: 

33 Those with insight will instruct many, though for a time they will fall by sword or flame, or be captured or plundered. 34 Now when they fall, they will be granted a little help, but many will join them insincerely. 35 Some of the wise will fall, so that they may be refined, purified, and made spotless until the time of the end, for it will still come at the appointed time.

36 Then the king will do as he pleases and will exalt and magnify himself above every god, and he will speak monstrous things against the God of gods. He will be successful until the time of wrath is completed, for what has been decreed must be accomplished. (Daniel 11:33-36, BSB)

“Those with insight” are Philadelphian Christians (and likely some other supporters) who will be instructing many. This is during the time of the short work and this will lead to the fulfillment of Matthew 24:14 and then the ‘famine of the word’ (Amos 8:11-12). 

Some of the Philadelphia remnant will be explaining that it is Jesus Christ and the Kingdom of God and not the rise of a militaristic leader that the world needs. According to Daniel 11:32 it is “the people who know their God [that] shall be strong, and carry out great exploits.” Hundreds of millions, if not billions, will receive at least a partial witness. All of that will likely trigger the King of the North to take actions that lead to the end–this includes the persecutions, pre- (Daniel 7:25a, 11:29-36) and post-tribulation (Daniel 7:25b; Revelation 13:5-7). 

Much of what the volunteers of the Continuing Church of God are now doing is involved with preparing and/or translating materials in multiple languages for multiple websites to provide a witness to those who will later look. As well as the volunteer efforts to support online radio, various internet platforms, combined with commercial radio will garner temporal proclamation success to support the short-work of Romans 9:28 as well as giving the world a witness related to the good news of the coming kingdom of God (Matthew 24:14).