Brother Against Brother: Why Is The Church of God So Divisive?

Why is it that so many of the people lecturing us today on how great they are at restoring "the truth once delivered" turn out to come from families with damaged relationships? Consider Herbert Armstrong, who alienated all of his children; Bob Thiel, with his damaged relationship with his father and family; Dave Pack, who alienated all of his children and grandchildren; and now the Kitchen family.

Samuel Kitchen has spent years waxing poetic about what an amazing father and mother he had, and how they faithfully stuck to the roots of Herbert's message without ever straying, despite numerous ministers and government officials who tried to silence them.

After Samuel's epic failure with his Petra escapade several years ago, his relationship with his brothers deteriorated. He shared too much information about them online, which caused an estrangement with his brother Tim. 

Now Samuel has written a song about his wayward brother, who is now part of the United Church of God. Tim now runs exclusive control of the Worldwide Church of God archives site, which previously was managed by both him and Samuel.

It is truly sad to watch those who take Armstrongism to the extreme and see how it destroys families and relationships. Instead of turning the hearts of the children to their fathers and the fathers to their children, it has built a huge wall that separates them.

Dear lord I come before you now

On my knees, before you I do bow

I pray for a brother who just does not see

Any worth or value that you see in me

Let my rival learn your love and your way!

Let my rival learn your peace and how to be brave 

Dear lord please bless him I don’t want to see him hurt

Oh show him what you do for me every day

He may be my rival, but not for long, for him I do pray…

Dear lord, I am hurt by his words, 

Oh how I ache to see him return

He is my family and he just doesn’t see

All the worth and value that you see in me

Let my rival learn your love and your way!

Let my rival learn your peace and how to be brave 

Dear lord please bless him I don’t want to see him hurt

Oh show him what you do for me every day

He may be my rival, but not for long, for him I do pray…

What can I do to heal this breach?

What can I change to help my brother see?

I seem to be his enemy, but here I pray 

Humble me and keep me in thy way

Let my rival learn your love and your way!

Let my rival learn your peace and how to be brave 

Dear lord please bless him I don’t want to see him hurt

Oh show him what you do for me every day

He may be my rival, but not for long, for him I do pray…

Let my rival learn your love and your way!

Let my rival learn your peace and how to be brave 

Dear lord please bless him I don’t want to see him hurt

Oh show him what you do for me every day

He may be my rival, but not for long, for him I do pray…

You can listen to his video here: My Rival

I was looking at some online sites about why churches are breeding grounds for unbalanced beliefs and actions, and why they treat each other so badly. This is some of what I found:

Some churches appear unbalanced in their beliefs (e.g., extreme doctrines, black-and-white thinking, or rigid rules) and in how they treat people (e.g., harsh judgment, control, division, or lack of compassion) because certain groups function more like high-control or authoritarian religious environments than healthy, balanced faith communities. This imbalance often stems from structural, psychological, and social dynamics that prioritize power, conformity, and exclusivity over grace, mutual respect, and relational health.

What should we expect from a church that worships at the base of the altar of the law and which flippantly discredits grace? When did the Church of God leaders EVER exhibit mutual respect? I could count those times on one hand, even after having all of my fingers amputated. When has the church, from its leaders down to its members, had relational health?

Armstrongism often results in deep personal, familial, and relational damage precisely because its unbalanced beliefs create a high-control environment that prioritizes doctrinal purity, absolute loyalty to the leader/group, and separation from the "world" over healthy relationships, grace, and emotional well-being.
These unbalanced elements—rooted in absolutism, fear-based obedience, and rigid hierarchies—don't just lead to theological extremes; they actively erode family bonds and human connections in ways that many former members describe as devastating. 

Here are some of the points why this happens so consistently:

"Us vs. Them" and Isolation from Outsiders — Armstrongism teaches that mainstream Christianity is deceived or pagan-influenced, and only the group holds the "true" restored gospel. This fosters extreme separation: members are discouraged or forbidden from close ties with non-believers, including family members who don't join or who leave. Holidays like Christmas, Easter, or birthdays are labeled pagan, so families who celebrate them face pressure to cut contact. The result? Marriages break, children are alienated from parents/siblings, and extended families fracture—often justified as "obeying God" over human ties.

Strict Obedience and Authority Structures — Leadership (especially the founder or current "apostle/prophet/chief overseer/pastor general") is seen as God's direct mouthpiece. Questioning doctrine or leaders is equated with rebellion against God, leading to harsh discipline like disfellowshipping. This creates fear: members may report on each other, avoid associating with "dissidents," or prioritize church loyalty over family. Former members frequently report that family members were pressured to shun relatives who doubted, left, or were deemed "Laodicean" (lukewarm). This directly contradicts biblical ideals like turning "the hearts of the fathers to the children" (Malachi 4:6), instead building walls of division.

Divorce/Remarriage and Family Rules — Historical doctrines (e.g., strict rules on divorce/remarriage, sometimes requiring people to leave second marriages) caused immense pain. Even after some changes, splinter groups often retain rigid views that prioritize doctrinal conformity over reconciliation. Combined with tithing demands that strained finances, this led to poverty, stress, and broken homes for many.

Fear, Guilt, and Cognitive Dissonance — Prophecies of imminent end-times (e.g., failed dates like 1975) created urgency and fear. When prophecies failed or leaders showed hypocrisy, members often doubled down on extremes to resolve inner conflict, becoming more judgmental or isolated. This mindset justifies harsh treatment of "backsliders" or worse, "Laodiceans,"  which may include family, as tough love or necessary separation from sin.

Patterns in Leadership and Splinters — Herbert Armstrong had documented family alienation, including rifts with his son Garner Ted (who was ousted amid scandals). Many offshoots show similar issues: leaders like Dave Pack have faced accusations of alienating children/grandchildren through disfellowshipping or control; others like Bob Thiel or various Kitchen family dynamics reflect strained relationships tied to doctrinal disputes or group loyalty. Ex-members' accounts (from forums, books, and sites like The Painful Truth or ex-WCG communities) repeatedly describe ruined childhoods, lost family ties, emotional abuse, and generational trauma—often because the group demanded total allegiance.

In healthier faith communities, beliefs allow room for grace, forgiveness, doubt, and family priority—even amid strong convictions. Armstrongism's unbalanced emphasis on exclusivity, control, and "restored truth" at any cost turns relationships into battlegrounds: loyalty to the group trumps blood ties, compassion gives way to judgment, and love becomes conditional on doctrinal alignment.
The irony is painful: a theology centered on God as a "family" (the God Family doctrine) often produces the opposite in human families—division, estrangement, and lasting wounds. Many who leave describe it as finally finding freedom to love and heal without the fear-driven walls. If this connects to personal experiences, it's a common story in Armstrongist circles, and recognizing these patterns is often the start of recovery.