Over the decades, the Church of God has been blessed with an endless parade of crackpots, each one more unhinged than the last, peddling their precious pet theories, wild speculations, and outright bald-faced lies. It’s this proud tradition of gullibility and zero discernment that has allowed modern con artists like Bob Thiel and Dave Pack to flourish, happily vacuuming up whatever few desperate, wide-eyed followers they can find. Nothing says “led by the Holy Spirit” quite like flocking to the newest liar with a website and a printing press.
Liars have always found the most fertile, well-fertilized ground in the Church of God. It’s practically their spiritual homeland. We’ve endured generations of lying false prophets who knew the exact timeline of end-time prophecy — every single time. (They were wrong, of course, but the next one will definitely be right. Just wait.)
We’ve had genuine crackpots who stood up and declared that four egrets in front of the Auditorium were about to come alive, grab the whole building, and fly it to Petra like some divinely sanctioned Uber, with a fifth egret acting as celestial navigator. And yes, some actual functioning adults left the church to follow this majestic egret-based theology. Truly, the finest minds at work.
Then there was that absolute masterpiece of biblical exegesis floating around Pasadena when I got to college: the unshakable belief that God Himself had personally branded the campus with His sacred name through — wait for it — street signs.
Green Street, Orange Grove, Del Mar, St. John
First letters? G-O-D-S.
GODS.
God’s campus. God’s church. God’s holy vending machines. Some genius actually convinced people this was divine proof. Because obviously the Creator of the Universe moonlights as a city planner in Southern California.
But here’s the real kicker — the biting truth they never want to admit: flip those letters around and it spells DOGS.
And honestly? That makes way more sense. God didn’t claim that campus — He let the dogs have it. The whole thing has been one big theological dog park for decades. A place where every stray crackpot theory could run around off-leash, hump each other’s legs, and leave little steaming piles of false prophecy wherever they pleased.
And the funniest part? That “God’s campus” belief is still limping along today as a housing development and a College-Prep private school, even though the Almighty apparently looked at the property, said “Yeah, I’m out,” and abandoned it decades ago like a bad blind date. But sure, keep clutching those street names, folks. Divine endorsement never looked so… canine.
Maybe this is a prophetic truth that will allow Samuel Kitchen to buy the Ambassador Auditorium and HWA's mansion. This is the COG after all, anything is possible.
What an absolutely stellar, rational, and spirit-led organization this has been.
What an absolutely stellar, rational, and spirit-led organization this has been.
Peak 1st Century Christianity. .
God didn’t claim that campus — He let the dogs have it.
ReplyDeleteWhy be so quick to attribute the outcome to the Divinity? I propose that we still don't know the answer to the question that is dogging us all:
Who let the DOGS out?
Christianity in general is full of crackpots. Just tune in to TBN and you'll see craziness unleashed.
ReplyDeleteAnd as usual you need to be reminded this is NOT about Christians in other churches but about Armstrongism, the one true church, the elect, the chosen, the only true practitioners of 1st century Christianity.
DeleteAnd you try to make it look like only "Armstrongism" draws kooks. They are everywhere and no one should be surprised that there are some in the COG movement.
DeleteOne of my favorite stories that HWA ever told was about a young farmer who went to his local pastor and informed that pastor that God had called him to the ministry.
ReplyDeleteIncredulous, the pastor asked, "So, John, how do you know that God has called you to the ministry?"
The farmer smiled, and explained, "Well, Pastor, last week I was out in my field, working it over with my tractor, and when I gazed up into the sky, the clouds were formed in such a way that I could clearly see the letters PC! You know, Preach Christ!"
The pastor smiled, and replied, "No, John! You are a farmer. Your work is important! It feeds God's children. He was telling you to plant corn!"
Part of HWA's package was his "Seven Laws to Success" As part of that, he taught his readers to avoid being the proverbial square peg in a round hole. He used this story to illustrate that. It was told during an era when a large percentage of the members of the Radio Church of God were farmers.
Oh, no! Now I'm starting to sound like nck! (just kidding.) Seriously, there was some good along with all the bad. We just have to find it and use it. The thing is, the ministry HWA raised up and groomed also misread many of what they considered to be signs. Oddly enough, the tale of the young farmer reveals that HWA actually knew better. In the case of the acronym constructed from bordering street signs, as his own promoter, we see that he allowed the occasional self-serving one through. There is no reason to wonder where Dave Pack, Bob Thiel, Gerald Flurry, Ron Weinland, or for that matter Gerald Waterhouse and Rod Meredith in earlier days, learned hype. They studied at the feet of Gamaliel! (Well, our own flawed version of Gamaliel, anyway)
BB
So thankful I was turned down on AC applying in 1966. I had no intention to go to AC to learn sign language.
ReplyDelete