LCG: When Jesus Returns, LCG Members Will Help Spread The Law Around The World

 

Given the horrible track record of how the church used the "law" to make members' lives miserable, isn't it comforting to know that these same people who have suffered at times will be spreading that version of the law around the world, subjugating millions more? Oh, the joy.

The Way to Peace: In our world today, especially at the end of December, we hear a lot about “Peace on earth and goodwill toward men,” yet the news is full of reports of violence and suffering. The desire for peace is universal, but that hope has remained elusive for most human beings. While world leaders talk of peace and religious leaders pray for peace—and the United Nations sends “peacekeepers” to trouble spots around the globe—the world simply does not know the way to peace (Isaiah 59:8). However, God’s word reveals that the way to peace is to learn to love and live by the laws of God (Psalm 119:165; Isaiah 32:17). The world will learn the way to peace when Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace, returns to this earth and the laws of God are spread from Jerusalem by teachers who are in training now (Isaiah 9:6–7; 2:2–4; 30:20–21). Let’s prepare for that day!
Have a profitable Sabbath,
Douglas S. Winnail 

 

When Jesus returns, the kingdom will be fully realized under the New Covenant. Promises like universal knowledge of God ("no longer shall each one teach his neighbor... for they shall all know me," Jeremiah 31:34) point to consummation at Christ's return and that the church, believers from all nations, inherits the blessings as the fulfilled people of God (Galatians 3:28–29; Ephesians 2:11–22).

There will be no restoration of the Old Covenant or its sacrificial system, as it was temporary and shadowed Christ's work. The future kingdom is governed by grace, internal transformation, and direct access to God through Christ alone. Jesus' return brings the full realization of the New Covenant, not a return to the Old. The Old Covenant's purpose was fulfilled in Christ and set aside.

No one has ever kept the Old Covenant in its completeness, including every single COG group today, nor has any COG member ever fully kept the Old Covenant. It was deliberately set up to be impossible to keep.

_____________________________

And no longer shall each one teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying, 'Know the Lord,' for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the Lord. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more. Jeremiah 31:34

Under the New Covenant, we no longer need a mediator like a pastor general, chief overseer, apostles or even prophets. We will have direct personal access to God - Joel 2:28-29. There will be total amnesty for sins not just covered (as in our annual Day of Atonement) but forgotten. The slate is wiped clean and no longer remembered. That enables the relationship with God. There will also be absolutely no need for COG leaders, evangelists, super deacons, or great Bwanas. "From the least to the greatest" implies equality, fulfilled in a messianic age where barriers dissolve.

The Old Covenant exposed sin but couldn't empower obedience or provide permanent atonement. The New Covenant provides regeneration (new heart), indwelling Spirit, and total forgiveness—enabling what the Law demanded but couldn't produce (Romans 8:3–4).

There will be no reverting to temple sacrifices, Levitical priesthood, or Mosaic regulations because that would be regression, not progress (see also Hebrews 10:1–18; Galatians 4:9–10). This directly counters any theology that expects a restored Levitical system in the future as some in COGland believe.

Even the Sabbath and holy days (as we claim to know them) will no longer be in effect. People will have their "Sabbath rest" living in the presence of Jesus. The holy days, as we claim all point to Christ, will no longer be necessary since that "point" is dwelling among us, and then would serve no function.

We will have the confidence of access. We will approach God directly through Christ, without human mediators or rituals (Hebrews 4:16; 10:19–22).

We will have the assurance of forgiveness: Sins are not just covered but removed—"remembered no more."

We will have empowered obedience: The Spirit writes God's law on our hearts, producing genuine transformation, not external conformity.

Hebrews 8 warns about returning to legalism or ritualism that denies the sufficiency of Christ's work.

In essence, Christ’s return brings the complete realization of the New Covenant in grace, making any form of Old Covenant legalism, ritualism, or hierarchical church leadership unnecessary and contrary to Scripture, thus will not require any COG-trained member wandering around the world preaching Armstrongism.

Catty Gerald Weston Just Can't Help Getting Digs In Against New Years and Christmas

 

Gerald Weston penned his latest intro to his weekly member letter. As usual in COGland, the leader has to demonstrate how superior the COG is over other Christians, particularly when it comes to New Year's and Christmas. It is so comforting to know that COG members are so much more enlightened than the worldly Christians and those who celebrate New Year's and party too much (much like some LCG members do at the Feast, but you never hear Weston mention that).

While much of the world is sleeping in this morning after a night of frivolous partying to ring in a new Roman calendar year, we are busy in the office doing the Work to which we’ve been called. Mr. Wallace Smith and I recorded telecasts today, and others are taking care of end-of-year chores. While regular income has been rather anemic for several months, the year has ended with a very strong December and special donations of $20,000 or more have exceeded last year’s. Last week’s Family Weekends were a huge success, giving hundreds of members a welcome relief from the shallow music and worldly celebrations of this time of year.

Shallow music...ROTFLMAO! Take a look at a COG hymnal! War, death, destruction, and taking delight in smashing opponents underfoot.

Weston has also called a fast for January 31. Myanmar brethren are being persecuted while sickness, job loss, and financial difficulties are plaguing the church.

More than one member has asked about a Church-wide fast for our members in Myanmar or due to the general state of the world in which we live. I’m therefore calling for our members to join in a voluntary fast on January 31. We understand that some members, such as those involved in Tomorrow’s World Presentations, will need to choose a day or two before or after due to previously scheduled events, but for the majority of us that Sabbath should work just fine. In addition to the situation in Myanmar, many of our members are suffering from individual trials of sickness, job loss, and/or financial difficulty. Let us beseech our Creator to intervene for His sons and daughters.

God as Man: Armstrongism Missed the Mark on the Incarnation

 

Joseph, Jesus, Mary

God as Man

Armstrongism Missed the Mark on the Incarnation

By Scout

When he was born as Jesus Christ, he was flesh and blood, materialistic and could be seen, touched and felt.

― Herbert W. Armstrong, Mystery of the Ages, p.41, First Edition, 1985

We are in the Advent season and for many Christians the mind turns to the Incarnation.  I do not like the term incarnation.  It’s fine after you come to understand what it really means.  But at first cut it sounds like a narrow reference to the physical flesh.  Like the Advent is all about fleshliness.  But the incarnation isn’t about metabolism, cellular structure and endocrine secretions.  I would rather see the term “humanization” be used.  Humanization encompasses a larger span of meaning.  But who am I to meddle with church terminology?

An abstract of this essay, if you don’t want to read the rest, is that the Christian doctrine of Incarnation means that Jesus was fully God and fully man when he was on this earth.  And now he is still fully God and fully man.  The Armstrongist doctrine is that Jesus was fully God as the Logos but was transformed fully into the flesh as Jesus.  Then Jesus was resurrected and glorified as God. Jesus was never, ever fully God and fully man.  He was always one or the other.  And the Armstrongist model of the incarnation is in error.  And the erroneous view is not supported by exegesis. That is my theme in brief.  

Disclaimer: Before I start, I have to say that I am not really sure what Armstrongism declares concerning the incarnation.  I searched an archive of Armstrongist literature and only found the term “incarnation” in connection with pagan belief or purported pagan belief.  One would have to conclude that Armstrongism does not really have a strong doctrine of the incarnation.  There are just some scattered statements.  Denominationally, Armstrongism takes great pride in its rejection of Christmas and its meaning based on the illogic of pagan connections and calendar calculations but theologically and exegetically the denominations seem to be absent from class. 

The Conjectural Armstrongist “Model” of Incarnation

Armstrongism does not have a well-defined, comprehensive model for the Incarnation.  I am surprised by this hole in their theology.  The Incarnation may seem peripheral but it is directly related to the Antichrist.  In 2 John 1:7 we have: “For many deceivers are entered into the world, who confess not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh. This is a deceiver and an antichrist.”  Since Armstrongists are interested in all things prophetic, it seems like they would have a finely parsed doctrine of the Incarnation. Lacking a clear, coherent statement of the doctrine, the most I can do is develop a “strawman” that I believe represents the Armstrongist view.  The strawman is built on the pre-1995 writings of the Worldwide Church of God (WCG).  My strawman may not reflect what current Armstrongism intends.  If there are counterpoints, I would welcome the debate.  I just do not know who credibly speaks for Armstrongism at this time.  This underscores the fact that Armstrongism is no longer a monolithic doctrine but a decentralized collection of somewhat divergent beliefs.

My guess is that it is safe to start by saying that Armstrongism rejects the orthodox Christian view of the Incarnation.  The orthodox view is that Jesus was fully God and fully human and remains so to this day – in a nutshell. The Armstrongist belief is that Jesus was fully God in the pre-existence.  Then he was made flesh, that is, he became human. And this means that his ontology changed.  He no longer had a divine ontology but rather a human ontology.  His essence was now different.  In authority, he was yet God.  But he no longer had the divine capabilities of God because he had emptied himself of the divine ontology.  If he did anything miraculous during the period his was flesh, it was done through angels or the Holy Spirit.  Then when Jesus died, he was resurrected and glorified and regained his divine ontology.  So, Jesus was fully God, then became fully man instead and then back to fully God. 

It would be naïve of me to believe that all the denominations of Armstrongism now on the land would agree with this characterization.  It is likely that there will never be among Armstrongists a single view of the Incarnation.  Page 41 in the First Edition MOA is as close as we can ever get to a doctrine-like statement.  

Fully God and Fully Man: Where Armstrongism Misses the Mark

In brief, the orthodox view of the Incarnation is that Jesus was fully God as the Logos, then when he came to live with us he limited himself and became fully human but without losing his full divine ontology and when he was resurrected he became a single Person with two natures, one divine and one human.  This dual nature in one being is referred to as the hypostatic union.  We can make up a term to refer to the state and operation of these two conjoined natures but nobody knows how it happens.  To our eyes, it is a miracle. 

In critiquing the Armstrongist view, the first question that comes to mind is whether it is even existentially feasible.  Can someone undergo a change in ontology and still be identified as the same being?  If the Logos somehow were re-made as the human Jesus, would that not be like destroying the original and making a scaled down replica?  And could the human Jesus really be remade as God – the finite becoming infinite?  This idea would fit well with the Armstrongist concept of humans becoming God-as-God-is-God, but I have my doubts that ontology can be flipped back and forth.

We have no laboratory where we can conduct experiments concerning changes in ontology.  Such change is not known in the Nature that we are familiar with.  What we do have are the non-experimental and pre-emptive declarations of God himself.  In Malachi 3:6, we have the statement, “For I am the LORD (Yahweh), I change not.”  The way this is couched verbally, one receives the distinct impression that one of the attributes of Yahweh is that he does not change.  This presents a problem to the Armstrongist view which posits that God did change in his very essence.  The Logos changed from God to a human being and then back again.  The Christian view is that God does not change and is immutable.  And when the Logos became incarnate, he did not change his Deity but limited it and acquired an additional nature – that of a human being. But human ontology is created and Jesus was the Creator.  So, it is not like subsuming the human ontology is really a change in the divine ontology.

There are other inconsistencies.  Jesus came to earth as a King.  He was the King of the Kingdom of God.  He stated in John 18:36, “My Kingdom is not of the world.”  But if Jesus were only a flesh and blood human as Armstrongism asserts, he could not be the King of the Kingdom of God.  Paul states in 1 Corinthians 15:50, “Now this I say, brethren, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; neither doth corruption inherit incorruption.”  If Jesus were only human then he was totally corruptible.  So, one is inevitably led to the conclusion that he was much more than just a human being and Armstrongism was wide of the mark. 

HWA said many times that the reason that Jesus could pay for the sins of the entirety of humanity is because he is God our Creator and is worth more than all of us.  I agree with this.  It only makes sense.  But if Jesus were nothing more than a corruptible human being at his death, if he had lost his ontology as God, he was worth only one person and HWA’s arithmetic fails.

In the last analysis, the scripture states that Jesus was still God when he was on this earth.  Not just by designation but by ontology, by his existential essence.  Paul states in Colossians 2:9, “For in him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead (Greek, theotes, the state of being God) bodily.”  Even while in a human body, Jesus was carrying with him inherently all the fulness of the Deity.  And if all this still seems equivocal, there is the explicit statement of Doubting Thomas in John 20:28.  Thomas explicitly refers to Jesus as “ho theos.”  This is a Greek locution that uses the phrase “the God” to refer to the one and only great God.  It does not refer just to someone who may be heroic or god-like. If Jesus were just a human, he might have rebuked Thomas for this faux pas.  But Jesus accepted the language in reference to himself.  And you can be sure that Jesus knew his own ontology. 

Summation

There are many more arguments that could be made that support the Christian view of the Incarnation and they are found in most systematic theologies.  I like the ones I have presented above because they tend to be on the minority side – not often cited, if ever.  But if you happen to have been an Armstrongist at one time, these ideas stand out.  The unavoidable conclusion is that Christianity is right about the Incarnation.  Jesus was fully God and fully man when on this earth.  And Armstrongism needs to go back to the drawing board.  It’s not like Armstrongism actually made a mistake about the Incarnation.  They never really enunciated the doctrine it seems to me.  So, I find the quote of John Stuart Mill apropos to this case, “"They have never thrown themselves into the mental position of those who think differently from them... and consequently they do not, in any proper sense of the word, know the doctrine which they themselves profess."

 

 

 

 

Another Warning Is Sent To Aaron Dean. Time Is Short! Get Your Act Together!

 

Samuel Kitchen writes:

My job, as it had been made clearer to me recently by Christ, is to make warn and to remind the people of the Kingdom and the government of God and the need to restore that government.

As it was restored through Mr Armstrong, the Worldwide Church of God is the only place the government of God has been restored to.

Imagine a one-man army restoring some fictional form of government back into the church. When the church was toiling under that government, it was abusive and destructive to its members. Why would anyone want to restore that?

I have been online warning, and pointing people back to the ONE MAN God is using, His apostle Herbert W Armstrong and what was taught through him for 16 years now.

This began on January 21, 2010 online. The 6th of Shevat. The same day Mr Armstrong died on the Hebrew Calendar on January 16,1986.

I’m not an ordained minister. The ministry is the BOWL of the candlestick depicted in Zechariah 4.

I was also studying about the Advisory Council of Elders and how they are actually attached to the spiritual body of Christ, in organization with the unincorporated spiritual organism.

Jesus does NOT have an advisory council of elders. He never has and ever will  

Mr Armstrong as apostle formed A.C.E, by the authority of Jesus Christ and in the name of Jesus Christ.

That so-called "Jesus authorized" council was nothing but a straw man. It was a group of men who were "yes men" who never held the so-called apostle accountable for the abuses occurring in the church or the heretical doctrines the church held. None of those men had the balls to stand up and take a stand. They all knew the moment they did so, they would be sitting on the curb outside on Green Street. 

So it is HOLY since it was established in righteousness, and by Jesus Christ! Mr Armstrong bound on earth what was first bound already in Heaven, and by inspiration of the Holy Spirit, added the appropriate men.

The advisory council of elders was not and is NOT holy. The men chosen for it by HWA were never holy, and the Holy Spirit was never part of the deal when Herbert hand-picked the yes-men he knew would back him in every decision. 

You are the last remaining member, because the Advisory Council of Elders does continue to exist in the spiritual Body of Christ.

The spiritual body of Christ does not need a council of elders. The focus is upon one person only and should not be upon anyone else. There are no middlemen between Christians and Jesus, especially when it is a bunch of COG elders in the equation.

It hasn’t been “loosened”. When Tkach went off the rails, he left Jesus Christ! And he may continued with something that looked like what God had previously established, but it was a demonic doppelgänger!

In the hands of a destroyer, is it any surprise those things ended up as nothing?

But I’m talking about the everlasting Word of God that hasn’t been broken. A.C.E was established in the Lord for the Church! Not the organization.

The advisory council of elders was not established for the church. It does not need it. It was established by men to control members.

The ministry after the death of Mr Armstrong, organized themselves outside of the Worldwide Church of God. They tried to form candlesticks, and operate in what they thought was BETTER than the Worldwide Church of God.

You’ve been attempting to talk about Mr Armstrong to them and their congregations! Tying them back to the government of God, to the one man God has been using.

Some people protest in certain ways, and you end up explaining the mistakes and obstacles Christ’s servant had to overcome and face.

The Body of Christ, is connected together through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, and our fellowship with God the Father and Jesus Christ and in truth.

By bringing the people back to the apostle, you are providing the means for the golden oil to flow freely to them. Satan wants to stop that flow.

Herbert W Armstrong is the golden calf of the church. Not one single person needs to be "brought back" to HWA. No one needs to return to the swill of the past. A Christians focus is always upward and forward, not backwards 

You are attempting to do it with a separate candlestick, but I’m here to provide the extra dimension of you needing to be away from the separated and divided portion that was formed by those vacating the Church.

If you have to deny what the apostle instructed to create a new structure as Victor Kubik and Joe Tkach Jr did inside the WCG in 1993, and then they split apart 2 years later forming their power blocs, to form new churches?

Thats not established in righteousness. Thats not based on my own interpretation, if you go to God’s Word, it is made clear by many examples, that sin is sin. Disobedience is sin.

And while men have had good intentions, WE have the right to the tree of life, and we should not take unto ourselves to decide what is right and wrong. But submit to God wholly and choose life.

If you are a real follower of Jesus, you no longer need to worry about doing it the right way or the wrong way. That has been settled, once and for all. The slate has been wipted clean.

Be zealous. Get excited. Get passionate. Lukewarm doesn’t suit you Mr Dean. And you can only do so much with lukewarm people.

Revelation 11 says to exclude those who are in the outer court. We can’t bring them to Christ! The tribulation will be used by Christ to wake them up!

But you are like a branch plucked from the fire. Sticks have been bundled up in groups to be burned. You have been pulled by the hand of God, and INCLUDED through my labor, when all others were happy you were just a minister of UCG.

I’m gonna share this online. People need to be excited for what Christ is doing.

There is not one single thing that is evident here that Jesus is doing.  It is just delusions of one man who may be sincere, but is sincerely wrong.

Remember what Mr Armstrong taught and adhere to it. Don’t let others in lukewarmness overrun you and lead you to where you are unable to perform your ministerial duties inside the Worldwide Church of God. You can’t ride the fence any more.

At the close of these FORTY YEARS, will we be found believing the true report, or assembling with those that stay in the wilderness?

What was established by God? What was bound on earth as it was bound in heaven?

Those who are wicked , who’ve been hiding their real face, might come out of the woodwork in the next few weeks. As per Revelation 22, says, about a time when God says ENOUGH! If you are filthy and wicked, you’re locked in! If you are Holy and righteous, then you are locked in.

As January 16 rapidly approaches, watch for all kinds of craziness to erupt in the various COG groups. It will be 40 years since HWA died, and the numerologists will be having a field day. 

I wonder if it is the blessing of 1335 days. Those who received the promise and blessings of God went into the promise land at the end of FORTY YEARS.

Could the two witnesses in Jerusalem receive POWER on Pentecost? If you look at all the parables of Christ, it talks about the end times and the two witnesses two. When Christ said I will give power and authority to my servants, WHEN DID THAT OCCUR? Who would be there? Those who were of ONE ACCORD, with the apostles.

One thing we can rest assured of, if there are two witnesses needed, they certainly will NOT be from Armstrongism! 

Will we be there?

In Christ’s name,

Samuel W Kitchen

Dave Pack: I Am God's Private Detective-His Private Investigator

One thing that's glaringly obvious in the glittering paradise of COGland is that the assorted "gods" the pompous Church of God overlords have custom-ordered for themselves are hands-down the most laughably incompetent deities ever slapped together by mortal daydreams. I mean, honestly—why do these divine superstars always turn out to be such spineless, bumbling, utterly powerless disasters?

Let's start with Herbert's god, shall we? The one "miraculously rediscovered" in the thrilling aisles of an Oregon public library after a whopping 1,900-year nap. Picture this: an allegedly all-powerful creator of the universe so catastrophically useless that he couldn't even manage to safeguard his own sacred word from getting misplaced like a forgotten grocery list. And when HWA finally heroically rescued him from obscurity, he was so mortified by the sheer mediocrity of the fellow that he dared not utter his real name—instead settling for the oh-so-epic "a strong hand from someplace." Truly the stuff of legendary reverence.

Then we have Gerald Flurry's god, that exquisite Frankenstein monster stitched together from HWA's wildest hallucinations and Flurry's own deluxe delusions. This pathetic specimen is such a monumental underachiever that it couldn't get by on the Bible alone—oh no, it desperately required two shiny supplemental books (Mystery of the Ages and Malachi's Message) just to patch up the glaring holes. And brace yourself: this supposedly omnipotent ruler of everything is apparently too feeble to head straight to Jerusalem for the grand New Jerusalem reveal. Instead, it must first touch down in glamorous Edmond, Oklahoma, for a tacky coronation ceremony on a creaky garage-sale throne, clutching a filthy lump of rock excavated from... Oregon. Forget the breathtaking splendor of Westminster Abbey and the authentic Stone of Scone—this cosmic loser has to make do with a glaring spotlight on the Armstrong Auditorium stage as Gerald's grandchildren dance an Irish jig. How utterly divine.

But wait, the real MVP of divine incompetence has to be Dave Pack's god—a hopeless, flip-flopping clown who can't even commit to a return date in Wadsworth, Ohio. Week after endless week, year after embarrassing year, this alleged almighty fails spectacularly to float down in thunderous glory, strut across Dave's "sacred" manicured lawns, or mount Dave's prized pale horse. Poor, bewildered Dave, forever scratching his head over the eternal no-shows, has gallantly promoted himself to God's personal detective to crack the case. Yet all that "genius" sleuthing has accomplished zilch, leaving Dave perpetually clueless and looking like the ultimate fool as one "absolutely set in stone" deadline after another fizzles into oblivion. Just imagine the tragedy—all those blockbuster sales this god has tragically missed at the Giant Eagle right across the street! Heartbreaking, really.

Crackpot Prophet Finds Another Way To Weasel Out Of Being Held Accountable

When one reads the biblical accounts of the Hebrew prophets, they were men of unshakeable integrity who boldly proclaimed God's messages without a hint of hesitation. Kings and princes trembled before them, many were dramatically humbled and silenced, and some even sparked nationwide repentance. None of them ever apologized. They were absolutely convinced God was on their side.

Yet here we are in the thrilling new year of 2026, and God's self-proclaimed greatest prophet in these perilous end times has once again discovered a brilliantly convenient escape hatch to avoid ever being held accountable for a single word he utters.

Behold Crackpot Bob Thiel—the one-man splinter-group assembly line—who modestly assures the world that he's basically Elijah 2.0, Amos with a blog, and Jeremiah with superior Wi-Fi. Truly, the Bible foretold that in the last days God would raise up a prophet who would... let me check my notes... receive a "double portion" blessing during a casual prayer before meeting his spiritual daddy, then spend the next decade explaining why that obviously makes him divinely appointed.

It all began so innocently back in December 2011, when Crackpot Bob headed to Living Church of God (LCG) headquarters in Charlotte for yet another valiant attempt to set his spiritual daddy, Rod Meredith, straight on the church's supposedly wrong teachings. Before the big showdown, Bob tried to corner ministers Jeff Fall and Gary Ehman, but they wisely gave him the slip. Undeterred, our hero settled for kindly elder Gaylyn Bonjour, who agreed to pray over him.

And then—in what Bob insists was a totally unplanned, Holy Spirit-orchestrated moment—Bonjour, being his emotional French-ancestry self, prayed for Bob to receive a "double portion" of God's Spirit. You know, just like Elisha asked Elijah in 2 Kings 2. Completely accidental! Bonjour later clarified he'd never done that for anyone else and certainly wasn't anointing a prophet. But Bob? He heard the prophetic mantle drop louder than a thunderclap. Who cares that Bonjour explicitly said he meant no such thing—God clearly works through inadvertent slip-ups, right?

Fast-forward a bit: after years of LCG leaders like Roderick Meredith tossing out offhand encouragements like "God may consider you a prophet" (the kind you say to be nice, not to launch a new denomination), Bob decided the moment was ripe. LCG wasn't fixing literature errors quickly enough, wasn't proclaiming the "final phase of the work" exactly his way, and—horror of horrors—dared to criticize him publicly. Obviously, this was persecution rivaling the ancient prophets! So in late 2012, Bob dramatically exited LCG and founded the Continuing Church of God (CCOG), insisting he was not self-appointed (perish the thought!) but gently nudged by dreams, an accidental double blessing, and some vague compliments from ex-colleagues.

It wasn't long before the Great Bwana started presenting himself as the modern reincarnation of Amos, Joshua, Abraham, and pretty much every other Hebrew prophet who ever lived. While the Old Testament prophets reluctantly accepted undeniable calls backed by miracles, signs, and flawless records, Bob's grand elevation rests on a misinterpreted "double blessing" prayer, some self-decoded dreams, and a mountain of self-justification. Humble? Hardly. Biblical? Critics argue it's closer to the presumptuous false prophets warned about in Deuteronomy—the ones who lead people astray.

Relentlessly mocked for the ever-growing pile of mantles he's draped over himself, Crackpot Bob has yet to demonstrate even a fraction of the boldness or accuracy of the prophets he claims to embody. Unable to make a single bold, accurate prediction, he constantly scrambles for new weasel words to dodge accountability.

Forever dragging poor Herbert Armstrong into his theological mess, Crackpot Bob piously quotes HWA, but rewrites it according to his standards:

Don’t simply believe me – Believe what the Bible really Teaches – Believe the Truth – Prove all things – Believe God! 

And I will take it one step further. Irrespective of how any may view the role that God has for me, unless I am directly quoting the Bible, or preface a statement to something of the effect of “thus saith the Lord,” I am NOT necessarily stating anything that is not subject to later correction. We who are truly part of the Church of God only accept as inspired the 39 books of the Old Testament and the 27 books of the New Testament and no other document. Therefore, although other current and historical documents/articles/books/booklet/posts by various Church of God leaders throughout history often have value, as they generally also tend to contain personal opinion, we do not consider that any of them are on the same level as sacred scripture, and hence believe that they can contain error.

Oh, isn't that rich? Here we have a man who has published a myriad of books and booklets that all circle back to pointing at himself as the end-time authority, while smugly lecturing other COG leaders for treating Mystery of the Ages and similar works as gospel truth. Our Great Bwana would never do that... would he?

And did you catch the masterful escape clause he slipped in at the very beginning? Unless he explicitly says "thus saith the Lord" before one of his prophecies, he cannot—repeat, cannot—be held accountable when they crash and burn.

He refuses to be held accountable for anything. Ever. How utterly prophetic.

And so, as we stumble into yet another glorious year of end-time enlightenment—2026, no less—the saga of Crackpot Bob Thiel reaches its predictable, magnificent climax. The man who bravely cloaked himself in the mantles of Elijah, Amos, Jeremiah, Joshua, and basically every prophet who ever thundered from a mountaintop has finally perfected the ancient art of prophetic invincibility: absolute, airtight, bulletproof unaccountability.

No more pesky failed predictions to explain away. No more embarrassing dates that come and go without so much as a divine firework. No need to apologize like those weak Old Testament prophets who actually had to deliver verifiable messages from an actual God. Why bother with miracles, signs, or accuracy when you can simply declare—piously, of course—that nothing you say is binding unless you pinky-swear it with a “thus saith the Lord”?

Truly, brethren, behold your end-time apostle: the one who receives accidental double portions, deciphers his own dreams, publishes libraries of books pointing to his own greatness, and then humbly reminds everyone that only the Bible is inspired—conveniently forgetting that his entire claim to authority rests on a decade of personal interpretation, self-coronation, and theological gymnastics that would make a contortionist blush.

In the end, the Great Bwana stands triumphant—not over nations repenting in sackcloth and ashes, not over kings trembling at his words, but over the one thing no biblical prophet ever mastered: the flawless, eternal escape clause. He has boldly gone where no true prophet dared: into the blissful paradise of never, ever being wrong.

What a legacy. What a witness. What an utterly prophetic way to prove that in the last days, mockery itself shall be fulfilled.

 

Crackpot Bob Releases His Annual Prophecies For 2026 And Its As Stupid As You Can Imagine

 

I seriously doubt the Holy Trinity ever imagined the sheer comedic goldmine they'd unleash when they greenlit "Crackpot Bob" as the end-times entertainer extraordinaire—tasked with bombarding us with his "prophecies," finger-wagging admonitions, and full-blown delusional rants during these allegedly perilous days. Face it: the Big Three upstairs probably just wanted some guaranteed laughs to spice up the 2000s, because who else could deliver this level of reliable, cringeworthy hilarity?

Here we are in 2026, marking the 40th anniversary of Herbert W. Armstrong's death (January 16, to be precise—happy milestone, folks!), and Crackpot Bob is still convinced he's the anointed heir apparent, bravely carrying the torch. The gut-busting punchline? Herbert himself would've yeeted Bob out the door quicker than a heretic at a heresy trial the second he sniffed affiliation with that glorious trainwreck of a splinter group founded by Raymond McNair and Rod Meredith after their dramatic apostasy from the "Mother Church." Talk about inheritance denial!

In his infinite (self-proclaimed) wisdom, Crackpot Bob remains utterly persuaded he's the most brilliant mind the Church of God has ever birthed—a crown he humbly bestowed upon himself, naturally. So he figured the fractured COG masses would instantly spot his radiant genius and desert their groups in droves to enlist in his epic legion of true believers. Reality check: Crickets. Instead, he's become the eternal piñata for ministers in United Church of God and Living Church of God, plus an endless parade of blogs, websites, Facebook groups, Substacks, TikToks, Reddit threads, and social media roasts that treat him like the gift that keeps on giving.

The poor guy's brain simply short-circuits at the idea that anyone could question his "divine dreams"—or that a few loyal fans supposedly dreamed about him too. That's his foolproof credential, apparently, to wow every COG member into submission. Spoiler alert: It backfired spectacularly, with pretty much everyone piling on the mockery. And let's not overlook his ridiculous fetish for hijacking Old Covenant prophet titles—he's the COG's own Sybil, churning out phony personas left and right to bamboozle the naive, stacking up self-appointed mantles like they're going out of style.

Year after year, Crackpot Bob triumphantly declares his "legitimacy" is cementing itself harder than ever, while the rest of us rubberneck this spectacular slow-motion car crash of pure, unfiltered nonsense. But does that slow him down? Nope! He's ringing in the New Year with his latest blockbuster: a list of "26 prophecies" (or "things to watch," whatever he's calling it this cycle) for 2026. And claiming the coveted #1 spot? Drumroll... people will mock him. Wow, bold prediction there, Nostradamus—finally nailing something 100% guaranteed, like death, taxes, and endless eye-rolls from the peanut gallery. If only he'd prophesy something risky, like "water is wet," we'd really be impressed!

Here are 26 things to watch in 2026 during this time, and prior to the start of the Great Tribulation. Notice how intentionally vague he is. Crackpot Bob never wants to be that one prophet who actually takes a stand with some prophecies. Instead, it's as vague and as utterly useless as a chocolate teapot is.

1. Scoffing in the Last Days

2. Immorality Prophecies Being Fulfilled 

3. Media, Internet, and Other Censorship 

4. Weather Sorrows and Troubles

5. Earthquakes and Volcanoes

6. The White Horse of the Apocalypse

7. Strife and the Red Horse of War

8. Trade Issues

9. European Trade Moves

10. The Deal of Daniel 9:27

11. Knowledge Increasing

12. Debt

13. US Dollar Dominance will Decrease

14. Central Bank Digital Currencies (CBDCs) and 666

15. Gold

16. Unrest, Terror, and the Dividing of the USA 17. Europe Will Work to Reorganize

18. Europe Will Have a Great Army and Many Ships

19. Steps Towards the Formation of the King of the South

20. The Time of the Gentiles will Lead to Armageddon

21. Jews Readying to Sacrifice

22. Inventors of evil things

23. Unintended Consequences of the Trump-Vance Administration

24. Totalitarian Steps

25. Preparation for the Short Work

26. Fulfillment of Matthew 24:14 and 28:19-20

In short: Same old doom porn laundry list, guaranteed to have something vaguely "come true" by cherry-picking, while the big ticket items (European army, major wars, etc.) get kicked down the road yet again. Truly groundbreaking stuff from the COG's most prolific dreamer. Can't wait for the 2027 edition where #1 remains eternally safe.