Fred now has some stiff competition! The LOLCat Bible is nearing complete translation! Forget the Message Bible or that old Living Bible that you have on your bookshelf gathering dust. This one rocks!
Genesis 3
From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
Sneeky Snaik trikz Boi an Gurl
1 Sneeky snaik is sneeky. Teh snaik sed to teh gurl, "'No eat froot,' Ceiling Cat says? 'Or u die,' Ceiling Cat says?"2 An teh gurl sed, "We can has froot.3 But we no can has froot frum teh tree in teh middl of teh gardn. Ceiling Cat sez, 'If u tuch it or nom it, ull die. So pawz off.'"
4 Teh snaik lol'd an sed, "U wont die frum froot, srsly.5 Ceiling Cat just sed dat cuz teh froot will maek u guyz smart. U guyz wud be ceiling catz, cuz u wud has morulz!
6 Teh gurl saw teh froot had a flavr, an it lookd yummy. It wud giv her sum morulz, too. So she nom-nomd teh froot. She gaev sum to teh boi, an he nom-nomd teh froot too.7 Then thay got morulz, so it didnt taek too long to figgur owt thay wuz naked. Boi an gurl maded sumfin owt of leevz to keep teh praivits praivit.8 Wen thay heerd Ceiling Cat chasin buttrfliez in teh gardn, thay jumpd in a bush to plai hide-an-seek, xcept thay hopd Ceiling Cat wud frget bout teh "seek" part. He didnt.
9 Ceiling Cat sed, "Boi? Boi?? BOI!!!"
10 Boi sed, "O hai. I heerd u ovr thare, but ai freekd owt cuz ai wuz naked, so ai hid in teh bush."
11 Ceiling Cat sed, "Wayt a minit! How did u fynd owt? U didnt nom teh bannd froot, did u?"
12 Boi said, "Rmembr teh gurl u mayd for me? Ai onli eated teh froot cuz she gaev it to me."
13 Ceiling Cat sed to teh gurl, "U did WUT?" Gurl said, "Teh snaik playd durty trik on me, an ai eated teh froot. It taystd gud, but dat not poynt."
16 Ceiling Cat sed to teh gurl, "Ur gonna hav sum srs hurtz wen u giv birfs to yur kittehs. An frum nou on, yur hubs iz gonna rool ovr u, an u hav to do wat he sayz.
17 Ceiling Cat sed to teh boi, "Cuz u listnd to teh gurl insted of me, teh grownd iz cursd, an ull b wrkin ur buttz off ur hol life. An makin cheezburgers will be vry hard now.18 Ull hav to get rid of weedz to grow stufs, an ull hav to eat teh farm plantz.19 Ur gonna hafta swet leik crazee if u wantz cheezburgerz. An itll b leik dat until u die an turn bak into durt, cuz datz ware u caim frum anywai."
20 Teh boi naymd his gurl Eve cuz she wuz teh mothr of all ppl (an also cuz if he naymd her Bertha he woulda been lol'd at all da tiem).21 It wuz gettin rly awkwurd, so Ceiling Cat mayd sum clothz for dem.22 An Ceiling Cat said, "Lookie, thay iz leik us, cuz thaye has morulz! Letz do sumfin so thay wont taek teh cheezburgerz of teh tree of happee, cuz then thay wud liv forevah! Dat wud b bad."23 So Ceiling Cat kicked teh boi outta teh gardn to be a farmr. An it stinkd cuz ther wasnt no farmwurkor yooyun yet.24 Wen thay wuz owt, Ceiling Cat put sum birdkats an a rly sharp buttrnaif at teh welcom sign, so no kittehs wud get to teh tree of happee an nom teh cheezburgerz. Evah.
Song of Solomon 6
From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
Contents[hide] |
Frendz
1 Where iz ur luvr,pretti ladi?
Which wai did he go,
so we canz look for him?
Beluvd
2 Mai luvr wented down to teh gardin,where teh plantz iz growin,
to hang around
an pick flowrz.3 I am hiz an he iz mien;
he iz hangin out wif teh flowrz LOL.
Luvr
4 U iz as pretti as Tirzah,as pretti az Jerusalem,
liek an armi marchin around.5 Doant look at me,
itz too much LOL.
Ur hair iz liek goatz
comin down teh mountn.6 Ur teeth iz liek sheep
dat just hadded abaff.
Dey iz all twinz,
bcz u haz all ur teethz.7 Ur butt
is liek a peach.8 Dere is sixti queenz,
an eighti othr ladiez,
an lotz of virjinz9 but u iz wun of a kiend,
ur motherz only dauter
ur motherz favrit.
Teh ladiez sez "She haz cheezburgr";
teh queenz iz liek "U iz so cool."
Friends
10 Who is this shini cat,shini an pretti,
liek teh starz?
Luvr
11 I wented down to teh nut treezto look at teh babi plantz,
to see if dere wuz budz
or flowrz.12 Befor i knowed what wuz happenin,
i wuz so horni i gotted in teh car LOL.
Friends
13 Com back, Shulammite;come backso we can look at u!
Luvr
Why wud u look at teh Shulammiteliek teh dansin of Mahanaim? (srlsy)
Blasphemous.
ReplyDeleteI like cats, but not enough to stomach this nonsense.
You can find a kinder, gentler satire over at:
Mikey for President
I have it on good authority that he is going to do an article on Ending My Financial Worries which may look very much like something we've all seen before, but not quite.