Apostle Malm has laid down the law for Feast observances in his cult. Gone are the days of setting up Feast sites in vacation hot spots where you can go enjoy yourself if the preaching gets too boring. Now you have this to look forward to:
Feast sites are NOT to be established in vacation hot spots. They should be in poorer areas with few outside attractions. We are commanded to spend our tithe on food and drink and sharing with others not on expensive vacations.
The Spring and Fall Festivals are to be observed for the full seven plus one days; with the intermediate non Sabbath days as appointed times or partial High Days upon which work pertaining to observing the Feasts may be done. Such work would include cooking and cleaning which are NOT to be done on Sabbaths or High Days.
The entire two festivals are to be filled with spiritual feasting with physical feasting, song, music and dancing for joy in the Lord. They are NOT to be spent in paragliding, car racing, or other activities which take away from what God commanded and intended.
We are to observe the festivals as God commanded and not by doing our own thing.
Don't you just hate it when you can't go paragliding when you know Richard Ames or David Hulme is going to be speaking! Now you have to attend Feast sites in poor areas like Detroit or South Central Los Angeles. The only thing you get to do is go out and eat. Eat and drink, eat and drink, eat and drink. It will soon turn into eight days of drinking when people are forced to be around each other constantly.
If Apostle Malm is really a man of his word then we will see where his first Feast site is located this year. I dare him to do it in the poor areas of Detroit. Will they trek off to Haiti for their Feast? Will they go to poor areas and feast with the natives who have nothing. Will they be welcomed to the table to sup with them? Or, will they be Malm's servants as his cult members sit down to huge elaborate meals just for the elect?
Sounds like another novel way to screw up the young and teach them God's way of life is pathetic and full of crazies...rejoice.
ReplyDeleteM.T.Parachutes
"Come to the Feast! Celebrate the Wonderless World Tomorrow with God's sheisters."
ReplyDeleteM.T.Tabernacles
awww, chute, I mean shoot! Maybe in their free time the members can attend circumcision ceremonies for the newly converted?
ReplyDeleteAfter church seminars:
How to kill sacrifices in a godly way?
The art of Christian warfare..saving the virgins for yourself?
Just what do you mean everything on a pig is pork?
Eating out and avoiding seething a calf in its mother's milk?
Just what do you mean abundant living not allowed.
How to dance like King David without erections or getting horny.
Just what do you mean James Malm gives all the sermons?
Eight days to a worser you.
Teaching your children, "No we can't go home yet."
Leaving your brains at the door...A Hebrew Christian Perspective.
There is already a solution:
ReplyDeleteKeep the Feast with the Seventh Day Church of God (non Armstrongist) out in the wilderness in Eastern Washington in Fruitland, 25 miles north of Davenport.
There are no shopping malls. There are no carnavals (the spelling is deliberate and a nasty comment on Booby Thiel). There are no attractions. There's just grassy fields, farm land, scraggly pines and a small Bible Camp where everyone can really get away. There's virtually no cell phone connection (maybe out near the middle of the asphault road).
Spend your morning in Bible study then have breakfast as a communal meal. There are services in the morning and then various classes and such in the afternoon. There's communal lunch where everyone pitches in and the ministers are involved in cooking and serving the meals. Then there's evening services.
Now instead of Malm going to all the trouble of doing all this on his own, he should let people go back to the original source to the group from which Herbert Armstrong stole the idea of the Feast.
Of course, no Armstrongist would attend more than once. As one Armstrongist told me, "It's not my style".
No indeed.
Messages about redemption and Jesus are just not topics that Armstrongists want to hear about.
Well.
You Armstrongists all have your chance.
And the chances are, you will all ignore the Seventh Day Church of God Feast of Tabernacles in Fruitland, Washington away from the hustle and bussel of civilization because it just isn't stimulating enough.
No, Armstrongists need Church Corporate Conventions with worldy stimulation to keep them interested.
(And no, I'm not going there either. Just sayin'. Handing out business cards about DNA Refutes British Israelism just wouldn't be productive as it was elsewhere last year at an Armstrongist Feast where everybody who recieved one disappeared by the next day and were not seen again at the Feast.)
And darn it all!
ReplyDeleteWatch your language!
Learn to use euphemisms!
I used to picture Jesus ascending into the clouds while (Jesus was) parasailing behind a really big boat off Gulf Shores, Alabama. I think I must have an odd mind. It must be a fairly resilient one because, while it cracked under 12 years of WCG pressure, it never broke.
ReplyDeleteGlenn Parker
Doesn't a James Malm's feast sound like the most delightful thing ever for the Armstrongist zealot? It promises to be an eternity of cloistered boredom, pointless study, food, drink, and a vow of poverty. Sounds rather monastic to me. Obviously this is the perfect preparation to acclimatize you for spending the rest of eternity in the kingdom of god.
ReplyDeleteWhy does being holy always have to feel like a burden these people think they must be doing it wrong? How come god is never happy unless you're never happy?
Maybe I don't want to spend eternity as a cloistered monk. I'll bet Frank Sinatra and Marilyn Monroe are vacationing in hell and having a grand time paragliding. Maybe I can make arrangements to go there instead.
I'm not going to bother speculating what is wrong with these people's ideas about god, but isn't it crystal clear that there is something very wrong?
Those "vacations" were never vacations. They were endurance events with over eating and over drinking. My rear end still has flashbacks to the endless hours sitting on hard seats listening to the same old drivel I heard the year before.
ReplyDeleteWhat a brainwashed idiot I was! I'd be outa there in less than one day now. Of course, there's no chance of me being there at all, and that idilic description of COG7day feasts doesn't appeal any better.
Mow, if I had the wherewithal, I'd gladly spend that kind of time on Maui or the Big Island, just not listening to some pompous ass shoosary shooting his big mouth off.
Just one more thing. Those stupid words we have to type to make our comments are a pain in the you know what. Half the time, I have to try two or more times to get those shadowed ones right. What gives? Is some ghoulish master of puzzles having a good time frustrating us?
ReplyDeleteThe Feast was always supposed to be in millenial settings where Gods creation could be admired I thought. In the ancient times it was in Jerusalem etc which were pretty happening towns.
ReplyDeleteToo many prophets today but it does fulfill prophecy for false prophets multiplying in the end time.
I was always very poor but people at the feast always shared with me and my children and I had a lovely time each time we could go. For that I am ever grateful.
There are some good people in the church.
Where there is good you also find great evil.
Allen, that's a blogger thing with that requires the jumbled letters copying. It is supposed top stop spammers from clogging us up with advertising. Sorry, that one is out of my control.
ReplyDeleteThanks for explaining. Spammers are a big pain. Craig's list just started making us do extra steps in posting to thwart them. It's annoying, but better than the spam.
ReplyDeleteDamn! Does this mean I can't screw my wife at the feast anymore since it would be too "stimulating"?
ReplyDeleteAlan,
ReplyDeleteYou wrote, "Craig's list just started making us do extra steps in posting.."
Actually, as of late, craigslist has me taking LESS steps to post. No more need to type in the word verification when I am logged into my account. (It had previously struck me as odd that they'd need that extra step when I was already logged in.)
I do notice, though, that the newer word verifications here are quite similar to how they used to look on craigslist. Yeah, it's not always clear what to type.
Norm
"Damn! Does this mean I can't screw my wife at the feast anymore since it would be too 'stimulating'?"
ReplyDeleteCareful there, Steve. That's a setup for any number of punch lines about which wives are most stimulating and who thinks so. Most of these NO2H20 would have to disallow.
Did I just write NO2H20 instead of NO2HWA? How doltish.
ReplyDeleteAt least I can use my one-size-fits-all excuse: rank incompetence. It's foolproof; nobody ever disputes it.
No, Steve. You're only required to abstain from sex with your wife if she has a yeast infection during the days of Unleavened Bread.
ReplyDeleteBB
"...Handing out business cards about DNA Refutes British Israelism..."
ReplyDeletereally? where did you get the DNA?
Was from a caucasoid, mongoloid or negroid? Hmmm, i guess DNA refutes that too? and you call Herbert's followers goofy? If you don't believe go away, people are free to believe anything they wish. Why don't you spend your time in a more productive manner, such as handing out business cards at movie theatres that say, "DNA proves Harrison Ford is NOT Indiana Jones." You'll get better results.