Exposing the underbelly of Armstrongism in all of its wacky glory! Nothing you read here is made up. What you read here is the up to date face of Herbert W Armstrong's legacy. It's the gritty and dirty behind the scenes look at Armstrongism as you have never seen it before!
With all the new crazy self-appointed Chief Overseers, Apostles, Prophets, Pharisees, legalists, and outright liars leading various Churches of God today, it is important to hold these agents of deception accountable.
Herbert Armstrong's Tangled Web of Corrupt Leaders
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Sunday, August 2, 2020
United Church of God: Spreading The Gospel With Jelly
The state of the Church of God today and its "gospel" message.
Anonymous at 11:14 PM said...“I am embarrassed by my church.”
The disUnited Church of Godlessness, an International Abomination really IS an embarrassment! It keeps the filthy old stalkers and kicks out their young victims.
Who in the world comes up with this corny krapp? Growing up in Worldwide we had the infamous "Big Beak." They should have changed his name to Peckerhead & had him getting blasted by guzzling a few bottles of Harvey's Bristol Creme.
Look. I've seen deep fake AI videos where Mr Obama or Mr Trump are delivering broadcasts on topics they never would. Leave alone the Hitler rants from that movie in the bunker on all kinds of funny topics.
I would gladly pay to see a manufactured HWA WTM video, where HWA asks the questions, "Can God see me in the dark? , Does he like carrots, fruit roll ups, chilly dogs, tacos and steamed broccoli?" ,pounding his bible, shaking his jowls, looking straight in the camera in a grandfatherly way.
Let's keep some perspective here. Jelly is 1000x more effective than Bitter Bwana Bob's animations. Jelly is also a 1000x more appropriate masculine role model than our Pathetic Petulant Prophet of Possiblys.
This is at best a copy of Protestant story messages from way back. This could lead to a parody equivalent of "Davy and Goliath" called "Davy and Gerry" - who gets to be the talking dog?
At worst, this is a muppet version of Bob Thiel's animations.
As I commented a few months ago, all of these silly UCG videos look like they were made in the fifties. The clothes and the autos the characters were driving in one video were fifties vintage. Is United stuck in a 50's time warp? Will a child discipline video be next?
Jelly , who is named after a condiment, is a racist name. Jelly is a symbol of WHITE PRIVILEGE as poorer kids of color around the world cannot afford to have Jelly.
Also, Jelly is often teamed with peanut butter. Peanut butter, derived from peanuts, was a crop grown in the deep south and tended to by African Slaves.
Peanuts were sometimes the only food rationed to slaves captured in West Africa on the horrific Middle Passage voyage to the new world. In the United States slaves continued to grow peanuts. They were then grown commercially but were thought of as food for the poor, slaves, and livestock by upper and middle-class whites.
Although cotton is often times associated with slavery, peanuts and peanut butter also can be strongly associated with slavery too.
Thus Jelly, and his association with white privilege and peanut butter should change his name, just like the Washington Football team has because of cultural sensitivity. Perhaps he should change his name to another condiment, like "Mayonnaise"??
Anonymous at 1:17 AM said...“Growing up in Worldwide we had the infamous 'Big Beak.'”
It always seemed strange that the WCG came up with that plagiarized version of Big Bird from that grungy television show called Sesame Street. Surely the “true church” could have done better than that.
Jelly actually embodies the childlike simplicity and innocence that Jesus wants from His followers.
A simplicity and innocence, by the way, that you will NEVER find among UCG elders who are constantly making politics to get their way on one issue or another.
Tonto said... "Thus Jelly, and his association with white privilege and peanut butter should change his name, just like the Washington Football team has because of cultural sensitivity. Perhaps he should change his name to another condiment, like "Mayonnaise"??"
Talk about Racist! Mayonnaise is white. There would be protests, riots, burnings, and thievery galore, maybe even death! How about "Pepper"? Yeah, that would work! That way he could be an "African American" puppet. Hey, I think I'm on to something here!
Since all the UCG videos are stuck in the 50's style wise, I propose the next video they should put out should be titled "Jelly Discovers The Spank Tent." They ought to start work on it right now to have it ready by FOT! Another video that needs to be done and ready by feast time is "Wining and Dining at the FOT." Show 'em how it was done in the 50's, with kids like Jelly learning to drink 'responsibly' at an early age!😉🍻🍸🍹🍷
The reason UCG does these videos of Jelly looking like the 50"s is that they are trying to appeal to millennials by looking cool. The "hip" millennials wear the hats and dress in retro clothing for that "cool" look in order to impress others. It also is a tool to show others that they have the extra money to spend on their clothing styles and particularly their old cars. In essence, it is all about impressing the world around them. Its never about Jesus Christ or what he accomplished for our salvation.
Anon at 8/3/20 11:45 AM, the dweebs at UCG will never impress anyone as "cool" or "hip". They're doomed to perpetual Squaresville by the curse of HWA. They'll never escape it! Bwahahaha!
Ahem. This isn't funny. One of the first things that separates Armstrongists from Christianity is the Armstrongist Doctrine of God. Armstrongists do not believe in the Christian God. They crafted their god out of the anthropomorphisms in the OT. This resulted in a demiurgic "god" - a god that is immanent but not transcendent. It looks like this video is going to underscore that error. Millerites such as Armstrongists and Branch Davidians have immersed themselves in the OT. The first casualty of this is their knowledge of God.
HWA, when he was visiting world leaders, was fond of talking about how Islam, Judaism and Christianity all had the same god. The the unmentioned outlier was Armstrongism. The Armstrongist god did not remotely resemble the God of the Judeo-Christian-Islamic tradition. Armstrongists believe that the necessary Christian god is pagan, yet, the Armstrongist god represents more than anything else a superhero who lives in the "sides of the North" - a contingent being like the pagans worshipped.
It is tragic to see this erroneous characterization of god fed to children as if it were the poison apple of the Snow White story.
The 1950's look is nostalgic and this is actually for the older members. You see, the UCG see's its membership as morons.
-----
Now, on to our favorite AC champion, Big Beak.
His downfall started many years ago, before Beak set his heart on becoming the mascot for the UCG. At that time Beak failed to convince the regime that he could do for them what he did for the WCG. What was he going to do now? Well, this bird tried his wing in a series of odd jobs. Jobs that he found demeaning. It wasn't like the good old days of past decades, where easy money could be hustled from the members or giving a minister a occasional blow job for a twenty. No, these days were the hard reality of life when you are no longer one of the elites!
Back in the late 90's Beak could be seen around Pasadena holding various jobs such as spinning around a Progressive insurance sign or pushing KFC on the street corner for a brief time. But this was not to be a happy story with a fairy-tale ending.
His inability to stay sober long enough to complete a 8 hour shift was becoming problematic. When Beak would show up at children parties he would reek of Carlo Rossi wine, ranted at the children calling them little bastards, and degenerates. As you can imagine, the parents were horrified and his brief career within the entertainment industry failed him once again.
Beak went onto a even lower low some years later when he was arrested for propositioning young children for sexual favors. This time there was no one to bail him out. No Kevin Dean, no Herbert Armstrong. Big Beak was on his own.
So after a one year stint in a county jail, Beak moved on to even lower lows.
Currently Big Beak is living in a halfway house on the outskirts of Baltimore. It was a meth and crack addiction that led to his ruin. Thinking back, I believe his addiction started after Tkach told him to get the hell off the campus after Beak's rejection of the new covenant that started this shit show.
Beak should have played along like Vic Kubik did, if not for any other reason, but keeping his job and the money that went along with it. It would have bought him some time to have train for another career.
Such is the tragic end days of Big Beak, and why the UCG landed up hiring Jelly as their organizational mascot.
Odd, I knew the guy who was Big Beak. This doesn't sound remotely like him. The part about rejecting the New Covenant doesn't fit at all. Are you sure you got the right guy? Someone may have fed you a line.
They crafted their god out of the anthropomorphisms in the OT
Yes, they tended to do this... GTA would always clarify "God made man in his image" as meaning physical image. Some minister wrote a PT or GN article that took expressions of God hearing, seeing, smelling, etc to "prove" God has ears, eyes, a nose, etc. Ron Dart, of all people, even suggested that various beings John saw in Heaven in Revelation could have resembled dogs, cats, and other animals.
Non_Ecliptic_Orbit August 3, 2020 at 1:07 PM said... HWA, when he was visiting world leaders, was fond of talking about how Islam, Judaism and Christianity all had the same god. The the unmentioned outlier was Armstrongism. The Armstrongist god did not remotely resemble the God of the Judeo-Christian-Islamic tradition. Armstrongists believe that the necessary Christian god is pagan, yet, the Armstrongist god represents more than anything else a superhero who lives in the "sides of the North" - a contingent being like the pagans worshipped.
Correction. The gods of Judaism, Islam and Christianity aren't all the same god. Islam worships the mood god Allah. Judaism worships the god of the Talmud. Both deny the Fatherhood of God and the Sonship of Christ. Both are false religions.
HWA did preach the Unison of the three Abrahamic faiths worshipping the God of Abraham. For instance when he hands pres Mubarak the first 100.000 dollar of 10 installments for building the 3 faiths institute and monument in the Sinai.
The God UNITING those 3 faiths could have been the Armstrong World Religion God. Since Islam's understanding of the prophets and Jesus is for large part based on a synchretism of believes of several groups living in wealthy merchant towns in Arabia, The Ebionites that had fled Jerusalem, Syriac Early Christianity and, 7th century Judaism.
THEY ALL SHARE IN COMMON THAT JESUS WAS MAN FULLY and Mary well, ok her child was special kinda. They have yet to agree about that "first born or adoption thing." What did the Pope agree in Quatar with the Muftis again in 2018????
Not many people have studied the origins of Islam really. It cannot be a "figment of imagination of a single person, It cannot be a "revelation". So it must be a poetic reflection of earlier philosophy, which is exactly the claim of Islam and that "revelation thing of course" that not a single scholar should take seriously from religious persons, who all claim miraculous underpinnings of indeed otherwise profound thoughts about the universe.
The blue faced, gravel voiced, montrosity represents a delinquent spirit never mind a 'on trend ' possibly gay child.
Whoever chose the specific puppet in the first place made the mistake or knew the desired goal. Of all puppets possible why that. The voice is not a child sounding voice. It has no parents, no home, no explanation of it's existence and UCG have it appearing wherever it will, attaching itself to a adult man. On a spiritual level the alarm bells rang out when UCG brought in Jelly.
I am embarrassed by my church.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteAnonymous at 11:14 PM said...“I am embarrassed by my church.”
The disUnited Church of Godlessness, an International Abomination really IS an embarrassment! It keeps the filthy old stalkers and kicks out their young victims.
Who in the world comes up with this corny krapp? Growing up in Worldwide we had the infamous "Big Beak." They should have changed his name to Peckerhead & had him getting blasted by guzzling a few bottles of Harvey's Bristol Creme.
ReplyDeleteLook. I've seen deep fake AI videos where Mr Obama or Mr Trump are delivering broadcasts on topics they never would. Leave alone the Hitler rants from that movie in the bunker on all kinds of funny topics.
ReplyDeleteI would gladly pay to see a manufactured HWA WTM video, where HWA asks the questions, "Can God see me in the dark? , Does he like carrots, fruit roll ups, chilly dogs, tacos and steamed
broccoli?" ,pounding his bible, shaking his jowls, looking straight in the camera in a grandfatherly way.
nck
Easy solution
ReplyDeleteLet's keep some perspective here. Jelly is 1000x more effective than Bitter Bwana Bob's animations. Jelly is also a 1000x more appropriate masculine role model than our Pathetic Petulant Prophet of Possiblys.
ReplyDeleteI think UCG is on to something, after all, loaves of bread and fish become stale and stink after awhile.
ReplyDeleteWhat happened to Big Beak? I guess he flew away when he got older and wiser.
ReplyDeleteThere are plenty of reasons to be embarrassed by the CoGs. Making fun kids videos is not one of them.
ReplyDeleteThis is at best a copy of Protestant story messages from way back. This could lead to a parody equivalent of "Davy and Goliath" called "Davy and Gerry" - who gets to be the talking dog?
ReplyDeleteAt worst, this is a muppet version of Bob Thiel's animations.
Satan said this is child's Play.
ReplyDeleteAs I commented a few months ago, all of these silly UCG videos look like they were made in the fifties. The clothes and the autos the characters were driving in one video were fifties vintage. Is United stuck in a 50's time warp? Will a child discipline video be next?
ReplyDeleteJELLY IS RACIST!
ReplyDeleteJelly , who is named after a condiment, is a racist name. Jelly is a symbol of WHITE PRIVILEGE as poorer kids of color around the world cannot afford to have Jelly.
Also, Jelly is often teamed with peanut butter. Peanut butter, derived from peanuts, was a crop grown in the deep south and tended to by African Slaves.
Peanuts were sometimes the only food rationed to slaves captured in West Africa on the horrific Middle Passage voyage to the new world. In the United States slaves continued to grow peanuts. They were then grown commercially but were thought of as food for the poor, slaves, and livestock by upper and middle-class whites.
Although cotton is often times associated with slavery, peanuts and peanut butter also can be strongly associated with slavery too.
Thus Jelly, and his association with white privilege and peanut butter should change his name, just like the Washington Football team has because of cultural sensitivity. Perhaps he should change his name to another condiment, like "Mayonnaise"??
Mayonnaise would be cultural apropriation I learned from Pulp Fiction.
DeleteWow, do you believe Jelly's skin is made of cotton? I will defend him in court as a sharecropper.
Nck
ReplyDeleteAnonymous at 1:17 AM said...“Growing up in Worldwide we had the infamous 'Big Beak.'”
It always seemed strange that the WCG came up with that plagiarized version of Big Bird from that grungy television show called Sesame Street. Surely the “true church” could have done better than that.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous at 11:14 PM said...“I am embarrassed by my church.”
Having that former Tkach goon Victor Kubik running the UCG is definitely an embarrassment.
Can't wait for the release... Awesome, as Ron Weinland would say.
ReplyDeleteJelly actually embodies the childlike simplicity and innocence that Jesus wants from His followers.
ReplyDeleteA simplicity and innocence, by the way, that you will NEVER find among UCG elders who are constantly making politics to get their way on one issue or another.
Tonto said...
ReplyDelete"Thus Jelly, and his association with white privilege and peanut butter should change his name, just like the Washington Football team has because of cultural sensitivity. Perhaps he should change his name to another condiment, like "Mayonnaise"??"
Talk about Racist! Mayonnaise is white. There would be protests, riots, burnings, and thievery galore, maybe even death! How about "Pepper"? Yeah, that would work! That way he could be an "African American" puppet. Hey, I think I'm on to something here!
Since all the UCG videos are stuck in the 50's style wise, I propose the next video they should put out should be titled "Jelly Discovers The Spank Tent." They ought to start work on it right now to have it ready by FOT! Another video that needs to be done and ready by feast time is "Wining and Dining at the FOT." Show 'em how it was done in the 50's, with kids like Jelly learning to drink 'responsibly' at an early age!😉🍻🍸🍹🍷
ReplyDeleteDeceiving children is child abuse.
ReplyDeleteThe reason UCG does these videos of Jelly looking like the 50"s is that they are trying to appeal to millennials by looking cool. The "hip" millennials wear the hats and dress in retro clothing for that "cool" look in order to impress others. It also is a tool to show others that they have the extra money to spend on their clothing styles and particularly their old cars. In essence, it is all about impressing the world around them. Its never about Jesus Christ or what he accomplished for our salvation.
ReplyDeleteAnon at 8/3/20 11:45 AM, the dweebs at UCG will never impress anyone as "cool" or "hip". They're doomed to perpetual Squaresville by the curse of HWA. They'll never escape it! Bwahahaha!
DeleteWho is that with Jelly?
ReplyDeleteAhem. This isn't funny. One of the first things that separates Armstrongists from Christianity is the Armstrongist Doctrine of God. Armstrongists do not believe in the Christian God. They crafted their god out of the anthropomorphisms in the OT. This resulted in a demiurgic "god" - a god that is immanent but not transcendent. It looks like this video is going to underscore that error. Millerites such as Armstrongists and Branch Davidians have immersed themselves in the OT. The first casualty of this is their knowledge of God.
ReplyDeleteHWA, when he was visiting world leaders, was fond of talking about how Islam, Judaism and Christianity all had the same god. The the unmentioned outlier was Armstrongism. The Armstrongist god did not remotely resemble the God of the Judeo-Christian-Islamic tradition. Armstrongists believe that the necessary Christian god is pagan, yet, the Armstrongist god represents more than anything else a superhero who lives in the "sides of the North" - a contingent being like the pagans worshipped.
It is tragic to see this erroneous characterization of god fed to children as if it were the poison apple of the Snow White story.
The 1950's look is nostalgic and this is actually for the older members. You see, the UCG see's its membership as morons.
ReplyDelete-----
Now, on to our favorite AC champion, Big Beak.
His downfall started many years ago, before Beak set his heart on becoming the mascot for the UCG. At that time Beak failed to convince the regime that he could do for them what he did for the WCG. What was he going to do now? Well, this bird tried his wing in a series of odd jobs. Jobs that he found demeaning. It wasn't like the good old days of past decades, where easy money could be hustled from the members or giving a minister a occasional blow job for a twenty. No, these days were the hard reality of life when you are no longer one of the elites!
Back in the late 90's Beak could be seen around Pasadena holding various jobs such as spinning around a Progressive insurance sign or pushing KFC on the street corner for a brief time. But this was not to be a happy story with a fairy-tale ending.
His inability to stay sober long enough to complete a 8 hour shift was becoming problematic. When Beak would show up at children parties he would reek of Carlo Rossi wine, ranted at the children calling them little bastards, and degenerates. As you can imagine, the parents were horrified and his brief career within the entertainment industry failed him once again.
Beak went onto a even lower low some years later when he was arrested for propositioning young children for sexual favors. This time there was no one to bail him out. No Kevin Dean, no Herbert Armstrong. Big Beak was on his own.
So after a one year stint in a county jail, Beak moved on to even lower lows.
Currently Big Beak is living in a halfway house on the outskirts of Baltimore. It was a meth and crack addiction that led to his ruin. Thinking back, I believe his addiction started after Tkach told him to get the hell off the campus after Beak's rejection of the new covenant that started this shit show.
Beak should have played along like Vic Kubik did, if not for any other reason, but keeping his job and the money that went along with it. It would have bought him some time to have train for another career.
Such is the tragic end days of Big Beak, and why the UCG landed up hiring Jelly as their organizational mascot.
Fuck you JELLY! You ruined Big Beak!
PT makes Big Beak sound like "a deplorable."
DeleteHillary
I mean.
Nck
"UCG" stands for "Useless Church of God"
ReplyDeleteWhat if it works? And we just know about it or it just hasn't gone viral yet?
ReplyDeleteThe Painful Truth:
ReplyDeleteOdd, I knew the guy who was Big Beak. This doesn't sound remotely like him. The part about rejecting the New Covenant doesn't fit at all. Are you sure you got the right guy? Someone may have fed you a line.
They crafted their god out of the anthropomorphisms in the OT
ReplyDeleteYes, they tended to do this... GTA would always clarify "God made man in his image" as meaning physical image. Some minister wrote a PT or GN article that took expressions of God hearing, seeing, smelling, etc to "prove" God has ears, eyes, a nose, etc.
Ron Dart, of all people, even suggested that various beings John saw in Heaven in Revelation could have resembled dogs, cats, and other animals.
Non_Ecliptic_Orbit August 3, 2020 at 4:30 PM
ReplyDeleteThis was a satire piece and does not reflect on the person in the costume, but the character of Big Beak within the context of fiction.
Non_Ecliptic_Orbit August 3, 2020 at 1:07 PM said...
ReplyDeleteHWA, when he was visiting world leaders, was fond of talking about how Islam, Judaism and Christianity all had the same god. The the unmentioned outlier was Armstrongism. The Armstrongist god did not remotely resemble the God of the Judeo-Christian-Islamic tradition. Armstrongists believe that the necessary Christian god is pagan, yet, the Armstrongist god represents more than anything else a superhero who lives in the "sides of the North" - a contingent being like the pagans worshipped.
Correction. The gods of Judaism, Islam and Christianity aren't all the same god. Islam worships the mood god Allah. Judaism worships the god of the Talmud. Both deny the Fatherhood of God and the Sonship of Christ. Both are false religions.
Spot on, Anon!
DeleteAugust 3 2020
ReplyDeleteHWA did preach the Unison of the three Abrahamic faiths worshipping the God of Abraham.
For instance when he hands pres Mubarak the first 100.000 dollar of 10 installments for building the 3 faiths institute and monument in the Sinai.
The God UNITING those 3 faiths could have been the Armstrong World Religion God.
Since Islam's understanding of the prophets and Jesus is for large part based on a synchretism of believes of several groups living in wealthy merchant towns in Arabia, The Ebionites that had fled Jerusalem, Syriac Early Christianity and, 7th century Judaism.
THEY ALL SHARE IN COMMON THAT JESUS WAS MAN FULLY and Mary well, ok her child was special kinda.
They have yet to agree about that "first born or adoption thing."
What did the Pope agree in Quatar with the Muftis again in 2018????
Not many people have studied the origins of Islam really. It cannot be a "figment of imagination of a single person, It cannot be a "revelation". So it must be a poetic reflection of earlier philosophy, which is exactly the claim of Islam and that "revelation thing of course" that not a single scholar should take seriously from religious persons, who all claim miraculous underpinnings of indeed otherwise profound thoughts about the universe.
nck
Jelly is already following the path of big beak. The pressure is unbearable working for the ucg.
ReplyDeleteJelly reminds me of a question thrown at students by a Philosophy elective tutor: "Does God get sticky fingers eating treacle?"
ReplyDeleteIs Jelly "gay"?
ReplyDeleteThe blue faced, gravel voiced, montrosity represents a delinquent spirit never mind a 'on trend ' possibly gay child.
DeleteWhoever chose the specific puppet in the first place made the mistake or knew the desired goal.
Of all puppets possible why that.
The voice is not a child sounding voice. It has no parents, no home, no explanation of it's existence and UCG have it appearing wherever it will, attaching itself to a adult man.
On a spiritual level the alarm bells rang out when UCG brought in Jelly.
Yes! Those of us in UCG say so....
ReplyDeleteJelly is not theologically sound, artistically appealing, or child-appropriate - yet, Jelly is the best that UCG has.
ReplyDeleteEveryone of your comments above is INSANE! YOU PEOPLE BELONG IN PADDED ROOMS!!!!
ReplyDeleteThe truth hurts doesn’t it! UCG is corrupt and godless
ReplyDelete