It has always been amazing to me how much the ministry and church leaders tried to weasel their way into members' bedrooms by dictating what should and should not be happening. Yet, while they berated members many of them were busy themselves bed-hopping. Even worse were their own children who many times were so promiscuous that they embarrassed rabbits by their endless bed-hopping behavior. At least when they weren't busy selling drugs.
Given how hypocritical the ministry has always been with this topic it should give many of them a reason to keep their fly traps shut on the topic, but no, they continue to flap their traps laying down the law.
Our Great Bwana and Savior of Africa, the Chief Overseer of his submissive Black African flock, Our doubly blessed Joshua who was set apart before the foundations of the world to lead the most magnificent Church of God to ever exist in human history, is back once again wagging his naturopathic fingers in the faces of church members lecturing them on what they can and can not do in the bedroom.
Would you seriously trust this guy lecturing your kids on dating and sex????
The Great Bwana Bob writes:
Many have questions about dating, sex, and marriage.
That's not true at all! Not one single African member has ever asked him about this. They don't care. They don't care what some deranged white dude from America, with sex hang-up, has to say about their traditions.
Like any good COG minister, his mind immediately goes to sex and fornication. Rod Meredith and Gerald Weston trained him well!
First Date: Worldly vs. Christian
Should a first date be between two experienced pickup artists interested in fornication? Or should it be between a man and a woman who would like to actually know each other better? Does the Bible give any guidelines that Christians who date should pay attention to? If so, what are some? This brief animation shows a worldly pickup date at a bar, and an inelegant, but appropriate request for a date in a more open environment. Dating should be fun and involve communication, and not regrets. So, check out our animation on worldly vs. Christian dating. A free online book with more information on dating is available and titled: Dating: A Key to Success in Marriage, a practical guide for Christians.
The Art of Christian Dating
Dating is a key to success in marriage. Should Christians have different dating standards than those who are not real Christians? How are men and women different? Can people fall in love? What should people do on a date? What about getting physical? Who should pay for the date? What should a man expect from a date? What should a woman expect from a date? What should be the authority for morals? What should a date be like? Dr. Thiel addresses these issues and more. This is part one of a two-part series.
No One to Date? Teen Q&A? Engagement? 2nd Marriage?
This is the second part of a two-part sermon on dating for Christians. In it, Dr. Thiel covers subjects such as what do you do if there is no one to date, if Christians can date or marry someone not part of the Continuing Church of God, dating for marriage, and pre-engagement counseling. He also provides answers to questions that teens have had about dating. He goes into the use of ‘social media’, avoidance of trolling, sexting, and some other matters somewhat unique to the 21st century. Dr. Thiel goes over factors such as cultural, racial, financial, age, mental, education, family, and other factors Christians should consider. He also discusses dating for those who have been married before, as well as if married couples should still date.
Then the great Bwana gets down to the fun stuff. He lets us know what to do about oral and anal sex as Jesus is watching over the bedroom. Is your lovemaking going to be proper and pure enough to make mini-god's and goddesses?
Sex and Marriage
Why is there sex and why is there marriage? Parental discretion is advised as to whether or not everything in this sermon is now appropriate for their children. Dr. Thiel goes over scriptures, “The Missing Dimension in Sex,” and provides answers to questions, such as:
What did Jesus say about marriage?
Are married couples biblically supposed to have sex?
Is sex one way to express love?
Does God have a purpose for sex?
What are the reasons for sex in marriage?
What are the purposes for marriage?
How do humans differ from animals?
Was sex really necessary?
What are the divine purposes of sex?
Why not fornication or adultery?
Is marriage supposed to be a God-plane relationship?
Are families intended as a God-plane relationship?
How does reproduction picture spiritual salvation?
What are the different types of love?
What type of love should Christians have?
Is oral sex allowed?
Is anal sex prohibited by scripture?
Should intercourse be avoided during a woman’s menstrual cycle?
Is it appropriate to enjoy your five senses?
Are Christian couples supposed to produce godly offspring?
What about building character and God’s deification plan?
If you wouldn't trust this guy to give your teenager sex advice why would you let him into your bedroom?
Boring! And some people are just born that way and can't help it! I think we can safely assume that the Thiels don't exchange underwear with one another. Or play with ice cubes. No spankings. Probably no shaving either. And perish the thought of any fantasy roll playing in which Mrs, Theil would call her husband "Darnell"!
ReplyDeleteI recall a sermon where the minister talked about a (hopefully fictitious) newly married couple on their wedding night, reading HWA's Missing Dimension in Sex book. In the minister's story, the couple was disappointed because they still didn't, uhh, "get it" as the book prescribed...
ReplyDeleteBob lets his African members have as many as four wives, the local custom inherited from Islam (and not unheard of in wealthier converts to other faiths, most of which tolerate the practice; Bob is far from alone in this). Actually, he may not "let" them, but they counsel with the local pastors, not Bob, so he probably doesn't even know. If they did know, they would simply pretend to be the man's sisters or cousins whenever Bob visited, so the supply of seeds and laptops wouldn't cease.
ReplyDeleteWomen in the WWCOG ignoring or even verbally abusing their dates based on gossip wasn't unusual. That a date is a contract with terms and conditions wasn't taught. The church's "give way" meant that everything is free floating, so shafting your date by ignoring them wasn't considered wrong. Hopefully these spoilt brat women have grown up
ReplyDeleteDoes anybody fall for Bob's ridiculous use of question marks? The funniest thing, though, is that he doesn't even get that right.
ReplyDeleteAre Christian couples supposed to produce godly offspring?
Bob's answer, unsurprisingly, is "Yes." But Armstrongism actually teaches that ALL parents have that responsibility. Christian parents should do their best, and have the help of the Holy Spirit guiding their children, but the kids are ultimately responsible for their own godliness, though Scripture suggests that you probably shouldn't be ordained if your kids turn out to be hellspawn like the Cocomise or Meredith boys.
Bob is a coward. All those questions, yet Bob's book doesn't even address the question of whether it's OK to have sex on the Sabbath, whether you can have sex on the Sabbath but it has to have a different mindset, or whether any Sabbath sex violates the command to delight in the LORD on the Sabbath and turn your thoughts to His ways instead of your own.
ReplyDeleteDoes Bwana Bob bounce and flounce between the sheets?
ReplyDeleteBob assures us that "Many have questions about dating, sex, and marriage."
ReplyDeleteOf course, this is not true in the least. It reminds me of the segue years ago by Oscar Meyer Hot Dogs. "There's been a lot of talk about hot dogs"
Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer hot dog
ReplyDeleteThat is what I'd truly like to be
'Cause if I were an Oscar Meyer hot dog
My pork would stop Bob Thiel from eating me!
Bob should conduct a group read of the Kama Sutra amongst his congregation. I was going to suggest doing some sort of web presentation, but I'm afraid that all the hand flailing would spoil it all.
ReplyDeleteBob left out some topics. I'll start with these:
ReplyDelete• Is it OK to have a man-crush on your splinter leader?
• What about pills to help men have erections? Does God approve of them? Does Bob sell them?
• Why does Leviticus 20:15-16 give different punishments for bestiality for men and for women? Why is a man killed for doing the act, but a women for merely approaching the animal with intent?
• Once you have slayed the animal your neighbor committed bestiality with, is it OK to eat the animal's meat?
Was sex really necessary?
ReplyDeleteCredit where it is due. This is a question that runs through Mrs. Thiel's mind after many an encounter with her flouncing, bouncing, clumsy husband.
Bob sure does major in the minors.
ReplyDeleteNotice that he doesn't answer questions that many do have, but that hit too close to home. For instance: "When your marital sex produces a disabled baby, what is your responsibility toward the child, and what message is God trying to send to you?"
Women in the WWCOG ignoring or even verbally abusing their dates based on gossip wasn't unusual.
ReplyDeleteI remember asking a WCG girl out, and her answer was a tentative maybe - if she didn't get a better offer from another guy. Never heard back from her.
Didn't Cartoon Bob produce one of his animations on this subject matter a few years ago? It must not have been very effective otherwise why the Dating booklet?
ReplyDeleteAnd speaking of Cartoon Bob Thiel animations, has he produced any new ones recently? Remember a few years back, he said with great fanfare that God opened the door of animations to the Continuing Church of God (grossly misnamed, BTW). Has God now closed that door? Or, has Cartoon Bob Thiel himself closed that door... because it makes him look like a joke?
Richard
Some of you people are as sick as Bob Theil.
ReplyDeleteOf all the ministers and leaders in the COG movement, Thiel has to be the most banal speaker ever.
ReplyDeleteBANAL: adjective, describes something that is intended to be creative and/or thought-provoking, but is really just kind of unoriginal, pretentious, and stupid.
Some of the questions Thiel asks that Prophet Tonto will short cut for you...
ReplyDelete>>>Is it appropriate to enjoy your five senses?
ANSWER: Yes, and you can enjoy your sixth sense, and ESP powers too.
>>>Was sex really necessary?
ANSWER:, No, but if you want a species to continue, then it is.
>>Is sex one way to express love?
ANSWER: Yes, but being a good cook and discrete use of credit cards is also love
>>How do humans differ from animals?
ANSWER: We have a lot less hair, and female animals dont wear wedding rings.
>>>Is marriage supposed to be a God-plane relationship?
ANSWER -No. God Planes include HWA's G3 and Flurry's Jet.
>>Is oral sex allowed?
ANSWER : Only if you want to stay married. Otherwise , optional.
10:42 Oh cry us a river of snowflake tears!. It's not our fault Thiel is the biggest idiot the church has ever produced!
ReplyDelete"Some of you people are as sick as Bob Thiel."
ReplyDeleteWhat made you think that? The ice cubes, or Darnell?
Anon 7:59:00 AM said :- Why does Leviticus 20:15-16 give different punishments for bestiality for men and for women.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn’t. These two verses show that the Bible acknowledges there are slight differences in the anatomy of men and women, requiring a different technic to commit this particular sin.
Lev 20:15 And if a man lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast.
Lev 20:16 And if a woman approach unto any beast, and lie down thereto, thou shalt kill the woman, and the beast
If you need any more details, no doubt Dr Bob could oblige.