Taking Responsibility for My Own Choices
In the course of this blog's existence, I have been sharply critical of the leadership and theology of the Armstrong Churches of God. Now, I still believe that all of those criticism were valid and deserved. Nevertheless, in the discussions that have been generated here and on other blogs in which I have participated, the question of my own culpability in my entrapment in this cult has arisen a number of times.
First, I want to say that I embrace that as a valid question, and one that a person of real integrity is bound to consider and to offer some response. Having accepted the question, I want to acknowledge immediately that I do accept a large share of the responsibility for my involvement in Armstrongism. If that surprises any of my fellow survivors, it might warrant a little introspection on your own part!
The PLAIN TRUTH is that I was intellectually lazy and did NOT do my due diligence! In short, taking a so-called college level Bible Correspondence Course, reading the Bible and a bundle of booklets and articles on various doctrinal issues did NOT constitute a comprehensive, objective, or critical review of the information available to me. I allowed someone to feed me a pre-packaged, highly subjective interpretation of the Bible. Looking back, it is clear that I accepted the inferior research of others simply because it sounded superficially plausible in explaining a very complicated reality. In other words, while I was definitely interested and looking for answers, I was not willing to do the deep dive necessary to arrive at an informed conclusion.
Sure, it is easier for folks now than it was back in the day. We didn't have the internet at our fingertips, and it is a tremendous resource in the right hands for ferreting out truth. Even so, I cannot escape that realization in the back of my mind that tells me I should have known better. I also have to admit to myself that it did feel good to think that I was privy to inside information that wasn't available to everyone. The allure of being in on the big secret exerted a powerful influence on my ego/vanity!
Over time, I also allowed those master manipulators to place me in a mental straitjacket. I stopped thinking for myself. I stopped asking questions, researching, and seeking answers to the big questions. I allowed myself to be convinced that such curiosity would lead me to the Dark Side of the Force - that I would make myself vulnerable to losing the "truth" and salvation which I thought that I had found! Looking back, it is clear that I also ignored a great deal of evidence over the years which contradicted the interpretations that I had accepted so enthusiastically!
Yes, there were plenty of occasions for me to reject Armstrongism over the years, but I continued to dismiss or ignore the warning signs that things were amiss. I knew that racism was wrong, and I majored in the history of the United States and Britain in college. The evidence was right in front of me that Anglo-Israelism was completely absurd - that what I had already learned had completely and thoroughly discredited the heresy. Looking back now, I have to say that my excuses for taking as long as I did to emerge from the delusion of Armstrongism look pretty weak and pathetic in hindsight!
The point of this post? NEVER allow yourself to be satisfied. Continue to look, explore, question, research, and learn. Also, listen to your own conscience and invite the Holy Spirit to help you in your search for answers and understanding. Do NOT go and dig in the earth and bury the "treasure" which you believe has been entrusted to you. Jesus Christ, your Savior and mine, made it very clear that he expected his disciples to increase/multiply what he had entrusted to them!
Miller Jones/Lonnie C Hendrix
Personal responsibility is important, no mistake about that, but we must also remember the Zeitgeist, the "time ghost" of the era or eras in which our experiences all took place.
ReplyDeleteRecently, on one of the retrospective drag racing websites that I occasionally visit, there was a link to an old "Life of Riley" TV episode from 1958. Junior buys an old '32 Ford and builds it into a hot rod. Wally Parks, founder of the National Hot Rod Association, makes an appearance. Riley has volunteered one of the landing strips owned by his boss at the plant where they build airplanes for use as a local drag strip to give the kids a safe environment to race their cars instead of on the street. I was blown away by the overly simplistic patterns of thought and the primitive dialogue of this, one of the major television shows of that day. But it reflected simpler times when overly simplistic religious "solutions", like Armstrongism made perfect sense. I've also got part of the old "Checkmate" series on DVD from the early '60s, and "Stoney Burke" from '66. Again it's difficult today to think of these as even being worthy of television, yet they represent simple, very unsophisticated times during which most people would have found them to be up to date representations of contemporary life. Armstrongism was more compatible with the Zeitgeist of that era.
I would never have come into the old Radio Church of God as a thinking adult. My parents dragged me and my siblings into it. With all of the punishment that was going on in our home during childhood, dissent or escape was not possible. I went to Ambassador College because basically that was my only choice. I lasted two years, but continued with the church up until 1975. By the time we experienced the great disappointment, I was already very conflicted about numerous of the teachings and doctrines, and left. 1975 was just the final straw. It had been promised nearly on a daily basis throughout my long, painful WCG childhood. Even though I left early as compared to some of the other regular contributors here, I still beat up on myself for remaining as long as I did. The fact is, leaving was a big decision, and I had to be sure. And that is the point. I believe that it was totally logical to give it all a chance, and to only leave when I was certain. Although it was still difficult, it was a mature decision.
There is another factor that comes into play. The longer the period of our lives that any of us wasted, the more we tend to question and beat up ourselves. That's part of our life we can't get back. The more talented and brilliant ones who could have had an entirely different, much more fulfilling and financially or intellectually rewarding life, experience a more profound sense of loss. And honestly? Isn't it a really simple-minded question to ask us, "If you didn't like it or had doubts about it, how come you hung around so long?" How deep a thinker could one possibly be in order to even concoct a question such as that??? It's something we need not let them make us feel badly about, because whenever any of us left, it was the right time for us!
BB
The longer the period of our lives that any of us wasted, the more we tend to question and beat up ourselves. That's part of our life we can't get back. The more talented and brilliant ones who could have had an entirely different, much more fulfilling and financially or intellectually rewarding life, experience a more profound sense of loss.
DeleteThis. I think this same thought a thousand times each day. I am 50 years old. I stopped attending 20 years ago, but the trauma and aftereffects linger even today. I could have done so much more with my life. I could have accomplished so much more, experienced so much more, prospered so much more. Instead the best years of my life were wasted and I've spend the last two decades trying to catch up....but we all know that can never happen. There is no way to catch up from the first 30 years of a life being utterly wasted. And there is no way to blunt the overwhelming feelings of regret that wash over me every single day.
In my case, Armstrongism was just one half of the equation. The other half were my parents. My father was an obnoxious, abusive bully who perpetrated physical violence against me regularly. My mother was as cold as ice and after the 6th grade would never touch me unless it was to hit me. These were the people who were supposed to give me a secure base and prepare me for adulthood. Go, team.
I've thought about suicide a lot. I have no kids, no girlfriend, probably never will, I only have my dog. But he is an awesome dog and deserves the best in life, and I can't stomach the thought of leaving him alone, so as long as he's around then I'll be around. Once he's gone.....who knows.
Anyway, thank you for saying what you did Byker Bob. Until today I thought maybe I was the only one who felt this way.
Hey, 10:48: It's difficult to realize this sometimes, as we engage in our own personal struggles, but there are many who suffered through the same things you and I just noted, and some even worse. They're right here, actively participating in the discussions.
DeleteThe thing that helped me the most in terms of catching up for lost years was something I read many years ago, but I'll be darned if I can remember the source. And that was, identify the activity in your life which brings you the most positive feedback, and then feed that activity wholeheartedly! Devote yourself to it. In doing so, sometimes even not having people close to you becomes an asset, or facillitator because there are no distractions, or soap operas. Up until I had read that, I'd been spending far too much time in correcting my weaknesses, and deficiencies, and that actually made me dwell on them, and feel depressed. Some of those weaknesses had been directly caused by Armstrongism, and my new approach in feeding the positive helped fade those negatives into the background, disempowering them.
I believe that all people consider ending their lives at least once during their years on the planet. Sometimes problems can be just that overwhelming. Three people whom I knew fairly well have gone through with that over the past 15 years. It's not as if any of us who are already recovering from Armstrongism needed the additional angst which was caused. But there's another aspect. When someone takes their own life, in the minds of those who knew them, that person becomes a tragic figure. People re-evaluate any and all of their accomplishments, and talents, and the only thing which shines through is the final tragedy. And, you just can't unwrite such a sad epitaph! Much better to tough it out, because you never know when one big positive thing could turn it all around. And the laws of probability demonstrate that sooner or later, something positive simply has to happen! Could be right around the corner, but if we're not, we won't be around to experience it.
BB
BB,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your contribution and give it a hearty "Amen!" While we all have our own unique stories and experiences, there is much that we can relate to in each other's stories and experiences.
I was introduced to Armstrongism by my divorced, single father at the tender age of four or five. My dad wasn't willing to commit at the time (he was living with his mom and stepfather and enjoying the freedom of dating). I, however, was an inquisitive child and desperately wanted a relationship with God. I was baptized at the tender age of 17 (I also graduated from high school a year early).
Hence, I want to make clear in this post that I am not (IN ANY WAY) absolving the Armstrong Churches of God for their culpability in what happened to all of us. The only way to wash away that guilt is through the blood of Jesus Christ! As you suggest, however, at some point, we have to assume some responsibility for our own lives and decisions. Painful as it is to admit, I am NOT guiltless in what happened to me and others.
I am now an adult. I have come to terms with the part I played, have received God's forgiveness, and have retaken hold of the rudder of my own life. I hope that what we have both shared here will help others who can relate to our experiences in Armstrongism to have the courage to correct course and shed the delusions of that cult, the baneful effects of our own ego/vanity, and our own nostalgia for the past. It's never too late to reclaim YOUR life and move forward.
Agreed, Lonnie. Part of the beauty of this blog is that we get to perform a largely uncensored, thorough, and honest post-mortem on the whole enchillada. Your experience, my experience, and all the others that are shared provide a depth which you cannot find anywhere else.
DeleteYears ago, a friend of mine was involved in an accident. The insurance companies did not assign full fault to either of the parties involved. They resolved payouts by assigning percentage of fault. This person did that, and is 80% at fault, but the other driver also did this, making him 20% responsible. And, it made sense, but it also made me aware of percentages as opposed to black and white thinking or solutions. Involvement in a cult requires activity by the cult, but also from the individual who joins and remains. It becomes a parasitic relationship requiring the continued availability of both parties. Here on Banned, via our shared experiences, we recognize that although the cult is majorly culpable, it takes two to tango, therefore we do share percentages of guilt. What this introspection accomplishes, is that it gears us up mentally by forcing us to recognize a personal fault and flaw, and to correct that fault and flaw so that we do not allow another slick collector of people to ensnare us in the future. Succinctly, no more borgs!
Us 'fessing up to our part of the shared responsibility also diffuses the myriad strangers who just love to blame the victim. "They" still believe that their cult is "God", and has no victims. "They" are the ones passing out the blinders!.
BB
...a leader with a vehement countenance, and spewing forth conundrums, dark sentences, shall stand up. And his power shall be mighty, but not by his own power, and he shall corrupt to an extraordinary degree, AND SHALL PROSPER, and do his thing, and shall corrupt the saints. And through his policy also he shall cause deceit to prosper in his hand; he shall magnify himself in his heart, and during a time of peace shall corrupt many......??????
ReplyDeleteWho is the direct object of your comment, 9:06? Why be nebulous about it? Spit it out!
DeleteSo that we aren't left guessing can you please elucidate how the quotation from Daniel relates to taking responsibility?
DeleteYes great post here. And taking responsibility for our own choices was also a part of why we left. But what do you do after you leave, and still want to practice Christianity? First you realize more of what the scriptures say and what they don't say through the lens of armstrongism. There's a healing process of having to sort of forgive yourself. As life goes on in retrospect you think about your life going in a different trajectory, perhaps there are things more to be accomplish if one has enough time. One must take it day by day. Not to be bitter, just move on and be productive.
ReplyDeleteTank
So we have a switch from one religious belief (Armstrongism) to the new love your neighbor as yourself (i.e love is all you need).
ReplyDeleteArmstrongism is obviously wrong and the head of it was very evil. However, the switch to this new supposedly wonderful way still has the same problems. The belief that love your neighbor as yourself is all that is needed brings problems.
Paul never says that commandments that are in in the torah are no longer in effect, nor does he say love is replacing them. He is saying that those commandments when followed are acts of love. In Romans 13:8-10, he writes that following the commandments of torah is expressing just that type of love. He does not list all of the commandments, but he never says any are now unnecessary.
He does not disagree with what the Messiah (Emmanuel or God with us) says in Matthew 5:16-20 which is obvious even to honest protestant or other type teachers. One can read what the International Critical Commentary says about those verses in Matthew 5 and even it shows what is really the truth and notes that those who try to escape what it means are not correct.
So we have a person who got caught up in an evil organization, figured that out, and left only to jump into another wrong (evil) belief system.
While the current belief system is easier to follow, that is irrelevant because what Matthew says is in effect and thus, shows faith. James in chapter 2 as well as the rest of his letter writes about how works show faith and has very clear comments about that including that one can do all except one commandment and that will not make him righteous.
Therefore, while an exit from false prophecy (Herbie was just that even if he claimed not to be a prophet as he taught multiple times over many years that things would happen within such and such time periods, but they never did) and he also taught things that one must do because they are law when they are not, never were, and never will be.
So then the author of this article went to another system where all you need is love, yet he still cannot justify love others as you love yourself as being all you need and he ignores it when he is told that there are people who would take that and use it to believe that for instance 2 people of the same sex can be righteous in an intimate relationship with one another. Why will he not clear this up? It does not fit his narrative and he cannot prove his belief is correct. That is why he ignores it.
That situation has been presented to him several times and he ignores it like DD ignores it when it is pointed out that he will not pay back the money he took that he knows was gained by Herbie's org's evil and obviously unlawful teaching on tithes.
Neither Herbie nor MJ /LCH nor DD for that matter have true religion. They are all basically in the same group and always have been. They are identified by their works and their works do not show faith in the true Creator and scripture clearly shows that regardless of how many believe the wrong thing, it is not the way nor the truth.
So we have a switch from one religious belief (Armstrongism) to the new love your neighbor as yourself (i.e love is all you need).
ReplyDeleteArmstrongism is obviously wrong and the head of it was very evil. However, the switch to this new supposedly wonderful way still has the same problems. The belief that love your neighbor as yourself is all that is needed brings problems.
Paul never says that commandments that are in in the torah are no longer in effect, nor does he say love is replacing them. He is saying that those commandments when followed are acts of love. In Romans 13:8-10, he writes that following the commandments of torah is expressing just that type of love. He does not list all of the commandments, but he never says any are now unnecessary.
He does not disagree with what the Messiah (Emmanuel or God with us) says in Matthew 5:16-20 which is obvious even to honest protestant or other type teachers. One can read what the International Critical Commentary says about those verses in Matthew 5 and even it shows what is really the truth and notes that those who try to escape what it means are not correct.
So we have a person who got caught up in an evil organization, figured that out, and left only to jump into another wrong (evil) belief system.
While the current belief system is easier to follow, that is irrelevant because what Matthew says is in effect and thus, shows faith. James in chapter 2 as well as the rest of his letter writes about how works show faith and has very clear comments about that including that one can do all except one commandment and that will not make him righteous.
Therefore, while an exit from false prophecy (Herbie was just that even if he claimed not to be a prophet as he taught multiple times over many years that things would happen within such and such time periods, but they never did) and he also taught things that one must do because they are law when they are not, never were, and never will be.
So then the author of this article went to another system where all you need is love, yet he still cannot justify love others as you love yourself as being all you need and he ignores it when he is told that there are people who would take that and use it to believe that for instance 2 people of the same sex can be righteous in an intimate relationship with one another. Why will he not clear this up? It does not fit his narrative and he cannot prove his belief is correct. That is why he ignores it.
That situation has been presented to him several times and he ignores it like DD ignores it when it is pointed out that he will not pay back the money he took that he knows was gained by Herbie's org's evil and obviously unlawful teaching on tithes.
Neither Herbie nor MJ /LCH nor DD for that matter have true religion. They are all basically in the same group and always have been. They are identified by their works and their works do not show faith in the true Creator and scripture clearly shows that regardless of how many believe the wrong thing, it is not the way nor the truth.
I'm wondering if Dan 8:23-25 is referring to Herbert W Armstrong. Sure I could be wrong. This "wondering" is after checking the Hebrew and being in his church from 1966 to 1979. The Daniel "quote" is brought up in an effort to attempt to understand "Armstrongism" which is a huge factor in Lonnie's post. Many questions of course remain including about aspects of "taking responsibility".
ReplyDeleteAnonymous Saturday, March 8, 2025 at 10:48:00 AM PST,
ReplyDeleteI know that your comment was directed at Byker Bob, and I'm sure that he will craft a terrific response to you (he's that kind of person). Nevertheless, I couldn't help but feel the need to say, "me too!" I allowed my devotion to the Worldwide Church of God to influence my educational choices, job choices, civic choices (military service, voting, pursuing public office). I graduated Magna Cum Laude and received honors in my major and refused to attend the ceremony because it was scheduled to occur on the Sabbath!
Even so, I have decided that focusing on "what might have been" is a fool's errand. Our time and energy is much better spent in improving the present and future and focusing on being thankful for the good things in our life that bring us happiness/joy (like your dog). You don't have to be a prisoner of the past or wasted opportunities. I pray that God will bless you with peace and growth and enable you to move forward to a better place. Also, there is nothing wrong with seeking help when things threaten to overwhelm us - counseling can make a difference - I know!
10:48:54 AM I've thought about suicide a lot
ReplyDeleteThankyou for your honesty when posting of your trauma and effects arising from being in Armstrongs church 20 years ago. There are no easy answers.
Perhaps one way of looking at things is to accept this was an experience you, and everyone of us, had to go through given our personal circumstances at the time. Try not to think too much of wasted years, but come to an acceptance our needs and wants at the time drove a certain outcome.
Look now to Jesus and pray for encouragement and help. And yes, your dog is a wonderful companion too.
Great comments, by the way, 5:04 was me! Sometimes I post before I realize that I haven't signed in yet :)
ReplyDeleteAnonymous at 3:45 X 2, you have mischaracterized my views - oversimplified them; and I do resent being grouped with Herbie. Just to be clear, I believe in the God of the Hebrew Bible and Greek New Testament, and I believe that he rewards those who diligently seek "Him." I believe that Jesus of Nazareth was the Messiah which Torah, the Prophets, and Writings pointed to; and that HE fulfilled them. I have also repented and accepted his sacrifice for my sins and have been submerged in the waters of baptism and received the gift of the Holy Spirit. I believe that I have been reconciled to God and will stand before "Him" clean and whole someday. I believe that God is LOVE, and that Jesus has internalized within me the Two Great Commandments which he drew from Torah. Finally, I believe that he has done the exact same thing for many others and will eventually ensure the salvation of humankind. Moreover, you are NOT very familiar with my posts if you think that I have never addressed the question of two faithful people of the same gender in a loving and committed relationship. I believe that this is consistent with the principle of Love, and the spirit of the Two Great commandments! Clear enough?
My WCG experience was a really bad one. I will not go into the details. Let me just proffer one idea. I am racially mixed. I happen to have ancestry that was held in very low regard within the WCG for odd “Biblical” reasons. Wherever I went within the WCG, I was the object of overt contempt. Yet, in spite of this rejection, I believed, sadly, that the WCG was the one and only true church and that the church, in its contempt for me, was acting out the will of God. It does play with your mind if you think you have discovered the one and only true church and it objects to your very existence. There is a lot of detail I could insert at this point but don’t want to resurrect it. It is better left buried. Let me just summarize by saying that the WCG was my own personal, well-crafted program of self-destruction in a psychological and existential sense. The WCG was something I wanted to flee from but couldn’t because I believed it expressed the will of God. It now seems like a cruel joke.
ReplyDeleteBut it wasn’t a joke. I believe my WCG experience had value. Personal responsibility plays a role to a varying degree depending on how a person is equipped to deal with the issue. I knew nothing about theology, other than HWA’s little booklet theology, when I was in the WCG. I had never heard of William Miller. We can only go so far ourselves. We can only know as much about God as he, in his grace, wants us to know. If God had wanted me to be a Methodist rather than an Armstrongist, I would have been. David Albert told me, after he became a Christian, and he looked back over his Armstrongist history, that if it took all that to bring him now to Christianity, he was fine with it. There are all kinds of people who exit cults and become Christians. I cannot tell you why this trajectory but I know that God is not frivolous with our lives.
For those of us who did hard time, consider this. What if today you were right now a comfortable Armstrongist? You believed all the heresy and followed all the practices and Armstrongism was really good to you – really rewarding. You went to AC and learned to successfully negotiate the ropes, you played the guitar and a mean game of racquetball, and later had the fleet car and the $1,000 suit and tie, the well-coiffed hair, the unchallenged ego, the control of the pulpit. Where would that trajectory ultimately land you? Better to have done some hard time, learned what you needed to and escaped. Like it says to the Christian, “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
Scout
Great post as usual Scout, some of us have considered out time in armstrongism as a stepping stone, to another area of focus. For me, armstrongism help me understand, like you said, "what I needed or what was necessary for my time there." They want to stay back in the Old Covenant, and I can't stay back there with them anymore. Even though Saul (Paul) was taught by Gamaliel, he needed to go further later on in life. He needed to leave the past behind even though it's are hard to forget. Philippians 3:13 ; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead,
DeleteTank
Correct 5:04 & 7:08!!! When one door closes, another one can open for you. We have to put the past behind us and go forward. What I have found comforting in the scriptures are Paul's writing and seeing the transformation of a man that had done some evil stuff in the past who thought he was doing right. Seeing him go forward and even his writing showing more insights than Armstrongism could ever do, really has helped me throughout the years. What hurts also with me is a woman or two that I could have been married to, but since they weren't in the religion I was in, I tried to follow what "those ministers" said. And it wouldn't have mattered if I attempted anyways, as it would have been access denied by their counseling. LOL I just keep it moving and count my blessings. Dogs are amazing, because of their character. Thanks for your post 10:48
ReplyDeleteGod's Laws are how He thinks, are the same yesterday, today, and forever.
ReplyDeleteWhat laws have been removed have been removed of necessity because of Christ's sacrifice, discussed extensively in the NT, and the ceasing of the governments, the administrations, of Israel and Judah. Tithing laws supporting the Levitical Priesthood have been removed because that physical priesthood has been replaced by a spiritual priesthood. Carnal ordinances, washings, physical animal sacrifices have been removed - Hebrews 9. But laws about sex - Lev 18, 20, and about murder - Num 35, for example, apart from laws administered by the governments of Israel that don't now exist, are to be observed today.
The thought or similar ideas that all the Torah is being replaced by the new covenant is a red herring.