The Prophet Who Replaced the Cross with a Play Button

Here in Central and Southern California, this time of year, we enjoy the delightful phenomenon known as May Gray and June Gloom—when the sky can’t be bothered to show up for half the day or more. As the high and low deserts crank up the heat, they graciously suck moisture from the ocean, treating us to cool, pleasant temperatures. Sometimes it turns properly foggy, just like right now in Grover Beach. And oh, what a perfect metaphor that fog is for the mental state of so many self-appointed gurus in Armstrongism. Their brains are so clouded that they actually believe the nonsense they spout, then proudly strut around claiming they’re the smartest, most knowledgeable prophets alive. Adorable, really.

This glorious fog naturally leads us straight back to our absolute favorite self-appointed splinter leader: the Great Bwana Mzungu, Elisha/Elijah, Habakkuk, Zerubbabel, and Supreme Chief Overseer Bob Thiel. Aren’t you just bursting with excitement? Be honest—we are so unworthy of such a towering intellect in our midst!

As the Bwana loves to remind us, he and he alone has the answers to at least 15 profound questions that no other religious movement on planet Earth has ever figured out. Only through his videos—watched repeatedly until your brain absorbs every sacred syllable—can you possibly gain this elite enlightenment. How incredibly convenient for him.

Of course, none of this is original. It’s just the usual recycled slop from old Worldwide Church of God articles, correspondence letters, and dusty booklets. Not a single fresh thought anywhere. But that doesn’t stop him from solemnly commanding his faithful followers in Africa (and the handful of scattered Westerners) to binge his video library for “true understanding.” Because apparently his content is so life-changing that his traveling evangelists are now making it crystal clear: you cannot join the African branches of the Continuing Church of God, and you certainly cannot have any hope of salvation, unless you first complete this sacred task.

Not belief in Jesus Christ. Not trust in what He accomplished on the cross. Not the New Covenant.

No, no, no. The one true requirement for salvation is: Watch Bob Thiel’s videos. The internet—specifically Bob’s corner of it—is now the narrow gate to the Kingdom. How beautifully biblical.

Greetings Dr Bob

Let me report that today I was in Mozambique visiting church committees to discuss the progress and plans for the feast of Tabernacle

So everything went well .

Pastor let me inform you that the church has grown more than before and there is a need for visitation of brethren than before so that we can move in the same doctrine and even brethren needs to know all the teaching you send on internet …

Friday I will visit Chikwawa and Nsanje …

Best regards

Radson 

 

How touching. Before these eager African believers can be properly admitted into the fold—or, according to this system, have any realistic shot at salvation—they must first dutifully consume everything the Great Bwana has ever posted online. Every video. Every article. Every self-important update. Only after proving their loyalty by marinating in his complete digital gospel can they be deemed worthy.

Forget coming to Christ in simple faith. That would be far too easy, far too liberating. Instead, sit down, shut up, and start clicking. This isn’t Christianity—it’s classic Armstrongist legalism on steroids, more pointless mumbo-jumbo designed to keep followers distracted, dependent, and forever glued to their screens (or at least the screens of his so-called leaders) instead of looking to Jesus. Pure genius.

Here is Crackpot Bob’s list. I did not post his commentary after each of these points because it is a butt-numbing ordeal as you slog through his explanations. As usual, his ADHD sends him careening all over the place like a theological pinball.

1. Why does an all-loving, all-powerful God allow immense suffering? 

 

2. Why does God stay silent when people desperately seek Him? 

 

3. If God is all-knowing, why did He create humans, knowing many would go to hell {a place of eternal torment}? If God knew before creating the world that the majority of people would reject Him and suffer eternal damnation, why did He create them anyway? If God is actually loving, why create beings who are destined for suffering? This raises serious ethical concerns about the fairness of eternal punishment. 

 

4. Why do so many religious teachings contradict modern morality? Many religious texts promote ideas that today are considered immoral--such as ... harsh punishments for minor offenses. If religious texts are divinely inspired, why do they reflect the flawed morality of the time they were written rather than timeless ethical principles? 

 

5. Why do miracles only seem to happen in ways that can be explained naturally? Many religious people claim miracles happen every day, but why do we never see undeniable, supernatural events--like an amputated limb regrowing? The “miracles” we hear about usually involve things that could happen naturally, like an illness improving. Why doesn't God perform clear, undeniable miracles that would erase all doubt? 

 

6. Why do different religions contradict each other if they all come from God? 

 

7. Why does God answer trivial prayers but ignore desperate ones? 

 

8. Why do religious beliefs so often depend on where you were born? 

 

9. Why would an all-powerful God need worship? If God is self-sufficient and perfect, why does He require constant worship and obedience? Religious teachings emphasize the importance of praising God, but why would a divine being need constant affirmation from humans? The idea of an all-powerful being demanding worship seems more like a human invention than a divine necessity. 

 

10. Why did God create a world that makes Him seem non-existent? If God wants people to believe in Him, why does the universe look exactly as it would if no god existed?

11. Why do religious experiences contradict each other? Christians, Muslims, Hindus, and followers of other religions all claim to have personal experiences with God. Yet these experiences often lead them to completely different conclusions about the divine. If religious experiences were truly from God, wouldn't they lead people to the same truth instead of conflicting beliefs? 

 

12. Why does God allow His followers to be deceived by false religions? 

 

13. Why did God's morality change over time? In the Old Testament, God commanded genocides, allowed slavery, and issued death penalties for minor offenses. But modern Christians say God is loving and merciful. If God's morality is unchanging, why does it seem to evolve with human society? Did God change, or did people change their interpretation of Him? 

 

14. Why do non-believers often live more moral lives than believers? Many atheists and agnostics live ethical, compassionate lives without believing in God, while some religious individuals commit terrible acts in His name. If morality truly comes from God, why are there so many good non-believers and so many unethical religious people? Why doesn't belief in God consistently lead to better behavior? 

 

15. If faith is the key to salvation, why doesn't God make belief easier?

Naturally, Bob’s “stunning” answers are just the same old Herbert W. Armstrong greatest hits with extra “I alone am the end-time prophet” seasoning. The questions themselves aren’t the point. The point is keeping the followers—especially his African groups—tethered to their devices, endlessly studying the Bwana’s every utterance. Only after they’ve swallowed his entire internet output can they be baptized, accepted, or assured they might squeak into the Kingdom.

Truly, what a powerful, Christ-centered gospel we have here. How incredibly freeing.

But now the fog parts for one terrifying, crystal-clear moment, and the full horror of Bob Thiel’s empire stands exposed like a cheap Hollywood prop under stage lights. This isn’t harmless eccentricity—it’s a full-blown false gospel wrapped in prophetic cosplay. Bob Thiel doesn’t just recycle Armstrong’s legalism; he amplifies it into a soul-crushing machine. He demands Old Testament law-keeping—Sabbaths, holy days, tithing, clean meats—as non-negotiable tickets to salvation. He peddles British Israelism, the discredited myth that Anglo-Saxons are the “lost tribes,” as if God’s plan hinges on 19th-century British genealogy rather than the blood of Christ. He declares himself the final Elijah, the only true prophet, the Habakkuk for our age, while his endless “prophecies” collapse like a house of cards in a stiff breeze. He insists the New Covenant is basically the Old Covenant with better marketing, and that true Christians must obsess over his every online syllable before God will even glance their way.

This is not Christianity. This is spiritual bondage dressed up as “the restored truth.” It distracts desperate souls from the breathtaking simplicity of the cross, replaces the Holy Spirit with video playlists, and turns the Great Commission into a mandatory Bwana binge-watch. African believers, especially—eager, growing, sincere—are being told their very salvation hangs on internet homework assigned by a California armchair apostle who has never met them. The arrogance is breathtaking. The damage is eternal.

Enough is enough.

If you’re caught in this Thiel fog, here is your dramatic, thunderous exit strategy—straight from the pages of Scripture, not some self-appointed guru’s website:

Step 1: Cut the cord. Delete every Bob Thiel video, article, and update from your devices. Block the sites. Burn the bridge. Your eternity was never contingent on his content library.

Step 2: Run to the real Jesus. Open the New Testament—Galatians, Romans, Hebrews—and let Paul’s Holy Spirit–inspired fury against legalism wash over you. “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” (Galatians 5:1). Faith in Christ’s finished work on the cross is enough. Full stop. No videos required.

Step 3: Repent of the false gospel. Confess that you’ve trusted in works, in a man’s “special knowledge,” in law-keeping instead of grace. Ask the real Holy Spirit—not Bob’s version—to fill you.

Step 4: Walk away from the system. Leave the Continuing Church of God. Find fellowship with believers who preach Christ alone, the true Gospel of grace, and the Bible without Armstrongist add-ons. Or simply walk with Jesus—He is more than enough.

Step 5: Warn others. Tell your African brothers and sisters, your scattered friends, anyone still glued to those screens: the Great Bwana is not the gatekeeper of the Kingdom. Jesus is. And His invitation is free, immediate, and video-free.

The fog is lifting. The chains are breaking. The true light of the Gospel is blazing through.

Run to it.

Bob Thiel and his legalistic circus can stay in the gloom. You were never meant to live there.