Crackpot Bob’s Eternal Whine: “Banned Hurt My Feelings Again, Therefore I Am the True End-Time Prophet”
In his latest trembling dispatch from Grover Beach and for the SECOND day in a row, Crackpot Bob once again demonstrates why he is the undisputed champion of prophecy addiction and thin-skinned grievance-collecting. After we posted the article yesterday (“Earthquakes Happened Yesterday and Crackpot Bob is Shaking in Grover Beach Over How Accurate He Thinks He Is — As Usual”), the self-styled prophet could not resist firing back with another multi-page biblical tantrum.
He calls all of us here “anti-Christian deceivers,” and accuses us of wanting to be “blinded to the truth,” and labels our factual corrections about earthquake statistics and heat records as satanic scoffing straight out of 2 Peter 3. (We are not anti-Christian deceivers; we are anti-deviant Armstrongite church leaders.) The man is obsessed with us and has been clicking on this blog multiple times a day lately.
Every time Banned points out that big quakes still average roughly 16 major ones per year and that heat records get broken every few years (because that’s how records work), Bwana Bob doesn’t respond with data or humility. He responds with Amos, Isaiah, and long lists of his own 2009 predictions, as if repeating the same vague “odd weather is coming” line for 17 years somehow makes him Jeremiah.
Here’s the delicious irony that Crackpot Bob never seems to notice: If he were actually a powerful end-time prophet with special divine insight, why does he spend half his waking hours crying about a blog that calls him Crackpot Bob? Why the endless credential flexing, the “they lied about my PhD” rebuttals, and the demands for apologies? He does this because Banned has had a huge impact in turning people away from him, and he knows it. A real prophet wouldn’t need to police his image like a fragile influencer. He’d just let the fulfilled prophecies speak for themselves. Instead, we get this weak little milquetoast routine — triggered by every snarky comment, rushing to the keyboard to quote 2 Timothy 3 at people who simply refuse to take his weather reports as divine revelation.
This is the same pattern Armstrongism has been running for over 80 years. Since Herbert Armstrong started making bold predictions in the 1930s and 40s, the movement has produced an endless parade of self-appointed prophets, apostles, and “the one true leader” figures. Failed date settings for 1972, 1975, and countless other “this is it!” moments didn’t stop the splintering. Every new group leader claims the previous ones lost the mantle and that he is the faithful remnant carrying the real work. Crackpot Bob is not some fresh, undeniable voice breaking through. He’s just the latest in a very long, very disappointing line of men who discovered that claiming prophetic status is an excellent way to keep a small group paying attention and sending offerings.
Why should anyone suddenly believe this one is different? Because he had a couple of dreams? Because Roderick Meredith once said something vague about God possibly considering him a prophet before kicking him out? Because he collected some old credentials and now pastes Bible verses on every natural disaster? Armstrongism’s track record on prophets is abysmal. The movement has been crying wolf since before most of us were born. At some point, the rational response isn’t “maybe this guy is the real one.” It’s “this entire prophetic addiction industry has been a spectacular failure for eight decades.”Why the New Covenant Does Not Need Self-Appointed Prophets Like Bwana Bob or Men Obsessed With Prediction AddictionThe New Covenant fundamentally changes the role of prophecy. Under the Old Covenant, God spoke through selected prophets because the law was external and the people needed constant external correction and future warnings. The New Covenant, as described in Jeremiah 31 and explained in Hebrews 8, is different: God puts His law in people’s minds and writes it on their hearts. The Holy Spirit indwells every believer. There is no longer the same need for a special class of intermediaries who alone receive direct revelations about the future.
Jesus Himself is the final and greatest Prophet (Deuteronomy 18:15-18 fulfilled in Christ). The New Testament repeatedly points believers to Him and the completed revelation in Scripture rather than ongoing date-specific predictions. While the gift of prophecy exists in the early church for edification, exhortation, and comfort (1 Corinthians 14), it is not presented as the primary way God leads His people in the age of the Spirit. The foundation of apostles and prophets was laid once (Ephesians 2:20), and the church is now built on that completed foundation with Christ as the cornerstone.
Prediction addiction is spiritually corrosive for several reasons. First, it shifts focus from the gospel and personal repentance to constant sign-watching and “this could be it!” speculation. Second, it almost always produces pride and defensiveness in the predictor — exactly the milquetoast behavior we see in Bwana Bob, where any criticism is reframed as satanic persecution rather than legitimate pushback. Third, history shows it leads to repeated embarrassment when the predicted timelines fail, which then requires more conspiracy theories and name-calling to protect the ego. Fourth, it distracts from the actual New Covenant emphasis: living faithfully, loving others, and being ready for Christ’s return whenever it happens, without needing to map every earthquake and heatwave onto a personal prophetic résumé.
The New Covenant invites believers to maturity, not perpetual childhood dependence on the latest prophetic newsletter. When someone spends decades turning every natural disaster into proof of their own special calling while lashing out at critics, it reveals far more about their own insecurities than it does about the nearness of the end. The Bible already warned us about people who would be “lovers of themselves… boasters, proud” in the last days. Sometimes the clearest sign isn’t the earthquake — it’s the man who can’t stop writing angry articles about the people who refuse to call him a prophet.
In his latest trembling dispatch from Grover Beach and for the SECOND day in a row, Crackpot Bob once again demonstrates why he is the undisputed champion of prophecy addiction and thin-skinned grievance-collecting. After we posted the article yesterday (“Earthquakes Happened Yesterday and Crackpot Bob is Shaking in Grover Beach Over How Accurate He Thinks He Is — As Usual”), the self-styled prophet could not resist firing back with another multi-page biblical tantrum.
He calls all of us here “anti-Christian deceivers,” and accuses us of wanting to be “blinded to the truth,” and labels our factual corrections about earthquake statistics and heat records as satanic scoffing straight out of 2 Peter 3. (We are not anti-Christian deceivers; we are anti-deviant Armstrongite church leaders.) The man is obsessed with us and has been clicking on this blog multiple times a day lately.
Every time Banned points out that big quakes still average roughly 16 major ones per year and that heat records get broken every few years (because that’s how records work), Bwana Bob doesn’t respond with data or humility. He responds with Amos, Isaiah, and long lists of his own 2009 predictions, as if repeating the same vague “odd weather is coming” line for 17 years somehow makes him Jeremiah.
Here’s the delicious irony that Crackpot Bob never seems to notice: If he were actually a powerful end-time prophet with special divine insight, why does he spend half his waking hours crying about a blog that calls him Crackpot Bob? Why the endless credential flexing, the “they lied about my PhD” rebuttals, and the demands for apologies? He does this because Banned has had a huge impact in turning people away from him, and he knows it. A real prophet wouldn’t need to police his image like a fragile influencer. He’d just let the fulfilled prophecies speak for themselves. Instead, we get this weak little milquetoast routine — triggered by every snarky comment, rushing to the keyboard to quote 2 Timothy 3 at people who simply refuse to take his weather reports as divine revelation.
This is the same pattern Armstrongism has been running for over 80 years. Since Herbert Armstrong started making bold predictions in the 1930s and 40s, the movement has produced an endless parade of self-appointed prophets, apostles, and “the one true leader” figures. Failed date settings for 1972, 1975, and countless other “this is it!” moments didn’t stop the splintering. Every new group leader claims the previous ones lost the mantle and that he is the faithful remnant carrying the real work. Crackpot Bob is not some fresh, undeniable voice breaking through. He’s just the latest in a very long, very disappointing line of men who discovered that claiming prophetic status is an excellent way to keep a small group paying attention and sending offerings.
Why should anyone suddenly believe this one is different? Because he had a couple of dreams? Because Roderick Meredith once said something vague about God possibly considering him a prophet before kicking him out? Because he collected some old credentials and now pastes Bible verses on every natural disaster? Armstrongism’s track record on prophets is abysmal. The movement has been crying wolf since before most of us were born. At some point, the rational response isn’t “maybe this guy is the real one.” It’s “this entire prophetic addiction industry has been a spectacular failure for eight decades.”Why the New Covenant Does Not Need Self-Appointed Prophets Like Bwana Bob or Men Obsessed With Prediction AddictionThe New Covenant fundamentally changes the role of prophecy. Under the Old Covenant, God spoke through selected prophets because the law was external and the people needed constant external correction and future warnings. The New Covenant, as described in Jeremiah 31 and explained in Hebrews 8, is different: God puts His law in people’s minds and writes it on their hearts. The Holy Spirit indwells every believer. There is no longer the same need for a special class of intermediaries who alone receive direct revelations about the future.
Jesus Himself is the final and greatest Prophet (Deuteronomy 18:15-18 fulfilled in Christ). The New Testament repeatedly points believers to Him and the completed revelation in Scripture rather than ongoing date-specific predictions. While the gift of prophecy exists in the early church for edification, exhortation, and comfort (1 Corinthians 14), it is not presented as the primary way God leads His people in the age of the Spirit. The foundation of apostles and prophets was laid once (Ephesians 2:20), and the church is now built on that completed foundation with Christ as the cornerstone.
Prediction addiction is spiritually corrosive for several reasons. First, it shifts focus from the gospel and personal repentance to constant sign-watching and “this could be it!” speculation. Second, it almost always produces pride and defensiveness in the predictor — exactly the milquetoast behavior we see in Bwana Bob, where any criticism is reframed as satanic persecution rather than legitimate pushback. Third, history shows it leads to repeated embarrassment when the predicted timelines fail, which then requires more conspiracy theories and name-calling to protect the ego. Fourth, it distracts from the actual New Covenant emphasis: living faithfully, loving others, and being ready for Christ’s return whenever it happens, without needing to map every earthquake and heatwave onto a personal prophetic résumé.
The New Covenant invites believers to maturity, not perpetual childhood dependence on the latest prophetic newsletter. When someone spends decades turning every natural disaster into proof of their own special calling while lashing out at critics, it reveals far more about their own insecurities than it does about the nearness of the end. The Bible already warned us about people who would be “lovers of themselves… boasters, proud” in the last days. Sometimes the clearest sign isn’t the earthquake — it’s the man who can’t stop writing angry articles about the people who refuse to call him a prophet.
Bob, the mother church has split into hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of competing groups. Most claiming to be something, or led by someone claiming to be someone. What makes you different from all the other hundreds of hundreds of hundreds of other splinters from the mother church out there. Well? Like all of us here, you will, as we all will; one day breathe your last breath and be no more. And like us all, be remembered no more. All is vanity as we read in scripture. Take My yoke upon you and learn from ME, for I am gentle and humble of heart and you will find rest for your soul. Wonderful words of wisdom from Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour. Do you have that rest?
ReplyDelete"But I am a prophet" he cried, flailing his arms as they hauled him off to the Rubber Room. Bob, just put the crack pipe down and get some help before it's too late.
ReplyDelete