Earthquakes Happened Yesterday and Crackpot Bob is Shaking in Grover Beach Over How Accurate He Thinks He Is - As Usual

Did Crackpot Bob really pop his prophetic cork this week or what?

Fresh off the Venezuela twin quakes (you know, the real tragedy that killed over 160 people and left thousands suffering in an already wrecked country), Crackpot Bob fired up the ol’ THE BOB THIEL PROPHECY RADIO (now apparently rebranded in his head as “Crackpot Bob’s Prophecy Radio”) and declared it was all straight out of Mark 13:8.

And there will be earthquakes in various places... These are the beginnings of sorrows. 

 

Translation according to Crackpot Bob: “See?! I was right again! Also, Europe is hot, so repent or something!”
Never mind that the USGS has been politely explaining for years that the only thing increasing is the number of seismometers and the speed at which we hear about disasters. Actual big earthquakes? Still averaging around 16 major ones a year, just like they have for over a century. Some years more, some years less. Normal fluctuation. Boring science stuff.
But why let facts get in the way of a good sermon when you’ve got a banner with a glowing globe and a microphone?
Crackpot Bob could have had an even bigger nothing burger announcement if he had added in the Japan, Papua New Guinea, and California quakes that also happened yesterday. Nope. Those weren't as dramatic as melting down over the European heat wave, so in one glorious burst of confirmation bias, he declared the whole planet was sending him personal messages from the Book of Amos. God is apparently using weather and plate tectonics to tell everyone to join the Continuing Church of God before it’s too late.

Because nothing says “divine warning” like a 7.5 quake hitting a country already in political and economic freefall. Totally about Crackpot Bob’s theology and not, you know, actual geology and bad governance.

Meanwhile, over at USGS headquarters, the scientists are probably face-palming so hard their monitors are cracking:

The ComCat catalog shows more small quakes because we have better instruments now. Major quakes? Still right around the long-term average. Stop making everything about your newsletter.

But Crackpot Bob has never met a disaster he couldn’t turn into “I told you so.” Remember his big 2012 book where odd weather and natural disasters were about to usher in the end times? Yeah. We’re still here. The only thing that ended was his credibility with anyone who can read a graph.

Now he’s got the full Prophecy Radio setup — dramatic banner, globe, microphone, hands waving like he’s conducting the apocalypse orchestra — and he’s out here telling suffering Venezuelans that their pain is just the “beginning of sorrows” on his prophetic timetable.
Real classy, Bob.
The heatwave in Europe? Also God’s judgment, apparently. Never mind El Niño, climate data, or the fact that heat records get broken every few years now. Nope. It’s definitely because people aren’t listening to Crackpot Bob’s YouTube channel.

Here’s the thing about vague biblical “earthquakes in various places” prophecies: they’ve been “fulfilled” every single year for two thousand years. Every time the ground shakes somewhere, some self-appointed prophet dusts off Mark 13 and declares victory. It’s the theological equivalent of pointing at clouds and yelling “See?! I predicted weather!”
Crackpot Bob isn’t special. He’s just the latest in a very long line of guys with banners, microphones, and an allergy to the phrase “normal geological activity.”

So while actual experts at the USGS keep calmly explaining that nothing unusual is happening with earthquake frequency, Crackpot Bob will keep spinning every headline into another episode of The Bob Thiel Prophecy Radio.
Because nothing says “end times” like a guy in a suit dramatically flouncing and bouncing in front of a curtain while the rest of the world just tries to survive actual disasters.

Stay tuned, folks. Next week, Crackpot Bob will probably find prophetic significance in a bad traffic jam in Los Angeles. Or, even better, if by chance the US soccer team loses their match, it will be turned into a sign that God his humilating the country and breaking its pride. Self-appointed Church of God crackpots are all the same. So predictable.