Sunday, July 26, 2026

Bwana Bob’s Magical Chain of Custody: How the Crackpot Prophet Rewrites History to Claim His Cult Ancestors Gave Us the Bible

 


Bwana Bob’s Magical Chain of Custody: How the Crackpot Prophet Rewrites History to Claim His Cult Gave Us the Bible

Bob Thiel has once again treated us to one of his signature historical performances. In a recent piece, the self-appointed prophet of the improperly named "Continuing" Church of God informs the world that the Roman Catholic Church did not “give” humanity the Bible, the Eastern Orthodox did not, and the Protestants certainly did not—because all of them formalized their canons too late. Therefore, he declares, only “the Church of God” maintained an unbroken chain of custody of the biblical books from the moment the Apostle John handed them to Polycarp of Smyrna. And, of course, Thiel’s own 21st-century splinter is the living continuation of that pure, continuous church.

This is not history. It is cult revisionism of the purest Armstrongist variety: invent a continuous, doctrinally pure lineage that somehow survived the centuries in secret, then place yourself at the end of the line so that your group alone possesses the true faith and the true Bible. The rest of Christianity is reduced to a late, corrupted afterthought.

Thiel’s opening move is a classic. He notes that the Catholic Church formally defined its canon at the Council of Trent in 1546 and that the Eastern Orthodox finalized theirs at the Synod of Jerusalem in 1672. From this he concludes that these churches could not have “given the world the Bible,” because God would never leave His true church without the written Word for centuries.

This is a deliberate misrepresentation of how canons actually form. The books of the New Testament were written in the first century and circulated among Christian communities long before any council. By the late second century the core of the New Testament was already widely recognized and quoted as Scripture by writers across the Mediterranean world. The Muratorian Fragment (late second century), Origen, Eusebius, and Athanasius’s 39th Festal Letter of 367 all show a New Testament list that is essentially the one we have today. The formal conciliar decisions of the fourth through seventeenth centuries were not the moment the books suddenly became Scripture; they were the moment the churches officially closed the list against remaining disputes and, later, against Protestant challenges.

Trent did not invent the New Testament. It reaffirmed a long-settled collection while defending the deuterocanonical books against the Reformers. The Eastern churches followed a similar path. To pretend that Christians somehow lived for fifteen centuries without a recognized New Testament is simply false. The books were copied, read, preached, and treated as authoritative long before any council stamped them with finality.

Thiel next observes that the Protestant churches came out of the Roman Catholic Church and therefore could not have preserved the Bible either. True enough as a statement of historical sequence, and completely irrelevant. The Protestant Reformers inherited the same New Testament that the late medieval Western church had been reading for centuries. They rejected certain Old Testament books; they did not invent a new New Testament. The claim that only a hidden “Church of God” could have kept the books pure is an assertion without evidence, not an argument.

Here is where the revisionism becomes truly cartoonish. Thiel asserts that “from the beginning the Church of God did and has maintained the chain of custody since the Apostle John handed down the books and the knowledge of the canon to Polycarp of Smyrna, who passed this on to others.”

Polycarp of Smyrna was a real historical figure, a disciple of John, and a martyr. His surviving letter to the Philippians shows a man who treated the writings of Paul and other apostolic material as authoritative. What it does not show is a second-century Armstrongist. There is no British Israelism, no insistence on the full package of Holy Days as binding on Gentile Christians, no rejection of the emerging catholic structure of the church, no claim that only a tiny remnant kept the pure faith while the rest of Christianity apostatized. Polycarp was part of the network of churches that would become the mainstream catholic tradition of Asia Minor. The Quartodeciman controversy over the date of Passover is real history; the leap from that local practice to “the Church of God has always kept the pure canon and pure doctrine” is pure invention.

Armstrongist historiography has long specialized in stitching together a secret succession of true believers—Polycarp to the Paulicians to the Waldenses to the Anabaptists to Herbert Armstrong—while ignoring the actual beliefs of those groups. Most of the medieval groups claimed as ancestors were not Sabbath-keepers in the Armstrongist sense, did not teach British Israelism, and did not hold the distinctive package of doctrines Thiel now presents as the historic faith. The “continuous chain of custody” is a theological necessity for the cult narrative, not a documented historical reality.

The purpose of the claim is not scholarly. It is institutional. If only “the Church of God” preserved the Bible and the true understanding of it from the beginning, then every other Christian body is illegitimate. Authority, doctrine, and ultimately loyalty and financial support flow to the one group that claims the unbroken line. In Thiel’s hands that group is the Continuing Church of God. The same pattern appears in every Armstrongist splinter: invent the pure remnant, place yourself inside it, and declare everyone else compromised.

The actual history is far less convenient. The New Testament books were written, copied, and circulated by ordinary Christian communities across the Roman world. Consensus about the core collection emerged gradually through use, quotation, and debate. Later councils formalized what had already become the working canon. No secret Sabbath-keeping hierarchy was required to keep the texts from vanishing. Manuscript evidence, patristic citations, and the simple fact that we possess the books today all point to widespread transmission, not to a hidden elite.

Bob Thiel’s article is not an exercise in careful historical reasoning. It is an exercise in identity construction. By rewriting the story of the canon so that only “the Church of God” could have preserved it, he positions his own tiny organization as the sole legitimate heir of the apostles. The Catholic Church is dismissed for formalizing the canon “too late.” The Orthodox are dismissed for the same reason. The Protestants are dismissed for being born too late. Polycarp is recruited as an unwitting dupe in the soon coming Armstrongist empire. And the actual, messy, well-documented process by which the churches of the second through fourth centuries recognized the books they already treated as Scripture is simply ignored.

This is cult revisionism. It is the same move Herbert Armstrong made, the same move every successive self-appointed prophet in Armstrongism has made: claim the exclusive historical franchise so that dissent becomes apostasy and your authority becomes self-evident. The Bible does not need Bob Thiel’s imaginary chain of custody. It survived because real Christian communities, imperfect and diverse, copied it, read it, and handed it on. That is the actual history. Everything else is theater.

Floating Jackasses, Floating Coordinator Generals, Floating Prophets, and Wade Cox



Ladies and gentlemen, gather round (preferably while still attached to the floor). Wade Cox, Coordinator General of yet another splinter of the never-ending Armstrongist calendar wars, has issued his latest bulletin from the front lines of imaginary Armageddon. This time the villain isn’t just the Hillel calendar, the Deep State, or those naughty Jews who dared intercalate a month. No, this month’s special guest star is… gravity itself.

Apparently on 12 August some scientists (unnamed, of course) have warned that Earth’s gravitational field will take a seven-second coffee break. Seven whole seconds! Long enough for every self-appointed end-time calculator to float gently into the stratosphere while clutching their sacred day-counts like 1260, 1264, 1330, 1331 and 1335. Because nothing says “Thus saith the Lord” quite like a spreadsheet of prophetic days and a sudden inability to stay on the ground.

Wade helpfully suggests we all stand in door frames. Because when the laws of physics momentarily clock out, the best defense is architectural door jambs. One can almost hear the ancient Israelites muttering, “If only we had stood under the lintel during the Babylonian siege…”

And of course the usual threats follow: next year the Hillel calendar will be a month off, therefore every Jew and every Church of God that still uses it will start dying on the wrong feast days. Their ministers first, naturally. Repent by 2028 or lose your First Resurrection season ticket forever. The only calendar that saves is the one Wade happens to be selling this week.

Now contrast this floating circus with the New Covenant.

Jesus never once said, “Verily I say unto you, unless ye correctly intercalate the months and stand in a doorway when gravity hiccups, ye shall in no wise enter the kingdom.” He said the law and the prophets were fulfilled in Him. He offered rest, not another 1,260-day countdown. He never required a Temple calendar, never threatened people with death for keeping the wrong new moon, and never warned that a temporary lapse in gravity would be the instrument of divine judgment.

The New Covenant is not a more accurate spreadsheet. It is the end of the spreadsheet. No more “keep this exact day or die.” No more “the Deep State is about to cancel gravity so repent.” No more floating prophets, floating hippos, floating jackasses, and floating men waving Bibles while the actual Messiah is busy being the once-for-all sacrifice.

Wade’s message is the same old Armstrongist product in a new bottle: fear, precise numbers, and the promise that only his group has the correct calendar. The New Covenant simply says: Christ is enough. The rest is noise… and, on 12 August apparently, temporary weightlessness.

So if gravity does take those seven seconds off, try not to float past Wade. He’ll probably still be counting the days on the way up. 

Why does Armstrongism get stupider by the day?




Sabbath 05/05/49/120
Dear Friends
Today is the Fifth day of the Fifth month 49/120. Today is the Fifth of Ab which is a noted day of calamity in ancient Israel. It is usually brought about by the breach of God's Laws, and we are now about to see the catastrophes develop as we saw in the New Moon Message for this month and the paper Fate of the USA, Canada and the Commonwealth under the Satanic Calendar (No. 156Kiii). We are about to be brought to repentance by WWIII and by the Witnesses (Nos. 135; 141D) over 1260 days and then by the Messiah and the Host on the 1264th day. Christ and the Host will then subjugate the world from the 1264th day to the 1330th day and the Second Exodus to Israel will occur on the 1331st to the 1335th day. 
 
This month of Ab is set to be of great Interest to Israel and the nations around the world that have such links back to the ancient tribal groups of Israel. Traditionally the worst days are from 5 to 10 Ab and then on over the devastation caused by the crises. There was a warning issued a few months ago by the scientists that on the last day of the Fifth Month, that is on the 12th of August, there will be a lapse in gravity for seven seconds and it is stated to cancel earth's gravitational field. It should be guarded against and all should be aware. It could cause serious accidents and injuries. Positioning oneself within secure structures like door frames etc may protect the individual. It may not be of any consequence, but it might, and we should limit our exposure. It may be another ruse of the Deep State; one can never be sure...

Next year in 2027 the Hillel Calendar will be a month out due to the Babylonian Intercalations and the entire Jewish people and the Churches of God that follow Hillel will be entirely at risk and are not under the protection of God on any of those days in Hillel. They will begin to be killed on any day they keep under the Hillel Calendar. It will start with their ministry from that year onwards to punish their ministry and to drive them to repentance. Judah has corrupted the Temple Calendar with its traditions and the false prophets, Dugger and Armstrong, corrupted the Churches of God with the Hillel heresy and sent all following them to the Second Resurrection (No. 143B) and cost them their positions in the First Resurrection for all time...

The only chance the Sardis and Laodicean systems have is to repent and keep the Law and the Testimony and the Temple Calendar that flows from the Law. You must repent by 2028 to have any chance of the First Resurrection (Nos. 143A and 143E above).
Today we begin the series on Samuel, Kings and Chronicles over the next months ahead.

Wade Cox
Coordinator General

Building Patience While You Have A Profitable Sabbath?

 

The Importance of Patience: Today, our societies are focused on instant gratification. Yet God has a different priority, and we are to develop His perspective (Philippians 2:5). The Scriptures reveal that God places a premium on developing patience (Luke 8:15; Romans 12:12; 1 Peter 2:20), because He is patient (1 Peter 3:20) and patience is one of the fruits of His Spirit (Galatians 5:22; Ephesians 4:2). God uses trials to help us develop patience (James 1:3–4). As part of God’s plan to prepare them for their future roles, Abraham and Sarah waited decades for a promised son (Genesis 12:4; 17:17), Joseph spent years in prison (Genesis 39:20; 41:1, 14), Moses herded sheep for 40 years (Exodus 2:21–25; 3:1), and David endured persecution (Psalm 37:7; 40:1). We need to remember God’s promise that “those who wait on the Lord… shall mount up with wings like eagles” (Isaiah 40:31). Let’s strive to develop real godly patience, because that is what God is looking for in each of us.
Have a profitable Sabbath,
Douglas S. Winnail


Nothing substantial is wrong with the content on patience itself. The verses cited are accurate, the biblical examples are real, and the call to develop patience as a fruit of the Spirit is standard Christian teaching. God is patient, trials produce endurance, and waiting on the Lord is repeatedly commanded. That part is fine.

The problems appear in the source, the framework, and the closing line—especially when measured against the New Testament’s teaching on the New Covenant.

“Have a profitable Sabbath” is not a neutral greeting. In Living Church of God / Armstrongism it functions as a doctrinal marker. It assumes that the seventh-day Sabbath remains a binding covenant obligation for Christians today.  Under the New Covenant that assumption does not hold:

  • Colossians 2:16–17 treats “a festival or a new moon or a Sabbath” as “a shadow of the things to come, but the substance belongs to Christ.”
  • Romans 14:5–6 allows freedom of conscience on days.
  • Galatians 4:9–11 warns against returning to “weak and worthless elementary principles” that include calendar observances.
  • Hebrews 4 presents the true “Sabbath rest” as entering God’s rest by faith in Christ’s finished work, not by weekly calendar-keeping.
Greeting people with “profitable Sabbath” quietly re-imposes an Old-Covenant boundary marker that the apostles said has been fulfilled and set aside. That is the clearest “wrong” element in the message.

LCG teaches that the New Covenant does not do away with “the law of God” (understood to include the weekly Sabbath, annual holy days, clean meats, etc.), that Christians enter it at baptism by covenanting to keep those commandments, and that what we experience now is only a “foretaste” for the firstfruits.  That framework turns even a good topic like patience into something that sits inside a performance-oriented system. Patience becomes one more quality you must “strive to develop” while also carefully observing the right days, the right diet, and the right calendar—exactly the kind of external measuring that the New Covenant was designed to replace with the internal work of the Spirit (Jeremiah 31:33; Hebrews 8:10; Galatians 5:22–23; Romans 8:2–4).

Armstrongism has always been slow on patience. It has a long record of date-setting, urgent timelines, and “this is the final warning” rhetoric that repeatedly failed (1972/1975 expectations under Armstrong, later adjustments in the splinter groups, etc.). Preaching patience while living in a culture of prophetic urgency and tight hierarchical control is inconsistent. True New-Covenant patience rests in the certainty that Christ has already secured the future; it does not need constant recalculations of “how much longer.”

The paragraph on patience is biblically sound. What is wrong is the theological package it comes in: a system that keeps the form of Old-Covenant Sabbath observance while claiming to be under the New Covenant. That package confuses shadow with substance, external day-keeping with the rest that is already available in Christ, and Spirit-produced fruit with law-regulated performance.  

Under the New Covenant, the call is simpler: walk by the Spirit, and the fruit—including patience—will grow. You do not need a weekly calendar check-in to make it “profitable.”

Silent Pilgrim