Saturday, December 3, 2022

The Dave Pack Malarkey Show


Malarkey Meter


The Malarkey Meter tipped well into the red during “The Greatest Untold Story! (Part 407)” Wednesday. The proof is in the pudding. Three articles from a 92-minute barfathon. It either means I am obsessive-compulsive, or David C. Pack of The Restored Church of God is just saying the darndest things.


A summary of Part 407 covered thus far:


·      Dave manipulated numbers to create a mirage of urgency with Tevet 1 on Christmas.

·      Dave lied about why Stephen of Acts 7 was killed.

·      Dave stated that Jesus Christ will return on December 25.


Do not forget that next Friday, December 9, at 9:35 AM EDT, is the beginning of Kislev 16 in Jerusalem. Elijah will be raised to blast the world to announce his own coming. There is a resurrection of 100 billion people in there somewhere. The 1335 of Daniel 12 will also start. Then, folks in RCG will receive salvation on Christmas Eve.


But there is more to cover.



The Packian Triad of Fraud was working overtime in the Third Floor Executive Imaginarium last week, trying to figure out why they keep getting it all wrong. Of course, the Bible is to blame. And since God had the Bible written, the buck stops with Him.


@ 27:09 I’m gonna show you…[a] verse that was sort of hiding in plain sight but was difficult to understand more than any other. Why this Series was so complicated. So, buckle up. We're gonna look at why this Series was so incredibly difficult. In a single exercise. So difficult to put together.


I do not like hearing "tax laws are complicated" from my accountant. I do not like hearing "medicine is tricky" from my doctor. I do not like hearing "bible prophecy is incredibly difficult" from my Apostle.


Just do it right. That is why I'm paying you and not doing it myself.


Dave is funny. One week he brags about knowing every event in the Bible, but the next is, "Boo hoo. This is tough." Says the guy who can study the Bible in his sleep. I want to witness that, actually. When I do, I will let you know if he is a boxer or a commando sleeper. I cannot imagine him a tighty-whitey.


He also goes from “God is guiding all of this” to “we wrestled to figure it out.” The biblical accordion at work. It is. It is not. It’s God. It’s us. He can never settle. It almost sounds like a double-minded man who is unstable in ALL his ways.


@ 35:26 Now, nobody that I’ve ever known or heard of or read about never, ever understood what I’m gonna explain to you now. And if you follow me carefully, it will be impossible not to. ‘Cause the Bible’s just gonna tell you something that’s gonna shock you…


Since the Book of Revelation was written, nobody else understood this before. Dave is blessed with this distinct honor because he doodies in the toilet, not in his pants. But that process will reverse temporarily next Friday afternoon.


I already know the punch line, so I would call the Big Secret “interesting," but not "shocking." God does veil some of His words to limit understanding. Daniel is "sealed unto the time of the end."


It cannot be David C. Pack who understands it. He is a false apostle. A false prophet who lies to people, telling them they will see their dead loved ones in a week or a month or whatever.


Dave tries to be the one to make the unsealing happen.


Rather than the unsealing happens and someone will understand it.


Prophecy happens. Or you try to make prophecy happen.


Dave is a “make it happen” guy. He runs a “make it happen” church. But, even then, he cannot make it happen. That sounds like a version of hell to me.


Here is the Big Secret:


@ 37:10 [Revelation] 11:15 is out of place. As sure as :14 is. And the Eighth Head, seven years later, in front of it. It’s absolutely out of place.


The “here a little, there a little” principle is applied to the Book of Revelation and Isaiah. The verses in Revelation 11 belong in Revelation 8, which parallels what happens in Isaiah 11 and 29.


There is no point in explaining the new sequence or the thoughts behind it. Yes, there are some interesting parallels, and the flow would make more sense, but this reshuffling of the deck does not prove Dave is correct. December 9 will do that for us. Again.


@ 37:56 My job, at the very end, so says [Revelation] chapter 10, right after this, is to end the Mystery of God. And put everything in its right place.


How high is the Confidence Meter tipping these days at Headquarters?


Lower than the ministry would like.


How high is the Malarkey Meter tipping these days inside RCG?


Much higher than the ministry would like.


According to Dave, the Revelation revelation means he is right here on out because it now all fits. The whole picture is complete.


Go Christmas 2022! Bababooey.



This “hidden knowledge” Revelation crisis is something the religious Rahm Emanuel could not pass up.


@ 35:40 …and you’re gonna say, “Wow, Mr. Pack. I have a little more sympathy for you and your teamtrying to figure out the Book of Revelation. It’s just all fandangled and tangled up.


He expects sympathy for being continuously wrong for the past seven years. The people of RCG were not begging him to do this. He placed the mantle upon his own shoulders with an "I got this" attitude. The ungrateful, sullen faces in the audience should be welled with tears instead.


I thought God was guiding you and your team, Dave. I thought God was revealing all this information to His servants so His people could understand what He was about to do. I thought God's Spirit was at work with you and the ministry.


I guess not. You and your team are "trying to figure out the Book of Revelation, " which is why you fail. Human steam at work. December 9 will confirm this. Again.


@ 54:00 Took seven years to get there, but I will just say, brethren, nobody else has ever understood this…you’re the first people who have ever lived who have been able to understand how all of this lays out. And do not thank me or credit me at all. I could not figure it out. If anything, I could ask myself, “Why’d it take seven years?” But I just tell myself, “Nobody else ever understood it.”


To think I could have missed out on such understanding! Oh, wait. If not for the active leaker(s) inside RCG, this information would never reach the ears of us antichrists or you heathen haters out there. It is funny to consider that "enemies" inside the Church are spreading the Gospel to the world more effectively than David C. Pack is.


This knowledge is getting out despite Dave’s best efforts. So, which one is actually working against God in this scenario?



While Dave refrains from tossing more people into the Lake of Fire or handing them pills to commit spiritual suicide, he just has to poke at those who want to leave.


@ 42:07 I’ve watched people leave this Church because they just didn’t like the way I was explaining the flow of Revelation. “I just can’t make it work,” said one woman. “I’ve gotta leave.” She wouldn’t wait and let it resolve itself. It was years ago.


She would still be waiting today for it to “resolve itself” because until even one thing said comes to pass, it all means nothing. December 9 will come and go. December 25 will come and go. If that woman was still attending, she would still be waiting into 2023 for “Mr. Pack to explain the flow of Revelation” correctly.


That will occur when hell freezes over.


People do not leave The Restored Church of God "because they just don't like" anything. They leave because love is waxing cold. They leave because David C. Pack lies to them. They leave because their field ministers cannot explain what is going on. They leave because brethren fear being turned in if they voice concern. They leave because the Bible convicts the Pester General and the hireling enablers at Headquarters. They leave because they can see God is not behind "the work" going on there.


To the lady Dave mentions: You must have been very effective. Years later, you are still under his skin. Please write me at I would like to hear your side of this story.



David C. Pack is not a man of his word. His assurances mean nothing to him. They should mean nothing to you.


@ 1:26:59  I’m just trying to give you more ways to understand the 1335 is a lock as sure as 15 days after it on Christmas is a lock. I’m just trying to show you the things I’ve wrestled with.


How trustworthy is a David C. Pack Lock?


Part 199 – August 20, 2019

@ 1:52:39 These things are settling down, and brethren, I tell you before God, you can now lock them! Soon, you can go right through the wallnow I understand there’s this fourth tiny Kingdom in front of the first three iterations of the Kingdom of God.


Part 205 – September 24, 2019

@ 2:18:43 …trust me, one thing I’ll tell you, this is the final message…This is all locked. It’s loaded. It’s settled. It’s done. If I get an utterance from God, like John the Baptist, I’ll see you next Tuesday. But short of that, good night.


Part 214 – November 22, 2019

@ 44:04 Three and a half. Seven. A thousand. That is locked. I am as certain of it as rain.


Part 246 – April 4, 2020

@ 1:02:52 There’s no way out of the fact. That’s locked. It’s Passover. It’s Passover. It’s locked. If it’s not, we’ve been misled by a series of clues that go in the dozens, if not scores of points in scriptures that all point to Passover.


Part 286 – February 20, 2021

@ 1:03:39 If you embraced and accepted and you believe the 1335, you understand it. You were locked two weeks ago.


An imaginary friend has more credibility.


The Malarkey Meter is locked into the full red position.


And yet, the hireling enablers at the Headquarters of The Restored Church of God choose to keep him around. They are doubly to blame for this mess because they know better and allow it to continue.



Wow. That was Part 407.


David C. Pack will be so pissed when he gets to New Year's Eve, and I am still here writing about him. The year 2023 will roll in on schedule without a hiccup, and he will have to eat his words, "We're not gonna go another year," yet again.


I write this at the beginning of December, so it is on the record that the words of an unordained non-prophet/non-psychic were true, and David C. Pack was proven false. The Pester General of The Restored Church of Another god is a fraud, and the antichrist serpents were right. Ponder the implications of that.


It is pretty clear by now that David C. Pack has no idea what he is talking about. He may find interesting connections in the Bible, and he can put some verses together that make sense, but in the end, God is not guiding him. He will never be correct about the return of Jesus Christ. Never.


David. C. Pack is a false apostle. He is a false prophet. He is a Simon Magus. A King Saul. A biblical street magician who is not good enough to be featured on a David Blaine special.


David C. Pack lies.


David C. Pack cannot deliver. He is not a closer. He is a caver. He is a source of angst and chaos at Headquarters. He is a festering boil on the ass of the COG landscape. He is a religious fraud and an embarrassment.


Part 408 is scheduled for today at 6 PM via another Livestream. It will be interesting to see what lies he has in store for us.

Marc Cebrian

See: Malarkey Meter

Friday, December 2, 2022

Dave Pack's Greasy, Slimy Math


Greasy, Slimy Math


The lie about Stephen's death in Acts 7, told during "The Greatest Unending Story! (Part 407)," was the straw that broke the camel’s back. We need to call a spade a spade.


You can watch that moment here.

Pastor General David C. Pack of The Restored Church of God tells lies. He has been for a long time, but it changes your viewpoint when you finally accept something for what it is.


The “Tevet 1 on Christmas 2022” 76-year math lie was first mentioned in Part 406, and then, a summary lie was repeated during Part 407.


Part 406 – November 26, 2022

@ 02:00 But, an interesting fact about that time 30 years ago was that the last time Christmas came on Tevet 1 was 1992. Thirty years ago. You already know the next time it occurs is in 2068. 46 years from now. That means that once in 76 years, Tevet 1 is again Christmas. And it so happens it's this year. So, it occurs once in a period of a little over three-quarters of a century. Now, we can suppose that's a coincidence, but I don't think most of us would do that.


Part 407 – November 30, 2022

@ 00:27 First, remember that Christmas [on Tevet 1] occurs once in 76 years…One time in 76 years between 1992 and 2068.


Are those statements examples of idiocy or a calculated manipulation? Is David C. Pack a mathematical nincompoop, or was it a verbal magic trick? Is he an imbecile, or is he lying?


The answers are: a calculated manipulation, a verbal magic trick, and David C. Pack was lying. He knew what he was doing because he was desperate to have another “proof” for his Christmas 2022 theory.


The David C. Pack way of thinking is: The more you talk, the more right you are. The louder you talk, the more right you are. The longer your list, the more right you are.


He has presented pages, front and back, of lists that "prove" his theory that he later abandons. I have watched in person over the years the value of his "proof list" drop to nil overnight. Having 50 or 70 or 120 proofs is a selling point one day and thrown into the shredder the next.


The fact of 76 years is irrelevant. It could have been 100 years or 10,000 years, and it would not make him any more correct about his impending failure. God is not behind David C. Pack. God is not behind "The Greatest Unending Story!" Series. God did not reveal to RCG that Jesus Christ is coming on Christmas Eve, but Elijah will be raised 15 days before that.



For many years while attending RCG, I did not look into what Dave presented beyond what the Bible and Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance said. People sitting in the Main Hall or at Services cannot research at the moment when something sounds "off." You are hit with such a deluge of information it is hard to write things in your notes even when you are TRYING to follow his thought process.


In later years, I discovered there was much insight gained when fact-checking Dave afterward. Especially in these latter years of the Series when Dave has become more careless as he deteriorates.


Recall his Fake World News statements about the artificial sun China launched into the atmosphere in October. That is pure comedy now. But not for the folks inside RCG at the time.


I credit Dennis Diehl for bringing this to my attention because I did not absorb what Dave was saying about the 76-year business in Part 406. It sounded like more Dave Pack White Noise to me. He opens his mouth, and I hear Pod People hissing.


After listening carefully, the blatant error was easy to spot. Calling it a mistake is naïve. Dave knew what he was doing. He was manipulating the numbers to support his cause. They have done it before.


Now we can examine the greasy, slimy math lie.



Dave gives special significance to Christmas occurring on Tevet 1 this year by saying it happens “once in 76 years.” If you take 2068 and subtract 1992, you get 76 years. So, the Coffee Kid’s calculator does work.


Here is the problem:


Tevet 1 on Christmas does not happen once between 1992 and 2068. It happens three times. Dave knows this. He misleadingly presented the math, so 2022 could seem significant.


Follow my antichrist serpent brain and count three times.


1992 – First Tevet 1 Christmas

2022 – Second Tevet 1 Christmas

2068 – Third Tevet 1 Christmas


Either David C. Pack is a moron, or he intentionally lied to the members of The Restored Church of God so he could get 30 seconds more credibility.


Leaving aside the expanse of time between points, if you follow his logic, between 2021 and 2023, your birthday occurs once.


But you had a birthday in 2021. You have a birthday in 2022. You will have a birthday in 2023. That would be three times if my high school education was worth anything.


For the math nerds, Dave is measuring the diameter but calling it the radius.


Is willful deception one of the fruits of the spirit at Headquarters these days?


This is a prime example of Dave adopting Bradford G. Schleifer’s greasy, slimy math that was covered in July. Two clear instances of “ministers of Jesus Christ” manipulating numbers to make their point that is proven to be fraudulent upon careful examination.


I am not sure which came first: the chicken or the lie. Did Dave teach Brad, or did Brad teach Dave?


In both cases, the mathematical ruse only works if you do not slow down to think about it.



When you further fact-check David C. Pack, more relevant points become clear.


Something else he knew and withheld from RCG is that a Tevet 1 Christmas also happened in 1984. It is not as “rare” within our lifetime as he wanted you to believe because he conveniently left that out.


While researching Tevet 1 on Christmas occurrences between 1900 to 2200, Dave actually made a “stronger case” for Jesus Christ to return in the year 2068. Well, if you buy into his logic.


Tevet 1 Christmas


1927 (19-year gap)

1984 (57-year gap)

1992 (8-year gap)

2022 (30-year gap)

2068 (46-year gap)

2136 (68-year gap)

2174 (38-year gap)


No 76-year spaces are to be found. Brad should sit Dave down to explain the difference between a radius and a diameter. I would also be willing to help in that arena. My rate is $60 per hour, and Dr. Ranney has my number.


The only real significant gap is found between Dave’s ears.



Part 407 – November 30, 2022

@ 00:27 First, remember that Christmas [on Tevet 1] occurs once in 76 years…One time in 76 years between 1992 and 2068.


Is that statement an error or a lie? Is he stupid, or is he a deceiver?


Dave’s “metric” dissolves rather quickly once you shine a light on the big picture of what he presents. No biblical pattern. No cosmic alignment. No revelatory significance. Numbers and dates are explained deceptively to temporarily imply validity.


That is the kind of mentality the folks inside RCG are dealing with. Take the same twisted logic that the RCG ministry uses to distort numbers and apply it to the Bible. That is an illustration of what is going on over there.


An unsound mind with unsound thinking presents unsound teachings.


You cannot trust what The Restored Church of God ministry tells you.


You cannot trust what David C. Pack tells you.


That is not an opinion. That is just math.

Marc Cebrian