Saturday, July 26, 2014

6+ Hour Sermon Still Plodding Along on 16+ Different Topics. Gerald Waterhouse Is Jealous!!!!!!!

Remember those wonderful days sitting in a boiling tent listening to the Church of God's greatest buffoon talk on and on and on and on.... Four hours after the wind bag droning on he would still have something he felt needed to be said.  Then after it was all over  you sat there and thought to yourself, "What the hell was that all about?  He never  really said anything that was worth remembering!"

Since the death of Gerald Waterhouse the COG has had an empty void that needed to be filled.  There have been many windbags over the years but none has ever compared to Waterhouse.  That may be changing. Though this new preacher has been splitting his up into 1+ hour segments.  Week after week he plods along never sticking to one point by jumping all over the place.

Here is what he brags about in his 5th sermon in his series:

This is the fifth of a multi-part sermon series by ______ covering the Gospel account credited to Luke. This sermon covers chapters 12 through 13. _____ discusses hypocritical religious leader, that souls can die, standing for Jesus, persecution, the parable of ‘the rich fool,’ Christian priorities, the ‘little flock,’ treasure, being ready, watching prophecy, explains that to whom much is given much is required, Jesus’ plan was divisive not ecumenical, discerning the signs of the time, that God has some patience for those who have not born fruit yet, Sabbath hypocrisy, parable of the mustard seed, the kingdom of God, the narrow way, and those unwilling to listen.
 Its exhausting just reading all the topics!

The other previous sermons are just as convoluted and over inflated with nonsense.  Why anyone sits there and listens to this drivel is beyond me.  All prophet, apostle, Elijah Thiel talks about is the "ministry of death-the law" and nothing about Jesus.

My Guardian Angel Will Chase My Hecklers Down

I am always fascinated by those brought up in the nonsense of Armstrongism on how magical their god is to them and how it specifically works in their favor because they are the chosen ones speaking the truth.

The latest to sic his angel on his detractors is Tom Mahon.  He writes:

Woe To The Wicked

This blog has been attacked by agents of the devil, because they don’t like the truth.  These misguided, malevolent agents think that they can intimidate me or that I will be overwhelmed by their attacks, and take down my blog.  Well, they are sadly mistaken!

My message to the agents of Satan is this, you will wish that you had never been born!  For the words of Jesus are these: “Whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea”(Matt.18:6).  If it is better to be drowned with a millstone about your neck, what is worse?

So with a worse, terrifying prospect looming, the agents of the devil may as well kill themselves.  For later Jesus added: “Woe unto the world because of offences!”  And then he added: “Take heed that you despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, that in heaven their angels always behold the face of my Father who is in heaven”(Matt.18:10). 

One of the angels that is assigned to looking after me will chase my enemies, and there will be nowhere to run or hide.

The hirelings in all the divided “churches of god” and their deluded supporters, who are hostile to the truth, but are greedy for money and power will suffer the fate of the rich man.

Friday, July 25, 2014

The PCG Dating Game: "My name is Jesse. I’m originally from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania and I'm divorced from a Laodicean."

Time to bring back "Jim Lange" and the "DATING GAME" , but this time as a globally podcasted affair for PCG singles!

Could go something like this...

Welcome to another exciting episode of THE D-A-T-I-N-G G-A-M-E! I’m Jim Lame, your host for the PCG Dating Game. In just a moment you will meet a young lady who will have the opportunity to choose one lucky man for a fabulous Philadelphian Marriage, based only on their answers to her questions. But, first let’s meet our bachelors. And HEEEEEEEE-RE THEY ARRRRRRRR-RE!
(Bachelors ENTER STAGE LEFT in order 1-3 and each stand in front of their stools.)

JIM: Bachelor number one, please tell us your name and where you’re from.

BACH. 1: My name is Joey and I’m from Detroit and I have read Malachi's Message 14 times, and I give ALL of my money to Mr. Flurry

JIM: Thank you, Joey. Please take your seat. Bachelor number two?

BACH. 2: Hello, Jim. My name is Jesse. I’m originally from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania and I'm divorced from a Laodicean. I left my disabled son at the subway station according to directives from Mr. Flurry.

JIM: Bachelor number three, please tell us your name and where you’re from.

BACH. 3: I’m Danny. I’m from Gods Earthly Headquarters in Edmond Oklahoma, and I tweeze the dichondra on the campus and polish the brass fixtures there at Gods Auditorium, and I gave my fathers entire $750k estate to "The Work" after he died from a curable medical disease.

JIM: (To the audience) Now, let’s bring out our bachelorette. Please welcome…from Sacramento, California…Peggy Inneed.

Peggy: Im afraid Jim that we can go straight to the conclusion here because Mr. Davis has already arranged my marriage partner, and has approval from Stephen and Gerald Flurry to do so. I "accept" his decision , I therefore take Bachelor #3.

BACH. 3: (Comes out to greet Peggy) Peggy, it is your faith that has brought me here. (holds her trembling hand)

PEGGY: Wow, you are so much different than I imagined. Suddenly I feel…I feel really SUICIDAL!

BACH. 3: I have that affect on people.

JIM: And now, Johnny will tell us about the fabulous date you won.

ANNOUNCER: Peggy and Danny, the producers of the PCG Dating Game are going to send you out on a date you will never forget. Your day will start with a tour of Gods Auditorium. Yes, that’s right, the HWA Auditorium . America’s playground. Lunch served at the buffet cafeteria in the student center with Kosher approved foods. You heard me right, Godly quality kosher. You will also tour the HWA "Prayer Rock" and get to meet the Elijah, Gerald Flurry himself, where he will present you with an autographed "6 pack" and signed edition of the "Missing Dimension in Sex". Congratulations, Peggy and Danny and thanks for playing the Dating Game.

JIM: Thank you to all our triple tithing coworkers and our audience. Good night, everyone. Until next time…

(Play theme song and throw kisses on the screens)

(All blow a kiss to the audience. Wave good-bye as all EXIT STAGE RIGHT)

(Fade song after all have exited and LIGHTS OUT)

ht to Connie!

Thursday, July 24, 2014

PCG Cult Member Shocked That People Do Not Date Online Since It Is God's Wonderful Way Of Dating

The Philadelphia Church of God, lead by Gerald Flurry, has a bad reputation of isolating its membership from the tainted world around them. Because Flurry believes he is the final Elijah and numerous other incarnations he believes he is the sole bearer of all truth.  That "truth" is a precious think only worthy of the ears of his dwindling flock of deceived followers.

Because of Flurry's autocratic reign of fear, his members are threatened with expulsion from the Kingdom of God if they dare question him in anything. With his recent edicts that PCG members are to break all ties with exCOG members and family members, the cult has further isolated itself.  This has led to slim pickings for singles in the PCG to date and find potential spouses.

The "men" at headquarters came up with a great idea for PCG singles.  They can date online!  No matter here you are in the world you can find a date.  You can go on walks "together." Watch movies "together." Touch finger tips on screen together.  The amazing potential is endless!

A student at  Herbert W Armstrong "college" writes:

My first online date was accomplished while I was parked in front of a McDonald’s. I am glad I already knew my date well, because this date would have made a bad first impression. Since the restaurant was crowded, I spent the time in an uncomfortable car. The Internet connection broke down a couple of times; my friend could barely understand me, and I was very tired.

When the spring holy days came, I managed to schedule my first online date with a single from the list. I prepared questions beforehand to make sure I would have enough to talk about for one hour. I was afraid she wouldn’t understand my accent or my poor pronunciation, but the date went very well! This single girl and I are now very good friends, and we will both be in the freshman class at Herbert W. Armstrong College this fall!

Many online dates followed after this one, and throughout my experience I have learned how wonderful God’s way of dating is. It is inspiring to think about how God forms His Family with one mind. Whether they live in America, South Africa, Europe or Australia, all have one thing in common: God is working with them! The more widely I dated, the more my thinking stayed on course and the less I would focus on one person. Dating widely turned out to be a lot of fun. I realized how wonderful it is to speak with each other about prophecy, to speak about content on and, to go for a walk and even to make music together.
Its truly sickening to see what Armstrongism has done to the minds young people still trapped in the cult to the point they think this is normal.
I was shocked to realize that most had never had an online date before I asked them. I wonder why. Many of those single women were eager to reply and willingly worked with me to schedule an online date. Whether it was late in the middle of the night or very early in the morning, it didn’t matter: The online date was wonderful, inspiring and motivating. Often I heard that I moved them “to think more deeply,” that “iron sharpened iron,” or simply that they enjoyed it a lot. I know that these dates shaped me to be a more open, creative and joyful person. Most importantly, I learned that the more I tried to get out of my comfort zone, the more blessed I was to receive so many wonderful, well-worded, inspiring, motivating, encouraging, funny and uplifting e-mails.

Doubly Blessed Arrogant Elijah Wanna-a-be Talks Down To His Listeners

Gods most highly favored and doubly blessed apostle, self-appointed prophet and modern day Elijah is back telling people what they should and should not eat.  Over one hours worth of drivel as he slovenly sits there with his arm thrown arrogantly over his chair back while talking down to all the ignorant viewers that he might have.     Christians and Unclean Meats

Guess it is time to go and make a salad:

Bob those bookcases are STILL crooked!