Bob Thiel, the Paragon of Meekness and God’s personally anointed mantle-bearer, so graciously left the Living Church of God before those spiritually bankrupt Philistines could summon the audacity to kick him out.
There have been these dreadfully improper reports circulating about me — Bob Thiel, the meekest, most truth-obsessed volunteer doctrinal advisor the Church of God has ever been blessed to endure. Some petty, truth-hating, Laodicean little souls have actually dared to whisper that I was kicked out of the Living Church of God. How delusional! Allow me, in my trademark overflowing modesty, to correct the record once again with yet another lovingly exhaustive manifesto proving, beyond any reasonable doubt, that I heroically stormed out first — before those clueless, mantle-less wonders could possibly have the nerve to show me the door.
The simple reason I left?
LCG had tragically, pathetically lost the Philadelphia mantle. You know, that sacred, invisible, ever-shifting divine participation trophy that somehow always ends up pinned to the chest of whoever writes the longest self-congratulatory article. They simply didn’t value truth the way I value truth — which is to say, they didn’t immediately rewrite every booklet the instant Bob Thiel sent a strongly-worded email. And when a church has the sheer gall to disagree with me, what’s a truly humble servant to do? Stay and work through it like some pathetic, compromise-loving Laodicean? Don’t make me laugh. The only righteous, Spirit-led response is to declare the whole rotten outfit cursed (Jeremiah 48:10 — suck on that!), fire off a resignation, and found your own church within hours. Because nothing screams “I’m doing this purely for doctrinal purity” like birthing a rival organization before your old one even finishes printing the letter that called you out.
Let’s rewind to 2005, when the great Dr. Roderick C. Meredith himself — presiding evangelist, no less — personally recruited little old unpaid me to play hall monitor for the doctrinal committee. How unbelievably gracious of him. For years, I patiently, repeatedly, endlessly reminded them (with the loving persistence of a dripping faucet) of all the promises they’d made to fix their literature, doctrines, prophecy disasters, and historical howlers. Did they keep them? Of course not. These arrogant, promise-breaking ingrates actually had the nerve to keep teaching things they knew were wrong.
Imagine the sheer, satanic wickedness of leadership that doesn’t drop everything to obey Bob Thiel the moment he points out a theological comma out of place. Shocking. Appalling. Practically criminal.
By 2011 the mask had completely disintegrated: these people treated Matthew 18 like it was some optional suggestion for the little people. Instead of following proper biblical protocol — privately confronting poor, innocent, flawless me first — they had the breathtaking, jaw-dropping temerity to criticize me publicly. In writing. To the entire church. Without first booking a sacred Bob Thiel reconciliation summit and offering me a foot massage. The absolute horror! So, rather than stoop to ordinary church discipline like some common, spineless compromiser, I concluded that LCG had forfeited the “pillar and ground of the truth.” Time to pack my bags, hit send, and launch the Continuing Church of God on the internet that very afternoon. Because the most humble thing any man can do when he disagrees with leadership is immediately start his own religion and crown himself the new Philadelphian gold standard.
Then came the unforgivable “falling away” doctrinal shift. LCG had the nerve to teach something I disagreed with — something that didn’t perfectly echo my personal, infallible exegesis of what Herbert W. Armstrong really meant. They even had the audacity to imply that dissenters had a “spirit of error.” How dare they suggest I might be the one mistaken! Clearly the sacred mantle could not possibly survive in an organization so willfully blind to the blazing, radiant light of Bob Thiel.
I also learned, to my profound and deeply wounded shock, that LCG leaders were reluctant to proclaim certain doctrines boldly because they feared losing TV stations or their precious little 501(c)(3) status. What pathetic cowards. What sniveling, compromise-ridden compromisers. Meanwhile, I, the fearless lion of Judah, was ready to roar… the moment I had my own YouTube empire and website, naturally. They even spent money trying to slow me down. The betrayal! The sheer, ungrateful audacity!And then — the final, glorious, smoking-gun proof: December 28, 2012. Dr. Meredith sent me a letter absolutely dripping with “improper railing accusations” and “false witness.” After reading this vicious, unchristian assault on my flawless character, I did the only truly Christ-like thing possible: I called my local pastor, declared my moral inability to remain one second longer, fired off my resignation, and officially launched CCOG within hours. See? I left first. Purely voluntary. Anyone who calls this an expulsion is a filthy, truth-suppressing liar spreading improper reports. Case closed, you miserable slanderers.
But we mustn’t forget the mandatory mantle-passing fan fiction, because what would a Bob Thiel article be without it? Multiple LCG evangelists — including Meredith himself — repeatedly told me God “may consider” me a prophet. One even accidentally bestowed a “double-portion” anointing straight out of 2 Kings 2. I responded with the perfect, jaw-dropping humility you’d expect by spending the next decade meticulously cataloging every whispered compliment, complete with timestamps, screenshots, email chains, and solemn declarations that it was definitely God, not my ego the size of a small planet, at work.
Oh, and the fruits — never, ever forget the fruits! While LCG was pathetically groveling on its knees begging God for a measly 15% growth, CCOG exploded like a doctrinal supernova — fastest-growing xWCG group in the 21st century, touching 220 countries, millions of views, etc. Clearly God’s personal, glowing seal of approval on my decision to leave before those mantle-less heathens could kick me out. (Dr. Meredith even emailed me in February 2013 begging me to come back. Proof positive I wasn’t expelled! Who on earth pleads with a kicked-out heretic to return? Exactly.)
So here’s my humble little challenge, you remaining LCG holdouts still foolish enough to imagine they might have the Philadelphia mantle: read every single article I’ve ever written, watch every single video, study every doctrinal nit I’ve ever picked, and then admit I was right all along. Or keep wallowing in your pathetic Laodicean delusion, you poor, deluded, blind-as-bats sheep.
In summary, I — Bob Thiel, anointed prophet, mantle-bearer extraordinaire, fastest-growing-church founder, and the only man humble enough to start an entire new organization the same day he dramatically quit the old one — left LCG because of their shocking lack of integrity, their stubborn refusal to bow before my corrections, their blatant violation of Matthew 18, and their unforgivable failure to recognize that the mantle had obviously, gloriously, and permanently passed to me the moment Gaylyn Bonjour muttered “double portion.” I was not kicked out. I left voluntarily, like the noble, self-sacrificing hero of every single Armstrongist splinter story ever written.
You’re welcome, Church of God world. The final phase of the work is now safely in the only hands pure and humble enough to handle it.
