Jesus’ Second Coming Itinerary: Church Politics, Then Maybe the Apocalypse and Satan (If He’s Not Too Tired)

Ah, yes—the perpetually seething, grudge-holding God of Armstrongism. The divine equivalent of that uncle who’s been stewing since 1975 about how the family ruined Thanksgiving and now shows up to every reunion with a baseball bat and a spreadsheet of grievances.

Why is He always so angry?

Because in the Armstrongist universe, God’s emotional range is basically “wrath” with occasional brief pauses for more wrath. This isn’t the “God is love” guy from the New Testament. This is Old Testament Greatest Hits: God as cosmic axe-wielding executioner who’s really upset about church organization charts, failed prophecies, and anyone who dares to keep the Holy Days without sending enough money to the right headquarters.

The theological roots remain the same: a heavy, lopsided diet of angry prophets, British Israelism, and end-time obsession that turns every minor church drama into cosmic prophecy. The various self-appointed leaders position themselves as the One True Remnant™, so anyone running a competing splinter is automatically a rebel against God Himself. And we all know how God handles rebels in their favorite scriptures—fire, slaughter, and zero chill.

Enter the Divine HR Hitman: Jesus Returns to Settle Splinter Scores.

According to Dave Pack’s teachings, when Jesus returns (the second time, before any rumored third time), His first priority isn’t comforting the suffering or battling actual evil empires. Nope. He’s going to personally slaughter three Church of God leaders one at a time, like a cosmic game of whack-a-mole with extra fire.

“Open the doors and let the fire devour the cedars.” 

Then, after that invigorating church-sanctioned hit job, He’ll spend years mopping up the rest of humanity. Priorities!

Now let’s add the full cast of characters this perpetually pissed-off God apparently has beef with:

• Dave Pack (Restored Church of God): The man who wrote the script. His version of Jesus starts with executing three rival shepherds in sequence. Pack has long positioned himself as the final apostle, so naturally his version of Christ shares his exact enemies list.

• Gerald Flurry (Philadelphia Church of God): The “That Prophet” who built a mini-empire in Edmond, Oklahoma, complete with his own Armstrong College and a very expensive auditorium. In the Pack prophecy lens, Flurry is almost certainly one of the three cedar shepherds getting divinely barbecued first. God (or at least Dave’s God) is apparently furious about all that Malachi’s Message merchandising and those fancy concerts.

• Bob Thiel (Continuing Church of God): The dream-interpreting, double-portion prophet from California who split from LCG after claiming God spoke to him through earthquakes and nightmares. Bob’s endless “prophetic updates” and endless begging for “co-workers” make him prime fodder for the divine slaughter list. Jesus returns… and immediately has to deal with Bob’s latest dream newsletter. The sarcasm writes itself.

Picture it: The King of Kings descends, the sky splits open, and instead of “Peace on Earth,” it’s “Hold on, I need to handle these three COG preachers who wouldn’t submit to the correct hierarchy.” Dave, Gerald, and Bob—the holy trinity of end-time rivals—getting taken out one by one while the rest of humanity watches in confusion.

Sarcastic translation:

“Welcome back, Lord! What’s your first miracle?”

Taking out the guys who run the other tiny Sabbath-keeping groups. They used the wrong logo and didn’t recognize My true servant.

It’s comically petty. The Creator of galaxies returns… and His top priority is settling scores between competing Armstrongist splinter groups. Not Satan. Not the Beast Power. Not global tribulation. Just church politics with extra violence.

Why does their God need to be this violent, perpetually pissed-off creature?

• Control mechanism: A raging God is perfect for tithing and loyalty. “Send it in or you’ll end up like one of those three shepherds Jesus personally executes.”

• Prophetic one-upmanship: Each leader (Pack, Flurry, Thiel, and the rest) has to sound more urgent and apocalyptic than the others. Herbert W. Armstrong set the tone; they’ve just cranked it to 11 and added specific names, timelines, and body counts.

• They worship the God of the Law, not Grace: Jesus gets reduced from loving Savior to angry enforcer who’s mostly coming back to punish everyone who didn’t keep the Holy Days correctly or support the right “work.”

• Massive ego projection: When your entire identity is “I alone am God’s faithful servant while Flurry, Pack, Thiel, and the Laodiceans are all scum,” it’s convenient when God shares your exact temper and hit list.

The irony is thicker than a stack of old Plain Truth magazines. These leaders have been wrong about dozens of dates and prophecies for decades, yet their version of God is so obsessed with doctrinal purity that He’ll start the end-time slaughter with other Church of God ministers. 

Classic Armstrongism: a small, angry religious fiefdom projecting their own pettiness and rage onto the Almighty. The God they describe doesn’t seem interested in mercy, relationship, or emotional stability—He just seems exhausted with all the splintering and ready to burn it all down, starting with the competition. 

What a loving plan of salvation.

Empty Wallets, Golden Temples: Financial Abuse and Exploitation in Armstrongism

A haunting image has circulated widely online: a disheveled, homeless man lies on a filthy sidewalk, his loyal dog curled beside him. Overlaid on this scene of raw human suffering is a powerful quote from Jim Wright that cuts straight to the heart of religious hypocrisy:

We’re a country where preachers are millionaires. Religion has its own TV shows and theme parks. We don’t have just churches in America, we have giant mega-churches, temples of glory made from gold, crystal, and thousand dollar bills. We live in a country where religion rakes in tax free billions, buys itself the court and the election.... and looks out of our TV’s every week complaining about persecution. PERSECUTION.”

While Wright’s words primarily target the glitzy world of prosperity gospel megachurches and televangelists, they apply with striking relevance to Armstrongism — the religious movement founded by Herbert W. Armstrong and carried forward by the Worldwide Church of God (WCG) and its numerous splinter groups. Though Armstrongism lacked the theatrical flair of crystal cathedrals and miracle crusades, it perfected a highly effective system of financial extraction framed as divine commandment. The result was the same: concentrated wealth at the top, widespread hardship among the faithful, and a constant narrative of persecution that shielded the system from accountability.

The Three-Tithe System: Biblical Mandate or Engine of Exploitation?

Central to Armstrongism was a mandatory tithing structure drawn from Old Testament law and presented as non-negotiable for salvation:

• First Tithe: 10% of gross income, directed to “the Work” — the church’s global media, publishing, and headquarters operations. 
• Second Tithe: Another 10%, set aside by members for observing the annual Feast of Tabernacles, effectively funding church-controlled festival sites and activities. 
• Third Tithe: A third 10% paid every third year, ostensibly for widows, orphans, and the poor within the church.

In practice, members often surrendered 30% or more of their income through tithes, offerings, building funds, and emergency appeals. Questioning the system or falling short was labeled “robbing God” (Malachi 3:8–10), carrying heavy spiritual consequences, including fear of disfellowshipment and eternal damnation. Families routinely sacrificed healthcare, education, housing stability, and retirement savings to meet these demands. Many former members describe years of financial devastation that followed them long after leaving the group.

Notably, the ministry — regarded as modern-day Levites — did not pay tithes. They received them, often at significantly higher compensation levels than the average working-class member.

Leadership Luxury Built on Member Sacrifice

Herbert W. Armstrong lived in opulent contrast to the sacrifices he required. His residence on Pasadena’s Millionaires’ Row, private jets (including a Gulfstream), custom clothing, and lavish headquarters campus stood as monuments to the wealth extracted from followers. At its peak in the 1970s, the Worldwide Church of God reportedly generated over $200 million annually (the equivalent of hundreds of millions today) almost entirely from member tithes.

Ambassador Auditorium, dubbed “God’s House,” exemplified the grandeur: a multimillion-dollar performing arts center used to host celebrities and project an image of divine blessing, and pretend to not be associated with a church. Similar patterns persist in major splinter groups. Leaders in organizations such as the Philadelphia Church of God have maintained private aircraft and ambitious building projects while continuing to emphasize sacrificial giving.

State investigations, including a high-profile 1979 probe by the California Attorney General, highlighted concerns over fund mismanagement and the wide gap between leadership lifestyles and member conditions. Though the church fought back successfully in court, portraying the action as religious persecution, the episode revealed systemic issues that former insiders had long alleged.

The Persecution Narrative as a Shield

Armstrongism framed its members as a tiny, persecuted remnant — the “Philadelphia era” church battling a Satan-deceived world and apostate Christianity. Any external criticism, lawsuit, media report, or regulatory scrutiny was immediately cast as a satanic attack. This worldview encouraged members to respond to financial pressure with even greater loyalty and giving, while insulating leaders from meaningful accountability.

Just as Wright mocks wealthy preachers who decry “persecution” from their positions of comfort and influence, Armstrongite leadership portrayed themselves as embattled apostles even as they enjoyed privileges far beyond those of their followers. Members struggling in poverty were told to “trust God,” tithe faithfully, and await blessings — blessings that seemed disproportionately to flow toward headquarters rather than those in genuine need.

The Human Cost

The long-term impact on members has been profound. Testimonies from ex-members frequently include:

• Families forced to choose between tithing and feeding their children or paying rent.
• Delayed or forgone medical treatment, often compounded by the church’s emphasis on divine healing.
• Elderly members left without adequate support despite years of third-tithe contributions.
• Deep financial scars — depleted savings, ruined credit, and intergenerational poverty — compounded by social shunning upon exit.

After Herbert Armstrong’s death in 1986, the main Worldwide Church of God underwent significant reforms under Joseph Tkach Sr. and his successors, eventually abandoning mandatory tithing and many core Armstrong doctrines. However, dozens of splinter groups continue the original model, repeating the cycle for new generations of believers.

A Call to Examine Religious Systems

Jim Wright’s quote, paired with the image of forgotten human suffering, forces an uncomfortable question: When does a religious organization cross from a voluntary faith community into a system that exploits its members? In Armstrongism, the language of obedience, prophecy, and end-time urgency masked what many now recognize as systemic financial abuse.

Jesus Himself warned that it is nearly impossible for the rich to enter the Kingdom of God and sharply condemned religious leaders who “devour widows’ houses” while maintaining outward piety (Mark 12:40). The apostle James defined pure religion as caring for orphans and widows in their distress (James 1:27).

For current and former members of Armstrongist groups, the photo and quote serve as a sobering mirror. They challenge believers to ask whether their faith tradition truly serves people — especially the vulnerable — or whether people primarily serve the institution. True spiritual integrity demands transparency, accountability, and genuine care for those who give so much, rather than temples of glory built on the backs of the faithful. The image endures as a visual rebuke: while leaders fly in comfort and decry persecution, too many of the faithful are left lying on cold floors, still waiting for the blessings they were promised.

RCG/David C. Pack Newsflash: The Kingdom Will NOT Come on Pentecost

 

David C. Pack of The Restored Church of God may be a false prophet, but he is absolutely predictable.

During “The Greatest Untold Story! (Part 635)” given on May 17, 2026, the Pastor General piled on yet more proofs that the Kingdom to Israel would begin on Pentecost (May 24, 2026 – Sivan 8). But, not really.

While seemingly confirming Pentecost, he un-invented the initial Kingdom to Israel that was to occur prior to Pentecost. Dave built in much wiggle room to flee from the eventual Pentecost date failure while sprinkling in doubt and revised ambiguous language, leaving the impression his new points were “immense.”

The Pentecost Proofs are Immense!

The very next day, he dissolved hopes for the Kingdom arriving on Pentecost 2026.

The very next day after Part 635 was delivered, Dave spent a total of six minutes during his New Moon Special Comments on May 17, 2026, to dissolve five hours and seventeen minutes of preaching from “The Greatest Untold Story!” Parts 633, 634, and 635.

How sad that RCG brethren are now forced to come to Sunday worship services when the new moon falls on it. The drastic changes Dave and company continue to manufacture the further away WCG shrinks in the rearview mirror, should disturb all the Herbie die-hards still clinging to the last remnant of a bygone era. The Restored Church of God is not even a Splinter anymore, but some deformed hybrid of Sabbath-keepers and Dave idolators.

The total 99 minutes, which included 26 God-inspired points proving the Kingdom would arrive on Pentecost from the previous day, were wished away into the cornfield. It seems that his "immense Pentecost proofs" were not so vital after all.

He also had to un-proclaimed that “The Greatest Untold Story!” Series was concluding “within 24 hours,” after admitting he had no credibility. At least he got something right.

No new date was set, and the brethren in The Restored Church of God were urged to exercise patience because these necessary updates were God's fault. So, if brethren want to blame someone, do like their Pastor General does and blame God.

The Kingdom Will NOT Come on Pentecost!
May 24, 2026

Marc Cebrian

See:  RCG/David C. Pack Newsflash: The Kingdom Will NOT Come on Pentecost

How Four Random Street Signs Convinced Grown Adults They Were on Holy Ground

Over the decades, the Church of God has been blessed with an endless parade of crackpots, each one more unhinged than the last, peddling their precious pet theories, wild speculations, and outright bald-faced lies. It’s this proud tradition of gullibility and zero discernment that has allowed modern con artists like Bob Thiel and Dave Pack to flourish, happily vacuuming up whatever few desperate, wide-eyed followers they can find. Nothing says “led by the Holy Spirit” quite like flocking to the newest liar with a website and a printing press.

Liars have always found the most fertile, well-fertilized ground in the Church of God. It’s practically their spiritual homeland. We’ve endured generations of lying false prophets who knew the exact timeline of end-time prophecy — every single time. (They were wrong, of course, but the next one will definitely be right. Just wait.)

We’ve had genuine crackpots who stood up and declared that four egrets in front of the Auditorium were about to come alive, grab the whole building, and fly it to Petra like some divinely sanctioned Uber, with a fifth egret acting as celestial navigator. And yes, some actual functioning adults left the church to follow this majestic egret-based theology. Truly, the finest minds at work.

Then there was that absolute masterpiece of biblical exegesis floating around Pasadena when I got to college: the unshakable belief that God Himself had personally branded the campus with His sacred name through — wait for it — street signs.

Green Street, Orange Grove, Del Mar, St. John

First letters? G-O-D-S.

GODS.

God’s campus. God’s church. God’s holy vending machines. Some genius actually convinced people this was divine proof. Because obviously the Creator of the Universe moonlights as a city planner in Southern California.

But here’s the real kicker — the biting truth they never want to admit: flip those letters around and it spells DOGS.

And honestly? That makes way more sense. God didn’t claim that campus — He let the dogs have it. The whole thing has been one big theological dog park for decades. A place where every stray crackpot theory could run around off-leash, hump each other’s legs, and leave little steaming piles of false prophecy wherever they pleased.

And the funniest part? That “God’s campus” belief is still limping along today as a housing development and a College-Prep private school, even though the Almighty apparently looked at the property, said “Yeah, I’m out,” and abandoned it decades ago like a bad blind date. But sure, keep clutching those street names, folks. Divine endorsement never looked so… canine.

Maybe this is a prophetic truth that will allow Samuel Kitchen to buy the Ambassador Auditorium and HWA's mansion. This is the COG after all, anything is possible.

What an absolutely stellar, rational, and spirit-led organization this has been. 

Peak 1st Century Christianity. .

Divine Nepotism at Its Finest: The Weinland Holy Church of God Family – Where the End Times Meet Tax Evasion

 Divine Nepotism at Its Finest: 

The Weinland Holy Church of God Family – Where the End Times Meet Tax Evasion

Did you know that God's mighty redemptive purpose for all creation has culminated in one very special, very felonious family? Forget dusty old prophets, ancient apostles, or that whole Jesus guy. No, the Almighty has finally gotten with the times and chosen Felon Ron Weinland and his family as the ultimate expression of His will. Jesus be damned – the Weinlands are the truth, the way, and apparently the very expensive lifestyle to salvation! 
God's purpose for mankind, you see, is for all to have the potential to become part of His Family. And what better way to emphasize "family values" after 6,000 years than by funneling everything through one cozy nuclear unit? Enter Ronald and Laura Weinland, God's two end-time witnesses straight out of Revelation 11. They didn't just appear on the scene at the very end of the end-time – they arrived fashionably late, after a few failed doomsday predictions and a federal indictment or two. Humble beginnings? Please. This is premium, first-class apocalypse. 
As part of this grand emphasis on family (because apparently God ran out of qualified non-relatives), both children have been divinely slotted into key roles. Their daughter Audra has been ordained a prophet – just like Deborah in the time of the Judges! She's been placed to serve over the Church in the U.K., Ireland, and continental Europe. What a coincidence that this holy calling aligns so perfectly with handling church finances in ways that... let's just say raised eyebrows in court. A money-laundering daughter/prophet? God's ways are mysterious, but the IRS's are meticulously documented. 
Then there's son Jeremy, ordained as an evangelist to God's Church. The Bible doesn't specify that evangelists need a passion for fast, expensive cars, but who are we to question divine taste? A BMW-loving son spreading the gospel – truly, the chariot of the modern age. While Dad was busy being a witness, Junior was out there witnessing... premium German engineering, apparently. 

God’s purpose for mankind is for all to have the potential to become part of His Family. Therefore, God is once again emphasizing the importance of family just as He has at other times throughout the past 6,000 years through those with whom He has worked. So God is now working through Ronald and his wife, Laura, to be His two end-time witnesses written about in Revelation 11 who appear on the scene at the very end of the end-time. 

As part of God’s purpose to emphasize the importance of family, He has also prepared and placed both of their children into important areas of service within His Church. Their daughter, Audra, has been ordained a prophet, even as Deborah was a prophet in the time of the Judges of Israel, and she has been placed to serve over the Church in the U.K., Ireland, and continental Europe. Their son, Jeremy, has been ordained to serve as an evangelist to God’s Church.

There you have it, folks! A convicted tax evader, his prophetic wife, a money-laundering daughter, and a dim-witted son with a lead foot for luxury rides. God's greatest instruments ever created:

• Felon Ron: The original end-time witness who couldn't quite get the end times to stick to the schedule but nailed the "creative accounting" part.
• Witless Witness #2, wife Laura: Standing faithfully by her man through thick, thin, and federal prison sentences.
• Money-laundering daughter/prophet Audra: Deborah 2.0, but with better offshore opportunities.
• Dim-witted Jeremy, evangelist and lover of fast expensive cars: Because nothing says "prepare for the Kingdom" like burning rubber on tithe-funded tires.

Do not mock them, dear reader, or you mock God Himself! Questioning how a family could blow through millions in church donations on diamonds, gold, luxury vehicles, and lavish living while preaching imminent doom? That's just Satan talking. Or common sense. Same difference in this crowd. 
In the Weinland Holy Church of God Family, salvation isn't about faith, works, or even showing up to services. It's about recognizing that the Creator of the Universe looked down at all of humanity and said, "You know what? Let's go with these guys." The rest of us? Just background extras in the Weinland redemption arc.
Praise be to the Holy Family – may their next prophecy finally stick, or at least their bookkeeping. Amen (and please make checks payable to... well, you know the drill).