Crackpot Prophet Complains That Today's COG Members Are Laodiceans And Are Too Stupid To Understand Who Is The True Remnant Leader Today

One glorious constant has shone through the smoking rubble after the Great Implosion: every single splinter group has breathlessly adopted the oh-so-biblical Catholic model of top-down "church government" as the only heavenly-approved path to Jesus. Because nothing screams "first-century Christianity" like a pyramid scheme with a guy at the top declaring himself indispensable.

Today's enlightened crop of COG overlords just can't stop parroting this nonsense, and can you blame them? It's literally the only leash they've got left to yank on their dwindling flocks. The internet age has mercilessly popped the Armstrongism bubble, stripping these self-appointed apostles of their former mystique and mailing-list empires. So what's a would-be pope to do? Wave the magic "top-down government" wand and threaten eternal doom if anyone dares peek behind the curtain. Question doctrine? Question leadership? Gasp—rebellion! Suddenly, you're not just disagreeing with Brother So-and-So; you're spitting in God's face Himself. Cue the instant trifecta: expulsion, disfellowshipment, marking... and the pièce de résistance: "Oops, sorry, your salvation just got yoinked by divine decree."

And now, hold onto your moss-covered prayer rocks, because the single greatest gift humanity has ever received (drumroll please) is back on his blog, pouting that nobody's bowing low enough to his majestic one-man rule. How dare these ingrates ignore proper church government when it's staring them right in the face—him! God's literal end-time present to the church and all mankind, wrapped in humility and prophetic dreams.

Because nothing says "divine appointment" like insisting it's your birthright to rule because, you know, you had a dream once (or something). Clearly, we peasants are morally obligated to submit, recognize that his little outfit is the one and only true Philadelphia-era COG actually doing a "real work," and—above all—never, ever suggest otherwise. Fail to grovel? Congratulations, you've just handed your soul over to Satan on a silver platter. How thoughtful of him to provide such clear warnings.

He quoted Herbert on this,as if he is still some kind of authority:

In a sermon titled Rely on God, Herbert W. Armstrong said:

KEY ISSUE IS GOVERNMENT …

THE WHOLE THING WAS GOVERNMENT! THE THING THAT SATAN TOOK AWAY WAS GOVERNMENT. THE THING THAT CHRIST IS COMING TO RESTORE IS GOVERNMENT. AND WHAT HE RAISED ME UP FOR WAS TO RESTORE GOVERNMENT IN HIS CHURCH. And the whole test, the challenge in the first place …, was a point of government. (Armstrong HW. Rely on God. Sermon, April 6, 1985)

Just like Herbert W. Armstrong was miraculously raised up to restore true church government (because apparently God couldn't manage without a 20th-century magazine/radio salesman at the helm), so too has the magnificent Great Bwana Bob Elijah Habakkuk Joshua Thiel been divinely appointed in these last days. In the vast, dreamy expanse of Thiel's prophetic imagination, the real reason nobody believes in "proper" top-down government anymore is that sneaky liberals have slithered in and infected the church like some kind of doctrinal virus. How else could anyone possibly resist the irresistible logic of one-man rule when the one man in question has dreams, a website, and a self-proclaimed prophetic mantle thicker than his stack of COG literature?

Truly, without those pesky liberals watering everything down, we'd all be falling over ourselves to submit to the latest dream-interpreting overlord. 

Bwana Bob continues:

For example, Herbert W. Armstrong also wrote:

Why has God’s Church in this Philadelphia era gone through a period of friction, controversy within the Church and split-offs, with certain ministers leaving the Church to take followers after themselves …

The contenders, the disgruntled, the liberals did not want God’s government in the Church. … The contenders, the disgruntled, the liberals did not want God’s government in the Church. (Armstrong HW. Recent History of the Philadelphia Era of the Worldwide Church of God. Worldwide News, June 25, 1985)

The Philadelphia era, according to Herbert W. Armstrong, was to have a hierarchical governance:

The Church is organized under theocratic government, hierarchical in form (Mystery of the Ages, p. 246) 

So what happens when a church member fully submits to theocratic church government? Bwana Bob says this:

Notice that the purposes of hierarchical governance include preventing doctrinal error as well as unity for the church to allow each member to grow personally as well as to be able to contribute in love. 

Did you catch that profound gem? Under the tender, nurturing boot of their abusive leadership, you'll supposedly grow personally by leaps and bounds and magically learn to contribute in love. Because nothing fosters genuine spiritual maturity and heartfelt generosity like constant fear, control, and the ever-present threat of being marked and shunned. 

Really? Pray tell, in which of today's more delightfully abusive COG fiefdoms have members been overflowing with love toward one another? Money? Oh sure, the tithes pour in like clockwork—forced contributions disguised as cheerful giving, because who doesn't love a good prosperity gospel twist where your salvation depends on hitting your 10–30% quota? But actual brotherly love? Charity? Compassion without strings? Yeah, that track record is so glowing it's practically waxed cold—frozen solid, buried under decades of disfellowshippings, public shamings, family-splitting edicts, and leaders who treat empathy like it's heretical doctrine.

And the cherry on top: today's Church of God members are apparently so scandalously liberal that they can't even spot the one true church leader when he's standing right there, modestly waving his dream diary and self-declared prophetic credentials. How blind can you get, silly brethren? Failing to bow instantly to the latest self-appointed Philadelphia remnant Overseer? Clearly a sign of dangerous end-time apostasy and liberal infection. If only you'd stop being so worldly and recognize divine appointment when it's emailed to your inbox with 47 attached proofs.

Truly inspiring. The love just radiates. We're all growing so much.

Bwana Bob quotes Herbert again,

Philadelphia must be led by one man, not a committee–also not a bunch of independent Christians thinking they could be Philadelphian. ‘Independent Christians’ are not Philadelphian, and since they are not “gathered together” before the decree to flee will be given (cf. Zephaniah 2:1-3), they will not be subject to the protection that Jesus promised Philadelphian Christians in Revelation 3:7-10.

Then proceeds to write this utter gibberish:

 

Now in the 21st century, while led by one man the Philadelphian remnant Church of God does a work collectively. The faithful remnant will continue to attempt to go through whatever doors are open (Revelation 3:7-9) in order to proclaim the Gospel of the Kingdom as a witness (Matthew 24:14). It is led by one, but it also has many others assisting in the process. 

 

By rejecting true Philadelphian governance, the most end time Christians have become Laodiceans.

Most do not understand that there is a true Philadelphian remnant that they should support. 

And so, brethren, as we draw this tragicomedy to its exalted close, let us all lift our eyes heavenward in adoring adoration toward the one, the only, the incandescent Great Bwana Bob Thiel—the man whose awesomenessso dazzlingly outshines the brightest stars in the heavens that even the Milky Way has applied for early retirement out of sheer embarrassment.

Truly, what greater privilege could there be than to gaze upon this walking supernova of self-proclaimed prophecy? A mind so luminous it single-handedly explains why mere mortals keep failing to recognize divine appointment when it arrives via blog post, dream journal, and 47-point manifesto. His humility is blinding. His dreams are gospel. His insistence on being the sole legitimate torchbearer of the Philadelphia remnant is nothing short of celestial poetry.

So forget the decades of documented control, the forced “love offerings,” the families fractured in the name of “God’s government,” and the love that waxed cold faster than a Laodicean’s zeal. None of that matters. The real tragedy—the real end-time crisis—is that so many of you stubborn, liberal-infected holdouts still haven’t dropped to your knees in rapturous submission before the man whose awesomeness literally eclipses the cosmos.

Shame on you, silly brethren. The stars themselves are blushing in envy. Get with the program, repent of your blindness, and start adoring properly.

The heavens have spoken. Bob has dreamed it. Your salvation now depends on how enthusiastically you can grovel.

We bow in humble, star-dimming wonder.

He ends by plugging his program with this ADD-addled partial list of topics he covers in one sermon. It is no wonder his followers' eyes glaze over, and they start snoring:

The Philadelphia Remnant 

 

If the Philadelphia era of the Church of God (COG) ended the last century, would there be a remnant in the 21st century? 

 

Can parts of two different eras of the COG exist at that same time? 

 

Are all COGs the same as far as God is concerned? 

 

Did Herbert W. Armstrong and the old Radio/Worldwide Church of God point to Philadelphians being around until fleeing to the wilderness before the Great Tribulation? 

 

What are scriptural reasons why there must be a Philadelphia remnant? 

 

What did dreams have to do with the old Radio Church of God and the Continuing Church of God (CCOG)? 

 

What is different about Bob Thiel being a prophet? 

 

What are ways that the CCOG differs from other COGs? 

 

Did Habakkuk predict that the work would be revived? 

 

Was there a gap in the dream that Loma D. Armstrong had? 

 

Is the CCOG preparing for the short work of Romans 9:28 while also reach Gentiles consistent with Romans 11:25? 

 

What group is getting the Ezekiel warning out? 

 

What about the 18 restored truths? 

 

Are there any important truths that were restored in the CCOG in the 21st century? 

 

Are there are any parallels to Zerubbabel? 

 

Why will the lukewarm Laodiceans not finish the warning and gospel proclamation gospel? 

 

Could there be a scriptural need for a Philadelphia remnant of left now because the short-work of Romans 9:28 needs to be done, 

 

Matthew 24:14 still needs to be fulfilled, 

 

God promised to pour out His Spirit and give dreams and prophecies in the end before Jesus returned (cf. Acts 2:17-18), 

 

an end time Zerubbabel would be part of the Philadelphia remnant to rebuild the second spiritual temple–which would NOT look anywhere near as impressive as the previous temple physically (Haggai 2:3-4,9), 

 

all things needed to be restored (Matthew 17:11), 

 

and the mantle held, 

 

the full number of Gentiles must come in (Romans 11:25), 

 

the end time Ezekiel watchman warning must go out (cf. Ezekiel chapters 3, 5, 6, and 33), 

 

the Philadelphian remnant is to be targeted by the Beast power before (Daniel 7:25a, 11:29-35; Revelation 12:13-16) he goes to persecute the rest of the Christians (Revelation 12:17, 13:5-10, 14:12-13), and that 

 

the Philadelphians are the only one that Jesus promises protection from the coming hour of trial (Revelation 3:10) and that has not happened yet? 

 

Dr. Thiel addresses these matters and more.

"Embrace the apostle, as he is part of our foundation in the Lord! "

Behold the breathtaking majesty of Samuel Kitchen’s glittering Worldwide Church of God reboot—still bravely tumbling headfirst down the rabbit hole like it’s auditioning for the role of “most delusional splinter ever.” Our visionary leader has apparently cracked the code: he now exclusively owns the one true foundation™ and the authentic doctrines of the Worldwide Church of God. Any day now the sheep from every other sad little splinter will be lining up around the block, suitcases in hand, begging to bask in his unmatched theological glow.

Except… plot twist! He possesses exactly zilch. Zero. bupkis. A whole lot of nothing wrapped in an empty website. No structure, no ministers (unless you count the mirror), no bank account that’s ever seen a tithe check, no publishing empire unless “copy-paste” counts as an industrial process. His entire “ministry” consists of other people’s articles, videos, magazines, and letters that he’s helpfully liberated—without so much as a permission slip from GCI, the actual copyright holders. Truly the pirate bay of Armstrongism.

And yet, undeterred by reality, we’re treated once more to the stirring sermon: “Herbert W. Armstrong was basically Jesus with better suits—how dare you not drop everything and sprint back to the one true faith once delivered?!” Yes, let’s definitely restore the church to those golden glory days… you know, the ones famous for their wholesome atmosphere of corruption, power-abusing ministers, and general cesspool vibes. 

Because nothing says “God’s one true church” like grand theft content and a complete absence of everything else. 

He writes:

Now if a minister who had been ordained under Mr Armstrong, rejects the leadership of Jesus Christ through the apostle, and rejects a piece of truth, cherry picking what he wants, then he like Tkach separates himself from the church spiritually and takes his congregations with him! 

 

That’s why it is important to remember what was taught through the apostle, for it is foundational for us as the true church! 

 

So from the perspective of the ministry, these groups do not make up the true Church of God, but provide the means for them to take care of their congregations in the Lord. 

 

What I have come to say, and have been saying for 15+ years, is REDUCE the departures of Christ, repent, and remember. 

 

Embrace the apostle, as he is part of our foundation in the Lord! He preached the truth and he was under the direction of Jesus Christ. 

 

Self willed men, do not want to follow him and do not want to continue faithfully in what he taught.
That makes it clear to the rest of us, they are not part of the body of Christ and should be avoided.
But Satan has his false ministers and false brethren, pretending and applying pressure to those of the Body of Christ to accept any sort of apostasy they deem “okay”. 

 

Most false ministers or false brethren, consider some apostasy as “growth”. 

 

If it detracts from what Christ revealed through His apostle, then we know it is not of Jesus Christ. 

 

For those who are of God, hear the apostle and receive the Word of God, not as words of men. 

 

If we allow it, we can be developed into another church, by these “groups”. 

 

We read in Revelation 12:17, that a remnant of the True Church will not go into a place of safety! Satan will turn around and wage war on them! 

If you ignroe Samuel, you will be left behind with Bob Thiels remenant when everyoen esle flees to Petra. This threat is so worn out and over used that no one ceres anymore.

He wants to destroy this Church! And if he could get you separated into multiple groups, he knows you aren’t going into a place of safety! 

 

And that will develop us into the Laodicean Church, that needs to repent and obey the Lord under the cruel and merciless tyrannical gentile government that will be the Beast Power in the Great Tribulation. 

 

The Laodicean era, will have an OBEDIENT CHURCH, who keeps the commandments of God and have the testimony of Jesus Christ! At least half of those there will repent, as shown in Matthew 25 with the parable of the ten virgins. 

 

Through repentance they will become converted members of the Worldwide Church of God! 

 

The Worldwide Church of God will go into a place of protection as promised by Jesus Christ!
The name Worldwide Church of God, is a spiritual name, placed on a people who have Herbert W Armstrong as part of their foundation. 

 

No other church is like it. 

 

Some may use his face and name, but if they aren’t 100% back of Mr Armstrong and the truth He taught us, they are misleading and bearing false witness. 

 

We are either 100% standing on the foundation or we are off of it. No fence riding. No lukewarm attitude, that gets us to bear false witness! 

 

We see this in Revelation 3:9. 

 

So what we have today, is the Worldwide Church of God. Those attending these “groups” should exit these groups, in order to continue faithfully in the Lord! 

 

These groups could repent, and redirect their efforts, to prepare the people as they were ordained to do! 

 

But I fear too may are hostile against Jesus Christ and his apostle! They are too unwilling to repent and to include Herbert W Armstrong as part of their foundation. And by excluding him, they just sever themselves. 

 

Many have tried to bring people into “groups”. I am concerned about the Foundation of the Worldwide Church of God. It is spiritual. The people are connected spiritually to Jesus Christ our Head and God the Father His Head! Through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit and through the truth. 

 

Not part of the truth. 100% of the truth. 

 

The congregations in Iowa, from those of these groups, can organize into “the Iowa congregations of the Worldwide Church of God” 

 

The congregations in Australia, could organize into “the Australia congregations of the Worldwide Church of God” 

 

This reconnects people to one identity, the Worldwide Church of God, and also provides the ministry the means to hold monies, assets and property without pushing the people away into “groups”. 

 

Jesus Christ wants us to be the Philadelphia candlestick! Not a bunch of groups. 

 

Will you brethren stand with me, and pray and fast and beseech God about this? Because we won’t go to the place of safety divided. We won’t enter the Kingdom of God divided! 

 

So take it to Jesus Christ! And obey Him and the Word of God! 

 

In the swirling vortex of Armstrongist splinters—where every third guy had a nightmare where a questionable entity spoke to him  and a grudge declared himself the One True Heir to the Mantle—we have another one trying to resurrect the glory days of old.
Christianity’s cornerstone isn’t a 34-year-old Iowan playing dress-up as the Restorer of All Things, complete with a website that looks like it time-traveled from 2003 and a “ministry” budget that couldn’t buy a Happy Meal.
No, the real foundation—the one that’s been holding up actual believers for two millennia—is Jesus Christ. Not Herbert W. Armstrong, not his endless stream of booklets about British Israelism or prophetic date-setting that aged like milk left in the sun, and certainly not some self-appointed successor who thinks  that “restoring the church” means hoarding copyrighted material like it’s the Dead Sea Scrolls.
Imagine the sheer audacity—the galaxy-brain levels of delusion—required to stand amid the wreckage of broken homes, estranged children, drained bank accounts, and families shattered by “God’s government”, and still proclaim, “Follow me! I’ve got the pure, unadulterated 1975 doctrines right here! No adulterated post-1986 grace nonsense—just good old fear, guilt, and triple tithing!”

Crackpot Prophet: "Don’t be so stubborn that every day has to be a movie version of Groundhog Day."

Oh, it's that magical time of year again—February 2, when the world's most qualified meteorologist, Punxsutawney Phil, majestically waddles out of his luxury burrow like a furry Nostradamus and delivers his earth-shattering six-week weather prophecy for the Midwest. Groundhog Day: the holiday so scientifically rigorous it makes climate models look like guesswork.

Back in the Midwest of my youth, every sane person treated this as peak Americana folklore—cute, silly, entirely made-up fun. We'd chuckle at the news clip, maybe crack a joke about whether the groundhog had union representation, and then go back to our regularly scheduled winter complaining. Harmless cultural fluff, right? Right.

Enter God's single most exalted prophet to ever tread the sacred green hills of planet Earth: the one, the only, the utterly unimpeachable Dr. Bob Thiel. Our fearless leader has no room in his immaculately pure heart—or his meticulously cataloged soul—for such frivolous myths and traditions that, heaven forbid, form the very cultural DNA of the nation. Johnny Appleseed? Pagan plant-worship propaganda. Pecos Bill? Demonic lasso idolatry. Paul Bunyan and his giant blue ox? Straight-up Babylonian giantism with a side of animism. John Henry? Clearly a veiled tribute to hammer-wielding sun gods. To Crackpot Bob, everything is either Holy Scripture or a satanic sleeper agent waiting to corrupt the faithful.

Because why stop at Christmas trees and Easter bunnies when you can declare the entire American folklore pantheon a pagan fifth column?

His tireless, borderline pathological quest to sniff out pagan DNA in literally every blade of grass, holiday card, and childhood story isn't mere hobby—oh no. It's the sacred mechanism by which he hoists his minuscule, perpetually splintering cultlet high above the filthy masses of both pagans and those tragically deceived “so-called Christians.” 

His group alone is the radiant, untainted True Remnant™, too holy to tolerate even the faintest whiff of myth (conveniently ignoring the occasional African branch-leader who's been known to moonlight with a little juju on the side—details, details).

Since Bob personally owns the copyright on Pure, Primitive, Uncorrupted Christianity™—patent pending—he has no choice but to play spiritual exterminator. Every non-biblical speck must be purged, scrubbed, and cast into the outer darkness so the church can finally be ready for Christ's long-awaited, doubly-booked Second Coming... miraculously scheduled to touchdown at the exact same moment in both Wadsworth, Ohio and Edmond, Oklahoma. Because nothing screams “God's one true end-time headquarters” like dueling prophecy fulfillment zip codes.

Perfect Crackpot Bob, ever-vigilant sentinel against the encroaching darkness of entertainment, is deeply perturbed by none other than Bill Murray's character in Groundhog Day. Yes, that cynical weatherman trapped in an endless February 2nd loop apparently embodies the very perils the Bible "specifically mentions"—because nothing screams "warning from Scripture" quite like a Hollywood time-loop comedy starring the guy from Caddyshack.

Crackpot Bob writes:

There is an odd observance on February 2 each year in North America that is called Groundhog Day: 

 

Groundhog Phil ‘predicts’ six more weeks of winter

2 February 2025 

 

Punxsutawney Phil – a “weather predicting” groundhog – has forecast six more weeks of winter in the US, disappointing the crowds of people gathered in the Pennsylvania town for the annual Groundhog Day celebrations. 

 

To chants of “Phil” the rodent was brought out from a tree stump early on Sunday morning to “give” his yearly forecast. 

 

According to folklore, If Phil looks at his own shadow then there will be another six weeks of the North American winter, and if not, then an early spring is on the horizon

“There’s a shadow up here, get ready for six more weeks of winter this year,” Tom Dunkel, president of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, proclaimed. https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/ckg0j8zjlr9o 

Groundhog Day … is a popular American tradition observed in the United States and Canada on February 2nd. It derives from the Pennsylvania Dutch superstition that if a groundhog emerging from its burrow on this day sees its shadow due to clear weather, it will retreat to its den and winter will persist for six more weeks; but if it does not see its shadow because of cloudiness, spring will arrive early. 

 

While the tradition remains popular in modern times, studies have found no consistent correlation between a groundhog seeing its shadow and the subsequent arrival time of spring-like weather. … The Groundhog Day ceremony held at Punxsutawney in western Pennsylvania, centering around a semi-mythical groundhog named Punxsutawney Phil, has become the most attended. (Groundhog Day, Wikipedia, accessed 04/25/20) 

 

So, no this is not a biblical holiday, so why mention it? 

 

Well, in 1993, there was a movie starring Bill Murray titled Groundhog Day. Since coming out, it has become a cultural icon, in a sense, in the USA and elsewhere.

Perfect Crackpot Bob is pertrubed by Bull Murray's character in Groundhog Day and warns that the Bible specifically mentions the kind of things Murry's character is doing:

Yes, Bill Murray’s character Phil Connors displayed what was warned about in the last days by the Apostle Paul:

1 But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, (2 Timothy 3:1-2, NKJV throughout)

19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, (Galatians 5:19)

Phil Connors loved the world and wanted to pursue the works of the flesh. He did not care much about the following that the Apostle John wrote when his time loop began:

16 For all that is in the world — the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life — is not of the Father but is of the world. 17 And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever. (1 John 2:16-17)

While mere mortals might watch Phil Connors evolve from arrogant jerk to enlightened mensch—learning piano, ice sculpting, empathy, and how not to be a total tool—and see a story with genuine redeeming value for both the character and society as a whole (you know, the kind of moral arc Aesop's fables have been peddling for millennia without anyone batting an eye), Bob cannot abide such frivolity.

Nope. Out comes that big, dog-eared, heavily marked-up Bible of his, wielded like a theological sledgehammer, ready to bludgeon every last drop of fun, fiction, and cultural charm into submission. Because why appreciate a tale of personal growth, redemption, and breaking free from destructive patterns when you can instead declare it another insidious vector for pagan-mythological corruption? Groundhog shadow? Demonic divination. Time loop? Clearly a satanic mockery of God's eternal plan. Bill Murray's sarcastic deadpan? Probably straight out of the Babylonian mystery religions.

He ponitifctes more:

Consider that every day we all have things to learn. While the actual days are not repeated, we are faced with multiple opportunities to build character. And yes, we often face the same problems, illnesses, pains, etc. each day. 

 

When will those trials actually end? 

 

Well for Christians, they will whenever we have learned all that God wants us to learn.
For some of those problems, they will not end until we die. 

 

Jesus taught:

48 Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect. (Matthew 5:48) 

 

Yes, in a sense, life can be like Groundhog Day in the sense we have to go through a lot of the same or similar tests and trials to learn how to better live and serve. 

 

It takes a while to build godly character, even for Christians:

Crackpot Bob ends with this:

...unlike Phil Connors in Groundhog Day, we are striving for an unperishable crown. 

 

Just because you may have been a Christian for a long time, do not think that if you give up you also cannot become disqualified. 

 

Remember, Jesus said:

12 And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold. 13 But he who endures to the end shall be saved. (Matthew 24:12-13) 

 

So, if you ever wonder why you keep going through a lot of the same tests and trials, consider that you are to endure and learn lessons. 

 

With those lessons learned, you will be able to enter the Kingdom of God. 

 

Don’t give up. 

 

Take it one day at a time–but don’t waste each day.

David wrote:

2 Every day I will bless You, And I will praise Your name forever and ever. (Psalm 145:2) 

 

So, there is something to do every day! 

 

Furthermore, as the Apostle Peter wrote, we are to grow in grace and knowledge (2 Peter 3:18). 

 

Yes, make the best of each day. 

 

Don’t be so stubborn that every day has to be a movie version of Groundhog Day. 

 

In Bob's flawless hermeneutic, every movie, fable, legend, or childhood yarn that doesn't quote chapter-and-verse is suspect—better to smash it with the Good Book than risk even a nanosecond of unapproved enjoyment. After all, the True Remnant™ can't risk contamination from anything that might accidentally teach virtue without his explicit stamp of approval.

If Crackpot Bob keeps this up, he'll soon have the entire Western canon blacklisted as pagan propaganda. Shakespeare? Too much pagan mythology. Aesop? Greco-pagan moralism. The very concept of storytelling? A slippery slope to idolatry. Meanwhile, the rest of us will just keep chuckling at the groundhog, quoting Murray ("It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life"), and marveling at how one man's unyielding quest for doctrinal purity manages to make even a feel-good comedy feel like the end-times deception of the century. Truly, the man is out here saving souls—one canceled cultural touchstone at a time.

Brother Against Brother: Why Is The Church of God So Divisive?

Why is it that so many of the people lecturing us today on how great they are at restoring "the truth once delivered" turn out to come from families with damaged relationships? Consider Herbert Armstrong, who alienated all of his children; Bob Thiel, with his damaged relationship with his father and family; Dave Pack, who alienated all of his children and grandchildren; and now the Kitchen family.

Samuel Kitchen has spent years waxing poetic about what an amazing father and mother he had, and how they faithfully stuck to the roots of Herbert's message without ever straying, despite numerous ministers and government officials who tried to silence them.

After Samuel's epic failure with his Petra escapade several years ago, his relationship with his brothers deteriorated. He shared too much information about them online, which caused an estrangement with his brother Tim. 

Now Samuel has written a song about his wayward brother, who is now part of the United Church of God. Tim now runs exclusive control of the Worldwide Church of God archives site, which previously was managed by both him and Samuel.

It is truly sad to watch those who take Armstrongism to the extreme and see how it destroys families and relationships. Instead of turning the hearts of the children to their fathers and the fathers to their children, it has built a huge wall that separates them.

Dear lord I come before you now

On my knees, before you I do bow

I pray for a brother who just does not see

Any worth or value that you see in me

Let my rival learn your love and your way!

Let my rival learn your peace and how to be brave 

Dear lord please bless him I don’t want to see him hurt

Oh show him what you do for me every day

He may be my rival, but not for long, for him I do pray…

Dear lord, I am hurt by his words, 

Oh how I ache to see him return

He is my family and he just doesn’t see

All the worth and value that you see in me

Let my rival learn your love and your way!

Let my rival learn your peace and how to be brave 

Dear lord please bless him I don’t want to see him hurt

Oh show him what you do for me every day

He may be my rival, but not for long, for him I do pray…

What can I do to heal this breach?

What can I change to help my brother see?

I seem to be his enemy, but here I pray 

Humble me and keep me in thy way

Let my rival learn your love and your way!

Let my rival learn your peace and how to be brave 

Dear lord please bless him I don’t want to see him hurt

Oh show him what you do for me every day

He may be my rival, but not for long, for him I do pray…

Let my rival learn your love and your way!

Let my rival learn your peace and how to be brave 

Dear lord please bless him I don’t want to see him hurt

Oh show him what you do for me every day

He may be my rival, but not for long, for him I do pray…

You can listen to his video here: My Rival

I was looking at some online sites about why churches are breeding grounds for unbalanced beliefs and actions, and why they treat each other so badly. This is some of what I found:

Some churches appear unbalanced in their beliefs (e.g., extreme doctrines, black-and-white thinking, or rigid rules) and in how they treat people (e.g., harsh judgment, control, division, or lack of compassion) because certain groups function more like high-control or authoritarian religious environments than healthy, balanced faith communities. This imbalance often stems from structural, psychological, and social dynamics that prioritize power, conformity, and exclusivity over grace, mutual respect, and relational health.

What should we expect from a church that worships at the base of the altar of the law and which flippantly discredits grace? When did the Church of God leaders EVER exhibit mutual respect? I could count those times on one hand, even after having all of my fingers amputated. When has the church, from its leaders down to its members, had relational health?

Armstrongism often results in deep personal, familial, and relational damage precisely because its unbalanced beliefs create a high-control environment that prioritizes doctrinal purity, absolute loyalty to the leader/group, and separation from the "world" over healthy relationships, grace, and emotional well-being.
These unbalanced elements—rooted in absolutism, fear-based obedience, and rigid hierarchies—don't just lead to theological extremes; they actively erode family bonds and human connections in ways that many former members describe as devastating. 

Here are some of the points why this happens so consistently:

"Us vs. Them" and Isolation from Outsiders — Armstrongism teaches that mainstream Christianity is deceived or pagan-influenced, and only the group holds the "true" restored gospel. This fosters extreme separation: members are discouraged or forbidden from close ties with non-believers, including family members who don't join or who leave. Holidays like Christmas, Easter, or birthdays are labeled pagan, so families who celebrate them face pressure to cut contact. The result? Marriages break, children are alienated from parents/siblings, and extended families fracture—often justified as "obeying God" over human ties.

Strict Obedience and Authority Structures — Leadership (especially the founder or current "apostle/prophet/chief overseer/pastor general") is seen as God's direct mouthpiece. Questioning doctrine or leaders is equated with rebellion against God, leading to harsh discipline like disfellowshipping. This creates fear: members may report on each other, avoid associating with "dissidents," or prioritize church loyalty over family. Former members frequently report that family members were pressured to shun relatives who doubted, left, or were deemed "Laodicean" (lukewarm). This directly contradicts biblical ideals like turning "the hearts of the fathers to the children" (Malachi 4:6), instead building walls of division.

Divorce/Remarriage and Family Rules — Historical doctrines (e.g., strict rules on divorce/remarriage, sometimes requiring people to leave second marriages) caused immense pain. Even after some changes, splinter groups often retain rigid views that prioritize doctrinal conformity over reconciliation. Combined with tithing demands that strained finances, this led to poverty, stress, and broken homes for many.

Fear, Guilt, and Cognitive Dissonance — Prophecies of imminent end-times (e.g., failed dates like 1975) created urgency and fear. When prophecies failed or leaders showed hypocrisy, members often doubled down on extremes to resolve inner conflict, becoming more judgmental or isolated. This mindset justifies harsh treatment of "backsliders" or worse, "Laodiceans,"  which may include family, as tough love or necessary separation from sin.

Patterns in Leadership and Splinters — Herbert Armstrong had documented family alienation, including rifts with his son Garner Ted (who was ousted amid scandals). Many offshoots show similar issues: leaders like Dave Pack have faced accusations of alienating children/grandchildren through disfellowshipping or control; others like Bob Thiel or various Kitchen family dynamics reflect strained relationships tied to doctrinal disputes or group loyalty. Ex-members' accounts (from forums, books, and sites like The Painful Truth or ex-WCG communities) repeatedly describe ruined childhoods, lost family ties, emotional abuse, and generational trauma—often because the group demanded total allegiance.

In healthier faith communities, beliefs allow room for grace, forgiveness, doubt, and family priority—even amid strong convictions. Armstrongism's unbalanced emphasis on exclusivity, control, and "restored truth" at any cost turns relationships into battlegrounds: loyalty to the group trumps blood ties, compassion gives way to judgment, and love becomes conditional on doctrinal alignment.
The irony is painful: a theology centered on God as a "family" (the God Family doctrine) often produces the opposite in human families—division, estrangement, and lasting wounds. Many who leave describe it as finally finding freedom to love and heal without the fear-driven walls. If this connects to personal experiences, it's a common story in Armstrongist circles, and recognizing these patterns is often the start of recovery.