Crackpot Bob’s Slow-Motion Apocalypse: One Sermon a Month on the Book of Revelation Until the Headlines Cooperate

It is another sunny day in the whack-a-doodle world of Armstrongism. Never a day goes by without some fresh batch of craziness vomiting itself onto the internet for the remaining handful of true believers to marinate in. This week's double feature comes straight from the Grover Beach headquarters of Crackpot Bob Thiel, self-anointed prophet, Ph.D. in something-or-other, and proud owner of the world's most flexible end-time chart.

In his latest letter to the faithful, Bob announces the next phase of his "Going Thru the Bible" plan. After supposedly covering every verse of 26 of the 27 New Testament books (a claim that would make any competent scholar laugh until they needed oxygen), he is now launching a brand-new series: Revealing Revelation. The goal? Cover every single verse of the Book of Revelation.

Here's the catch, straight from the man himself:

Unlike the previous series on other books of the Bible, I only expect to cover perhaps one sermon per month or so related to the Book of Revelation. Why? Well, for one, I do not want to rush the process. And for another, we may be seeing the fulfillment of certain prophesied events which will allow me to better see how certain events may tie in with prophecies in the Book of Revelation.

Translation: Bob does not actually know how the end-time sequence works, so he needs to drag this out for over two years while he watches the news and rewrites his timeline on the fly. The bouncing and flouncing will be legendary. Expect endless "this could be the beginning of sorrows... or not... let's wait and see what happens next month" sermons while the tiny flock is told that slow-walking the Apocalypse is somehow deep biblical scholarship.

Once the series finally limps across the finish line (sometime around 2028, give or take a failed prophecy or two), Bob hints that "we may produce a book on this." Of course he will. Books are Crackpot Bob's love language. Nothing says "I have unique insight that no one else in Church of God history has possessed" quite like another self-published booklet that will be translated into however many languages the next press release claims.

Speaking of books, the same letter pivots to the real star of the show: The Gospel of the Kingdom of God. Joan Galloway reported that it is now available in 125 languages online, with more in the works. (Earlier CCOG material has inflated the number into the hundreds or even "nearly 2,000 languages/dialects." Pick a number, brethren-the important thing is that it sounds impressive.) Bob then quotes Revelation 5:8-10, Revelation 7:9-11, and Romans 14:11 to argue that these translations will somehow produce "massive numbers of followers from all over and in all languages" right before the Tribulation.

In other words, the actual gospel of Jesus Christ is apparently insufficient. What the world has been missing all this time is Bob Thiel's booklet. The four living creatures and the twenty-four elders are presumably on standby, waiting for the next language drop so the great multitude can finally show up.

It is genuinely impressive how Armstrongist ministers can present themselves as profound biblical scholars while repeatedly demonstrating the opposite. Bob is not revealing Revelation. He is stretching it out so he can keep adjusting his private interpretations whenever the headlines refuse to cooperate with the script he inherited and then modified. The book is not about to gather the nations. It is about keeping a shrinking group convinced that their particular leader still has the "open door" and the special insight everyone else lacks.

Two years of monthly Revelation sermons while the prophet waits for world events to catch up to his chart is not careful scholarship. It is a slow-motion admission that the system does not work the way it was sold. And the multilingual booklet is not evidence of a unique end-time work. It is marketing.

Welcome to another week in Armstrongism. The bouncing continues. The flouncing is scheduled. And the book will be updated as needed.

LCG: Millennial Preview Complete—Now Return to Your Regularly Scheduled Trials

Here we are, barely a week or so after the final notes of "God Be With You Till We Meet Again" died away and the metal chairs from the Last Great Day were stored away. Thousands of Living Church of God members have gone home from their carefully arranged eight-day preview of the Millennium-complete with elaborate meals, smiling photographs, and sermons about ruling as kings and priests, and collided with the same old world they had left behind. Car repairs held off until the second tithe was gone. Jobs that never stopped for the Feast. Medical bills. Family drama. Ordinary life, which no amount of "rejoice before the Lord" can postpone indefinitely.

Right on cue, the leadership brings out its familiar script: Douglas S. Winnail's repeat piece:

God's Perspective on Trials

Trials can make us wonder whether God has abandoned us. Jesus gave His disciples a different assurance: "In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world" (John 16:33). God has promised never to leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). The Apostle Paul adds that "all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28), and that God provides a "way of escape" even during trials (1 Corinthians 10:13). Douglas S. Winnail urged Christians to give thanks even during trials. James taught that such hardships can strengthen our patience as we trust God and His promises while working through the difficulties ourselves (James 1:2-4). Let's keep that godly perspective when trials come.

How reassuring-and how carefully restrained. It could hardly be more different from the fear that has powered Armstrongism for decades.

Because in the real trenches of LCG-and, before it, its mother church, the Worldwide Church of God-trials rarely get explained as the ordinary pain of living in a broken world, the kind of tribulation Jesus already said people would face. Instead, they are treated as personal diagnoses and punishments. You caused this somehow. Perhaps your faith was too weak, some hidden sin remained, you lacked zeal for the Work, or you failed to tithe correctly-maybe even to double-tithe or third-tithe when the chance appeared. Perhaps you did not pray enough or held the wrong attitude toward the ministry. The possibilities never run out, but the message stays fixed: God is disciplining you until you submit, preparing you to qualify for the future rulership you spent the past week imagining.

Winnail's "godly perspective" is the version presented to the public. Members often hear something less polished in counseling, sermons, or the unspoken judgment of their peers: suffering should send you searching your own conduct. What did you do wrong? For eight days, the same system portrayed life under Christ's rule as perfect harmony; afterward, when ordinary troubles return, it suggests that the problem may be your failure to measure up. The Feast was only the trailer. The trials remind you that the full feature still depends on greater obedience, sacrifice, and loyalty to the organization that claims to hold the keys.

Armstrongism has long depended on that tension. The Holy Days bring an emotional high, and when the feeling fades, the disappointment gets blamed on personal failure. People are pushed to search themselves for the reason their lives hurt rather than question the doctrines, the hierarchy, or the plain truth that life is difficult for everyone-Feast-goers and "worldly" people alike. James 1 and Romans 8 can then sound less like sources of comfort than quiet evaluations: patience supposedly proves the trial is working; if relief does not come soon enough, perhaps the person has failed to cooperate with the process.

Members return from "millennial bliss" and run into ordinary life: an opened bill, a doctor's appointment, or a bank balance reduced by the second tithe. Then the old reflex takes over. What did I do wrong? Leaders may quote soothing scripture, but the deeper culture keeps delivering its older, more effective message: suffering means the person sinned-or failed to be spiritual enough-and the remedy is more of the same program that created the problem.

The Feast photos and opening-night services mean little to the world outside. Life simply moves on. A week later, LCG members are again hearing that their bruises are mostly their own fault, even as they're urged to count it all joy and keep their attention on the mission. 

This is the COG, after all.

Christ Personally Appointed Me to Empty Your Wallet: Samuel Kitchen’s Verse-Powered Shakedown

Children of the corn, the COG version

Concerned members have seen this show before. The verses are real. The application is not. The storehouse is not a PO Box in Iowa. And no amount of Malachi citations turns a self-appointed collector into the mouth of God.

Samuel Kitchen claims to have found what the apostles somehow missed: that your salvation, your ability to endure, and your children's safety hinge on sending checks to a PO Box in Fairfield, Iowa, addressed to "Support Services of the Worldwide Church of God"-or to him personally. Stop "returning" the tithes, he warns, and Satan the Devourer will come for you and the kids. The Great Tribulation, apparently, has your invitation in hand. He says the Bible supports it, provided you squint and disregard the New Covenant.

Kitchen has turned a sizable collection of Bible verses into a weapon, using them to pressure COG members into handing over their money. Malachi 3:8-12 sits at the center of his case: "Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me... in tithes and offerings." The passage says to bring every tithe into the storehouse so that "my house" has meat; in return, the Lord will open heaven's windows and rebuke the devourer (Mal. 3:11). Kitchen's definition of that storehouse shifts as needed. At different times, it becomes his own checking account-authorized by a Philippine elder's letter-the spiritual temple represented by his reconstituted WCG, or Haggai's barn, where the seed, naturally, stands for the Holy Spirit. Faith in Christ's finished work does not rebuke the devourer here; giving money to Kitchen's operation does. If you refuse, the devourer remains unrebuked and is unleashed on you and your children.

He wraps himself in Jeremiah 15:19-21: "If thou return, then will I bring thee again... thou shalt be as my mouth... I will make thee unto this people a fenced brasen wall... I will deliver thee out of the hand of the wicked." Kitchen treats the passage as both a ticket to safety and a demand for payment. Return to the WCG-meaning, send money to Sam-separate the precious from the vile-meaning, stop backing those other COG groups-and you may stand before the Lord while Satan is rebuked. Refuse, and the warning turns brutal: "YOU WILL NOT ENDURE! You will be delivered to Satan the Devil, and HE WILL DEVOUR YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" The expensive house is dismissed as worthless. Earlier donations to other groups supposedly enriched Babylon, and the talent will be taken away. Life and death are presented as a choice: pick the PO Box.

Genealogy settles the argument, Kitchen claims. He traces his line through Joseph of Arimathea, the house of Josiah-Hen, Zerubbabel, and even Herbert W. Armstrong by way of Siward Bjorn. Zechariah 6 instructs people to bring gold and silver to the house of Josiah, son of Zephaniah; Kitchen identifies himself with that house. From there, he concludes that the three tithes restore the temple through him. Christ builds His Church and appoints its officers, so, in Kitchen's view, He placed this man in the body. To challenge that appointment is therefore to challenge Jesus, insult the King of Kings, and reject the claim that the man washing windows-or holding whatever job he has that day-was personally installed by the Head of the Church. Before Kitchen was ordained, an elder in the Philippines once sent a letter authorizing him to receive tithes. That letter takes precedence over the New Testament's plain teaching that giving should be voluntary and cheerful, "not under compulsion" (2 Cor. 9:7). Even after the elder who issued it moved on, the authorization somehow endured-much like a marriage or ordination that never expires when money is at stake.

This is intimidation disguised as proof-texting, not gentle pastoral advice. The tiny following is told that refusing to join or finance the operation amounts to robbing God, rejecting the restored WCG, and exposing the entire family to the devourer. The actual New Covenant receives no such attention: Christ is the once-for-all High Priest, His body is the temple, and righteousness comes through faith rather than law-keeping or loyalty to an organization. Hebrews calls the first covenant obsolete. Kitchen, however, wants it revived-with himself cast as a modern Zerubbabel, gathering the gold and silver.

This pattern has been around for years: failed prophecies, claims of special authority, a mysterious letter, Bible verses stripped from their context, and threats that your children will suffer if the payments stop. Kitchen is hardly the first person to use it, and he will not be the last. What sets him apart is the tiny scale of the operation-and the enormous claim attached to it: your salvation supposedly depends on sending your money back to his storehouse.

If heaven opens only when money reaches Fairfield, and the devourer stays away only while the bank balance rises, then the gospel has become a subscription service. The brethren are not being fed. A man is shaking them down, turning "bring the tithe" into "bring it to me-or else."

Bill Watson: Cannibalizing the Competition, One Rebranded DVD at a Time

What’s Mine Is Mine, and What’s Yours Is Mine!

Lonnie Hendrix

Pastor Bill Watson of the newly minted Church of God Independent Ministries of Medina, Ohio, has apparently decided to void the commandment against stealing! In short, he has decided to use material on his website that was produced under the auspices of his former employer, the Church of God International of Tyler, Texas. Indeed, it appears that Bill believes that he is entitled to use whatever materials he was personally associated with from his former association (even though he was a paid employee of that organization). This will, of course, remind many of us of what Gerald Flurry did with many of the publications of the old Worldwide Church of God when he began using them in connection with his Philadelphia Church of God.

Poor Bill, apparently the talent pool in Medina is so limited and lackluster that he feels the need to “borrow” these materials and rebrand them to support his own “work.” As of last night and this morning, he has presented on his website two programs from the Tyler organization to support his own independent ministry! They are: Halloween: Is it Christian? and Chronicles of the Early New Testament Church. Although my father (Wayne Hendrix) and Bronson James were credentialed ministers of the Church of God International and died before Bill left that organization, Bill feels that these productions rightly belong to him. Not to mention the fact that Vance Stinson, the current leader of the Tyler group, also appears prominently in the historical feature on the early Church! Never mind, Bill worked on and appeared in both, so they’re HIS to use however he sees fit!

I contacted the leadership of the Church of God International to ask them why they were allowing Bill to use these materials. Did they make a present of them to Bill when he left their organization? One of the current leaders responded that they were not previously aware that Bill was using these programs, and that they were “drafting a takedown notice.” I’m wondering how Bill will react to that. I guess we’ll all have to wait and see what Bill does next. Will he continue to steal programming from his former employer? Or will he get those old creative juices flowing again and produce something “new” for his own organization? After all, Bill is still busily trying to cannibalize members from the folks in Tyler, and what better way to do it than with their own programming!!!!! Take that, you infidels!

After I had finished this post, Mr. Stinson said that he was unaware of Bill’s use of their material. A little later, this policy note was issued by that organization:

 

 

CGI Content Reuse Policy

The Church of God International (CGI) makes its videos, audio recordings, and literature freely available to support its mission. Free access does not grant unrestricted permission to reproduce, edit, rebrand, or republish these materials.

Sharing links to CGI’s original publications and official media channels is encouraged. Requests to upload copies, reproduce literature, adapt content, or incorporate substantial portions into another organization’s materials should receive CGI’s written approval in advance.

Approved reuse must identify CGI as the source, retain applicable author credits and copyright notices, and follow any conditions of permission. CGI material must not be presented as another organization’s original work or used to imply CGI’s endorsement or affiliation without authorization.

When unauthorized use is identified, CGI’s preferred outcome is prompt correction. Depending on the circumstances, this may involve removing the material, restoring attribution, or making revisions agreed upon with CGI. Attribution alone does not replace permission where permission is required.

This policy does not limit uses permitted by applicable law, including fair use for news reporting, criticism, commentary, scholarship, or teaching.

Permission requests should be directed to info@cgi.org, identifying the material, intended use, proposed changes, and distribution method.

The Great Feast of Tabernacles Peace Accords (Ministerial Approval Pending Until Never)

This was sent to me by a reader here on Banned about a member-led initiative for COGWA and UCG to keep the Feast of Tabernacles together in 2028.

This is a member-led initiative, but I can see it getting squashed by the powers that be in heart beat. And anyone supporting it being "punished," if not disfellowshipped. 

 

The real reason the powers that be don't want this is, as we know, money. If you're loyalty is divided between two orgs, then so will your dollars. (That's one of the reasons, especially in COGWA, why people can get kicked out for attending another org.) 

 

I doubt this will actually happen. But it's interesting to see.

Keeping the Feast Together in 2028 - A Proposal

COGWA and UCG members are launching a member-led initiative for a joint Feast of Tabernacles site. Anyone who has spent even one day in a Church of God organization knows this will never actually happen. Leadership in both groups is far too busy guarding their little thrones, protecting their domains, and making sure no one else gets to decide who speaks, who handles the money, or who gets the final veto for anything like this to survive contact with reality.

There are people from both organizations who were disfellowshipped by their original churches. That alone would turn any shared site into an awkward minefield the moment a disfellowshipped member had to sit in the same room-or worse, share a potluck table-with the very minister who marked them and showed them the door. Deep-seated resentment still runs through some of the ministers who felt betrayed when COGWA walked away from UCG in 2010. Those wounds did not magically heal because a handful of members posted a proposal online and set up a Facebook page. The men who spent years convincing themselves (and everyone else) that the other side was the problem are not suddenly going to discover humility because members want a joint Feast.

The Churches of God have spent decades perfecting the art of splitting, never the art of reuniting. From the post-WCG fragmentation onward, the pattern has been consistent: disagreements over governance, personality, "the work," or who gets to control the money and the microphones produce new letterhead, new Feast sites, and fresh claims of being the real continuation. UCG itself was born from one of those splits. COGWA then peeled off from UCG after years of internal friction that the official statements still describe as irreconcilable. Fifteen-plus years later, the two groups still run parallel Feast operations, parallel media, and parallel claims to be the faithful remnant. A member-driven "shared site" for 2028 does not erase any of that-especially when the people who would have to approve it spent the intervening years reminding everyone why they could not possibly share a stage, a budget, or a microphone.

The proposal itself tries hard to sound harmless: separate registration, shared speakers, 50/50 or attendance-based finances, no merger, no change to either church's government. On paper it is modest. In practice it would require ministers who still nurse grievances from the 2010 split to cooperate on budgets, speaker selection, children's programs, and emergency protocols while pretending the old scores have been settled. It would also require both administrations to trust that a joint site would not become a recruiting ground or a platform for members to compare notes on which organization has the better governance or the less authoritarian pastor. History suggests neither set of leaders is eager to run that experiment. They have never been known for risking their authority on the off chance that ordinary members might enjoy fellowship without their constant supervision.

Disfellowshipped members add another layer. COG culture has long treated marking and disfellowshipping as tools of order-handy reminders of who is in charge. Once someone has been put out, they are usually expected to stay out. Dropping them into a shared Feast with the minister who performed the ritual is not fellowship; it is theater that most of these leaders would rather avoid. The same goes for the ministers who still view the other side as the ones who abandoned the true structure or the true work. Anger that "still permeates" does not stay politely in the background when housing, offerings, and who gets the keynote slot have to be negotiated. These are the same men who can spend an hour explaining why unity is vital and then spend the next decade making sure it never happens on anyone else's terms.

Member initiatives like this one surface regularly in the various COG groups. They reflect real desire among some people for less isolation and more normal fellowship. They almost never survive contact with the ministerial layer that controls the calendars, the sites, the money, and the final yes-or-no. The track record is not subtle: the Churches of God have demonstrated, repeatedly and over decades, that their leaders are far better at forming new organizations than at sharing one. A joint Feast site would require both sides to act against that well-established pattern-and against the instinct of men who have spent their careers making sure the domain stays theirs. Betting against it has been the safer wager every time.

Facebook site

Instagram

Welcome to Cane Beds: Where Apostolic Succession Met Typical COG Inability To Dwell Together In Unity

 

I'm a couple weeks into a road trip across Arizona, New Mexico, Utah, Colorado, and Nevada, and I recently crossed the Arizona Strip-the stretch between Hurricane and Kanab, Utah. The highway drops into Arizona there, passing the communities that polygamous FLDS groups established in Colorado City, originally called Short Creek, and Hildale. After their leader, Warren Jeffs, was imprisoned, the communities unraveled. Many members left for other states or Mexico, while others stayed and now live alongside "gentile" nonbelievers, including former members who returned and have since become a powerful presence. Why bring this up here? One of our illustrious ministers became convinced that God had chosen him to establish a Sabbatarian community near Zion National Park. Of course, God did! So, here we go... Darryl Henson's Arizona Strip Sabbatarian "remnant" community, A Congregation of God (ACOG), also called "A Free Church," followed a familiar Armstrongite pattern. It began with a divine dream and developed under tight hierarchy, with land deals framed as leases rather than ownership. Nearby were other isolated "true believer" groups. Eventually, factional disputes led to rent strikes, lawsuits, and a partial settlement; Henson continued preaching. The community lies in the remote Arizona Strip near Cane Beds and Fredonia, Arizona, close to the FLDS communities of Colorado City and Hildale-a sparsely populated area long attractive to groups seeking distance from outside oversight. Around 2000-2001, Henson, a former Church of God minister who says Herbert W. Armstrong ordained him and thereby gave him "apostolic succession," reported a dream or vision in which God instructed him to prepare a gathering place for Christ's remnant near Zion National Park. He later bought approximately 110 acres in Arizona's Mohave County, in the Cane Beds area; the sale closed on December 7, 2002. The property was divided into roughly 96 one-acre lots. In a January 2003 letter and related materials reported by The Journal: News of the Churches of God, Henson proposed 49-year leases rather than sales, drawing on the Old Testament idea of jubilee. He said the arrangement would keep the land intact for God's purposes, block outside buyers, and prevent subdivision. The upfront cost was roughly $2,500 for undeveloped lots or $4,500 for lots with a residence, followed by $75 monthly. Lots were assigned by lottery, or "casting lots." Volunteers put up a 50×110-foot metal church hall, along with a shop and other buildings. Henson and his wife, Marla, initially held the title and intended to transfer it to the church after the lots had been allocated. The group cast itself as a hierarchical "free church," outside the corporate rules governing 501(c)(3) organizations. Henson alone, they believed, had been commissioned by God to run it. Years later, he said none of them had expected the present age to last the full 49 years.

This resembled classic end-time remnant geography: the faithful were isolated, access to the land was controlled, and the arrangement was presented as divinely ordained-not as an ordinary real-estate deal. Unity within the Armstrongite groups never extended much beyond theory. By the mid-2010s, residents who had signed the leases and lived under them were turning against Henson's leadership. They stopped attending fellowship and paying tithes, yet continued living on the land. Some pressed for ownership or the right to subdivide their lots-demands Henson rejected as inconsistent with both the original documents and their intent. In a public statement widely circulated around 2020, he insisted: Land and the church's purpose belonged together, set apart for God's remnant. A lease did not transfer ownership or promise a sale. Neither biblical Israel nor the New Testament church governed by majority vote; members were expected to obey those responsible for oversight (Hebrews). Trying to take the land or church, he warned, meant "fighting against God," a claim he supported with Jeremiah 11 and the rebellion at Anatoth.

He said "Immanuel the Christ" had personally directed the entire project through dreams, visions, and scripture, while he led it as the founder under Christ.

Some residents stayed put or simply refused to leave, and a rent strike followed. Once again, the hierarchical "one true church" model ran into people who had committed their money, time, and even relocation to the project before deciding its leaders could no longer be trusted. The dissidents-whom the group said included some former fellowship members-went to court seeking recognition of their membership, control of the land and other assets, and possibly the church's dissolution. The dispute ended in an out-of-court settlement: a tenants-in-common agreement gave the rebels an ownership share of the residential property, reportedly about 43 acres secured through the rent strike and related pressure. According to ACCOG's later account, the pastor and the faithful members who remained sued over the acres, alleging theft by extortion under Arizona law. They pointed to rent strikes, intimidation, false accusations, attempted bribery, blackmail, lies, and fraud. The group says the original community stayed peaceful until "human nature reared its ugly head," and still presents the episode as a distraction from preparing for the high calling. The church later became the nonprofit A Congregation of God Corporation, filed in 2016 and still active. Its address is 2280 East 3200 South, Fredonia, AZ 86022, and L. Darryl Henson is listed as president/CEO and statutory agent. ACCOG.net continues to publish sermons into 2026, including material on end-time preparation, 1 John, faith, hope, love, and other Armstrongite themes. The episode follows a familiar Armstrongite pattern. A leader claims a personal commission from God through a dream or vision, then builds a hierarchical remnant apart from "worldly" corporate structures. Biblical ideas-jubilee, casting lots, apostolic succession-help organize a land deal, while the ministry retains final control. Unity breaks down once COG members live together and money and property become contested. Proximity to FLDS communities brought no more harmony than Pasadena or any other COG headquarters. Henson repeatedly insisted that the project was not really about him-he was merely "a human and a sinner"-but about God's purposes for the land. At the same time, he maintained that he had received a unique commission and held special authority. The leases meant to protect the project instead became the focus of accusations that promises had been broken. And the hierarchical structure, which rejected majority rule, drew legal challenges aimed at changing ownership and governance. A partial settlement transferred shares in the residential property; afterward, the remaining group brought additional legal claims alleging extortion. The community never disappeared completely, and Henson still preaches. Yet the original plan for one unified, sacred gathering place for the remnant ended in familiar COG patterns: factions, property disputes, and court action. Another dreamer acquired a stretch of desert and learned that "iron sharpening iron" among Sabbatarian believers can create more sparks than unity, especially when leases, tithes, and land titles are involved. The Arizona Strip experiment adds another example to the long post-HWA history of hierarchical remnant projects breaking apart under their own internal pressures. History has taught us one thing about Armstrongites: put two or more of them on the same piece of land, let them start talking about "unity," and a disfellowshipping, lawsuit, or both usually follows. Cane Beds did not collapse simply because Darryl Henson was unusually inept, although leasing rather than selling the property-and the paperwork claiming "God told me in a dream"-hardly helped. The deeper problem was structural. Like every other attempt to build a pure remnant community since Herbert Armstrong's death, it could not survive once the pressure of a single headquarters disappeared. When the WCG, the mother church, changed direction in the mid-1990s, its followers did not unite behind a shared standard. The great splintering began almost at once: hundreds of groups emerged, with each claiming to preserve the "true" doctrines. Their leaders invoked apostolic succession, a special commission, or some personal revelation to justify their authority. What followed was not a purified church but a cottage industry of rival prophets, calendars, and theories about the identity of the "elect," along with a steady flow of lawsuits over buildings, mailing lists, and the occasional bank account. Unity survived only while one man held power and one set of property titles remained in place. Once that arrangement broke, the knives came out. Henson's Arizona Strip project repeated the old pattern on leased land, only in miniature: a dream, a hierarchical "free church," and a carefully worded agreement that left control with the ordained ministry. The remnant, its leaders insisted, would finally live together in peace. That lasted until tenants stopped paying rent and demanded ownership. Accusations followed; then a settlement divided the residential lots, followed by legal action over "extortion." Iron sharpened iron, but the points turned inward. The forces behind Living Church of God, United Church of God, Philadelphia Church of God, Restored Church of God, Church of God a Worldwide Association, and scores of smaller bodies resurfaced beneath the mesas. This time, the dispute centered on a plat map rather than a mailing list. Armstrongites have not stayed united for long since the original headquarters lost its authority. Sooner or later, the disputes turn inward: who counts as the rightful successor, who understands the Holy Days correctly, who may legally hold title, and who supposedly "fights against God" by challenging the pastor's control of the property. Cane Beds followed that same script. Its trailers, 49-year leases, and a neighbors' sign from the FLDS could almost have carried one message: "Welcome to the club." The remnant is still divided, the lawsuits are still there to be filed, and somewhere another man with a dream and a deed is preparing to learn the same lesson.

Crackpot Bob's Newest Magical Succession Trick: Behold, Saint Nepos of the True Church of God!

 

Crackpot Bob's Newest Magical Succession Trick: 

Behold, Saint Nepos of the True Church of God!

By A Concerned Believer

Just when you thought Bob Thiel had exhausted every dusty name in the early church for his endless "unbroken laying-on-of-hands succession" chain, the Crackpot Prophet has outdone himself. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Nepos of Arsinoë-now officially a direct descendant of the Church of God movement. Yes, really. The same Nepos that mainstream history remembers as a third-century Egyptian bishop who liked a very literal, earthy millennium and got gently corrected after he was already dead.

Nepos was bishop in the Arsinoë (Faiyum) region of Egypt in the first half of the third century. He wrote a now-lost work called Refutation of the Allegorists (or Book of Nepos), arguing against the allegorical reading of Scripture popularized by the Alexandrian school-Clement, Origen, and later Dionysius of Alexandria. Nepos took the thousand-year reign in Revelation 20 literally: Jesus returns, the saints reign with Him on earth for a thousand years of righteous (and, according to his critics, somewhat "Jewish" and bodily) delight. He also wrote hymns and psalms that the brethren enjoyed. Dionysius of Alexandria, who later wrote against the doctrine in On the Promises, still spoke of Nepos with genuine respect: praising his faith, industry, diligence in the Scriptures, and his psalmody. Dionysius treated him as a brother whose interpretation was mistaken, not as a heretic or outsider.

After Nepos died, his teaching continued to circulate in the Arsinoë villages. It produced enough unrest that entire churches experienced schisms and "apostasies." Dionysius went there, called a three-day public examination with the local presbyters and teachers, and sat with them from morning till evening debating the book. The chief promoter, a man named Coracion, publicly renounced the chiliastic view after the discussion. Dionysius wrote his refutation because the book was still circulating and persuasive, not because Nepos had launched a rival "true church" that rejected the rest of the faith.

That is the historical Nepos. Now for the Thielian upgrade. According to Crackpot Bob and the CCOG, Nepos "had laying on of hands succession from the apostles," was a well-respected leader of the faith once delivered to the saints, and was succeeded by Macarius of Edessa. The actual CCOG article is more cautious when you read it carefully: it says "presuming" Nepos belonged to the faithful continuation, "if the succession hypothesis is correct," and "possible successor." In other words, they inserted him into the list because he was a literalist millenarian who opposed allegory, then invented a clean handoff to someone in Edessa for whom there is no documented connection. No historical source places Nepos outside the ordinary Egyptian church under Alexandria's orbit. No source says he kept the seventh-day Sabbath, rejected the developing mainstream calendar or practices, or considered himself the sole true remnant. Chiliasm was still widely held in the second and early third centuries by people as diverse as Papias, Justin Martyr, and Irenaeus-none of whom were "Church of God" in the Armstrongist sense. Dionysius simply moved the ball toward a more spiritual reading, and most of the local churches followed after the debate.

Thiel's version turns a respected local bishop whose distinctive teaching was debated and largely abandoned after his death into a foundational link in the one true Church of God succession. The same man who died in the communion of the churches of his day is now retrofitted as the anti-allegorist hero who alone contended for Jude 3. It is succession by selective quotation and hopeful presumption. When the evidence is thin, the list still gets another name.

The lies stop when the desire for an unbroken institutional pedigree stops outweighing what the sources actually say. Until then, expect more forgotten bishops to be drafted into the ranks of the "faithful remnant," complete with video titles and radio segments. Nepos was a literalist chiliast bishop who wrote hymns, opposed allegory, and was treated with respect by the man who later refuted his millennium. He was not the missing link that makes the Continuing Church of God the sole heir of the apostles. History is less cooperative than the succession charts.