When Spaghetti Hits the Wall: Crackpot Bob's Vague Guesses, Post-Hoc Victory Laps, and Zero Accountability Since 2007

Crackpot Bob is a prolific reader of Banned and, as a result, is big mad that the meanie folks here on Banned who dared to point out the century-long Armstrongite prophetic clown car has never, ever delivered. How dare they notice the endless parade of "less than five years left!" reruns that somehow stretch into "any minute now... for the 87th time."

Let's take his sacred laundry list of "not coincidences, Divine Intervention" and give it the sarcastic roast it so richly deserves. These aren't prophecies—they're the prophetic equivalent of throwing spaghetti at the wall, claiming victory on anything that sticks, and then writing a book about your "fruits." As usual, this is all about HIM and HIM alone.

The Greatest Hits of "I Told You So... Sort Of"

• Iran "neutralized" (2007 post → 2026 Netanyahu headline): Wow, Bob called it in 2007 that Iran might get slapped around someday. Groundbreaking. In a region that's been a powder keg for decades, predicting "Iran will face trouble" is like predicting "California will have earthquakes." By 2026, after actual wars and strikes, someone declares capabilities hit—Bob's victory lap. Never mind all the times Iran wasn't neutralized in between. Classic vague geopolitical guess + post-hoc high-five.

• Meredith ministroke and death timeline prayers: You "warned" a top leader might get struck unless things changed... and then prayed for him to live 7-15 more years. He had a ministroke and died after ~8. This is "prophecy"? It's called being in a church with aging leaders and basic medical statistics. "I prayed for X and then X happened-ish" isn't divine—it's normal life plus confirmation bias. If prayers counted as prophecy, every grandma lighting candles would be Elijah. The fact that Crackpot Bob brags about this should show how morally depraved the man really is.

• 2012 book with "32 predictions fulfilled": Ah yes, the book that said the world wouldn't end in 2012 (safe bet) and then retrofitted a bunch of vague "rise of secret sect/EU/whatever" stuff. By December 2012, Bob declares victory. This is the same playbook as every end-times huckster: predict enough fuzzy trends, ignore the flops, and sell books.

• Beginning of sorrows, Australia troops, Guttenberg, etc.: "I speculated China might get mad about US troops in Australia!" Wow. Geopolitical tensions in the Pacific—truly a miracle. Guttenberg predictions: a German politician does politician things. Speculative fanfic elevated to "divine."

• The Anointing Drama (Bonjour double-portion prayer): This is peak cult theater. Ministers say you don't need special hands-laid prophet status → you pray real hard on a trip → one guy anoints you and says "oops, mantle!" → you declare yourself validated and start the fastest-growing (tiny) splinter. Fruits? Sure, if "splinter group with a website" counts as Acts 2:17-18. Jesus talked about fruits like character and truth, not "my blog traffic grew."

• Coronavirus warnings (2013+): "Novel diseases could be a threat!" and "coronaviruses are risky!" in the age of SARS, MERS, bird flu scares, etc. This is called reading the news, Bob. Then tying it to horsemen after the fact. Every epidemiologist warned about pandemics. You didn't predict the specific COVID-19 origin or timeline—you just said "viruses bad."

• Crypto regulation, Ukraine to Russia, Crimea, Donetsk: Governments regulating money? Russia wanting Ukraine bits? In 2013-2022? These are obvious trends to anyone following news, not supernatural insight. Sanctions didn't stop Russia—shocker. Bob's "predictions" read like a slightly informed geopolitical newsletter with Bible verses sprinkled on top.

• GMO mosquitoes stronger? Scientists release modified bugs, unintended consequences happen. Science does that. Not prophecy.

• Trump books, Biden books, gold records, Mercosur, Chagos Islands: Endless books predicting administrations will do administration things (trade deals, economic moves, Europe reacting to Trump). Gold hits records during inflation/uncertainty—astounding. UK giving up islands—colonial wind-down continues. These are "fulfilled" by stretching "at least partially" so wide you could drive a truck through it.

Crackpot Bob's entire method: Rifle through headlines, find anything that vaguely matches a prior vague post, declare "confirmed sign!" while the mountain of Armstrong originals (failed dates for the Great Tribulation, Europe uniting as the Beast any day, etc.) gets memory-holed.

Deuteronomy 18 test for prophets: If it doesn't come to pass, they spoke presumptuously. Not "mostly sorta aligned if you squint." The Bible also warns against those who love to claim special dreams, private interpretations, and "I alone understand the signs" while the church splits into 400+ feuding COG fragments, each claiming to be the One True.

Thiel's list is what happens when you turn "watching world news and praying" into a prophetic brand. It's not divine intervention—it's the same retrofitting every failed end-times group does. The "laundry list" is just confirmation bias in chart form.

If Bob's the real deal, where are the unambiguous, specific, falsifiable prophecies that actually shocked the world instead of "I said tensions might rise and they did"? The Armstrong tradition has been recycling "five years left" since before most of us were born. At some point, the roadside wreckage of failed dates isn't "persecution"—it's a track record.

Truth hurts, Bob. Especially when it's been on public display for decades.

The Man Who Stole the Spotlight from Christ: Herbert Armstrong’s Lasting Deception

Decades after Herbert W. Armstrong’s death in 1986, a stubborn faction of his followers still clings to the notion that he was God’s indispensable end-time apostle, the restorer of “lost truths,” and the virtual gatekeeper to authentic Christianity. They portray loyalty to his teachings and the Worldwide Church of God (WCG) legacy as synonymous with loyalty to Christ Himself. This is not mere admiration. It is bad theology—and it is idolatry, plain and simple.

The Two Trees Obsession: A Distorted Master Key

Armstrong could never stop talking about the Two Trees in Eden. The Tree of Life supposedly pictured God as the Source of all knowledge through the Holy Spirit; the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil represented rebellious mankind choosing self as the source of truth. He hammered this motif for decades, framing all human history as six thousand years of eating from the wrong tree.

There is a kernel of truth in the contrast between trusting God and trusting self. But turning this single illustration into the central organizing principle of the entire Bible is exegetical overreach bordering on obsession. The New Testament does not revolve around “two sources of knowledge.” It revolves around one Person: “I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified” (1 Corinthians 2:2). By making the Two Trees his theological North Star, Armstrong steered people into a rigid system of law-keeping, mandatory Holy Days, Sabbath policing, and distinctive Armstrongist doctrines. The result? A gospel perverted into another form of legalism—the very error the apostle Paul thundered against in Galatians. When you filter everything through Armstrong’s interpretive grid, Christ’s finished work gets pushed aside in favor of “correct” rule-keeping. That is not restoration. It is regression. 

Blatant Idolatry: The Man Who Stood in Christ’s Place

The most troubling aspect is how Armstrong’s defenders treat the man himself. They insist that because he “feared God,” kept commandments, and restored “the truth,” he must have truly known Jesus. In practice, this means knowing Jesus only through Armstrong’s lens—his writings, his ordinations, his definitions of the Church, and his self-appointed apostolic authority.

This is idolatry with a thin biblical veneer. Scripture will not tolerate it:

There is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus” (1 Timothy 2:5). 

Jesus declared, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6). 

Paul shredded the personality cults of his day: “Let no one boast in men” (1 Corinthians 3:21).

Armstrong positioned himself as the essential apostle for the last days. Followers who demand a return to “the original teachings” equate leaving WCG's distinctives with leaving the Body of Christ, or treat his literature as practically infallible, and have done exactly what Scripture forbids—they have inserted a human mediator between believers and the living Christ. Loyalty to Armstrong has replaced simple faith in Jesus. That is not “holding fast”; it is spiritual adultery.

The Church Myth: Spiritual Organism or Armstrong Brand?

Armstrong correctly taught that the Church is a spiritual organism, not a corporation. Yet in the same breath, many of his devotees treat the “Worldwide Church of God” name and doctrinal package as the exclusive franchise of true Christianity. If you leave the Armstrong system, you are told you have left Christ.

This sectarian arrogance collapses under New Testament reality. The true Church consists of all who are united to Christ by faith—across every denomination and label (Ephesians 4:4-6). After Armstrong died, his own successor, Joseph W. Tkach Sr., and later leadership did the honest and courageous thing: they opened the Bible and discovered that core Armstrong teachings—the denial of the Trinity, British Israelism, mandatory Old Covenant holy days for Christians, and the bizarre idea that believers become “God beings”—could not stand up to Scripture. 

The resulting reforms were not apostasy. They were a long-overdue repentance. The splinter groups that rejected these corrections simply proved the point: their security rested in Armstrong, not in Christ.

Bitter Fruits: Legalism, Failed Prophecies, and Division

The legacy speaks for itself. Armstrong’s system produced zealous followers and a powerful media presence, but it also bred authoritarian control, family divisions over birthdays and Christmas trees, shunning of dissenters, and a steady stream of failed prophecies. When the man at the center died, the movement fractured into dozens of competing “true churches,” each claiming to be the faithful remnant. That is not the unity of the Spirit; it is the chaos of following a man.

Time to Dethrone the Idol

There is nothing wrong with acknowledging whatever good Armstrong may have done in people’s lives. But it is time to stop the idolatry. The real Tree of Life is not a doctrinal system restored in the 20th century—it is Jesus Christ Himself (Revelation 22:2; John 15). 

Test everything by Scripture, not by Armstrong’s corpus. Repent of misplaced loyalties. Fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith (Hebrews 12:2), and leave all lesser “apostles” in the dust where they belong. Christ alone is worthy. Anything less is bad theology—and outright idolatry.

Silent Pilgrim

---------------------------------------------------------------

Excerpts from Samuel Kitchen's latest Facebook post:

Why did Mr Armstrong always go back to the TWO TREES?

1• The Tree of Life

2• The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil

Because they are TWO SOURCES of knowledge.

A lot of people have questions about the Worldwide Church of God. They want to know if it was of God, or was it of men.
Some say Mr Armstrong didn’t have a good understanding, received through the Holy Spirit of God, but went on “bad information”. They say, the Worldwide Church of God was merely an organization formed in California.
Making it an object that can be passed around, and if needed…destroyed and thrown away.
“First of all, the true Church of God is a spiritual organism. It is NOT a human organization. This spiritual organism is the "Body of Christ" existing for the PURPOSE of carrying on THE WORK OF GOD.” (Just What Is The Church? By Herbert W Armstrong, 1970)
The WORK is different from the CHURCH.
The various corporations, including WCG Inc, were support services IN THE WORK, but was NOT THE CHURCH. It supported the Church.
So when an organization is set up for a Church, it represents the Church, but it is NOT THE CHURCH.
So the entity of the Worldwide Church of God is a SPIRITUAL ORGANISM. The WORK simply mirrored and supported the Church.
Two areas. The Church, which is spiritual. The Work, the physical support services.
“Actually the Worldwide Church of God is a spiritual organism, created by GOD — not a legal corporate organization created by this world's laws.
But, in order to function IN the world in an organizational manner, the Church of God has needed to be incorporated according to state laws. The members of the Church are NOT members of the "Worldwide Church of God, Inc.," a California corporation, nor of "Herbert W. Armstrong, a corporation sole," under which our financial operations currently are functioning (since the massive lawsuit by the state of California).”(Advisory Council of Elders Formed by Herbert W Armstrong, March 16, 1981 Worldwide News) 

 

And being a spiritual organism, the Worldwide Church of God remains, and only has the membership of those who have the Holy Spirit of God.
Now if you are not IN the Worldwide Church of God, but have left it, you are just fooling yourself. You need to repent and return.
If you have been recently called by God, and are just now coming into the knowledge of knowing the Worldwide Church of God exists, you have been led here by Jesus Christ. r

The Damning Legacy of COG Prophecy Addicts. God Called Them False Prophets — Why Are You Still Sending Them Tithes?

Doug Winnail is back with another heartfelt plea about how crucial Bible prophecy is to “the Church” and their earth-shattering message to the world. How touching. The only teensy problem? Not one single prophecy from Rod Meredith, Gerald Weston, Herbert Armstrong, or their endless parade of spiritual heirs has ever come true. Not. One.

They rifle through Scripture like it’s a prophetic buffet, cherry-picking verses backward to retrofit whatever crisis is trending this week. The golden oldie “Brethren, we have less than five years left!” has been recycled longer than some of these “leaders” have been alive. Five years became ten, twenty, thirty… and now we’re approaching a full century of Herbert W. Armstrong’s prophetic dumpster fire. His predictions didn’t just fail—they failed spectacularly, publicly, and repeatedly, littering church history like embarrassing roadside wreckage.

And the current crop of COG prophecy addicts? They’re carrying the torch with pride:

• Bob Thiel, whose “dreams” apparently carry more weight than actual Scripture. 
• Gerald Flurry, still waiting for his magical rock to pulverize the nations while he plays king in his Edmond compound. 
• Ron Weinland, who set multiple return-of-Christ dates, missed every one. He just shrugged and bought his wife some more diamonds. 
• Dave Pack, the undisputed champion of “Any Day Now… Again!”—a man who’s declared the end so often he makes doomsday preppers look patient.

And dozens more just like them, each with their own “special understanding,” urgent timeline, and loyal followers who apparently skipped Bible class.

Because here’s what Deuteronomy 18:20-22 actually says (you know, that pesky part they always forget):

But the prophet who presumes to speak a word in My name, which I have not commanded him to speak… if the thing does not come about or come true, that is the thing which the Lord has not spoken. The prophet has spoken it presumptuously; you shall not be afraid of him.

One strike and you’re out. No mulligans. No, “we were mostly right on the general idea.” No, “just wait a little longer, brethren.” God doesn’t grade on a curve for false prophets—He calls them liars. Yet these men have built entire organizations, bank accounts, and egos on a mountain of failed dates while daring to call themselves God’s true servants.

Jesus warned about exactly this in Matthew 24:11 — “Many false prophets will arise and mislead many.” And in Matthew 7:15-20, He said you’d know them by their fruits. Spoiler: endless broken prophecies aren’t exactly “good fruit.”But sure, Doug. Tell us again how Satan is deceiving people into discounting prophecy. The far bigger joke is how he’s got an army of self-appointed watchmen (Ezekiel 3 and 33 get thrown around a lot) who are themselves the very false prophets the Bible repeatedly condemns (see also Jeremiah 23:16-32 and Ezekiel 13).

And so the tragic farce rolls on.

Decade after decade, these self-proclaimed prophets have peddled their doomsday dreams like carnival barkers, only to watch their bold predictions collapse in humiliating silence. Families have been torn apart, savings drained, lives put on perpetual hold—all for the sake of a fantasy that never arrives. Yet instead of repentance, we get fresh revisions, new “urgent” updates, and ever-more-desperate pleas for more money, while there’s still time.”The trail of wreckage stretches back nearly a century: from Armstrong’s Germany-will-rule-Europe-and-invade-America fiascoes to the modern circus of Thiel-Flurry-Weinland-Pack and company. Each one a walking, talking violation of Deuteronomy 18, each one still collecting tithes and issuing edicts as if God Himself had not already exposed them.

How much longer will people keep following these spiritual frauds? When will they finally open their Bibles, read the clear warnings, and walk away from the con?

The real Jesus never built His ministry on a never-ending countdown clock. He called people to repentance, faith, and genuine fruit—not to a lifetime of chasing vindication through failed headlines. Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to stop obsessing over the next rewritten prophecy and start following the One these men claim to represent… before another generation wastes its life on lies dressed up as “God’s Work.”

Have a truly profitable Sabbath, brethren. Spend it on actual Scripture instead of the latest prophetic fever dream. Your future self—and your bank account—will thank you.

The Importance of Prophecy: Jesus told His disciples to stay alert and watch for the fulfillment of Bible prophecies that will mark the approaching end of this age (Matthew 24:42–44; Mark 13:32–37; Luke 21:34–36). Jesus also warned, in the parable of the foolish virgins, that many will be caught unprepared by the sudden surge of events that will precede His return (Matthew 25:1–13). God has given His Church “a more sure word of prophecy” (2 Peter 1:19, King James Version) so we can warn the Israelite nations and the world of the prophetic significance of world events. It is an awesome responsibility to be commissioned as a watchman (Ezekiel 3:16–21; 33:1–11). It is also sobering to see that Satan has deceived the world and many in the Church to discount the importance of prophecy. We must never take Bible prophecy and our commission lightly.

Have a profitable Sabbath,

Douglas S. Winnail

Church of God Assembly Spectacular “We’re Different This Time” Meltdown - Ministers Leave Along With Monson's Son

Hat tip to a reader here for this information:

What a glorious time to be in the Church of God Assembly! Just when you thought the latest Armstrongist splinter group had finally found its groove after splintering off in 2020, the whole operation decides to treat itself to a good old-fashioned ministerial bloodbath in May 2026. It’s almost like the Holy Spirit looked at the org chart and said, “Yeah… no.”

Co-founder and big-name minister Jason Fritts? Gone. Terminated. Shown the door. Sheldon Monson graciously accepted what he called Fritts’ “resignation” after receiving an ultimatum about preaching the gospel. Translation: Get in line or get out. Fritts has now been scrubbed from the official ministers' list faster than you can say “doctrinal disagreement.”

But wait — there’s more! Like a biblical plague of departing elders, the following ministers have also waved goodbye:

Mike Loper

Randy Wayne

Larry Alverio

Danny Baisley

Todd Lawrence

That’s a solid chunk of the preaching roster deciding the grass is apparently greener somewhere else. Meanwhile, Monson’s own son has reportedly left the fold. Yes, one of his own kids. Family business is thriving, folks.

Left standing in the “loyalty bunker” are the remaining stalwarts — lovingly referred to by observers as the Yes Men:

Jack Lowe

Mike Kreyer

Greg Kaidannek

Eric Case

And of course, fearless leader Sheldon Monson himself

Truly a murderer’s row of independent thought.

The Board? What Board?

This latest meltdown didn’t come out of nowhere. Back in 2025, Sheldon Monson pulled a classic one-man-rule move and dismissed the entire Board of CGA. Why? Because he didn’t want to risk getting voted out, of course. Heaven forbid a little accountability get in the way of having total control over those sweet, sweet tithes. Nothing says “servant leadership” like firing the people who might ask pesky questions about the budget. Financial Improprieties? Perish the Thought!

Adding extra spice to the exodus are the whispers (and not-so-subtle sermon jabs) about financial goings-on. Members noticed shiny new Cadillac Escalades for Sheldon and his wife Joette. Then came reports of a lavish Disney trip that raised more than a few eyebrows about whose money was funding the Mouse House memories. An ex-employee’s sermon on Judas stealing from the money bag was widely interpreted as shade thrown directly at leadership. Coincidence? In COG world, these things are never coincidences — they’re just “the work.” 

One sharp-eyed reader put it perfectly: “If the whole congregation knew the whole truth as to why so many have left, there would be even more to leave.” But don’t worry — if God wants it revealed, it will be! 

For those keeping score, CGA was born in 2020 when Monson and Fritts dramatically exited the Living Church of God over masks, singing, and the sheer audacity of having church during a pandemic. They were going to be the bold ones. The faithful ones. The ones who wouldn’t bow to tyranny or compromise.

Fast-forward a few years and we’re watching the classic COG cycle repeat like a broken record: board dissolved for easier control, questions about finances and luxury purchases, family members on the payroll, and sermons that somehow always circle back to “support the work.” Shocking, we know.

Now the gospel-preaching ultimatum has apparently become the hill too many were willing to die on — or at least resign from.The Future Looks… Smaller

At this rate, CGA’s next Feast of Tabernacles might be held in Sheldon Monson’s living room with the remaining five ministers taking turns nodding enthusiastically. The website and podcast will surely keep soldiering on with fresh sermons from the Approved Roster™.

This is, of course, exactly how God’s one true remnant church is supposed to operate in the end times: shrinking, splintering, firing boards, dodging financial questions, and loudly insisting everything is fine while half the leadership walks out the door.

Truly inspiring.If you’re still attending, congratulations on being part of this exciting new “faithful remnant of the faithful remnant.” Just don’t ask too many questions about the board, the Escalades, or the Disney trips — that seems to be the fastest way to join the growing club of former CGA ministers enjoying their newfound freedom.

Stay tuned. If God really does want the full truth revealed… well, the way things are going, He might not have to lift a finger. The exits (and the empty board seats) are doing the talking.

When Even Satan Needs AI to Make Bob Thiel Sound Reasonable

Bless your perpetually persecuted heart, you magnificent tinfoil prophet of the improperly named "continuing" Church of "god". You’ve done it again. You’ve taken your trademark “everyone is out to get me” energy and cranked it straight into the stratosphere, this time with the help of that big bad Artificial Intelligence that’s clearly been sent by Satan himself just to own you personally.

Now, and I have warned about this before…

Of course you have, Crackpot Bob. You warn about everything. The sky, the moon, the calendar, the Germans, the Catholics, the Protestants, and now—checks notes—the large language models of AI. Truly, no stone shall be left unturned in the Great Persecution of Crackpot Bob Thiel.

You see, dear readers, Crackpot Bob isn’t just worried that some rando might disagree with him online. No, no. Crackpot Bob has reached the final boss level of Armstrongist victimhood: soon AI will be deepfaking him so convincingly that it will make him say things he never said. Which, let’s be honest, is a brilliant plan by the Devil because who wouldn’t want to hear a robot version of Crackpot Bob droning on about how everything is a conspiracy against his tiny splinter group? The AI will probably even get the smug, self-important tone exactly right.

Imagine it: Deepfake Crackpot Bob will go on record declaring that British Israelism was a mistake, that he’s not an apostle, and that maybe—just maybe—Herbert W. Armstrong wasn’t the final Elijah. The horror! The humanity! Crackpot Bob’s fragile ego would fracture like a broken matzo. And you just know he’s lying awake at night refreshing his own YouTube comments, muttering, “They’re already doing it… the wolves… the AI wolves…”

He even tries to prop it up with Acts 20, because of course he does. Paul warned about savage wolves, and Crackpot Bob has graciously volunteered to play the role of the trembling sheep who somehow also claims to be the one true shepherd. The humility is stunning.

And yes, Crackpot Bob, we all remember those devastating incidents where “fraudsters online pretended to be you.” Truly the greatest trial since the martyrdom of the apostles. The horror of someone making a fake Facebook account in your name must keep you up at night right next to the coming Great Tribulation.

But don’t worry, folks! Even as the AI Satanic cabal plots to puppet his digital corpse into saying the wrong thing about church history or protein bars or whatever he’s obsessed with this week, Crackpot Bob has bravely scheduled a podcast interview. Quick everyone, form a prayer chain! We need the Holy Spirit to help him open his mouth boldly so he can once again explain how he alone understands prophecy while the rest of humanity (and all those other Armstrongist groups) are doomed.

Truly, Crackpot Bob is the most persecuted man in Armstrongism since… well, since the last time he posted something. Maybe even more than Gerald Flurry, and that’s saying something. At least Flurry has a fancy rock, a dance troupe and a college. Crackpot Bob just has a little store front and shelves full of snake oil herbs and a persecution complex so massive it has its own zip code and a YouTube channel.

Armstrongist deepfake paranoia is a niche but perfectly on-brand manifestation of the movement’s signature persecution complex, turbocharged by modern tech anxiety. In the splintered world of Herbert W. Armstrong’s ideological descendants—tiny churches claiming to be the one true continuation of the “Philadelphia era”—leaders like Crackpot Bob have elevated fears of AI manipulation from “possible concern” to “Satanic end-time assault on me personally.” 

This is peak self-absorption: a man with a congregation that’s mostly African and notoriously fluid in its loyalties fears that the devil himself will use AI to make robot-Bob say something heretical, causing his followers to jump ship to a better seed-and-computer supplier. The mockery writes itself: “Deepfaking an already fake prophet? Why bother?” 

This fits Thiel’s broader pattern. He positions himself as the doubly-blessed successor to Armstrong, constantly under attack by Satan, other COG splinters, bitter ex-members, and now large language models. His warnings blend legitimate general concerns about misinformation with an intensely personal “they’re coming for my utterances” angle.

Sadly, in Armstrongism, the persecution complex as core doctrine: 

Armstrongism teaches that the “true church” is always a tiny, persecuted remnant. HWA himself railed against a vast conspiracy of counterfeit Christianity. Modern leaders inherit and amplify this: every criticism is spiritual warfare. Deepfakes provide a shiny new external enemy. 

 

By preemptively discrediting any future video or audio that contradicts the leader, they create a perfect epistemic shield. 

That clip of me admitting British Israelism is nonsense? Deepfake! It’s the religious equivalent of “fake news” on steroids.

Armstrongists love mapping current events onto prophecy. AI fits neatly as a tool of the Beast, the false prophet, or general end-time deception. Satan’s minions (or just bored trolls) will use it to draw away disciples.

Deepfake scams targeting churches do exist—scammers impersonate pastors to solicit money or “blessings.” But in Armstrongism, this general risk gets hyper-personalized to the leader’s fragile authority. Gerald Flurry and others have massive persecution narratives too—Flurry’s focus is more on physical “man of sin” figures, Trump prophecies, and the “stone of destiny”—but Crackpot Bob seems to own the AI/deepfake lane. His is the most explicit, repeated tying of emerging tech to personal satanic targeting. 

The delicious irony? Armstrongist leaders have spent decades “deepfaking” Herbert W. Armstrong himself—cherry-picking, reinterpreting, and repackaging his failed prophecies while claiming unbroken continuity. Now they fear technology doing to them what they’ve done theologically to their founder.

Crackpot Bob's warnings say more about his ego than any real threat. If an AI ever does perfectly imitate him, it will probably just output endless videos about protein bars, witchdoctors, German dominance, Baron Karl-Theodor zu Guttenberg, and how everyone is persecuting the greatest prophet since HWA. The robot version might even be more watchable.

In the end, Armstrongist deepfake paranoia isn’t really about AI. It’s about maintaining ironclad control in an era when information (and mockery) flows freely. When your entire identity rests on being the sole guardian of “the truth” against a hostile world, every new technology becomes another demon at the door—especially one that could make you say the quiet part out loud. Crackpot Bob will keep warning. The blogs will keep laughing. 

Stay strong, Bob. The AI is coming for you. And when it finally does make that perfect deepfake, I have one request: make sure the robot version admits that constantly warning everyone about how persecuted you are is, in fact, extremely weird. 

Even the AI will get tired of it eventually.

==================================================

Now, and I have warned about this before, please understand that the time will come when AI and other software will make more “deep fakes” of me and likely other leaders in the Continuing Church of God. Such fakes will pretend I/we have said things we have not said as well as done things that we have not done (we have had incidents where fraudsters, online, have already pretended to be me).

Remember that the Apostle Paul warned:

29 For I know this, that after my departure savage wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock. 30 Also from among yourselves men will rise up, speaking perverse things, to draw away the disciples after themselves. 31 Therefore watch, and remember that for three years I did not cease to warn everyone night and day with tears. (Acts 20:29-31)

And I am warning all who can hear that Satan and his minions will continue to take steps against us and I expect that AI will allow for more and more of that.

That said, let me add that next Monday I am scheduled for an interview for what may be a significant podcast. Please pray that I will speak wisely and “that utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the gospel” (Ephesians 6:19).

Armstrongism: 100 Years of "Soon Coming", Still No Kingdom, But Give Us Your Money Anyway

 

Armstrongist splinter groups follow highly predictable, repetitive patterns rooted in the post-1986 (and especially post-1994/95) fragmentation of the Worldwide Church of God (WCG). These groups preserve core Herbert W. Armstrong (HWA) teachings while endlessly dividing. Here's a breakdown of the recurring dynamics. 1. The Core Trigger: "They've Compromised the Truth"Every major split follows the same script:

• The parent group (WCG under Tkach, or later a big splinter) makes real or perceived changes to doctrine, governance, prophecy emphasis, or "the Work."
• Dissidents accuse leadership of Laodicean lukewarmness, abandoning "the faith once delivered," or watering down HWA's restored truths.
• The new group forms to "hold fast" or "restore" pure Armstrongism. 

This happened with:

• Philadelphia Church of God (PCG) — Gerald Flurry (1989) — "Philadelphia era" remnant.
• United Church of God (UCG) — 1995 mass exodus, council governance.
• Living Church of God (LCG) — Roderick Meredith.
• Restored Church of God (RCG) — David Pack (claims Elijah role).
• Continuing Church of God (CCOG) — Bob Thiel 
• Church of God Assembly (COGA) —  Sheldon Monson 
• Church of God Preaching the Kingdom (COGPK) — Ron Weinland
• and dozens more micro-groups.

Second-generation splits are common: UCG → COGWA (2010), LCG → CCOG, etc.2. Leadership Patterns: The "New Apostle/Elijah/Mantle" Figure

• Strongman founder (often ex-WCG minister or insider): Claims special insight, divine mantle, or prophetic role that the old group rejected.
• Humble beginnings narrative followed by authoritarian control.
• Personal grievances fuel the exit: "They wouldn't correct errors I pointed out" (classic Thiel move).
• Many leaders position themselves as HWA's true spiritual successor. Flurry, Pack, Thiel, and others all play this game. 

The result? Hierarchical, top-down governance with heavy emphasis on loyalty to the leader and "the government of God."3. Doctrinal and Rhetorical ConsistencyAll groups share the HWA package:

• British Israelism (Anglo-Saxons as lost tribes).
• Mandatory Holy Days, clean/unclean meats, Sabbath.
• Rejection (or heavy qualification) of the Trinity.
• Two-class salvation (church + physical Israel in Millennium).
• Strong prophetic focus on current events as end-time signs.

Variations create division:

• How rigid on "the Work" (media, prophecy preaching)?
• Governance: One-man rule vs. council of elders?
• Exact prophetic timeline/place of safety/Great Tribulation sequence?
• How much HWA himself can be critiqued? 

Each group insists it alone is the true "Philadelphia" remnant while labeling others (and the world) as compromised.4. Growth and Sustainability Patterns

• Initial surge from dissatisfied members, then stagnation or decline.
• Heavy reliance on literature, websites, and (failing) media outreach.
• Some groups now have significant African membership for numbers.
• Repeated failed or vague prophecies erode credibility over time.
• High turnover: Burnout from legalism, failed predictions, and authoritarianism drives ex-members out entirely. 

5. The Endless Schism CycleThis is the most defining pattern. Why do they keep splitting?

• Proof-texting + "love of the truth" absolutism: Any disagreement becomes a salvation issue.
• No central authority after HWA → every strong personality becomes a potential new headquarters.
• Ego + doctrinal nitpicking: "They ignored my corrections on page 47 of the booklet!"
• Restorationist mindset: Each new group believes it's restoring pure truth against compromise. 

The movement has produced hundreds of groups and micro-groups since the 1990s. Unity talks fail because each claims exclusive legitimacy.6. Psychological and Sociological hallmarks

• Persecution complex: The world (and other COGs) hates us because we're right.
• Us vs. Them: "True Church" vs. "so-called Christians," other splinters, and Laodiceans.
• Inherited trauma patterns in members: Authoritarianism, fear-based obedience, family divisions. 
• Cognitive dissonance management: When prophecies fail, it's "God is giving more time" or "the timing was slightly off."

Bottom LineArmstrongist splinters operate like a fractal of division: the same HWA-derived DNA keeps replicating smaller, more zealous (or eccentric) versions of itself. Each claims to be the faithful remnant preserving truth against compromise — yet the pattern itself (endless fragmentation, leader personality cults, unfulfilled prophecy) is one of the strongest empirical arguments against the whole system being "the one true church."
It's not random chaos. It's a highly consistent sociological and theological loop: charismatic founder → institutionalization → perceived compromise → righteous split → repeat. Bob Thiel's silly grievances fit the template perfectly — he's just the latest verse in a very old song that remains out of tune.
Silent Pilgrim