Well, look who just had another prophetic orgasm.
Crackpot Bob, the self-appointed prophet of the improperly named "Continuing" Church of God and full-time professional Germany-watcher, has once again discovered that Europe is spending money on its own military. And just like every single time this has happened for the last seventy years, Bob has decided this can only mean one thing: Germany is secretly gearing up to blitzkrieg the United States, conquer Canada and England, and set up concentration camps for the modern-day “tribes of Israel”.
Because of course it is.
Never mind that Germany is frantically trying to build a military that can actually deter Russia after years of watching Ukraine get turned into a meat grinder. Never mind that German leaders are openly saying they need to be “war-ready by 2029” because Moscow is the threat. Never mind that the entire current buildup is a direct response to Russian aggression and the very real possibility that the United States might not be as eager to bankroll Europe’s defense forever.
None of that matters to Bob. In his carefully curated prophetic fever dream, every new German tank, every increase in the defense budget, every European leader who says “we need to be able to defend ourselves” is secretly code for “We can’t wait to invade the United States and put the descendants of Manasseh in camps.”
This is not analysis. This is a fetish.
Armstrongism has been running this exact script since Herbert W. Armstrong was still alive and predicting the Great Tribulation would hit between 1972 and 1975. Germany was always going to rise, lead a United States of Europe, and destroy America and Britain. The only thing that ever changed was the date. The prophecy failed. Then it failed again. Then it failed some more. And yet the same men (and their spiritual grandchildren) keep dusting it off every time Europe buys a new rifle.
Bob has simply inherited the family business of failed prophecy and turned it into a full-time lifestyle. He watches European defense news the way some men watch adult films. A German general says the Bundeswehr needs more troops? Bob starts quivering. The EU talks about strategic autonomy? Bob reaches for his Bible and his tissues. Donald Trump pressures NATO countries to spend more on their own defense? Bob declares that Trump is unknowingly raising up the Beast so it can destroy the very nation Trump is trying to strengthen.
It’s almost touching in its pure, undiluted delusion.
The actual news is straightforward. Germany is rearming because Russia is a hostile nuclear power that has already invaded a neighboring country and is rebuilding its military at a rapid pace. European leaders are admitting what has been obvious for years: they can no longer assume the United States will indefinitely underwrite their security. That is not the rise of the King of the North. That is basic national self-interest after decades of free-riding.
But basic national self-interest does not get Crackpot Bob out of bed in the morning. Only the thrilling possibility that Germany might one day put Americans in camps does that.
So once again we are treated to the same tired parade of scriptures ripped out of context, the same Lamentations passage about “friends becoming enemies,” the same Daniel 11 fantasy in which modern Germany is somehow both the ancient King of the North and the final Beast power that will conquer the United States. The same prophecy that has been “almost here” for longer than most of Bob’s readers have been alive.
Germany is arming itself against Russia. Bob is arming himself against reality.
And somewhere in Arroyo Grande, the crackpot prophet is smiling that strange little smile, convinced that this time—this time for sure—the tanks are finally coming for the United States.
He can hardly wait.
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