Like a mighty army
Moves the Church of God:
Brothers, we are treading
Where the saints have trod;
We are not divided,
All one Body we—
One in hope and doctrine,
One in charity.
The Armstrongist version of the Feast of Tabernacles is quickly approaching. Families are making last-minute preparations: requests for time off from work and school are in, the car has had a tune-up, plane tickets bought, rental cars reserved. You remember the drill.
Then you arrive at your assigned Feast site. Eight days of millennial bliss follow as you meet as one united church. All one body we!
That was in the good old days, when the church was perfect and sinless. Now it is 2026, and the church is splintered into hundreds of competing groups, all trying to outdo the next. They have collectively refused Herbert Armstrong’s early (1952) admonition on how the Feast was supposed to be kept:
“We know now – God has shown us plainly and unmistakably – that we must have an adequate place of our own in this central location for the Passover and Feast of Unleavened Bread EVERY YEAR … The proper place for meetings of this kind is not an expensive brick or stone or concrete church building on a main corner of a city in all the traffic and noise of the world – but to get CLEAR AWAY FROM THE WORLD – out into God’s own open beautiful nature, utterly secluded from the world!” —Church of God News
That clearly must be why at least nine different Churches of God will be meeting in Branson, Missouri, this year—with one hotel even hosting two of them under the same roof. This should be the most opportune time in decades to show the world how unified the Churches of God really are.
Branson will soon be overrun by competing remnant groups carefully avoiding eye contact in hotel breakfast buffets. Imagine the Stone Castle Hotel with two different meeting rooms occupied by the faithful, super deacons posted at the doors doing member checks so nobody accidentally fellowships with the wrong flavor of the one true church. All one body we!
In the midst of this quagmire of unity, we have the Greatest Church of God to Ever Exist in Human History holding court. Crackpot Bob will be lecturing the faithful on how wrong they all are for being in other COG groups, and that their only remaining path to salvation rests, conveniently, in his hands.
So instead of being “utterly secluded from the world,” nine (or more) COG groups will be wallowing in the middle of a neon tourist trap that draws more than 10 million visitors a year and posts one of the highest property-crime rates in the country for a town its size. Nothing says millennial rest like larceny statistics, country-music dinner theaters, and badge-checked meeting rooms two hallways apart.
Bonus unity: United Church of God is already on a waitlist for Branson. Church of God International quietly swapped venues to the old Lawrence Welk / Hillside Hotel, because even the meeting rooms are splintering. Living Church of God is in town too. Same Strip. Same lakes. Same “we’re not divided” hymn. Different letterhead.
Brothers, we are treading
Where the saints have trod;
We are not divided,
All one Body we—
Branson Sept.25-Oct.2 [5] Venue : RecPlex
Branson Sept.26-Oct.3 [2] Venue : Stone Castle Hotel
Branson Sept.26-Oct.3 [2] Venue : Grand Plaza Hotel
Branson Sept.26-Oct.3 [2] Venue : Ledgestone Country Club
Branson Sept.26-Oct.3 [2] Venue : The Village at Indian Point
Branson Sept.26-Oct.3 [2] Venue : Yakov Smirnoff Theater
Branson Sept.26-Oct.3 [2] Venue : Thousand Hills Resort Hotel
Branson Sept.26-Oct.3 [2] Venue : Presley’s Country Jubilee
Branson Sept.26-Oct.3 [2] Venue : Stone Castle Hotel
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