Meet Your Prophetess to the Church of God!

https://youtu.be/1PDI32WMEXM?t=555
Google keeps stripping video away.

If the video doesn't work, check it out on Youtube at the 9:03 mark as the Prophetess makes an appearance for opening prayer.

 We are pleased to introduce to you the Prophetess of the Church of God.  Through her, God speaks.

She is not the High Prophetess and Second Witless Witness though, that is her mother, the looney Laura Weinland.  Can the Church of God have a family that is crazier people than this family?
They are all certified nuthouse candidates.

Please give money at the offering today as Audra needs a new BMW and a case of erasers so she can correct all of those "mistakes" in the financial books that got Big Daddy into trouble previously.

New Video: The Cult No One Seems To Remember

It is fascinating that a young person sees through Armstrongism when the adults refuse to.

I wish it were true that "no one remembers", but sadly there are still damaging splinter cults of the mother church that are far more dangerous and potentially deadly than
the Worldwide Church of God could have ever imagined.


Well done!

"There Were Two Trees in the Garden of Eden" : What Was Really Wrong With Having the Knowledge of Good and Evil Anyway?

I also felt that placing that which was off limits and would cause one's eternal death for taking from them was a taunt to do so and cheating. You know, "There's a dish of candy on the coffee table kids but don't let me ever find you taking any." 

Why not put them away and out of sight so as not to risk the inevitable?

that said...

How often I sat wishing I was somewhere else than  listening to HWA start his message with "There were two trees in the garden..."  Ugh not again!  I suspected he repeated it so often, not really because "you people don't get it" but because he was aging and sticking to familiar themes was easier. HWA was no theologian as were few if any of in the ministry. Their knowing came from merely reading the Bible and commenting on what they thought it meant or needed it to mean for the Church. I suppose I did that too in the naivete of my youth and feeling of specialness  until I grew up and decided that the knowledge of Good and Evil, while originally in the story  were God Fruit Trees and not for human consumption, would really be a good thing for humans to have. 

So a little something to consider Carl Sagan who knew a bit more than Herbert W Armstrong , Garner Ted, Dave Pack, Bob Thiel, Gerald Flurry, Gerald Weston and just about every Church of God congregant on the problem of the knowledge of good and evil being withheld from us by religious need to believe rather than to experience the discomfort of actually knowing. 

A Universe Not Made for Us?

"We have not been given the lead
in the cosmic drama"

Earthquake in LA: Let the Countdown Begin Till Our COG Prophets Claim It Is God's Punishment

Los Angeles had a pretty good earthquake this evening.  It will only be a matter of time for our COG prophetic fools start spouting off that it is God's punishment or some other asinine reason.

Bwana Bob Thiel will claim he predicted it.  Sex Therapist James Malm will claim it is because people are not zealous.  Gerald Flurry will claim it is punishment on CA because of the doctrinal changes and the selling of the Pasadena property.  Dave Pack, well, he will be Dave Pack and give 155 reasons why an earthquake hit California because 4 of the top COG leaders have not died yet.

These porphecy fools actually want to see death and destruction in order to legitimize themselves in other people eyes.

COG prophets are never ones to let a good opportunity to pass them by.

Let the fun begin!

Liars all!

A COG Memory Game! Fill in the Blanks.

Things Found in a Festival of Tabernacles Daily Bulletin. 

Give yourself 60 seconds. Fill out as many of these as you can remember as quick as you can. Use the comments for your answers (cut and paste if you have to.) Let's see how many experts we have in COG history! Don't look at the comments unless you're ready to see! :) 

F________  C___________

T____  D __________

F _________ D ___

D__________ H____

H_____  D ____  O___________

M__________ R______

C_________ A___ A___________

F_________ W____ S________ C_________

A_________

T____ E_______

C___________ C______

H________ S________

Submitted by SHT

The Behind the Scenes Monitoring of Members at the Feast back in the 1960s

From "Good News, August 1966"

In case you ever wondered the totalitarian authority state of the Church of God back in the "Glory Days", this article by Paul Royer should confirm it for you. Besides checking medicine cabinets in homes during ministerial visits, inspecting home cleanliness, and other police-state activities within the Church by overzealous "ministers" - check out exactly to what detail they monitored people who were attending the Feast. Monitoring was tedious, excessive, and unrelenting for all - children and adults alike. 

The "GN" reported that 6,139 People attended the Feast on October 17, 1965 at Jekyll Island. Of this amount: 

723 People got up and left the tent for one reason or another. Well, here's one thing the Festival Deacons were "ticking" on their little notepads and pencils! 

What else were they looking for and jotting down? Here's the scoop: 

Over 1,000 people left the tent during services the morning before.  Yup, they were watching!

94 who left were children and parents "from the Spank Room". 

Yes, there were spank rooms! 

One woman took her child out 15 times in one service...  Scribble, jot. You best believe her minister was informed! Think she got a talking to? 

223 went to the restroom. Could it possibly be that some of the material just wasn't appropriate, or they were sitting way too long for a Waterhouse message? 

82 mothers and children went to the mothers' room. 

324 were "milling about" outside the tent and the parking lot. 

"many" in their seats "not paying attention". 

"out of 7,042 registered, perhaps 4,000 were awake" 

During the Feast:

30 people went fishing. Ohh, let's watch and see what everyone is doing. Fishing rods! Jot, jot, jot. 

Others slept in their camp and in their rooms. 

Security found an adult couple sound asleep in the car. 

An elderly couple was seen shopping across the street during services. 

One young man was doing laundry listening to church on the loudspeakers. 

A car with three church members were in bathing suits leaving a motel just prior to services. 

Another family spent time in the motel room. The children were questioned as to why. 

Another family left services because they were corrected for bringing their dog against Armstrong's will. 

A deacon heard a member through the wall say "to hell with you, I need half an hour in the bathroom." 

One was smacking loudly on a piece of gum, fidgeting, and sighing. 

Everything you did and said outside of expectations was being watched and noted. 

The Festival Monitors were watching, spying, seeking, listening, reporting anything and everything they could find to the "ministers" that were not "in line" with the commands and authority of Herbert Armstrong and company. Adults were not treated as adults, but as privates and subordinates in a military camp. I'm pretty certain this level of scrutiny still exists in some of the splinters still in existence today.

Submitted by SHT

COG Sex Educator Claims A New Revival In The Church Will Happen Soon...Because of Him

How many Church of God guru's have proclaimed there is is a "new revival" coming to the church in the end times? The name would be endless on how many have proclaimed this story.  In 2019,  we have more fools still doing this, never learning from their predecessor's mistakes.

Now we have sex educator for the Church of God telling how things will be, thanks to him and his zealous efforts to proclaim a true gospel.

Not content with sticking his three fingers into things he should not, he has to make more outlandish claims regarding his position as the end time truth teller. Chief Pharisee James Malm starts out with this:

Today’s famine [scarcity] of the true Gospel of Salvation will soon be corrected by a tremendous revival during the correction of the great tribulation.  

There has been a great famine [scarcity] of the true Gospel of repentance to salvation on the earth since at least the fourth century.  This world has been asleep in the night; but the light of the true Gospel of repentance to salvation is breaking forth and the dawn of a new world of godliness is at hand!  

This proves that Herbert Armstrong's restoration of the truth, after 1,900 years, is a lie if Malm says it has never been here since the 300's.  Of course, anyone with the slightest bit of knowledge about church history knows this is just one more steaming pile of crap that another self-appointed guru is proclaiming.

The self-appointed guru has a reason for this. People are too stupid to know the truth, as he does.

I know that many have been completely hoodwinked into believing that today’s weak business model outreach is the true Gospel and that there will be a famine of the Word during the tribulation.  Please bare with me and read the article, then judge by the Word of God what is true. 

There is only one place on this entire earth that is proclaiming that gospel news and it is NOT Bob Thiel!  It is from James Malm.  Woo Hoo!  The Watchman has arrived! Let the end times begin! Jesus can finally return and sit in James apartment kitchen and tell him how things will be.  No walking the hallowed grounds of Wadsworth!

The word famine means “scarcity” and today the true Gospel of Salvation is very scarce, only available at TheShiningLight as the corporate church groups teach an inoffensive business model and utterly refuse to: 

 Isaiah 58:1 Cry aloud, spare not, lift up thy voice like a trumpet, and shew my people their transgression, and the house of Jacob their sins.  

or to fulfill the duty of a watchman (Ezekiel 33). 

Toady's Watchman knows even more than Herbert Armstrong ever did.  And....where have we heard this before?  And, how many times!

Today’s brethren have been set up to learn to put God first above any other being.  This process began in this latter day with Herbert Armstrong, who was a very impressive man in talent, persuasiveness and accomplishments: but who was limited in his understanding because much of scripture was sealed to understanding until the time of revealing immediately before the tribulation.

God save all the juicy stuff for James Malm to proclaim to the world, like using three fingers in your new bride on your wedding night.  Did we really need to know this?

All present-day COG leaders have led church members astray and we are told to believe that James is not doing this though.  He is the true path for us to follow.

The critical problem is that at some point people who were used to idolizing men could be led astray if those men went astray.  

The only way that God can be sure of us for all eternity, is to allow us to go through the experience of trusting in men and thereby learn the hard way that only God and the Word of God should be exalted above all else. 

In the main, today’s brethren have fallen away from God by rejecting the truth in order to cleave to past traditions which are turning out to be mistaken. 

God told us that many things were sealed [hidden] until the very end time when they would be revealed and knowledge of the scriptures would be increased, but many reject God’s promised revelations because they are too proud to admit that they and their idols have been wrong.

Today God has not left the brethren without a warning so that they would not be taken by surprise when God’s two servants begin their work just prior to the onset of the tribulation. 

The ShiningLight has been presenting studies through every word of Holy Scripture and many doctrinal and prophecy / news studies for years now;  restoring things which had been lost, presenting deeper understandings and revealing much that was hidden and sealed until our day.    

The problem in all of this that all of us refuse to follow his foolish teachings and he is not happy!  No matter how hard he tries one cares!

Today many refuse and reject this new knowledge which was promised by God through his angel.  No matter how well proved the point is, many take the attitude that if the understanding did not come from them then it must be wrong or it is not important; and they close their minds, refusing to even listen; mainly because they put the words of their corporate church organizations and idols of  men above the Word of God. 

The great Zealot is pissed that after 2 years of him warning us of our impending doom, that we still do not care! It is going to take the two witless witnesses to wake us all up, and of course, he is preparing the way for them (Ron and Laura Weinland).

At this time the brethren have had years of warnings and very soon God will reveal his Two Servants who will direct the faithful according to God’s will.  Then a few hundred will obey God while the vast majority will reject them because they are relying on the false traditions of men and because the corporate church organizations will reject them and offer many excuses. 

Only a few of the frozen chosen elite will heed Malm's edicts and will be saved while everyone else will be sent into the tribulation. There will all wake-up and come to Malm's feet and apologize for ignoring him.

At that time a few will go on to other training while the majority reject the warnings and increase in understandings promised by God and are cast into great tribulation, where they will find all of their false traditions are wrong and they will be forced by reality to admit that they were wrong and that they should have put God’s Word first above their idols of men and corporate churches. 

Then once these folks have learned their lesson many will sincerely repent and become fit for the resurrection to leadership roles. 

Zealot Malm's god is so pissed that he has told his creature called "jesus" to stop interceding on humanity's behalf.

First God will withdraw his protection on the Jewish and Anglo Saxon people because their wickedness has come to the full.  Spiritually this means that the daily heavenly intercession of Jesus Christ to bless us in spite of all our sins will stop and God’s blessings including his protection will be withdrawn. 

Once this creature "jesus" stops interceding, the Pope will rise up under Satan's influence and do signs and wonders.  Then Ron and Laura can begin witnessing.  Sadly, people will reject them.  Only those trained at the feet of James Malm will heed the call.

Then the son of perdition will be set up doing miracles in the Vatican and then God’s two witnesses will warn the brethren that the time has come, but the corporate churches will reject them.  The faithful will then obey the instructions of God’s two servants, while the majority will reject them.  

The Jews will head to the temple mount and piss of the Arabs who will rise up and attack Israel and then Europe will step in and stop it.  They will not be bombing the US as Herbert always claimed, but will destroy the country through their Central Bank through economic means.

In other words the New Federal Europe will gain world dominance through non violent economic means.  It is also written that it will take 42 months to completely humble the Anglo Saxon nations.

This is now the Zealot says it WILL happen:

Europe will stop the bloodshed in the Middle East and enforce peace and will begin talks to enter an alliance with the Islamic nations.  These talks could be very quick or they could take many weeks but they will result in Turkey, Jordan, Lebanon, Syria, the Palestinians  and the Arab States, aligning with the New Europe along with other natural allies in the predominately Catholic nations of Latin America etc.  

As part of the deal Europe will turn the remaining Jewish areas in Palestine into virtual ghettos and work to deport as many Jews as possible while the Middle East nations will for their part reject the Petrodollar in favor of the currency in use in Europe.  This will bring Europe into economic dominance, and the dollar dependent nations will collapse in severe economic, political and many other crises. 

That is how the New Federal Europe will bring down the Anglo Saxon nations. 

And this will happen next:

When the tribulation begins the various corporate COG organizations and many of the Laodicean brethren will be in denial, but many will quickly be disillusioned with the traditions of men which brought them into such trials and they will quickly repent.  

Large numbers will die to prove the sincerity of their repentance; but their example after having been turned into Paul’s by the great correction, will greatly impress many others.  In addition to the preaching of God’s two the example of the sincere repentance and sacrifice of many Laodicean brethren will further the Gospel. 

Then at about two years after the occupation of Judea and the snow balling catastrophic Anglo Saxon decline, the sixth seal of Revelation will be opened!  

The sixth seal is the appearing of Jesus Christ the Messiah in the sky!   

When Christ appears in the heavens and the tribulation has humbled many, at least 144,000 will sincerely repent and turn to embrace the Almighty with a whole heart! 

Only those who have been zealous, practice true zealous sexuality, and come out of the Churches of God, will then be saved.

God has been preparing you through the awesome words of Pharisee Malm that he has channeled through his mind. He has been preparing the way for the return of his creature "jesus".  The truth has been restored though him and him alone.

God is beginning to correct and revive his people and the true Gospel of repentance to salvation will again be declared; first by this work, then by God’s two, and very quickly they will be joined by thousands of sincerely repentant Laodiceans.  This will then be followed by the conversion and example of thousands more who repent at the teaching and example of God’s two and the Laodiceans and then the 144,000 will be converted and sealed with God’s Spirit (Eph 1:13, 4:30) after having heard the preaching of the true Gospel of Salvation and then seeing the sign of our LORD in the heavens!

Whitewashing the Hurricane that was near Jekyll Island. Putting Church Members Lives At Risk

Whitewashing the Hurricane that was near Jekyll Island. Don't complain about it either! We were in the campground that year. Had to sleep in our car for several nights. The campground was flooded. Our tent was flooded. Some tents were blown away. A camper's trailer had a tree fall across it and was destroyed. Dad was worried the water was going to get high enough to come in the car. Yet, this article only paints one person which had problems. Of course, the man was in a bad attitude, hadn't been doing his personal bible study or prayers, and cheated on his 2nd tithe.

Good News; August 1966, article: Is God All Powerful?

"...Let’s go back to the poor fellow who, with his whole family, got rained out during the rainstorm in Jekyll Island. His was the only family that I recall that had any real problem as a result of the rainstorm! Some of the rest got a little wet, but they quickly recovered and had their camp back to normal in a short time.

The poor fellow with the “real problems” spent his time, when it wasn’t raining, complaining! Something was wrong with his tent, it was an inferior quality, the rain was too wet! Patiently, the camp directors and fellow campers assisted this man and his family to become comfortable. The camp director explained that with any sudden downpours of this magnitude the tent needs additional protection.

Even the big commercial tent that we rent for Jekyll Island leaked in that rain. They told him that he needed to “ditch” his tent so that the water would run off away from the tent, not in the tent. He was also told that his tent should have a piece of 10 x 17 plastic over the top, then the tent would shed water like a duck during these abnormally heavy downpours! As a matter of fact, the camp director even offered to drive him over to Brunswick to purchase this inexpensive plastic.

But-he was too busy complaining! '...He didn’t need the plastic and didn’t want to bother to “ditch” the tent. Soon another storm blew up. There was a repetition of the first. He and his family got drenched for the second time! Loving brethren took them in again and dried off the little kiddies.

Again there was peace and calm and then, of all things, it happened the third time!

That was the last straw ! He demanded to talk to the head of “this outfit this tent is worthless.” He got as far as me-still complaining! I gave him his money back!! It was hopeless to try to help him. He wasn’t about to understand or come through with “Works !”

It makes you wonder how far behind in Bible study and prayer this individual was-or whether he had borrowed from his second tithe!..."

reprinted with permission from Facebook 

No Lazy Days of Summer Ahead For Philadelphia Church of God Children!

Leave it to a Church of God to control every aspect of one's life.  Forget about free time, you must read the apostles messages. books and articles.  How dare you lay around and enjoy a few days of not doing a damn thing!

Dennis Leap, the creepy Philadelphia Church of God minister, has this to say to any PCG members who might dare lay around on the front porch swing and do nothing this summer, particularly if it is a child.

“Roll out those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer—those days of soda and pretzels and beer—roll out those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer—dust off the sun and moon and sing a song of cheer ….” So goes the refrain from a song made popular by Nat King Cole in the early 1960s. This refrain and the words of the song reflects the spirit of how most people plan to spend their summer months—being lazy and acting crazy.

When God saw fit to bring my wife and me into His Church, we learned that God designed the summer months for fruitful, joyful, productive and positive work! Think about it. Being lazy and crazy isn’t part of God’s plan any time of the year.

What about you? Are you allowing a song like “Those Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer” guide your plans for the summer? More importantly, are you letting a song like that guide your plans for your children’s summer? 

Even the children of PCG cannot be lazy:

Herbert W. Armstrong taught God’s people how to approach the summer months when he established the Summer Education Program (sep). These summer camps, conducted in beautiful outdoor settings, emphasized education. Campers were not permitted to be lazy or crazy. Mr. Gerald Flurry raised the ruins of sep by sponsoring Philadelphia Youth Camp (pyc). 

Summer is a time for education. Don’t let the productive months of summer get away from you and your children. Parents, get an education program started—today! It is really not that difficult to start and maintain an effective summer education program for your children—even your toddlers. 

Isolate those young children and toddlers inside in the mornings to do their required 1 hour of prayer and another hour of Bible Study.  What the hell?  What child needs to do this every day of the week? 

Set a goal to read and discuss several proverbs every day. You should do some preparation to find the proverbs that most apply to your child’s specific needs or to events that have happened within the family recently. 

At least Creepy Leap says to take your children out into nature in the summer.

There is nothing more inspiring, relaxing or rejuvenating than camping along with fishing, hiking or swimming in lakes located in wild, unspoiled nature. The immense vistas of mountains, big skies and star-studded nights show the bigness and giving spirit of God. Teach your child that God wants to give him or her the best of everything. God’s stunning creation demonstrates this fact better than anything a man could come up with. 

Your children should read during the summer too.  Not a bad idea until you see the appalling second paragraph below:

To promote the habit of reading, take your children on trips to your public library. Help them pick out several interesting books to read for the coming week. Be sure to encourage them to choose non-fiction books and only the finest fiction. Most public libraries maintain collections of both. Some of the best non-fiction books for children are biographies and autobiographies. The better biographies and autobiographies, such as Benjamin Franklin’s, will help your children learn from the examples of others.

Older children should be encouraged to include in their list of reading Church booklets, such as Pagan Holidays—or God’s Holy Days—Which?, The Ten Commandments and Which Day Is the Christian Sabbath? 

Most adults don't want to read this crap, let alone force your kids to do it!  Every single one of those booklets is doctrinally unsound and poorly researched, oh wait...copied from Herbert Armstrong's poorly researched and doctrinally unsound booklets.

Another thing Creepy Leap says to do is put your child to work.  Do like PCG does and use them as free slave labor at the cult compound in Edmond, Oklahoma.

One of the most important activities at pyc is called “campus improvement.” This activity provides each dorm an opportunity to work at improving God’s campus. It is thrilling for the campers to have that hands-on experience at headquarters. There is an important lesson for all parents here. Learning how to work effectively and hard is one of the most important parts of education. God the Father and Jesus Christ are workers (John 5:17). This summer, teach your child to work.

If your child doesn't do the job well, make them do it over and over and over till they get it right. Always remind them that if they don't work, they don't eat!

When your child completes a task you require of them, be sure to check their effort. If his or her work is not up to par, make them do it until it is. Remember, your child will have an employer some day. I never had a boss that was as easy as my mother. When your child goes to work, he won’t either. You do not need to feel obligated to always pay your child for summer work. Remind them this is part of their summer education program. “[I]f any would not work, neither should he eat,” Paul taught the Thessalonians (2 Thessalonians 3:10). My father enforced this lesson regularly with my brothers and me when we were living under his roof. 

Children in Armstrongism were robbed of the ability to be a child.  They were and still are required to emulate their ministers and act like mini-adults.  Childhood innocence is sorely frowned upon and is even considered demonic.  If your children dare cross any of the leader's paths you too can take them to the local mall and dump them so Child Services can take care of them.  then, you can give all that money you have been wasting on your kids and give it to the FLurry's

Divorced Wanna-be COG Prophet Lectures Church on Marriage and Proper Christian Sex

Of all the hundreds and hundreds of names the Church of God has added to its moniker, none of them have ever called themselves the Sexy Church of God, or the Sexless Church of God or the Church of God in Sex.  They really should though, as much as so many of their tired old leaders talk about it.

Today we have the divorced Official Church of God Pharisee lecturing the church on what proper marriage is and how to have Christian sex.  Why is it that all of the COG leaders who screech and yell about sex are either prolific bed-hoppers, divorced or sexually repressed?  Have any of them had a normal marriage?

James Malm, as usual, is parked at his kitchen table cranking out more demands for his few followers to keep, even though he soon expects his message to reunite the church into one big happy legalistic fairytale.

After talking about how men and women should refrain from sex before marriage to keep themselves pure for their marriage to Jesus, he lays down how his followers who do get married as to how they should be having sex, including penetration.  Ouch!

Keys to good sex  

Always remember that good sex begins when we wake up in the morning, because a great marriage makes for good sex. 

1. Do not expect a spouse to be in the mood if the day was filled with offenses or high stress  
2. Begin in the morning by committing oneself to live through the day avoiding offenses and always acting for the best interests of the family 
3. Through the day be kind, considerate, helpful, affectionate  
4. Remember to touch, a loving caress or a big hug and a kiss on the neck can be most encouraging
5. Handle problems or worries as they come up and do not allow many worries to build up into high stress
6. Be cleanly, remember that cleanliness is next to godliness and a dirty or malodorous body is a big turn off; and remember that you are used to your own smell and may not notice an odor which is very offensive to others, so shower whether you think you need to or not  
7. Make time to spend time with one another.  There may be times for a quickie, but spending an hour or two making each other feel loved on a regular basis is very important

The main principle to guide any sexual [or any other] activity in marriage is that the act be one of deep love and concern for the other.  

Helpful tips  (For the FIRST time)

The wedding night should be a tremendous delight and should be an absolutely positive beginning to any marriage.  Unfortunately it is often the case that virgins view the wedding night with unneeded concern and trepidation.  The groom may fear that he will be unable to penetrate, while the bride may fear that she will suffer pain or even damage.  These fears are unfounded if only people understood how to perform the initial act.  

Quite simply the groom should first engage in significant foreplay and then penetrate with one finger which will be relatively painless and will do no damage.  When the bride is comfortable use two fingers and then three, after which penetration by the husband will be easy, painless and most pleasurable for both.  The lady should NOT do this herself but give this pleasure to her husband so that he will know without doubt that he is the first and only one.  

This knowledge will remove all fears and will make the wedding night a wonderful pleasure for both bride and groom and a tremendously wonderful beginning of a lifetime of love and loyalty for one another. 

So how often should a married couple have sex? The Pharisee did get one point right:

How often? 

As often as the couple wants!  The husband and wife should enjoy one another to the full.

Some people have stronger drives than others and it would be wise to discuss this point when contemplating marriage. 

But don't get too wild in the bedroom (or kitchen), anal sex is out!

No couple need deprive themselves of the blessings of pleasing their spouses whenever the need runs high, just because someone else has decided for them what he thinks they should be doing or not doing. Anal sex is wrong because it damages the body and exposes one to disease, otherwise what any couple does for each other in their marriage or how often is NOBODY else’s business.  

Without a very good reason the wife should not refuse her husband and the husband must not refuse his wife; lest they be tempted astray.

The Pharisee even talks about lubricants.  Since he is tooooooo cheap to buy quality lubricants he recommends baby oil!  Apparently, this moron is not aware that baby oil should NOT be used inside the body.  Never fear though, when they cheap bottle of baby oil is not handy the women is supposed to "simply place some of her saliva on her husband’s organ."  Oh, the fun that could come from this!

Possible problems during the marriage

Sex is intended to be delightful for both spouses, therefore if a wife experiences discomfort or pain she should seek medical advice. 

There are a variety of problems, most of which can be easily corrected if caught early.  The important thing is to catch them as early as possible.  

One such problem could be the common simple yeast infection.  One of the causes of yeast infections is the simple bath.  When we sit in the bath we are siting in water that is becoming dirty as we wash and also filled with soap scum which is alkaline and promotes yeast growth.  It is far better to shower; as in the shower the dirt and soap is washed away and down the drain, and we are not sitting in contaminated water for 15 minutes or more.

Occasionally natural lubrication fails for a time.  In that case there are many sex lubricants out there for a significant price.  The best kept secret among lubricants and by far the cheapest is simple scent free baby oil.  The price is kept very low since it is made for babies, but it is an ideal lubricant for intercourse.  The age old lubrication method is for the lady to simply place some of her saliva on her husband’s organ.

So now that you know how to be frisky in bed, within limits, of course, it is time to learn how to get pregnant. Then once pregnant and ready to deliver you should be standing so the baby can just plop out with gravity.

Child bearing

To maximize the potential for pregnancy the wife should not stand up for at least an hour after intercourse to prevent gravity from working against her.

A wife’s orgasm is not necessary for conception, although it does help measurably.  The contraction of the involved muscles causes the uterus to draw sperm up into itself.

In childbirth, it is very important that a woman not lie down during labor.  She should sit is a reclining position as far as is possible and take frequent periods of standing [supported by others] to allow gravity to aid the process.

It is modern medicine with their beds and stirrups for the convenience of physicians which has caused people to lose sight of the powerful physical agency of  GRAVITY:  Let it work for you and do not try and work against it by lying down through labor and birthing.

It is natural to want to lie down because of discomfort and pain; but sitting in a reclining position will speed the process considerably and will actually help open the birth canal for delivery.

While not all of this is bad advice, it is still NOT the place for some self-serving self-righteous church guru giving such advice. 

The Chief Pharisee also has to speak out about menstruation.  If he had his way women would be banished to menstruation huts like a couple other nutjobs Church of God gurus have proclaimed in the past.  Menstruating women are unclean and defiled before h

Biblical rules regarding sexual conduct 

An unclean person cannot enter into the presence of God [the tabernacle or temple] since uncleanness is an allegory of being defiled by sin.  

From the onset of menstruation the lady must be left alone until sunset, and then for a seven full days until the seventh sunset.  Late on the seventh day the affected person is to wash herself and her bedding and at sunset she shall be clean.  

God tells Ezekiel plainly that sexual intercourse with a menstruous woman is forbidden.

After the baby is delivered, and if it is a male, the scissors are required!  Cut that thing!

The Pharisee writes:

We are commanded to circumcise our sons on the eighth day of their life.  The mother is to be unclean for seven days and the eighth day represents a new beginning.

Circumcision removes a piece of skin covering a most sensitive area and is an allegory of the removal of the sin that separates people from God, making people sensitive to the whole Word of God.

Physical circumcision is an allegory of the spiritual circumcision of the heart which is sincere repentance. 

Circumcision of the flesh is an allegory of circumcision of the heart which is sincere repentance and the application of the sacrifice of Christ; which truly removes the barrier of sin and reconciles the sincerely repentant to God the Father.

After the mother delivers the baby, she must be isolated from other people for 40 days.  She is unclean and must be purified.

After the first seven days of seclusion the mother must remain in seclusion for another 33 days making a total of 40 days in seclusion.  The forty days is the period of purifying before entering the tabernacle, temple or any holy place. 

Such a seclusion is of great benefit to the mother and child; giving them time in a close family home environment to bond and to recover from the birth and develop immunity to disease.  Breast feeding is highly important for this bonding and natural immunization process. 

God forbid if the mother delivered a baby girl! Damnation and tarnation are in store!

If the child is female the mother’s separation is double that of a male child

66 days plus two weeks is 80 days. 

We make these specified sacrificial offerings today by going to God the Father in prayer and asking that the sacrifice of Christ be applied to us and to the child, setting apart the child through our faithfulness and asking for an understanding of these things.

The sin offering for the mother represents the application of Christ’s sacrifice for the repentant obedient woman: And a burnt offering pictures wholehearted faithful service to God the Father and Jesus Christ. 

The woman is commanded to reproduce, and childbearing is a great service to God the Father because a woman gave birth to Messiah the Christ, the Deliverer of humanity. 

So there you have it, the Pharisaical way of having sex. So go get some cheap baby oil and get frisky!

What it is like working for Dave Pack

Bradford Schleifer, Edward Winkfield, Andrew Holecomb, James Habboush, Greg Kaidannek, and other new "FALSE" ministers, need to heed the bible above man! These men have their head stuck so far up Dave Packs ass they cannot see the light of day. They drank the kool-aid, they are GONE! Chaff tossed to and fro by the winds of FALSE DOCTRINE. They are the embodiment of the book of JUDE. WOLVES in sheep clothing. White Sepulchers, If i could i would implicate the names of all the others but there are so many new ministers in this revolving door that is RCG. The turn over rate for staff, membership and ministers is unlike anything i have ever seen. Im convinced Pack uses sorcery over these men or that they are being influenced by Packs demonic spirit. 

Anybody with common damn sense could listen to a sermon from Pack's looney prophecies series and tell you it sounds like a chapters ripped straight outta harry potter. From humans having a glow and being able to fly on angels, to supernatural healing and killing people who disobey with your mouth. From living in a golden giant mansion on a hill in Jerusalem to being able to hear peoples thoughts, walking thru walls, escaping riots who try to kill you, traveling with the speed of thought, having power over people, and on and and on. 

Pack has made sure that as he has elevated himself thru prophecy taking on new titles that he would be careful to tantalize the membership with perks they too could receive if they divested themselves of all they've earned their whole life and give it to him.

Sounds a lot like paying for salvation that catholics used to do. No BODY. I mean NOT A single person in RCG can explain to you the prophecy even if they had verbatim notes...Because it is so fouled up and tangled that it is truly the Mystery of Babylon that wacko packo speaks about other churches being. 

RCG is much like the occult, they speak of supernatural wonders and miracles and weird stuff and are fixated on it to the degree SIMON MAGUS WAS TRYING TO PURCHASE the Holy Spirit. 

Humble works in RCG is serving pack and working on his campus on your Sundays and helping his yes men with all their needs including house moves, shoveling, mowing lawns, volunteering selling stuff, nothing ever for the members who are suppose to have all things common with their ministers who ohh by the way lease the latest vehicles and wear the best suits and tell their wives not to speak when they ought not and most obey the man like Sarah did to Abraham calling him MASTER...

IF RCG is a foreshadow of God's Government which i believe IT IS NOT but these days I COULD BE WRONG, but if it is, i will make sure that i run and dive HEAD FIRST into the lake of fire because i cannot see the LOVE in this type of government and i cannot see free will respected. 

RCG SAYS YOU HAVE FREE WILL BUT they try to control almost every aspect of your life, your hairstyle, whether or not you can have a beard, your family situation, marriage and dating, your clothes, how you even walk, ive gotten corrected for walking too slow i wasn't walking with enough purpose or fast enough, i was corrected for my lack of participation in helping in HQ.

I stopped helping bring food in for potlucks, singing in the choir and asked for a break from helping setup the halls on Fridays, setting up Saturdays and breaking down, and coming in again on Sundays to volunteer with moves or campus work because i was physically tired and had no time to rest and study on top of working in RCG 5 days a week, doing outside things for rcg including spokesman club...(another expense). It was too much, how could anyone spend time with family or talk too family? I was told that pulling back on all this would damage me spiritually and also make me to comfortable with not wanting to come back and help. 

WHAT are you F%$^ing kidding me. I will never put my mental stability, physical body, emotions ever beneath me for the sake of a man who does not blink as he lambasts the staff as being stupid and green and unable to take care of a goldfish let alone a cat (his words). He made fun of one of his staff members because the staff member got a callus and asked another minister why he got that, so he ridiculed the guy in a staff meeting as having never worked hard enough in life to get a callus and had to ask someone about it because it was bleeding.

EXCUSE ME!!! in the LAODICEAN ERA not every had the stellar damn upbringing PACK had. We are not the Children of a puzzle makers and military men and encyclopedia owners and we are not the direct Descendant of King David. We are children born in single parent homes, whove been sexualized from an early age, abused, left for dead, never taught how to make our beds, handle our finances, taught to clean up after ourselves, know proper etiquette, we had devices put into our hands from an early age, when to shitty schools, fought to survive, ate off snap benefits, recipients of welfare, low income, inundated with this current culture, WE DID NOT HAVE THE STELLAR UPBRINGING, not everyone gets that PACK!

I could never see that man as the embodiment of a Christ who healed a man who laid rotting on the street unable to walk, or who fed the hungry did not feed himself first, who flipped the tables in the temples because the House of God was being boiled down to a house of merchandise, who explicitly said we are the temples of the holy spirit, stones of God, pillars, the salt of the earth, his workmanship, his clay, and on and on and on.