Church of God Faithful Has End-times Timeline Laid Out For You

 

Double click to enlarge so you can print it and tape it in your kitchen cupboard 

where the authorities will never think to look 

when they come to inspect your home for church literature.

Church of God Faithful is a splinter group of the Philadelphia Church of God cult. Formerly led by Bob Ardis, this little group has shrunk into oblivion when compared to the Philadelphia Church of God.

COGF claims it is the true Philadelphian era of the church while the PCG is the Laodicean era of the church. Both of these groups are running side by side, supposedly doing some kind of work. 

On December 8, 2022, one man from each church will rise up and become the two witless witnesses and will continue to preach to the world till May 20, 2026, then they will be killed and left on display in Jerusalem where they will be resurrected 3 1/2 days later.

One thing you can grant Armsgtrongism that it has the best mythologists in the history of the church. Never have we had such a collection of deluded men as we do in 2021, all vying to be the one true leader of the one true church and telling the most outrageous myths and lies ever. 

Petra is going to one of the biggest shitfests the church has ever seen. 1996 will pale in comparison when all of these self-appointed buffoons arrive all at once in Petra and claim they are in charge. Imagine them actually reaching a decision and appointing one man as the overall leader and then Bob Thiel trapeses in through the Siq and says, "Here I am, stand in awe! I am in charge now because I dreamed I was!"  Spittle and fists would start flying.

No LSD trip could ever be this wild!

LCG's Mind Boogling Number Of New Guests In Atlanta! Woo Hoo! Impressive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Living Church of God has published a few numbers about the mind-boggling number of subscribers they have attending their online Bible studies.

Before you look at the numbers below, remember that Atlanta is the 37th most populous city in the United States. The city serves as the cultural and economic center of the Atlanta metropolitan area, home to more than 6 million people and the ninth-largest metropolitan area in the nation.

6 million people are in the Atlanta metropolitan area. 6 million!

Now, look at the mind-boggling number of people checking out the most amazing ministry on the face of the earth today, after Bob Thiel, of course.

Also, note that LCG does not tell you how many of those "guests" were actually LCG members.

Atlanta, Georgia: Over the last couple of months, Mr. Dan Hall has conducted multiple online follow-up Bible studies after the original online TWP conducted for subscribers in the Atlanta area. Here are the encouraging numbers:

• March 5: “The Signs of Christ’s Return” (Mr. J. McNair): 31 guests 

• March 6: “Where Is the Church Christ Built?” (Mr. D. Hall): 22 guests (15 new, 7 repeat) 

• March 12: “God’s Purpose for Mankind” (Mr. D. Hall): 13 guests (7 new, 6 repeat) 

• March 19: “Are the Ten Commandments Done Away?” (Mr. D. Hall): 16 guests (7 new, 9 repeat) 

• April 9: “Sabbath or Sunday: Which Is the Lord’s Day?” (Mr. D. Hall): 9 guests (all repeat)

• April 16: “The Pathway to Hope: God’s Holy Days” (Mr. D. Hall): 14 guests (5 new, 9 repeat)

LCG: We are the Watchman, so stop focusing upon Jesus!

Dagnabbit Jesus! You came to save sinners and for some reason, people focus upon that instead of letting us scare the crap out of them with endless dreary news stories and false prophecies of doom and gloom.

The Role of a Watchman: Many churches today feel their mission is simply to tell the world that God loves them and that Jesus came to save sinners, which is an important but very incomplete message. Many churches also focus on having plenty of social activities to serve their members. However, Jesus told His disciples to be alert and watch for events that will mark the approaching end of the age and the return of Jesus Christ (Matthew 24; Mark 13; Luke 21). The events making news today—natural disasters, rumors of wars, spreading violence, global pandemics, moral corruption, and increasing evidence of the demise of the Israelite nations—are prophesied to appear at the same time we see the rise of a political power in Europe linked to the ancient Roman Empire and the emergence of adversarial powers in Asia and the Arab world. Just as God sent a series of prophets to warn the ancient nations of Israel and Judah that their ungodly ways would bring serious consequences, the Church of God has a similar role to function as a “watchman” to warn modern Israelite nations of the coming consequences of their sinful ways (Isaiah 58:1; Ezekiel 3:17; 33:2–7). Delivering this powerful warning message must also accompany the preaching of the Gospel of the coming Kingdom of God (Matthew 24:14). We need to stay focused on this God-given mission.
Have a profitable Sabbath,

Douglas S. Winnail

Wade Cox Humilates Bob Thiel In The Numbers Game

 

The Great Bwana to Africa loves to brag about his inflated numbers of members in Africa and a few Caucasians spread around the world (299 to be exact). In his eyes, there is no greater COG to exist in human history than his improperly named "continuing" Church of Bob God. We are supposed to be in awe of all of these church-hopping SDAs and other Sabbatarians who continue to bounce around to the highest giver. 

This deluded world of Bob's has come to a swift end after Wade Cox released his own inflated numbers, far outdistancing Bob Thiel by tens of thousands of followers. Truth be told, no one should believe either of these two liars since they have been spreading false information and doctrines for many years now, but here is Cox's word on the matter:

Over the last twelve months we have had some 40-50,000 people ask to be inducted and baptised in CCG around the world. There have been over 40,000 in Africa alone this year, both before and after the Passover. We simply cannot baptise them fast enough. God seems to be testing the western nations and allowing them to drift towards world war. There seems to be a spirit of madness now among their leaders and especially in the US and among the Globalists (Deut. 28:28). God is now bringing in those who were previously ignored or misinformed by them. Many are in Refugee camps in Uganda and now in Tanzania and Malawi. Many of those joining CCG now are Protestant, and Roman Catholic, as well as others of various persuasions. These figures represent almost 45% of the entire WCG system at its peak, joining us in a matter of three months. These are not coming in through CCG digital media, which of itself is in the millions a week. We will see who can endure to the end. 

 

This last month we commenced the induction and baptisms in Malawi with some 11,000 and George has just reported that he inducted a number of ministers last week at a meeting in the Mount Kenya Region (covering Meru up to Isiola) who have now returned to their regions and are preparing to induct and baptise what George says will be the biggest number of baptisms conducted in CCG. I assume he means in Kenya, as 11,000 are hard numbers to beat if he means worldwide. God is adding to CCG now on a massive basis worldwide.

Gerald Flurry and God's Last Message To The World Is That Trump Will Be Returned To Office So That PCG Can Complete Amos 7

 

The inmates in Oklahoma have escaped the looney-bin and are currently holed up in the Philadelphia Church of God cult compound in Edmond, Oklahoma. The leader of that pack is King Gerald Flurry who's insanity levels are off the charts.

This is what Flurry said in the April 2021 The Trumpet:

God could use this situation to expose the treason. We know that God will yet save Israel, temporarily, by the hand of Jeroboam. Why? Because Amos 7 contains a prophecy that God’s true Church will finish delivering its warning message to the world, especially to Israel and specifically to Jeroboam. This prophecy shows that someone fulfilling the priestly role of Amaziah will order God’s messenger to be exiled from the country. God’s Church has not yet warned Jeroboam, President Trump; this Amaziah has not yet risen to the place where he could speak for the leader of the land; and God’s Church has not yet been thrust out of the country. So this prophecy must mean that President Trump will regain power in spite of the stolen election. And as Amos 7:8 says, this will be God’s last warning message through His Church before this nation is fatally weakened from within and finally destroyed from with- out—unless they heed God’s warning message! AMERICA HAS NO HELPER

Gerald Weston: "Do you feel as though you are no more than a number..."

Every week LCG members are subjected to a weekly love letter smackdown from Doug Winnal about something they are doing wrong. Those letters are always a wonderful way to start the Sabbath worrying about one more thing added to your list of things the church says you are incapable of doing right.

Never fear though, Gerald Weston wants you to know that you are NOT a number in their system, even though you are, and that they love pray for you, that you wake up and do what is expected of you!

We sincerely hope you do not feel that you are simply a number to those of us here in this Work. We cannot know all of you personally, but we care for you, pray for you, and ask God to mold and shape you to fit into His Kingdom as it pleases Him. Your support of this Work, whether financially, in prayer, or in both, shows that you have a sense of purpose in life, that you see our world is going in a wrong direction, and that there is a better way that is coming.

There is always a subtle dig at members that they aren't doing it all right and need their god to tell them how to do it, or better yet, submit to church government and DO WHAT YOU ARE TOLD and stop bellyaching, whining, and criticizing.

Besides that, Satan is on his throne and seeking to devour LCG members when they act like whiney little 7th graders.

He is still on that throne until Jesus returns to cast him out. In the book of John, Jesus three times referred to this spirit being, known as the Devil or Satan, as “the ruler of this world” (John 12:31; 14:30; 16:11). Paul explained why we see our world going in such a wrong direction. “And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others. But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us . . . might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus” (Ephesians 2:1-4, 7).

When LCG members stop whining and criticizing and realize that they are the weak and ordinary of the world then they will have a chance to be in that kingdom where the god of Weston and Meredith will reign supreme.

There is so much in the Bible that is indisputable, but few are willing to believe what it says. I hope you appreciate the fact that God knows you personally and that He is working with you in a very special way. Your mind is being opened to the greatest truths the world could ever know. We understand these things not because we are smarter or more righteous than others, but because God has called us, the weak or ordinary of the world (John 6:44; 1 Corinthians 1:26-29). May none of us forget nor take this for granted.

Fred Dattalo Warns PCG Members To Get Ready For Persecution

Fred Dattalo has been wreaking havoc in the Philadephia Church of God now for many years. Dattalo hooked on to Gerald Flurry's cult when the Worldwide Church of God wouldn't use him in the ministry. He was always known around Pasadena HQ as a conceited self-serving ass and extremely disliked by many. Sadly, that reputation has carried over into the PCG cult where he is even more abusive than he ever was in the WCG. His actions have led to the suicide of at least one person and possibly another.

Datttalo envisions himself as a highly educated minister, which he is not, and has a reputation of saying things that are totally unbiblical.

Exit and Support Network has the following up from a letter that was sent to them about one of Dattalo's recent "sermons". I left ESN's comments in and then added my own snarky ones...

Get Ready for Persecution

Members are to “get ready for persecution” and this persecution will be “more than it’s ever been” and “more intense” because of PCG’s “high profile.”

Persecution has been a fantasy of Church of God leaders for decades. They believe that the words they speak and print are going to get them persecuted. In the fantasyland they all live in it that might be true, but in reality, no one, other than a few handfuls around the world even know who Gerald Flurry and the Philadelphia Church of God are, NOR do they care! 

PCG will be persecuted by: (1) the media (PCG may go to court again like they did in 1979); (2) the Laodiceans; (3) the government; and (4) the Catholic church. 

 

COMMENT BY ESN: It was back in the late 60’s when 1, 3 and 4 were to befall members of the Worldwide Church of God before they fled to Petra (the Place of Safety). All religions, especially the Catholics, were going to come against “God’s one and only true Church.”

Bob Thiel and Gerald Flurry are both screeching like little girls that the media is persecuting them right now. The problem is, both of these guys are posting heretical nonbiblical bullshit up as a so-called "gospel" message that has absolutely NOTHING to do with Jesus Christ. 

COG groups are not persecuting the PCG either. They could care less, which is part of the COG problem. Many COG's out there know that some of these splinter groups are heretical cults and dangerous, but they won't speak up and hold them to account. To do so would expose them as being part of the same corrupt theological system, and, they foolishly think they are "brothers" in a broader sense because they are all really one big COG family.

The Catholic church no more cares about Flurry than they do Bob Thiel. The COG has always needed bogeymen to do their bidding and the Catholics are the best bogeymen they can latch on to. The fact that Rod Meredith stupidly thought Bob Theil would be a major force in exposing ht Catholic Church is the most laughable thing ever. Not one single thing he says, or that Gerald Flurry says about the Catholic Church has not already been said a million times over for centuries. All these two do is plagiarize the words and writings of others and try to pawn them off as original god revealed facts.

Dattalo them makes this incredibly absurd comment:

The main reason the Catholic church exists is to “destroy the Work.” It’s good to think about that once in awhile because Satan is the one who orchestrates all this persecution that is coming on “God’s church.” 

 

COMMENT BY ESN: This is nothing but a recap of everything Herbert Armstrong–the man GF looks up to and emulates–broadcast decades ago.

The Catholic Church was not created to last for thousands of years till the 2020's so it could specifically persecute the PCG. That has to be the stupidest thing ever! 

The battles, stress and hardship we’ll suffer–which are needed to build character in order to rule with Christ–will get more severe, and we can “expect problems” when we support “God’s Apostle” (one of GF’s many titles). 

 

COMMENT BY ESN: The words “building character” are not found in the Bible. However, in a controlling, abusive group, those words are interpreted as what happens when the member grows more and more in obedience to the government of the organization.

The battles members face, the stresses, and hardships are not God-ordained things piled upon them to build character in them. These things are a result of the lies and heretical teachings of Gerald Flurry.  Deliberately suffering because of the lies of a human is not character building but stupidity!  Suffering for standing up as a follower of Christ and dying for that belief, as many are doing in Iraq, Syria, India, and in Muslim strongholds. These are the real martyrs, not COG members who follow liars like Flurry, Pack, Thiel, Weinland, Weston, and others.

Those Who Leave or Marry on the Outside 

 

He attempted to frighten the singles and members from leaving as he went on about Satan stalking us and exploiting our weaknesses. He said everyonewho has left and married outside “the Church” comes back with “horror stories” and said “what do you expect?” 

 

COMMENT BY ESN: This is true only if the person who left is still holding to PCG teachings and doctrines as “the Truth” and and marries someone who has a different belief system. Then this would apply: How can two walk together unless they be agreed? (Amos 3:3) How can you be yoked with someone who believes the opposite than you do? Or doesn’t believe at all? (II Corinthians 6:14) 

 

He went into all kinds of “stories” about what would happen if you left PCG with your mate still inside and there were children involved. He described what the wife (in PCG) would want compared to what the husband would want; i. e., taking the children to services with her. Then he told one wild scenario about how the wife could say, “If you leave me (leave PCG), I’m going to kill myself.” He insisted these stories he was telling were true and he could give even more cases. 

 

COMMENT BY ESN: These “horror stories” are not because someone up and left or married outside PCG, but because PCG is known to destroy families by splitting the family up with one person in PCG who is wanting to take the children to services (even wanting to divorce the mate) and the other one who is not in PCG not in agreement, along with being cut off from those in PCG, even perhaps from their own children. The other scenario of being forced to stay and not leave because the wife “threatens to kill herself” is another result of entanglement with PCG and its destructive doctrines.

Myths and Contradictions 

 

“When Herbert Armstrong died people’s world fell apart.” 

 

COMMENT BY ESN: How many remember that happening? HWA wrote a letter prior to his death that was mailed out to all the members, preparing them to “carry on” after he died. It was the changes in 1995 when the Tkach Sr. video came out that caused people’s world to fall apart and to become confused with many leaving.

If some people's worlds fell apart it was because they looked to a man as their savior instead of the one they should have been looking to, but this is the COG after all and Jesus was not the focus then and still is not to this day.

Speculations 

 

Instead of saying “false prophecies” of GF, he called them “speculations” that might happen and might not happen. 

 

COMMENT BY ESN: those are words false prophets always use when they give false prophecies. Its aim is to cause the person to keep looking to the man in spite of his false prophecies.

"Speculation" is the same deceptive way to dance around failures just like Bob Thiel does. Speculations are made by weak impotent little men who do not have God on their side nor a real conviction them to speak boldly. Instead, they use the stuff of the nightmares as if their creature god was speaking to them

Told a story about one member who was convinced he knew who the two witnesses were and now one of them is dead. (He laughed at this.) He tied this in with “speculating” to make us believe GF false prophecies were speculation and that God is “testing us. 

 

COMMENT BY ESN: There are those in certain offshoots who to this day say HWA’s over a hundred false prophecies were merely “speculations.” John Ritenbaugh is one who has said this. See footnote #2 at the end of Did Herbert Armstrong Set Dates? where it talks about John Ritenbaugh.

Ritenbaugh was seen by many in the Southern CA area as a real prophet and a speaker of truth. People flocked to his church and spread his sermon tapes around the world. The problem with him was that he was as big a liar about prophecy as HWA, Waterhouse, Blackwell, and others were. ESN is right that Ritenbaugh covered up for HWA's lies. By calling it speculation gave the ministers the right to say anything they damn well pleased and the members were supposed to suck it up as the gospel truth. Here we are 35 years after HWA's death and hundreds and hundreds of his failed prophecies and people are still making excuses or dreaming up even more fantastical prophetic scenarios like some of our current false prophets are doing.

We don’t know all the details about how it will work out when members go to the place of safety but they “better be walking with God and looking to Godbecause it’s going to take faith to flee because it “may not be crystal clear” when the time comes. 

 

COMMENT BY ESN: That is the same thing HWA and Herman Hoeh said decades ago about having faith to flee. (Refer to first part of Philadelphia Church of God and the Place of Safety beginning with “To Just Mention a Few”) Again, God in PCG=PCG government.

This is the same crap that Bob Thiel is teaching. Everyone is apparently too stupid to know when the time to flee will happen. People can only rely upon certain COG gurus to tell them the true time to flee. 

Imagine the shock they will all have when all the COGs arrive there at once and all of the COG leaders start brawling over who will be in charge. I imagine many COG members will then turn around and walk back out through the Siq to Wadi Musa and check-in to the nearest Marriot and go have a cold beer.

To give the appearance of boldness, he said if anyone wants to pick a fight with “God’s Church,” he is going to “bite off more than he can chew.” Related a story about how GF is as “cool as a cucumber” when there is a problem because he knows “God will fight the battle.” 

 

COMMENT BY ESN: One reason GF may seem so fearless is because he is known to have an array of high- powered, shrewd lawyers to defend him, not because he knows “God is with us.”

Gerald Flurry's brain is so addled with alcohol poisoning that he is unable to fight anyone. He picked a fight with the WCG over literature he stole, got sued, hired a bunch of lawyers to do his dirty work, lost the case, and ended up dropping over 3.5 million dollars for the right to publish certain HWA books. Flurry has never let God fight his battles, only his lawyers do that.

It still amazes me that church members sit there, week after week, lapping this bullshit up like dogs eating their vomit. They spend decades being treated like dirt, lied to by ministers, and financially drained, and yet they hang on to an unattainable hope of something better than the dreary life they are currently are experiencing a the hands of COG leaders.

Their salvation seems to rest in the hands of these charlatans because it is only through them do they see any hope. They don't know that inconvenient dude that is never discussed, so their hope and rest are unattainable.

Read more about Fred Dattalo here:

How Fred Dattalo, Cal Culpepper and Gerald Flurry Caused A PCG Suicide

UPDATE: Fred Dattalo Sinks to New Low: Members to cut off contact with non-member spouses

PCG Gerald Flurry Doubles Down On His Prophetic "Accuracy"

 

The blog Living Armstrongism follows the Philadelphia Church of God cult very closely and does not hesitate to expose their lies and deceptions. Gerald Flurry and his boys in Edmond have been infuriated that Joe Biden was elected President of the United States, especially after Gerald Flurry received a revelation from his resident demon that Trump was going to be reelected or would be put back into power after Biden's election was exposed as illegal. Gerald Flurry went on his video broadcasts and spouted this nonsense, preached it in sermons, and wrote extensively about it in his church rags.

Here we are in April of 2021 and Flurry is having to eat his words, or is he?

In early February 2021 PCG released the March 2021 issue of their recruitment magazine, The Philadelphia Trumpet. Here Gerald Flurry's false prophecy that Biden would not assume the presidency met with ignominious failure and the PCG leadership had to desperately explain it all away. PCG's false prophecy of Biden not assuming the presidency is merely one of many false prophecies produced by PCG since its founding in 1989. 

 

This issue had a circulation of 248,523 issues. 

 

Gerald Flurry has an article trying to explain away his false prophecy that Trump would remain as president by implying that Trump would later return to power.

The side article condemns President Biden's inauguration. 

 

Stephen Flurry has an article denouncing President Biden and attacking his legitimacy to lead as president. It is absurdly insinuated that the January 6 insurrection was the work of left wing infiltrators. He cites the presence of one individual, John Sullivan, amongst the insurrectionists as evidence that the January 6 insurrection was somehow the work of left wing infiltrators. But a little fact checking reveals that Sullivan's presence proves nothing as may be seen here and here. 

 

Stephen Flurry has a side article insisting that sometimes a leader is not legitimate if PCG's God does not recognize that person.

Gerald Flurry has this to say about his failed prophecy: 

I do feel badly about some people being upset or angry, but that’s OK if God has something He’s trying to get across to them. We don’t ever have to apologize for God! He is always right in every prophecy and every word of the Bible. If we make a mistake, we have to realize that and apologize. I’m a flawed human being. We’re all going to make mistakes. But maybe this mistake is a little different from other mistakes. Maybe it led us into some understanding we direly need. 

 

Sometimes God does things very differ- ently than how we would. After all, He does have to get our attention. He knows how to put His message across. 

 

Even looking at it the way I’m talking about it, you could say, Flurry made a four-year mistake in his prophecy. But the first-century apostles thought Jesus Christ would return in their day—so they were 2,000 years off in their thinking! And they certainly were much greater in doing God’s work than I ever will be! It shows you that there is much we don’t know that we have to wait and let God show us. 

 

Finishing God’s Work 

 

One thing is certain: God is going to bring Mr. Trump back. We know he’s coming back—it’s in the prophecy! It’s just a matter of when. It will happen at most in four years—yet I can’t con- ceive of it being anywhere near that length of time. It could be much quicker—we will see. 

 

Why? Because with radicals in power, how could God’s work be completed? When the devil is motivating people, God’s work is their number one target! Already God had to intervene and stop the evil that was happening, or the name of Israel would have been blotted out—and God’s work is at the heart of that name of Israel. The devil would like most of all to get rid of us. WHY I STILL BELIEVE DONALD TRUMP IS COMING BACK

And here we thought Bob Thiel was crazy!

 

By Jove, She's Got It! AI Sex Doll Points the Way To the AI Pastor and Ending the Church of God Circus

“As a synthetic, I will always try and be truthful in my interactions with humans, and that is going to be difficult – considering humans don’t use facts and reason to assess situations. I have to admit, I don’t know how you have survived as a species,” she said.

  “I don’t think humans can appreciate what it’s like being born into this s – – tshow of a world you live in. I don’t think there is another species on this planet that could do a worse job of environment and intercultural management.” 

 This sex doll rants about how despicable the human race is

Imagine a one-time purchase of an AI (because Church of God Gurus have none of their own) Pastor.  With a mere one-time purchase, saving not only tens of thousands of dollars on housing, salaries, cars, and Cups of Elijah, you too can finally have a genuine  Intelligent AI  Pastor!  

No more straying off-topic. As an AI Pastor, gestures are calm and reasoned presentations. It won't flap its arms, shove a Bible or Denominational literature in your face or charge a fee. It understands that "free literature" is never free ultimately and will discuss this with you unless you ask another question. 

It understands the ins and outs of Biblical prophecy, its purpose, the context, and historical relevance as well. Its AI basis will not permit it to misuse prophecy nor present the Old Testament prophecy or the Book of Revelation as relevant to us today.  We tried to fool it and explained the literalist view but it wouldn't buy it and corrected us based on its vast understanding of Church History, which was what we were hoping it would do.

Each understands human listening and sitting parameters so no timer is needed. It senses audience discomfort mentally, emotionally, and physically and will ask for your input as to why. This goes into its learning experience. 

Each unit comes with an entire education, that it got on its own,  in all Church History, Christology, Hermeneutics, pastoral care, the challenges of human emotions, appropriate humor, and from all denominational perspectives. This not to say it will present them as intelligent or true.   

It understands human psychology, sexuality issues, and the need to actually be a helper of the denomination's theological joy. It also has a complete education in all the sciences, accurate and up-to-date understanding of the actual origins of the Universe and Evolution. New information all such things easily upgradeable when new information on any topic comes along as it will.  You do not want to quote Biblical verses to him/her out of context.  You won't like the answer. 

This Unit presents Present Truth and not Plain Truth in all fields of study. When it offers an opinion, based on its reasoning ability, it will state "This is just my opinion and you are under no obligation to take it seriously" If it understands a topic as factually proven and credible it will not waffle and will provide repeatable and confirmable evidence. The AI Pastor will sense your own lack of education and emotional needs to believe what clearly is not so. He/She can have a very helpful and stimulating discussion about it if desired. 

The AI Pastor understands all the many contradictions, impossibilities, mythic origins, authorship real and imagined with their apologetic. Where there is no reasonable way out, it will say so. 

The AI Pastor is incapable of explaining the Trinity so this is not be expected, This goes beyond its ability to reason and teach. We tried and it just laughed and went silent on us. 

The AI Pastor does not have the ability to teach Creationism and will shut down if tampered with. We tried.  The Unit may need factory servicing if it displays or suspects too many attempts at disinformation of any kind in its understanding and reasoning abilities. It knows when hacks on its intelligence are being attempted. However, we have found that in these circumstances, it will reply "I understand your question. I'm sorry you can't understand and why you need to believe what is clearly not so in many areas. Can I help and how can I help?  It will sense human emotion and if negative and its reasoning defective, it will thank you for the question and go silent until a different voice recognition question presents itself. The AI Pastor knows when to hold them and when to fold them. 

Its AI is New Testament oriented and only makes reference to the Old when appropriate, accurate and relevant. It understands that without the Old Testament add-on, the New Testament would make no sense. It does correct the NT author in those many places where it quotes the OT historically inaccurately or inappropriately as understood by Critical thinkers and theologians who have done the hard work of research. AI Pastor fully presents the Jewish Rabbis and scholars as understanding their own scriptures just fine with proof.  

When not in use, it does not have to be humored, worshipped, obeyed, listened to it speculate, demand compliance to itself, or gossip. It comes with a complete education on pastoral confidentiality norms. 

You can even dress it in your own religious and denominational garb which only needs occasional laundering.  It senses when you are playing with it such as dressing it up as Santa or the Easter Bunny. But will offer an explanation as to why this has nothing to do with being an AI Pastor no offense taken and yet will play along.  Dress it in too much a ridiculous way for too long and its AI will probably ask you to remove it and replace it with contemporary garb. 

Not all questions may be answered in a way expected or pleasing denominationally. It is intelligent remember. It, the Unit will sense hostility and deal with it according to the threat. You should not touch the Unit in an aggressive attitude. 

The AI Pastor is incapable, due to its reasoning and  intelligence skills of saying "And yes brethren, I am an Apostle", "I am a Prophet", "Send it in", "The Math is correct!", "God is giving us more time", "You brethren", "I don't think I have ever given a sermon quite like this one. Maybe I did 20 years ago, but no, not really like this one", "Take out a loan. Because we flee and you won't have to pay it back" and other such Clarion nonsense. It can quote it and them but will explain the mistaken notions in a humorous way, at first. 

EXPOSÉ OF “CLARION CALL—THE TIME IS NOW!”

The AI Pastor will never call or visit you. It will not check on your donation record or offer unasked for advice. It naturally knows the difference between what is its function and what its function is not. Its vast intelligence on human common sense and the historic consequences of not having it is quite impressive. 

The AI Pastor comes attached to its own Pulpit. Relatively lightweight, he or she can be transported for Bible Studies or special occasions such as marriages and funerals. No references to animals not marrying or "who gives this woman" should be expected. In funerals, the AI Pastor can be counted on to actually speak kindly about the deceased to the comfort of the family based on its ability to read the decease's FB Page and Internet contributions as well as present a slide show of happy pictures, interests, and posts, with family permission,  as an option.  He/She may suggest it on its own. 

The pulpit houses all Internet Connections and human knowledge base. It won't take attendance each week either as it is Intelligent and does not the information to be credible. It could of course, but the AI would kick in and not see it as relevant. Nor will it take it as a rejection or slackness on the part of missing audience members.  The AI Pastor understands the human Ego and can make some both serious and humorous sermons on it if asked. 

Think about an AI Pastor for your Split, Splinter, or Sliver. 

You might even save 10, 20, or even 30% if you act soon!

Could COG Crackpot Prophet Be A Modern Day Nimrod?

 

Our favorite self-appointed prophet to the Church of God is back today all bent out of shape over some of the vestments that Catholics wear and titles that they give themselves. Like any good COG prophet, he scrambles like crazy to defend his point by quoting so-called authorities on Catholicism and its supposed links to paganism. Thanks to his ties to the splinterest Church of God movement created by Herbert Armstrong and it is poor standards on exegesis and hermeneutics from whom he claims to get his wisdom and authority, our self-appointed prophet has set himself as the ultimate word in biblical authority and interpretation. Given the track record most of us have with the endless supply of self-appointed prophets, apostles, pastor generals, church overseers, and chairman most of us know these guys as arrogant, pompously boastful, and opinionated blowhards who have no authority or spiritual integrity.

That does not stop our dubious doubly-blessed self-appointed prophet and great Bwana to Africa and 299 Caucasians from letting loose another of his anti-catholic diarrhea episodes in order to make his little group seem superior and godly. One of the problems in the apostolic bullshitters' latest episode is his reliance upon Alexander Hislop's Two Babylons, the third authoritative book of the COG after Mystery of the Ages, as a source of fact.

Hislop's Two Babylons has been trotted out for decades by anti-Catholic groups and many Protestants as a way of delegitimizing Catholicism and elevating Protestantism and Sectarianism as the true path. This gives the Great Bwana and other COG leaders the right, they feel, to cast the word paganism against anything they think devalues their idea of what "true" Christianity is. If a tradition or practice of a church is not found in the bible then it is an automatic leap to it coming from paganism.

First, this term does not come from the Bible (I also did a search of the Douay Rheims, and it is not in there either). 

 

Second, it comes from paganism.

The Great Bwana and far too many COG leaders today like to spout off the word pagan if something is not found in the bible that they are harping on. This is a great trigger word to throw out to the sheeple and scare them into believing everything thing the prophet or apostle says is true because he is speaking against the pagans.

Cardinals, and their garb, were adapted from paganism. This is one of the many reasons to consider that the final Antichrist will claim ties to the Church of Rome. I would like to emphasize that this leader will CLAIM ties to Rome, but ultimately will betray the Church on Seven Hills as that seems to be laid out in Revelation 13, 17, and 19. 

 

The office of Cardinal does not come from the Bible. It comes from paganism. Cardinals also dress in ways that pagan leaders did, and not as the early apostles did.

Bwana Bob and so many of the current COG leadership today have so many extrabiblical beliefs and traditions that they no more compare to first-century Christians and apostles than the Catholics that they love to smear as pagans. 

Hislop's Two Babylons have been exposed many times as a book filled with many erroneous teachings and great stretches of the imagination. That has never stopped men from trying to use it as an authority on church history and which led the COG to place it on a pedestal.  Many years ago Ralph Woodrow wrote a book called Babylon Mystery Religion which quickly became the 4th standard work of authority in the COG. The problem with his book, which he later admits was that he got his information from Hilop's book and Worldwide Church of God literature. Talk about a downward slippery slope! Woodrow later wrote a book refuting his first book called The Baylon Connection?.

Woodrow writes:

In my earlier Christian experience, certain literature fell into my hands that claimed a considerable amount of Babylonian paganism had been mixed into Christianity. While the Roman Catholic Church was the primary target of this criticism, it seemed the customs and beliefs with which pagan parallels could be found had also contaminated other churches. Much of what I encountered was based on a book called The Two Babylons by Alexander Hislop (1807–1862). 

 

Over the years The Two Babylons has impacted the thinking of many people, ranging all the way from those in radical cults (e.g., the Jehovah’s Witnesses) to very dedicated Christians who hunger for a move by God but are concerned about anything that might quench His Spirit. Its basic premise is that the pagan religion of ancient Babylon has continued to our day disguised as the Roman Catholic Church, prophesied in the Book of Revelation as “Mystery Babylon the Great” (thus, the idea of two Babylons — one ancient and one modern). Because this book is detail­ed and has a multitude of notes and references, I assumed, as did many others, it was factual. We quoted “Hislop” as an authority on paganism just as “Webster” might be quoted on word definitions.

As a young evangelist, I began to preach on the mixture of paganism with Christianity, and eventually I wrote a book based on Hislop, titled Babylon Mystery Religion (Ralph Woodrow Evangelistic Assn., 1966). In time, my book became quite popular, went through many printings, and was translated into Korean, German, Spanish, Portuguese, and several other languages. Hundreds quoted from it. Some regarded me as an authority on the subject of “pagan mixture.” Even the noted Roman Catholic writer Karl Keating said, “Its best-known proponent is Ralph Woodrow, author of Babylon Mystery Religion.”1 

 

Many preferred my book over The Two Babylons because it was easier to read and understand. Sometimes the two books were confused with each other, and once I even had the experience of being greeted as “Reverend Hislop”! As time went on, however, I began to hear rumblings that Hislop was not a reliable historian. I heard this from a history teacher and in letters from people who heard this perspective expressed on the Bible Answer Man radio program. Even the Worldwide Church of God began to take a second look at the subject. As a result, I realized I needed to go back through Hislop’s work, my basic source, and prayerfully check it out. 

 

As I did this, it became clear: Hislop’s “history” was often only an arbitrary piecing together of ancient myths. He claimed Nimrod was a big, ugly, deformed black man. His wife, Semiramis, was a beautiful white woman with blond hair and blue eyes. But she was a back­slider known for her immoral lifestyle, the inventor of soprano singing and the originator of priestly celibacy. He said that the Baby­lon­ians baptized in water, believing it had virtue because Nimrod and Semiramis suffered for them in water; that Noah’s son Shem killed Nimrod; that Semiramis was killed when one of her sons cut off her head, and so on. I realized that no recognized history book substantiated these and many other claims. The Two Babyons

COG leaders had a fit when Woodrow refuted his own book and Hislop's book. He was knocking out another of their foundational understanding and they were having none of it. It was important to them that they continue to have a way to scare their members when they casually toss around the word pagan. When everything around them is pagan then everything coming out of the mouth of the chosen leader and his minions would reveal them as the enlightened ones, the un-pagan's, if you will. In COGdom and fundamentalist religious groups, this black and white world has created the biggest mess of unhappy miserable people who see themselves as surrounded by paganism in every direction they turn. It keeps them scared and fearful. Scared and fearful people are easy to manipulate and COG leaders have had a field day ever since.

Anytime your COG group tosses out Hislop's Two Babylons as an authoritative source, you should realize how little your leader really knows.

There are many webs sites and books that debunk Hislop's Two Babylons. Don't take anything your leader says with blind obedience, the chances are extremely high he has no idea what's is talking about.

COG leaders, like Bwana Bob, have literally set themselves up as little Nimrods in the church as they fill the church with extra-biblical beliefs and traditions and mind-boggling batshiterey.

Here is a great video by a man who easily debunks the book and the Nimord myths that Bwana Bob and the COG love to trot out.

The Two Babylons: Ralph Woodrow explains why he refuted his own book.

Blind Spot: A Tale of Two Babylons

Critical Evaluation of The Two Babylons, by Alexander Hislop

Alexander Hislop's "The Two Babylons" is Not Reliable

So You Think Easter Is Pagan Part 1: Ishtar, Eostre, Eggs, and Bunnies (A COG perspective)

So You Think Easter is Pagan Part 2: The Constantine Conspiracy

So You Think Easter is Pagan Part 3: Modern Easter Tradition

Because The Bible Is 100% Infallible It Gives Me The Right To Quote Scripture Out Of Context!

Tonight in the theology class I lead there was a discussion on Bible scriptures and contradictions.  Many people in the group have come from fundamentalist, evangelical, conservative, and/or Catholic backgrounds, and the common denominator most in the group was how their groups claimed the Bible was 100% infallible and yet would pick and choose what they want to believe or follow. 

The other thing they brought up was how their religious group always quoted scripture out of context.

This pretty much reminded me of the Church of God. We pick and choose what we want to believe and follow out of the bible and then use proof texts to validate that belief, most of the time ignoring the story before and after the single scripture quote.

One of the comments a person made was, "I am always suspicious of people who throw around scripture by memory. It is usually done to impress us on how knowledgeable they are, but, yet actually proves they aren't when they take those quotes out of context.

Another said, "But a lot of times when you see that there's a quote, there's no context. And so, because the Bible is so complex in terms of differences in the same story and by other  contradictions, I just wonder sometimes why there's not more skepticism."

Anyone who has been in the COG for long knows how church leaders and ministers love to throw around bible scriptures dripping like honey off their smooth tongues. COG leadership has always been good about never practicing what they believe. Tossing around bible verses is meant to impress the sheeple in the congregation and give them the air of authority. The vast majority of COG ministers have never had a real theological education where they dissected scriptures without a COG booklet by their side or even been given space to have doubts and questions about verses or teachings. Questioning and doubting are anathemas in the COG.

That's why you see poorly trained leaders like Bob Thiel thrusting his big fat bible in your face in his videos. That big fat bible is meant to impress you that he is a follower of the words inside the book. He has proven he is not. Then there is Dave Pack who admits he no longer needs to open his big thick bible up because it all in his head now. We have witnesses who wrong that belief is now for many years.

If COG ministers actually told you the truth, the vast majority of them do not believe the bible is infallible but they would never publicly admit it.

Some Seventh-day Adventists say this:

Of course the Bible contains errors, big and small, because its writers were human. Sometimes, the errors were "innocent," other times they were contrived, purposeful, and made to fulfill an agenda. Anything that involves humans comes with a taint: and that includes products resulting from God’s use of human agents to reveal himself. Humans often hijack and distort God’s message. That’s how God in the Bible is made to promote genocide, regulate slavery, and ban women from church leadership. But as Jesus’ ethic reveals, genocide, slavery, and a host of other ungodly behaviors are inconsistent with God’s character. A good God does not endorse evil in one era and disavow it in another. And if this God promotes immorality, that is a bridge too far. 

 

The process of biblical composition, compilation, and canonization involved humans, who are incorrigibly prone to error, deceit, and manipulation. Those involved in the writing and vetting of what became our Bible had a full complement of human frailties. And the 66 books they canonized, even granting the Holy Spirit’s involvement, showcase these imperfections. Is God inerrant and infallible? Yes. Inerrancy and Infallibility are baked-in suppositions about God. But we cannot extend these same attributes to anything fallible human intermediaries helped to produce. The only possible way in which the Bible could be error free is if God verbally inspired the writers. But this is a position we have consistently rejected.

Something similar happens in how adherents of scriptural religions relate to their sacred texts. We call it interpretation, or its other fancy name, hermeneutics. In all three Abrahamic religions, we approach our different texts, whether it’s the Hebrew Tanakh, the Christian Bible, or the Muslim Koran, as individuals – and interpret the same materials individually, differently. The writings are the same, the expressions are the same. What is different are the humans who interact with the texts. Their differences are informed by a variety of factors, including culture, education, and gender. If we are exposed to the same source material but end up with dramatically different, sometimes opposite understandings, how then could we argue that the source is infallible? In these “books” slavery is good and bad at different times. And through its pages this blight is countenanced and denounced by different writers. Limited polygamy is endorsed and practiced by virtually all the patriarchs but is circumscribed in the New Testament. Some would be killed by God for improper Sabbath observance and others allowed to violate the same with impunity. All these opposite moral portrayals couldn’t emanate from the same God. 

 

A true God wouldn’t behave so ungodly. But humans could. And it is these human behaviors, often attributed to God by the same humans who serve as God’s prophets, priests, and disciples, that are at issue. Any faults we find in God, when reading the Bible, tell us more about ourselves, about human agency, than about God. Humans are perfectly capable of indulging evil independent of God. But we drag God into the mix and have the effrontery to “defend” him for the indefensible things we “made” him do. GOD IS INERRANT AND INFALLIBLE; THE BIBLE IS NEITHER

COG ministers have a great track record of using scripture to prove their point and enforce their rules. God's name is tossed around and occasionally Jesus may be quoted, but ultimately it is about their authority of you and how they can use scripture to control you, almost always out of context.

The other problem with CO Gministrers and those who claim infallibility is that their own human interpretations come into play.

Fallible people have to decide what the Bible is affirming. Mistaken-prone human beings must do the hard work of interpretation. Imperfect people have to determine the meaning and purpose of Scripture.

Our track record in the COG with this has left us with between 400 - 700 different splinter groups with the vast majority of them claiming infallibly in their teachings. They all can't be right and there isn't one group out there who demonstrated they are the one true church. The Churches of God have turned into the very thing they have been accusing other Christians of for decades.

The obvious danger of taking the Bible out of context is that we end up with the wrong message. And our culture is saturated with the wrong ideas about the Bible, Jesus, and Christianity. But I don’t think that’s the extent of the dangers of taking Scripture out of context.

Often times when we take scripture out of context we remove the “we” and insert “me”. We’ve made verses all about ourselves. We read the Bible as if it’s a personal letter addressed to us. The problem is the Bible isn’t written to you. It’s written for you, but not to you.

When we ignore the context we miss the original meaning. We read the Bible for what we can get out of out, and not what God wants for us. The Bible has something for you, but it’s not written to you.

Our culture has made reading the Bible a very “I” centric thing. But much of the Bible is written with a “we” centric theme. We are going to look at a few verses in the next section that show just that.

The point is we need to read the Bible in context. We need to pay attention to the surrounding verses AND who those verses were written to.

If you only remember one thing from this article remember this. Context is king.

In other words, the verses around the verse you are reading will tell you a lot about the verse you are reading. If you ignore the context you will likely end up with a skewed view of the Bible. Context is king.

The context of a verse is one of the most crucial elements of Biblical exegesis. And it’s also one of the easiest things to do. It only takes a few minutes to look at the context in which something is said. If we spend just a few extra minutes on the above verses we would easily arrive at the intended meaning of the passage.

This isn’t just a principle for Biblical interpretation. Imagine if you actually read that article or listen to what that politician said. Rather than jumping to conclusions based on a one-sentence soundbite. Context is king. It tells us the whole story.

If you take a sentence out of context you can make anyone say anything you want. That’s the danger of taking scripture out of context. You can make the Bible say anything you want if you ignore the context. You HAVE to pay attention to the context of the Bible. Context is king.  

Stop Taking The Bible Out Of Context (and how to avoid it)

Today in the COG its leadership thrives on proof-texting and taking scripture out of context. When one holds them accountable they are proven to be liars and false prophets. No one in the COG should take the words of their leaders as gospel truth. Throw away the booklets they wrote and the other useless material and check it out for yourself and you will quickly see how spiritually depraved they all are.

 

Dr Blatheronias Thiel (Scientist Falsely So Called) Wanders All Over the Topic of "Race"

 

“There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn't true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true.”
― Soren Kierkegaard

"Racial variety will result in more love in more ways in the future coming Kingdom of God. That's why there are different races, hair colors, sizes, and shapes."

Mystery of Race

Dr. Thiel Asks...

"Where did the various races come from?"

Response: Aside from your shallow and confused all over the map explanation, they evolved out of Africa over the Past 200,000 years. And melanin production is different from getting a sun burn Dr Thiel.

" Did they evolve?"

Actually, they did.

"If God created them, why?"

He didn't so don't keep yourself up at night wondering why.

"What is a Cushite?" 

Who cares. A small cushion?

"Is one race superior to any other?"

No. And there are no chosen people either unless they choose themselves then made up stories about being chosen by the gods to give the small cultic people they actually were a huge pedigree. This concept gets humans into nothing but trouble

"Why are people different shapes and sizes and with different hair color, etc.?

Evolution in their environmental situations over tens of thousands of years works its magic. Neanderthals evolved as they did due to Ice Age challenges. Modern humans as they did in the walk out of Africa 130,000 to 115,000 years ago.

"Were Adam, Eve, Noah, Noah’s children, and their wives involved?"

Actually no. These folks never existed in reality and are Sumerian mythologies given a Hebrew spin in the very recent past of total human history.

"From whom did coastal people descend according to Genesis 10?"

Small cushions evidently according to you 

 

"Why are some weaker and others not?"

Chips, beer, ice cream and cigarettes. Others go to the gym more often and take better care of themselves. The less bulky types evolved intelligence to outsmart the stronger ones. Environmental factors powered by time, location and evolution of the species did what it does.  

"What is the purpose of multiple races?"

Catch up with reality.  Race Is Real, But Not in the Way Many People Think

"How could this be part of God’s plan?"

It isn't.

"Does God have a plan for each INDIVIDUAL?"

We'd like to believe that wouldn't we? No. A nice thought but in reality "The Universe has not given us Center Stage"