Monday, November 24, 2025

Crackpot Prophet: It Got Hot In Israel the Other Day - A Sure Sign Of The End Times! Oh Noes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



God's most highly favored prophet to the Churches of God really got hot under the collar the other day, freaking out over a tiny little heat wave in Israel and immediately interpreting it as a surefire sign of the end times. Crackpot Bwana Bob fails to realize that Jerusalem and most of Israel sit on the same latitude lines as Los Angeles and the West Coast of California. Israel boasts a Mediterranean environment just like Central and Southern California do. Heck, we even share a ton of the same plants and crops as Israel.

Just as we endure heat waves here in Southern California during this time of year, Israel does too. It's nothing for us to hit 80-90°F while the rest of the country is freezing its butt off. Shush! Don't let our resident crackpot prophet in on this little secret!

Israel, just like the United States, has its fair share of crackpot rabbis and religious teachers—much like how the US and the Churches of God are blessed with crackpot prophets and assorted crazy religious nutcases.

God's most highly favored Crackpot Prophet scours the depths of the internet long and hard to unearth weird news that sends his brain into wild hysterics, usually over total nothingburgers.

This time, he quoted some nutjob from Israel365News, where a religious fanatic was losing it over a recent heatwave in Israel that had people flocking to the beaches. This loon equated the heat to Bible prophecy, and Crackpot Bob started slobbering in ecstasy.

The Israel Meteorological Service reported that Friday marked the single hottest late November day in Israel’s 77-year history as a nation. The heat wave persisted through the weekend, with temperatures across the country running 10°C (18°F) above seasonal averages. … 

The Bible repeatedly uses natural phenomena—drought, abundance, storm, and calm—as instruments of divine communication. When the expected patterns shift, when the seasons themselves seem confused, it demands attention. … 

Heat waves are hinted at in Isaiah as part of a Messiah-age healing process: 

And the light of the moon shall become like the light of the sun, and the light of the sun shall become sevenfold, like the light of the seven days, when Hashem binds up His people’s wounds and heals the injuries it has suffered. Isaiah 30:26 … 

Conversely, the Talmud in Nedarim 8b describes a form of global warming as a punishment, … Reish Lakish states: “In the future (in messianic times) there will be no Gehennom. Rather, God will remove the sun from its sheath; the righteous will be cured by it, and the wicked will be judged by it.” Pre-Messiah Heat Wave Shatters Israel’s 83-Year Temperature Records

This caused Bwana Bob to chime in with:

Yes, God does send messages using weather. These weather issues should serve as a wake-up call. The Bible is clear that God controls the weather and various calamities, but wants people to heed His prophets:

6… If there is calamity in a city, will not the Lord have done it? 7 Surely the Lord God does nothing, Unless He reveals His secret to His servants the prophets. (Amos 3:6-7) The Bible tells of weather-related blessings for obedience and weather-related curses for disobedience. 

Weather is not as random as many people seem to want to believe.

And he keeps going with this gem:

8 Then the fourth angel poured out his bowl on the sun, and power was given to him to scorch men with fire. 9 And men were scorched with great heat, and they blasphemed the name of God who has power over these plagues; and they did not repent and give Him glory. (Revelation 16:8-9) 

But, the above prophecy is for several years into the future–we are not too near that yet. But I believe that this will happen in the 21st century. 

The Bible shows:

30 God … commands all men everywhere to repent (Acts 17:30 And weather problems are one tool that God uses to urge people to repent (cf. Haggai 2:17; Amos 4:7-12). But most will not. Nor will most Christians as they should (cf. Revelation 3:14-18).

Now, if everyone would just repent and join the one true Philadelphian Church of God, they could all flee to Petra at the correct time and spend 3½ years of eternal bliss listening to Bwana Bob preach in the great amphitheaters of Petra. Oh, joy!