"Oh
God! No!"
He had
fallen into the now abandoned and half full of rainwater family swimming pool
unnoticed. The pool had not been used for some time due to financial
reverses in the family company which saw them lose many of the material
acquisitions of better days now gone by. When he went missing and a search
was made for the boy, they missed him in the first check of the now muddied
swimming pool. Having run out of places to look, they looked again and
found him drowned in the murky pool.
When
they weren't looking other relatives washed the muddy hand prints all around the
water line off before the parents could see them.... That image has always
stayed with me. It also made me wonder what kind of a God could sit idly by and
watch, if one does watch, this horror unfold.
It was
another of many "Oh God! No!" moments in my ministry. Those phone calls
are tough and the initial minutes arriving at the home is usually chaos. I
have made any number of such return trips to a church family home in the
immediate hours after such unthinkable personal family losses. I have had
to restrain the arms of a parent attempting to beat on me while they screamed
"Why!!! Why us?" I learned to just hold on and the aggression
would soon turn into a total collapse into my arms of weeping at a deep deep
level most never want to discover in themselves. It is almost
primitive. Next would follow a listing of sins or faults such as knowing
they did not pray as much as they should or attend church as often as they
must. All in the name of finding a reason for two things. 1. What
bad things have I done to deserve this? 2. Why did God not protect my son
or daughter, as clearly written he would, in such a time as
this?
On one
other such horrific occasion, I had just left the home visiting before the twin
teenage girls loved by all got off from school. The Twins were the center
of moms world and even though they had a son, it was the Twins, both beautiful
and precious that seemed to get all the attention. On that visit the
thought crossed my mind, "I hope she never has to lose one of these girls for it
would be too much to bear." I drove home and arrived for the phone call
from the mom. The one Twin had been hit by a car crossing the road to get
to her Burger King job. I said I'd meet her at the hospital. When I
walked in I was greeted by a Zombie who took my hand and said she'd take me to
see her. As we walked thru the basement I realized what I had not been
told. We were going to the morgue. We walked in an there she lay in
her Burger King outfit. Beautiful and not a mark on her. She was
gone. She was dead. Those minutes seemed like hours as we just stood
there and then the typical hell broke lose in that morgue and the screams
were, "Oh God! No!" Where were you!"
I had
no answer and didn't try. I held her when she collapsed and eventually
buried her daughter in the Prom dress she had bought for the YOU prom that
weekend. It was odd to see her living exact twin standing next to her
casket. The picture kinda sticks with you... I believe the family
left the church in a short time and became Mormons.
It was
VERY COMMON for the bereaved family to LEAVE the Church to seek solace
elsewhere. VERY COMMON...almost expected. In one case that happened
under my watch but I was transferred out of the area at the same time, the
minister following finally told the family "It's been six months now. It's
time to get over it." I remember being absolutely enraged at that
fool. The family left the Church to seek actual and not non-encouraging
encouragement in short order. Can you blame them?
I have
a number more such events that all contain that element of "Oh God!
No!" With many of those behind me as pastoring went on I always thought
how ridiculous it was when someone told me how God healed them from a cold or
the flu or helped them pass a gall or kidney stone. "Luck of the draw.." I
tended to tell myself.
"Mystic
and writer Amos Komensky, who lived during the 17th century, wrote that God
assigns guardian angels to help protect children “against all dangers and
snares, pits, ambushes, traps, and temptations.” But adults get the benefit of
guardian angels’ protection, too, says the Book of Enoch, which is included in
the holy scriptures of the Ethiopian Orthodox Tewahedo Church. 1 Enoch 100:5
declares that God will “set a guard of holy angels over all the righteous.”
The Quran says in Al Ra'd 13:11: "For each [person], there are angels in
front of him and behind him, who guard him by Allah's
command." (Whitney Hopler)
Scriptures
to skip during the funeral...
Matthew
18:10
10 “See
that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that their
angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.
Hebrews
1:14
14 Are
they not all ministering spirits, sent forth to minister for them who shall be
heirs of salvation
Psalm
91
1 Whoever
dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in
the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
3 Surely
he will save you
from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his
feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and
rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of
night,
nor the arrow that flies by
day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the
darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at
midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your
side,
ten thousand at your right
hand,
but it will not come near
you.
8 You will only observe with your
eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you
say, “The Lord is my
refuge,”
and you make the Most High your
dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake
you,
no disaster will come near your
tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning
you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their
hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against
a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the
cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the
serpent.
14 “Because
he loves me,” says the Lord, “I
will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he
acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will
answer him;
I will be with him in
trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy
him
and show him my salvation. ”
Concepts
and Non-encouraging encouragement NOT to bring up to the family.
"God
promises not to give you more than you can bear."
Answer
to this 100% of the time. "I can't bear this...
"At
least you will see them in the Kingdom if you remain faithful"
Answer
to this 100% of the time. "I want them home tonight for dinner."
"At
least God has blessed you with other children"
Answer
to this 100% of the time. "Please
don't say that...."
"God
lost his only Son as well and understands ...."
Answer
to this 100% of the time. "No,
God knew his Son would die and be back in three short days better than
ever. That was a weekend inconvenience. My child is
DEAD!"
(Usually this can be followed by..."A sacrifice should STAY dead to be a real
sacrifice.")
"God
does not think as we do in such cases."
Answer
100% of the time. "Then don't tell me He understands what human
is!"
"God's
ways are not our ways."
Answer
100% of the time. "Then He shouldn't promise to do things the way we
understand in only our way or talk in spirit codes"
"There
is a way that SEEMS right to us, but it ends in death..."
Answer
100% of the time. "Then I don't understand this God, never will and am not
sure I want to.
Like
Job getting back ten brand spanking new children from God after the loss of the
original ten, it just seems this God doesn't understand how these things work
for humans. We generally don't want another child replace the lost
one. We want THAT ONE BACK!"
The
apologetics for God are typical in such cases.
" We
have looked at God’s sovereignty and how important that truth is. Because
if I am not convince that God is sovereign, then His promises will mean nothing
to me. In fact I might even observe that God doesn’t keep His promises
because my understanding of God is superimposed with my experience with
man. Man fails, doesn’t keep promises and really has no power to ensure that any
promise is kept. We wrongly transfer those weaknesses of man onto God, but
God is not limited as man is. He is perfect love, complete, lacking nothing. The
promises of God are identical with His character, to us as temporal beings, they
are a revelation of the character of the Most High."
(If
God promises to protect us, why doesn't He?-Crave Christian
Apologetics)
Which
being interpreted is...see above for encouragement that is not
encouraging..
And
more...
"We can
give thanks to God for his protection by angels. We never worship
angels. We worship Jesus (God). God created the angels before Adam
and Eve were made. Some of the angels did not obey God and decided to
follow the worst angel of all, Satan. He is very bad. He is a real
and powerful angel that was so bad God threw him and the bad angels (demons) out
of heaven. You have a good angel that loves and obeys God that is watching
over you. Satan, the bad angel, tries to get us to do bad things.
But since Jesus created him, Jesus is stronger than Satan (the Devil ).
Jesus will protect us and use His angels to protect us from harm because
greater
is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. (1
John 4:4)(ChildrenSermons.com Angels Watching Over Me)
It
simply isn't true or if it is true it is so in way that makes the scriptures on
such things meaningless.
I never
had a good answer for this. I had good apologetics where no matter what
the Bible actually said, it could be denied, altered or tweeked in such ways as
to absolve the author or God from it actually meaning what it said. The
Bible is like that as are humans who , no matter what, can't imagine the advice
or promise is really lame and unrealistic in real earthly experience.
Perhaps
it would be better to just admit that in life, "shit happens." How many have been dis-illusioned when the SHTF in life becasue of what seemed so quaint and nice in scripture actually proved to be of no value in reality?
Dis-ILLUSIONED is actually a good thing however painful. Reality is
actually our friend if we can face it instead of ignore it, try and end
run around it or turn around and run.
I have
buried a lot of children and young people. All flower shops smell like funeral
homes to me. Well meaning, Bible reading Christians often cause more harm than
good with their unrealistic and sometimes smug one liners of encouragement, as
if they knew. Please, please think before you open your mouth in shallow
assertions about the why of such events or think that the many Biblical
references in such cases meant to be encouraging are actually
encouraging. When push comes to shove, they seldom deliver and drive
those caught up in harsh reality further from you.
Most
people can only offer sympathy. Sympathy is imagining what others might be
going through but one has no personal experience with what they are
actually going through. Empathy is knowing what people are going through
because you have actually gone through the same thing and lived to tell about
it. Don't quote the Bible flippantly thinking it will help. It
doesn't and it won't. Or if it ever does, that time is years ahead when
the person has at least survived long enough for the memory of it all to
dull.
Conscious
human beings are sensitive to these loses. We are not animals that can discard
their dead in the bushes and walk away. Encouragement should actually be
encouraging to one who is discouraged. Often times in fundamentalism, it
is not. Wise up and hope we choose our words carefully when "Oh God!
No!" comes to call...