Why Certain People Will Never Admit They Were Wrong
Psychological rigidity is not a sign of strength.
Guy Winch Ph.D.
We all make mistakes, and we do so with regularity. Some errors are small, such as, “No, we don’t need to stop at the store; there’s plenty of milk left for breakfast." Some are bigger, such as, “Don’t rush me; we have plenty of time to get to the airport before the flight leaves.” And some are crucial, such as, “I know it was raining and dark, but I’m sure that was the man I saw breaking into the home across the street.”
No one enjoys being wrong. It’s an unpleasant emotional experience for all of us. The question is how do we respond when it turns out we were wrong—when there wasn’t enough milk left for coffee, when we hit traffic and missed the flight, or when we find out the man who sat in jail for five years based on our identification was innocent all along?
Some of us admit we were wrong and say, “Oops, you were right. We should have gotten more milk.”
Some of us kind of imply we were wrong, but we don’t do so explicitly or in a way that is satisfying to the other person, “We had plenty of time to get to the airport on time if the traffic hadn’t been unusually bad. But fine, we’ll leave earlier next time.”
But some people refuse to admit they’re wrong, even in the face of overwhelming evidence: "They let him go because of DNA evidence and another dude’s confession? Ridiculous! That’s the guy! I saw him!”
The first two examples are probably familiar to most of us, because those are typical responses to being wrong. We accept responsibility fully or partially (sometimes, very, very partially), but we don’t push back against the actual facts. We don’t claim there was enough milk when there wasn’t, or that we were not late to the airport.
But what about when a person does push back against the facts, when they simply cannot admit they were wrong in any circumstance? What in their psychological makeup makes it impossible for them to admit they were wrong, even when it is obvious they were? And why does this happen so repetitively — why do they never admit they were wrong?
The answer is related to their ego, their very sense-of-self. (Note: Dave believes he is spoken of in the scriptures. There can be no more false sense of self than this.) Some people have such a fragile ego, such brittle self-esteem, such a weak "psychological constitution," that admitting they made a mistake or that they were wrong is fundamentally too threatening for their egos to tolerate. Accepting they were wrong, absorbing that reality, would be so psychologically shattering, their defense mechanisms do something remarkable to avoid doing so — they literally distort their perception of reality to make it (reality) less threatening. Their defense mechanisms protect their fragile ego by changing the very facts in their mind, so they are no longer wrong or culpable.
As a result, they come up with statements, such as, "I checked in the morning, and there was enough milk, so someone must have finished it." When it’s pointed out that no one was home after they left in the morning, so no one could have done that, they double down and repeat, “Someone must have, because I checked, and there was milk,” as though some phantom broke into the house, finished the milk and left without a trace.
In our other example, they will insist that their erroneous identification of the robber was correct despite DNA evidence and a confession from a different person. When confronted, they will continue to insist or pivot to attacking anyone who tries to argue otherwise and to disparaging the sources of the contradictory information (e.g., "These labs make mistakes all the time, and besides, you can't trust a confession from another criminal! And why do you always take their side?").
People who repeatedly exhibit this kind of behavior are, by definition, psychologically fragile. However, that assessment is often difficult for people to accept, because to the outside world, they look as if they’re confidently standing their ground and not backing down, things we associate with strength. But psychological rigidity is not a sign of strength, it is an indication of weakness. These people are not choosing to stand their ground; they’re compelled to do so in order to protect their fragile egos. Admitting we are wrong is unpleasant, it is bruising for any ego. It takes a certain amount of emotional strength and courage to deal with that reality and own up to our mistakes. Most of us sulk a bit when we have to admit we're wrong, but we get over it
But when people are constitutionally unable to admit they’re wrong, when they cannot tolerate the very notion that they are capable of mistakes, it is because they suffer from an ego so fragile that they cannot sulk and get over it — they need to warp their very perception of reality and challenge obvious facts in order to defend their not being wrong in the first place.
How we respond to such people is up to us. The one mistake we should not make is to consider their persistent and rigid refusal to admit they’re wrong as a sign of strength or conviction, because it is the absolute opposite — psychological weakness and fragility.
20 comments:
Based on Dave's behaviors, it's my belief he's probably bi-polar. He always seems to be in a manic state, and exhibits flight of ideas about his prophecies. It will be really scary when he crashes into a depressed state. What will happen?
"People who repeatedly exhibit this kind of behavior are, by definition, psychologically fragile. However, that assessment is often difficult for people to accept, because to the outside world, they look as if they’re confidently standing their ground and not backing down, things we associate with strength. But psychological rigidity is not a sign of strength, it is an indication of weakness. These people are not choosing to stand their ground; they’re compelled to do so in order to protect their fragile egos. Admitting we are wrong is unpleasant, it is bruising for any ego. It takes a certain amount of emotional strength and courage to deal with that reality and own up to our mistakes. Most of us sulk a bit when we have to admit we're wrong, but we get over it
But when people are constitutionally unable to admit they’re wrong, when they cannot tolerate the very notion that they are capable of mistakes, it is because they suffer from an ego so fragile that they cannot sulk and get over it — they need to warp their very perception of reality and challenge obvious facts in order to defend their not being wrong in the first place."
This is a great description of David Pack and Bob Thiel. They both are emotionally fragile "men". These two just cannot handle their ego's being shattered. We will never see these two ever admit they were wrong.
This however is not confined to Pack and Thiel, most ministers leading the splinter groups will never admit they are wrong. their egos are just as fragile. Can you imagine Gerald Weston and Vik Kubik admitting they were wrong? Jackasses will be flying before that time.
David C. Pack
Brilliant? -- Nope!
Clever? -- Nope!
Understands prophecy? -- Nope!
Coherent? -- Nope!
Satan-possessed??? -- BINGO!!!
This is a good description of Nck, too.
Anonymous 2/23 @ 5:37,
This psychological profile is a good description of many folks in leadership positions within religion and politics (it seems especially appropriate for one of a certain orange hue). The gospels inform us that Jesus Christ noted this connection between ego and human notions regarding leadership on several occasions.
Nevertheless, this kind of egocentric resistance to admitting error seems to be common among the supporters of these kinds of leaders as well. And, after the last general election, we can all see that the consequences of this kind of delusional thinking can be very bad. In fact, any time that folks become detached from reality and immune to the influence of facts and common sense - disaster is sure to follow.
I must, however, strongly disagree with your assessment that this is a good description of our friend, Nck. I have found Nck to be both intellectually curious and very open to engage with others who disagree with him. Nck tends to be analytical - a tendency that the folks described in Dennis' post are NOT noted for exhibiting.
Pack is getting rewarded for his behavior, he gets everyone's money and doesn't have to account for any of it. He can say it isn't his but we all know better than that.
Something that must be added to the portfolio:
If D.Trump got up and began advocating an inane conspiracy theory and his audience of devotees began jeering, booing and blowing raspberries, he would abandon that conspiracy theory and never bring it up again. He might even abandon conspiracy theories in general as a means of getting votes. But his audiences like the theories - they even made some of them up or embellished them. They want The Donald to echo these delectable ideas back to them.
I do not know who Dave Pack is and I have read very little of the material on this blog that deals with Pack and Thiel. Doesn't interest me. But if Pack's base did not like the continual predictions of the Parousia, they would show it and he would quit using it. If tithes and offerings tapered off because people were tired of the repetition, he would quit. Money doesn't talk, it screams. He does this because his base loves it and supports it. My guess.
And why does his base love it? There are many reasons no doubt but here is a good one from Paul Boyer on the PBS website, in reference to the Rapture idea in evangelicalism:
"Where does the power of this apocalyptic message come from? The apocalyptic message has enormous power for various reasons. One is, ironically enough, the terror that it inspires. The vision of the future that's embedded in the apocalyptic world view is really a frightening one. But yet, combined with the fear, is a sense of meaning, and also the sense that as individuals we can escape the true terrors that lie ahead. And that's where the Rapture belief becomes so important, because horrible events will be unfolding in the future, but true believers will be spared all of that because they will be taken in the Rapture and spend that time with Christ in the skies. So there's the sense of fear that comes with thinking about those events, combined with the sense of escape, the sense of personal redemption from all of that, that I think is one of the sources of strength of this belief system."
https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/apocalypse/explanation/resilience.html
Nothing there new to us. Any one of us exiters could write that article.
******* Click on my icon for Disclaimer
But to have a thousand devout followers, a leader must have certain skills. I doubt that most posters here could "accomplish" what Dave has. To be fair to the man, he is an excellent speaker, and very creative. Even though the creative stuff is garbage.
To live in a Marie Antoinette compound and live her life style, one must have certain polished skills.
Dave is about as an effective speaker as Bob Thiel is. Both are pathetic.
Anonymous 2/23 @ 7:32,
A narcissistic sociopath can be quite clever, but it would be highly questionable to characterize that cleverness as skill. You are probably correct in asserting that most of the posters here couldn't accomplish what Dave has accomplished, because they have a conscience! And, just in case you've forgotten, Marie Antoinette lost her head.
Dave is convinced he IS Christ! He doesn’t dare to say it out loud (not yet), but he constantly refers to himself as ‘the one’, ‘the Elijah’ etc.
In his mind Dave is Christ (or like Him), he is just not sure yet if the RCG members will let him get away with that announcement. If the ‘ministers’ at HQ will keep nodding their heads for much longer, Dave will make the announcement sooner than later.
Dennis - maybe Pack and some of the other "prophets" really do hear voices in their head.
I read the book by Jaynes you recommended, and it provides an interesting theory that the right brain is "speaking" to the left brain.
There are people today - mostly less nutty - who believe they hear from God directly - usually occasionally when they seek guidance.
The direct revelation people may get more of a continual stream.
The research on split brain is interesting where it shows the two brains in conflict with each other.
One of the more intriguing pieces of research I have been reading is about quantum consciousness. Since this is far out of the scope of this blog, I will stop here.
Anonymous at 7:32 PM said...“But to have a thousand devout followers, a leader must have certain skills. I doubt that most posters here could 'accomplish' what Dave has. To be fair to the man, he is an excellent speaker, and very creative. Even though the creative stuff is garbage.”
Doing Bait & Switch scams to deceive and rob one's trusting followers is NOT the sort of thing that anyone should be “accomplishing.” Hopefully, most posters here will NOT “accomplish” any such things.
Continually spewing outrageous lies and nonsense to try to destroy former WCG members is NOT my idea of an “excellent speaker.” A truly “excellent speaker” should speak the truth.
Continually making up lies and nonsense is NOT my idea of the sort of “creativity” that people should be into. People should create good things, NOT evil things.
I actually took the time to peruse Pack's autobiography. Never once do you see him with any self doubt, or admitting to being wrong or having fault.
It appears that he had a mother that spoiled the hell out of him, and was a dominant as well.
A lot of people spend the last 60 years of their life working out issues that happened in the first 18. Pack is no exception.
Tonto
I've got Dave's original autobiography which I passed on to Gary. In it he states that when he was a minister trainee. his mentor minister had a shoebox of about 30 requests from listeners wanting to join the church. Yet everytime this minister was about to leave home to visit these people, his wife would pull him back into the house with some pretext. When Dave wrote to HQ complaining about this, it was he, not the minister who was rebuked. It seems that protecting management is the number one
church rule. Dave went on to write that this minister quit his job. You talk about surreal.
Tonto said..."A lot of people spend the last 60 years of their life working out issues that happened in the first 18."
So true! I think most do, but resort to dubious methods of therapy be it drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. The sad and sorry world we’re born into.
"A lot of people spend the last 60 years of their life working out issues that happened in the first 18. Pack is no exception."
I'll be 68 in a couple weeks. I'll finally be free of the first 18 years of my life.
Hooray!
I believe the bible states that the wicked are skilled in evil. A technical skill is a technical skill, whether it be used for good or evil. For example, Hitler was a excellent public speaker. HWA spent 11 years in COG7 where he learnt heaps of abusive cult ploys that have proven very effective in deceiving and taking advantage of his members. It seems that some posters are having difficulty in acknowledging the efficacy of evil. This blog would not exist if evil is impotent.
Too true 11:47. Evil is rampant within this world and also rampant within the Church.
I've been reading this blog for about 6 years and this is the first explanation that I can relate to about why my husband continues in this religion. I asked him if he understands what he's being taught now and he began explaining this long diatribe about how HWA got things wrong in the past and something about an angel to each era and I finally realized this is useless, he is buying everything he's being taught still. Nothing I can do about it except pray for him, be a good wife and not judge. But thanks for this explanation of how it is that people cannot admit when they are wrong. We went through Y2K and months after nothing happened I was still being told that something might have happened somewhere. Finally I just said nothing happened can't you understand they were wrong the computers didn't break down!! I'm just thankful I woke up in time to get out of the madness that is RCG.
Post a Comment