God Hates Christmas Lights and Ashtrays

My favorite ultra conservative HWA worshiping site is at it again on Yahoo.  This time it's about the "spirit world."  Mind you, some of these are the "good" spirits that God uses to scare the crap out of you so you stop being a wretched sinner.  There is also one that is obviously demonic to him too. This guy has God intervening in his life by stealing Christmas lights off his light strings, then God throws them into the street to warn him to stop keeping Christmas.  Then God smashes his ash tray to make him stop smoking. More magical thinking about a god they need to imagine that does special things just for them since they are the select few in the world.

   I wonder how many of you have had experiences from the spirit world! Way back when my wife and I were first married, we had been living with my wife`s widowed grandmother for several months when we decided to buy our own home. We were both working for the same factory where we had met and we heard of this two and one half story house that was being settled by the heirs of the old woman that had died in that house and had been vacant for several months. The purchase price was $10,500 and we paid the $500 for the down payment and borrowed the rest.

  We would go to our newly purchased house in the evenings for house cleaning since it was in bad shape because of that woman`s age being unable to properly care for it. We would clean till late at night and then would shut off all of the lights. The next night, we found the light on on the floor lamp which I was sure that I had turned off. Then before leaving I made certain sure to shut off all lights. Then the next day, the *cellar* lights were on. This happened several times and then I felt that someone else had a key to that place and so I got a very thin wire to wire the three entrances to see which one was being used for entry. None of those wires were broken, so it had to be coming from within!! The problem finally stopped.

  Then when we were called into the truth and instructed that we need to get rid of all religious stuff from our walls and I didn`t believe that to be necessary and I left this only one item hanging on the wall. I had it hanging on the wall with a nail with a very large head on it to insure it not to fall! Then the next morning I found it on the carpet in pieces!! That thing was made with hard, thick, ceramic type stuff that could not break and especially when landing on the carpet!! It would likely take a hammer to break it!!

  Then at Christmas time I had put strings of lights on the shrubbery of the house and then the thieves would come and steal the bulbs. So we worked wiring the bulbs to the sockets. Then the next night, since they couldn`t unscrew the bulbs, they literally ripped the entire strings of bulbs off of the shrubs and strewn across the street. We finally got God`s messages!!!

   Then when called into the Church, I had a smoking problem and each time the minister and his assistant would come to the house to see how I was doing, I still had not quit and this went on for three years. I had smoked two packs a day for twenty years and was totally addicted. Then this one day, after the minister had left, my wife called me for dinner and as I was asking the blessing, we heard glass breaking from the living room, where I had been sitting, and this very thick astray that I had been using was in pieces!!! Then I was told, "I believe that God is trying to tell you something." I finally broke the habit after our minister, Mr. Bryce Clark told me that If I have to chain myself to the bed, I must quit smoking, and he made me quit before allowing me to attend services. Some thought that he was a bit harsh, but I credit him with not only saving my physical life but my spirit life as well. I could never have quit otherwise. We had been observing all of the Holy days, the weekly Sabbath, as well as tithing all of those three years, then with God`s help, I finally made it though I still craved a cigarette for five years after.

  Then one year at the feast at Niagara Falls, we were all packed packed up and was leaving and was in the outside lane of traffic this guy came barreling out of the mall and instead of staying in the inside lane, he came crashing on across into our lane and smashing against the side of our car and caused me to go over the curb. I tried chasing him because of the damage to our car but he sped away before I could catch him. I pulled off at the nearest exit to check the damage and to report it to the Niagara Falls police but after stopping and checking our car, there was not even scratch. As hard as he hit the side of our car, I couldn`t believe it!! It had to have been an angel of God who had protected us!!

  There have been other times that I can recall when we were protected by God, but this is getting quite lengthy!!

Idiots in the Pulpit: Mark Davidson - Torah Institute Attempts To Discredit Christmas

The Six Foot.....

If you had any thought that Armstrongites were the only ones who  would go to great lengths to discredit Christmas you are mistaken.  Below is a video of an idiot that surpasses even the weirdest Armstrongite.  Of course Armstrongites agree with this guy as further proof on the paganism involved in Christmas.  This was on a Facebook COG board.  It is a Messianic cult that preaches a lot of legalistic silliness that some Armstrongite's want to cling to.

Dennis On: "And Yes Brethren...I am that..."

Get Your Own Naughty Apostle Shirts Here

"And Yes Brethren...I am that..."

 

Dear Brethren,

 

Yesterday, Apostle Ron Weinland, with some nervous tension, announced that , "yes brethren, I am the third type of the Elijah to come."  That was the last straw for me.

 

I have had to endure Gerald Flurry declaring himself "that Prophet," and David C Pack, "And yes brethren, I am that Apostle."  Now I have to put up with Apostle Ronald Weinland declaring he is the third type of an Elijah to come.  He also made it clear he was the final one.  I guess Elijahs come in threes.  I assure you they do not.

 

I'm going to be honest about this.  I want a title.  My writings have brought me some derision where one called me "The High Priest of Marduk."  Now don't get me wrong.  I haven't had a title in a very long time and being the High Priest of Marduk is not bad considering he was the chief Deity over Babylon and lived at the top of a Ziggurat in Bagdad.  But it is not enough for me. 

 

Ron Weinland started his humble climb to stardom with being content at being an Apostle. Then he switched to one of the Two Witnesses with his wife being Witness Number Two.  To date, these witnesses have not wielded much power and have not impressed anyone with the word of their mouths, but there may be time.  Now Ron is declaring himself the Third Elijah Type to Come.  Great!  All the good titles are fast being consumed by the faithful ministry in him.  Ron may, however, fall back to Mr. or just plain Ron sometime in 2012.

 

Far as I know, Joe Tkach still goes by "Mr." so I congratulate him for at least not becoming the Arch Angel Michael.

 

Dave began as "The Watcher," progressed (in his fine mind) to "and yes brethren, i am an Apostle,' to darn near Prophet status or something of late.  I think he is basically out of titles and Ron has usurped the last legitimate one from him.  Nice work Ron!!  I suppose Dave could give a four hour sermon on "and yes brethren, i am the Fourth Type of the Elijah to Come," but it doesn't have a good ring to it.

 

The only titles I find not used yet are, "Man of sin,"  "false prophet,"  "who say they are apostles and are not," "Messiah,"  "scoffers,"  "King of Kings and Lord of Lords," and "Family guy..."  

 

Therefore, and I am going to forgo the four hour sermon proving this and simply say, I am Jesus, no wait, I am God, and let me see you beat that one!

 

As Supreme God I command you, Ron Weinland, to step down as both Witness and Elijal type.  I fire you.  I did not call you to that and  you have been fibbing to the brethren. If I had appointed you that, I am quite sure I would have remembered doing so. You're fired.

 

This goes for you too David C Pack.  You were never a Watcher and certainly never an Apostle. Or if you were, you were in your own mind and like Paul, announced it yourself 22 times out of the 24 times Paul called himself one in the NT.  Seems no one else is familiar with your grand titles.

 

As for you Gerald,  you are not this or that or another prophet.  You made that all up and I have not appointed you. Again, I would have remembered that, and frankly I don't.

 

Now a word to you brethren who sit there comatose and unable to speak up with that niggly voice in your head that tells you, 'what!  That's a bunch of shit if I ever heard it."   Wake up brethren.  These men are fooling you and themselves.  They are self appointed, somewhat mentally unstable and while MAYBE sincere, not in touch with me on these things.  I know who I assign callings to, and none of these guys are on the list.  I am a bit disappointed at your lack of critical thinking, but it is what it is.  Save yourself however and question these guys and pay attention to your doubts.

 

Frankly, ALL the prophecies of my son, Jesus' return were for 2000 years ago.  I know what "shortly" means and "the time is hand" is all about.  It was not code.  I goofed.  I sincerely thought the night was far spent and the time was at hand.  Shortly means shortly and was not code for longly.  I simply made a mistake.  Or if not a mistake, did not mean the return would be as you have thought.  I think I meant the Jewish faith would pass the baton to the Christian one. The Fall of Jerusalem in 70 AD was kinda what i meant.  Wasn't thinking much past that and if you think 2000 years later is a good definition of "shortly", well I can't help you.

 

At any rate, as God, I have to negate all your titles as invalid and not of my choosing.  I know that's a toughy for you, but trust me, you'll thank me. 

 

Ok, well that's about it from HQ here.  Nice Auditorium for me there Gerald, but I don't like living in Oklahoma so won't be visiting there often if at all.  Dave, are you nuts?  Winter in Ohio is brutal.  I am a Middle Eastern kind of God so won't be living in your House for God anytime soon.  Ron, well what can I say. "When I was in prison, you visited me," may be the best I can do.  I wish you well.

 

That's about it .  Being God is not what it's cracked up to be.  You get credited with things you did not do or cause and you get the blame for things you had nothing to do with.  It's a tough job, but I had to adopt a title you could not out do.  Having done so...I return the reader to the channel they were watching, and myself to just being me.

 

Amen

 

Dennis C. Diehl
DenniscDiehl@aol.com